Tomorrow is a big day for me. The DAY! Yeap finally going into surgery. Mum doesn't get it why I let this thing grew so big inside me before I actually told anyone. Well... it's simple really. I was scared.
I was scared that it was more than it seems. I was scared to go through all those tests and most of all I was scared that nobody would be there while I'm suffering. Though all those things were scarier in my head than in real life but a fraction of it still came through.
Found out several people not caring about my predicament and rather go on with their lives than care. These were the people I trusted and cared about. I guess true hardships do seperate friends from fakes. But there are those who truly care and for that I'm glad. At least I'm not alone.
All I ask is to get out of this okay. Friends... please pray for me.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
A friend of mine sent this email to me and I thought that it was too interesting to let it lay round in my inbox and be forgotten. The author whoever the person is has terrific insights. It's a shame too that the person feels that he/she couldnt disclose their name to the world since the writing is really good. But then again that's Malaysians. Always afraid that the world will be offended by what they say. Speak up people! Tell the world how you feel! Too bad it's written in Malay. Maybe one day I'll get the energy and the will to actually translate it to English so that I can share it to the world. But till then... to all who can read and understand Malay, tell me what you think.
Source: http://virtualfriends.net
Directory: Lifestyle
Author: unknown
Posted By: ladyice (NuR, LyNn)
Posted On: Tue, 02 Aug 2005 08:13:14 AM
Description:
Program realiti TV3 terbaru iaitu Mencari Cinta yang memaparkan sembilan lelaki merebut untuk menawan hati seorang gadis semakin hangat diperkatakan di kalangan peminat rancangan Realiti Tv. Jadi dekat sini sebagai penonton program realiti ingin membuat sedikit komen atas rancangan tersebut yang sememangnya kita ketahui meniru akan program dari negara barat. Begitu juga dengan program realiti televisyen yang lain seperti Mentor, Akademi Fantasia, Audition yang sememangnya lebih kepada hiburan kosong semata-mata. Rakyat Malaysia hari ini lebih kepada membicarakan isu pitisan dan hiburan semata-mata tanpa lebih membicarakan isu yang lebih mendatangkan faedah kepada pembangunan akhlak.
Berbalik kepada Mencari Cinta awal-awal lagi saya mengatakan bahawa program ini sebenarnya tidak ada matlamat dalam sebuah rancangan. Jauh sekali mendatangkan kebaikan pada pihak penonton ataupun mereka yang terlibat.
Mencari cinta ini sebenarnya tidak tepat dengan tajuk utama iaitu istilah mencari cinta tapi lebih kepada mencari kecewa lelaki. Saya mengatakan di sini ialah lelaki-lelaki yang masuk rancangan tersebut lebih kepada mengejar sesuatu yang tak pasti dan seolah-olah pasrah kepada jodoh sehingga sanggup mempromosi diri dalam tv dan menjual maruah sebagai seorang lelaki. Berebut dan mengejar seorang wanita yang sememangnya kita tak ketahui apakah sebenarnya keistimewaan yang ada pada dia dan adakah beliau memenuhi ciri-ciri seorang wanita yang patut dijadikan isteri. Sedangkan dalam AL Quran itu sendiri telah menggariskan beberapa perkara yang sememangnya menjadi ikutan golongan lelaki dalam mencari jodoh.
Saya bersyukur sangat kepada peserta pertama dulu yang menarik diri awal-awal lagi. Sudah pasti dia tak mengalami rasa kecewa, putus asa, dimalukan serta menjatuhkan maruah seumur hidup. Tapi kepada lelaki yang memasukinya dan tersinggir sudah pasti merasai saat kekecewaan ini. Mereka berhempas pulas menandingi satu sama lain semata-mata memikat gadis yang dikenali dalam televisyen semata-mata. Gadis yang saya lebih katakan kepada pasrah dalam mencari jodoh sehingga masuk televisyen jual muka semata-mata mencari suami semata-mata umur juga telah lanjut. Jadi kepada lelaki saya nak tanya perempuan macam inikan yang kamu semua nak dijadikan bini.
Soalan ini saya rasa tak perlu saya tanya pada diri anda sendiri tetapi cuba tanya dahulu pada ibu bapa atau kaum keluarga anda. Memang apa yang kita nampak semuanya lebih memuji satu sama lain tapi hakikatnya kita tak tahu lagi situasi sebenar di belakang kamera. Lagi satu saya nak komen peserta tu dinilai sebagai anak yang baik tapi kenapa dalam ramai-ramai adik-beradik dia tu dia seorang je yang tak bertudung, berambut merah dan berkuku panjang. Layakkah dia membasuh beras menggunakan kuku untuk menyediakan nasi kepada seorang suami. Saya bukan nak menjatuhkan maruah sesiapa tapi kena fikirlah sewajarnya sebagai insan yang dikurniakan akal baik lelaki atau perempuan tersebut atau pihak penganjur program realiti ini.
Yang nyata keluarga dari pihak perempuan pula seolah-olah diistilahkan lebih sudu dari kuah tanpa mengetepikan atau tak sedar bahawa cinta yang sebenarnya adalah cinta yang berputik dari hati. Dua hati bersatu menjadi satu diikuti rasa kasih dan sayang yang mendalam. Cinta juga lahir dari hati dan bukan paksaan kaum keluarga. Keluarga sibuk bertanya macam-macam sehinggakan si peserta yang bernama Azhari tak sempat menghabiskan hidangan. Tapi kaum keluarga kita lihat bahawa pinggan mereka sebenarnya sudah licin. Begitu juga kaum keluarga telah membuat penilaian mereka dalam tempoh waktu yang singkat saja. Melebalkan orang tu macam ni orang! tu macam tu. Orang ni peramah, orang tu sopan dan macam-macam lagi. Sibuk juga membicarakan fasal keluarga, fasal pekerjaan dan sebagainya. Apa dia ingat anak dia tak ada masa depan ke kalau berkahwin dengan salah seorang dari mereka. Lepas tu siap buat cabutan macam nak beli nombor ekor lagi. Siapa tak berkenan dia akan singkir. Siapa yang memenuhi ciri dia akan ambil tanpa persetujuan sejati dari pihak wanita.
Jadi dengan sini jelas pihak lelaki sengaja diperbodohkan pihak perempuan atau pihak penganjur sendiri apatah lagi dengan tak disangka SMS penonton tetap menjadi trend kepada program yang berbentuk realiti. Saya nak tanya kepada penonton yang sms tu. Apa kaitan sms anda dengan soal jodoh mereka. Buat apa undi sedangkan tidak ada
faedah walau sedikit pun yang saya nampak. Jauh sekali mengenali mereka semua. Bila dah sms tu sudah tentu pihak penganjur kan yang dapat untung. Pihak penonton yang sms tu apa yang dia dapat. Kalau dapat mana-mana lelaki dalam sembilan orang tu kira baik le tapi sebaliknya.
Cuba kita lihat bagaimana perasaan lelaki yang dipuji, disukai, dilayan dengan baik oleh pihak perempuan dan kaum keluarga dengan sebaik-baiknya tetapi kesudahannya dipecat juga dengan pelbagai alasan tertentu yang tak masuk akal semata-mata nak mencari yang terbaik antara sembilan lelaki tersebut. Jadi saya nak tanya nak mencari yang terbaik di sini dimaksudkan ialah kalau kita nak mencari yang terbaik sudah pasti kita bertanyakan pada diri kita sendiri(perempuan tersebut) baik sangatkan diri anda yang sebenar. Kalau baik dan terbaik sampai sembilan lelaki berebut kenapa anda tidak berkahwin sampai mencecah umur 40.
Dunia hari ini kita sedia ketahui bahawa kaum wanita melebihi jumlah kaum lelaki. Jadi kalau sembilan wanita mencari satu lelaki itu dah kira boleh diterima le. Tapi dalam hal ini telah bertukar kepada sembilan lelaki mencari satu perempuan. Dan pada perempuan tersebut apakah anda telah habis cara dalam mencari jodoh. Dan adakah anda bahagia dengan puluhan mulut kaum keluarga memilih dalam mencari lelaki yang dianggap terbaik itu.
Cuba bayangkan betapa hancur hati seorang lelaki bila cinta ditolak oleh seorang wanita dan begitu juga sebaliknya. Hanya mereka yang mengalami semua ini akan merasai akibatnya. Sudah tentu lepas ini akan mewujudkan perasaan dendam, kecewa, sedih, menjatuhkan maruah kaum lelaki seolah diri ini tidak setanding digandingkan dengan wanita tersebut hatta mana-mana wanita sekali pun sehingga dibuang begitu saja tanpa adanya kebaikan tertentu. Yang nyata keburukan lebih bertandang. Jadi lelaki yang dibuang ini sudah pasti terus dibelenggu dengan perasaan rendah diri kerana cinta mereka telah ditolak secara terang-terangan dan disaksikan berjuta rakyat Malaysia. Sudah pastinya lelaki yang ditolak secara diketahui umum ini akan membuatkan wanita-wanita kat luar juga t! idak mendekati lelaki ini kerana lelaki ini pernah ditolok dan dikecewakan wanita tersebut. Dan sudah pasti memandang serong kenapa lelaki ini ditolok. Kalau dah ditolok sudah pasti akan menimbulkan perasaan negatif dan mengakui lelaki tersebut tidak mendapat tempat di hati wanita dan kaum keluarga . Jika ada pun wanita-wanita kat luar meminati lelaki ini juga sudah pasti atas dasar kepopularan lelaki tersebut masuk tv sebagaimana penonton memuja Mawi, Zahid, Jaqline Victor dan sebagainya atas dasar penilainya dalam sebuah program realiti tv yang lebih memaparkan realiti kebaikan dari realiti keburukan..
Dari minggu ke minggu satu persatu lelaki akan dikeluarkan begitu saja. Jadi dekat sini lapan hati lelaki akan kecewa. Bila dah kecewa sudah pasti mereka tidak mempercayai wanita lagi dan membuatkan dia semakin takut untuk mencari jodoh dan bercinta dengan mana-mana wanita. Ini membuatkan mereka rasa kecewa dan tak nak mencari cinta lagi jauh lagi untuk menamatkan zaman bujang dalam masa terdekat.
Kepada kaum lelaki saya nak tanya apakah tak ada cara lain lagi dalam mencari seorang wanita. Di mana sifat lelaki anda sehingga menyuruh orang lain mencarikan jodoh untuk anda. Apakah perasaan anda dan kaum keluarga anda bila anda ditolak oleh seorang wanita yang sememang kita kenal bukan sepopular Siti Nurhaliza, secantik Aiswarya Rai jauh lagi bertutup aurat seiras Wahida. Jauh sekali wanita itu dari kalangan keraba diraja atau golongan hartawan. Begitu juga jauh sekali kita nak bezakan semulia dengan insan yang bernama Siti Khadijah atau Rabiatul Adawiyah .
Apakah yang membuatkan anda semua masuk program ini semata untuk mencari glamor, atau mempromosi kaum keluarga, mempromosi tempat kerja dan majikan. Atau sememangnya menjual maruah anda sendiri atau melahirkan kekesalan diri anda lagi tewas dengan seorang wanita. Apa moralnya gadis itu terpilih. Dan yang nyata apakah anda yang hensem, yang memiliki pekerja tetap dan hebat ini tidak mempunyai kekasih hati. Apakah pula wanita yang dianggap sopan, baik pada keluarga itu tidak mendapat jodoh. Itulah hakikat sebenarnya yang perlu penonton tahu.
Kesimpulannya pihak penganjur mengatakan tidak semestinya diakhiri dengan perkahwinan. Jadi kalau tak diakhiri dengan perkahwinan nak diakhiri dengan apa lagi. Nak diakhiri dengan kecewa kaum lelaki atau perasaan megah seorang wanita kerana ramai lelaki meminatinya. Jadi kalau tak diakhiri dengan perkahwinan sudah pasti program ini sebenarnya telah lari dari tajuk asal. Jika program ini menyediakan 10 lelaki dan 10 perempuan dan mereka mencari jodoh masing-masing rasanya itu dianggap lebih manis dan berkesan dalam mencari jodoh bukan semata mencari kecewa lelaki.
Yang pasti di saat tv3 memaparkan program realiti tv Bersamamu yang membuatkan orang ramai menangis kesedihan kerana mengenangkan kemiskinan kita pula disogokkan dengan perasaan kecewa dalam mencari cinta. Waktu siaran pula adalah selama satu jam tapi program Bersamamu itu yang merupakan rancangan terbaik, memberi manfaat, berkesan pula dalam tempoh tak sampai setengah jam. Jangan terlalu leka dengan program realiti tv sehingga apa yang dipaparkan tak memberi faedah langsung kepada semua penonton.
Banyak lagi rasanya rancangan yang perlu diketengahkan dalam mencari rating tertinggi seperti memaparkan atau mendedahkan isu kelakuan aib remaja berpasangan atau tak senonoh di tempat terbuka, rancangan keinsafan atas kesalahan besar dilakukan dalam hidup seseorang seperti membuat temu ramah rancangan yang memaparkan tentang keinsafan, taubat atau rancangan luahan orang cacat, yatim piatu atau yang memaparkan isu hari-hari terakhir seorang pesakit AIDS, seorang yang akan dijatuhkan hukuman gantung atau rancangan yang memaparkan isu kenapa seseorang ibu bapa yang tua ditinggalkan di ! rumah Seri Kenangan. Rancangan lebih kepada berbentuk pengorbanan dan kasih sayang yang sebenar.
Saya yakin rancangan yang saya maksudkan ini akan mendapat rating dan disukai ramai kerana ia adalah sebuah rancangan realiti yang sebenar-benarnya daripada program realiti lain yang lebih kepada hiburan kosong semata-mata dan hanya sebuah lakonan dalam pentas teater. Yang pasti rancangan yang dipaparkan lebih kepada perasaan memupuk kasih sayang dan keinsafan daripada kita menangisi tentang cinta tidak kesampaian atau menangisi tentang penyingkiran seseorang yang baru belajar nak menyanyi dan mencari sebuah haluan hidup yang tak pasti.
Note from Lishaznia:
I've always thought that dating reality shows are crap. They make the girls all look slutty and cheap. Not to mention highly desperate. While the guys all look pathetic coz they cant pull in girls and both genders just cant help but look shallow. Why would respectable men and women would actually want to join shows like that. Does money and fame worth sacrificing yur dignity?
Source: http://virtualfriends.net
Directory: Lifestyle
Author: unknown
Posted By: ladyice (NuR, LyNn)
Posted On: Tue, 02 Aug 2005 08:13:14 AM
Description:
Program realiti TV3 terbaru iaitu Mencari Cinta yang memaparkan sembilan lelaki merebut untuk menawan hati seorang gadis semakin hangat diperkatakan di kalangan peminat rancangan Realiti Tv. Jadi dekat sini sebagai penonton program realiti ingin membuat sedikit komen atas rancangan tersebut yang sememangnya kita ketahui meniru akan program dari negara barat. Begitu juga dengan program realiti televisyen yang lain seperti Mentor, Akademi Fantasia, Audition yang sememangnya lebih kepada hiburan kosong semata-mata. Rakyat Malaysia hari ini lebih kepada membicarakan isu pitisan dan hiburan semata-mata tanpa lebih membicarakan isu yang lebih mendatangkan faedah kepada pembangunan akhlak.
Berbalik kepada Mencari Cinta awal-awal lagi saya mengatakan bahawa program ini sebenarnya tidak ada matlamat dalam sebuah rancangan. Jauh sekali mendatangkan kebaikan pada pihak penonton ataupun mereka yang terlibat.
Mencari cinta ini sebenarnya tidak tepat dengan tajuk utama iaitu istilah mencari cinta tapi lebih kepada mencari kecewa lelaki. Saya mengatakan di sini ialah lelaki-lelaki yang masuk rancangan tersebut lebih kepada mengejar sesuatu yang tak pasti dan seolah-olah pasrah kepada jodoh sehingga sanggup mempromosi diri dalam tv dan menjual maruah sebagai seorang lelaki. Berebut dan mengejar seorang wanita yang sememangnya kita tak ketahui apakah sebenarnya keistimewaan yang ada pada dia dan adakah beliau memenuhi ciri-ciri seorang wanita yang patut dijadikan isteri. Sedangkan dalam AL Quran itu sendiri telah menggariskan beberapa perkara yang sememangnya menjadi ikutan golongan lelaki dalam mencari jodoh.
Saya bersyukur sangat kepada peserta pertama dulu yang menarik diri awal-awal lagi. Sudah pasti dia tak mengalami rasa kecewa, putus asa, dimalukan serta menjatuhkan maruah seumur hidup. Tapi kepada lelaki yang memasukinya dan tersinggir sudah pasti merasai saat kekecewaan ini. Mereka berhempas pulas menandingi satu sama lain semata-mata memikat gadis yang dikenali dalam televisyen semata-mata. Gadis yang saya lebih katakan kepada pasrah dalam mencari jodoh sehingga masuk televisyen jual muka semata-mata mencari suami semata-mata umur juga telah lanjut. Jadi kepada lelaki saya nak tanya perempuan macam inikan yang kamu semua nak dijadikan bini.
Soalan ini saya rasa tak perlu saya tanya pada diri anda sendiri tetapi cuba tanya dahulu pada ibu bapa atau kaum keluarga anda. Memang apa yang kita nampak semuanya lebih memuji satu sama lain tapi hakikatnya kita tak tahu lagi situasi sebenar di belakang kamera. Lagi satu saya nak komen peserta tu dinilai sebagai anak yang baik tapi kenapa dalam ramai-ramai adik-beradik dia tu dia seorang je yang tak bertudung, berambut merah dan berkuku panjang. Layakkah dia membasuh beras menggunakan kuku untuk menyediakan nasi kepada seorang suami. Saya bukan nak menjatuhkan maruah sesiapa tapi kena fikirlah sewajarnya sebagai insan yang dikurniakan akal baik lelaki atau perempuan tersebut atau pihak penganjur program realiti ini.
Yang nyata keluarga dari pihak perempuan pula seolah-olah diistilahkan lebih sudu dari kuah tanpa mengetepikan atau tak sedar bahawa cinta yang sebenarnya adalah cinta yang berputik dari hati. Dua hati bersatu menjadi satu diikuti rasa kasih dan sayang yang mendalam. Cinta juga lahir dari hati dan bukan paksaan kaum keluarga. Keluarga sibuk bertanya macam-macam sehinggakan si peserta yang bernama Azhari tak sempat menghabiskan hidangan. Tapi kaum keluarga kita lihat bahawa pinggan mereka sebenarnya sudah licin. Begitu juga kaum keluarga telah membuat penilaian mereka dalam tempoh waktu yang singkat saja. Melebalkan orang tu macam ni orang! tu macam tu. Orang ni peramah, orang tu sopan dan macam-macam lagi. Sibuk juga membicarakan fasal keluarga, fasal pekerjaan dan sebagainya. Apa dia ingat anak dia tak ada masa depan ke kalau berkahwin dengan salah seorang dari mereka. Lepas tu siap buat cabutan macam nak beli nombor ekor lagi. Siapa tak berkenan dia akan singkir. Siapa yang memenuhi ciri dia akan ambil tanpa persetujuan sejati dari pihak wanita.
Jadi dengan sini jelas pihak lelaki sengaja diperbodohkan pihak perempuan atau pihak penganjur sendiri apatah lagi dengan tak disangka SMS penonton tetap menjadi trend kepada program yang berbentuk realiti. Saya nak tanya kepada penonton yang sms tu. Apa kaitan sms anda dengan soal jodoh mereka. Buat apa undi sedangkan tidak ada
faedah walau sedikit pun yang saya nampak. Jauh sekali mengenali mereka semua. Bila dah sms tu sudah tentu pihak penganjur kan yang dapat untung. Pihak penonton yang sms tu apa yang dia dapat. Kalau dapat mana-mana lelaki dalam sembilan orang tu kira baik le tapi sebaliknya.
Cuba kita lihat bagaimana perasaan lelaki yang dipuji, disukai, dilayan dengan baik oleh pihak perempuan dan kaum keluarga dengan sebaik-baiknya tetapi kesudahannya dipecat juga dengan pelbagai alasan tertentu yang tak masuk akal semata-mata nak mencari yang terbaik antara sembilan lelaki tersebut. Jadi saya nak tanya nak mencari yang terbaik di sini dimaksudkan ialah kalau kita nak mencari yang terbaik sudah pasti kita bertanyakan pada diri kita sendiri(perempuan tersebut) baik sangatkan diri anda yang sebenar. Kalau baik dan terbaik sampai sembilan lelaki berebut kenapa anda tidak berkahwin sampai mencecah umur 40.
Dunia hari ini kita sedia ketahui bahawa kaum wanita melebihi jumlah kaum lelaki. Jadi kalau sembilan wanita mencari satu lelaki itu dah kira boleh diterima le. Tapi dalam hal ini telah bertukar kepada sembilan lelaki mencari satu perempuan. Dan pada perempuan tersebut apakah anda telah habis cara dalam mencari jodoh. Dan adakah anda bahagia dengan puluhan mulut kaum keluarga memilih dalam mencari lelaki yang dianggap terbaik itu.
Cuba bayangkan betapa hancur hati seorang lelaki bila cinta ditolak oleh seorang wanita dan begitu juga sebaliknya. Hanya mereka yang mengalami semua ini akan merasai akibatnya. Sudah tentu lepas ini akan mewujudkan perasaan dendam, kecewa, sedih, menjatuhkan maruah kaum lelaki seolah diri ini tidak setanding digandingkan dengan wanita tersebut hatta mana-mana wanita sekali pun sehingga dibuang begitu saja tanpa adanya kebaikan tertentu. Yang nyata keburukan lebih bertandang. Jadi lelaki yang dibuang ini sudah pasti terus dibelenggu dengan perasaan rendah diri kerana cinta mereka telah ditolak secara terang-terangan dan disaksikan berjuta rakyat Malaysia. Sudah pastinya lelaki yang ditolak secara diketahui umum ini akan membuatkan wanita-wanita kat luar juga t! idak mendekati lelaki ini kerana lelaki ini pernah ditolok dan dikecewakan wanita tersebut. Dan sudah pasti memandang serong kenapa lelaki ini ditolok. Kalau dah ditolok sudah pasti akan menimbulkan perasaan negatif dan mengakui lelaki tersebut tidak mendapat tempat di hati wanita dan kaum keluarga . Jika ada pun wanita-wanita kat luar meminati lelaki ini juga sudah pasti atas dasar kepopularan lelaki tersebut masuk tv sebagaimana penonton memuja Mawi, Zahid, Jaqline Victor dan sebagainya atas dasar penilainya dalam sebuah program realiti tv yang lebih memaparkan realiti kebaikan dari realiti keburukan..
Dari minggu ke minggu satu persatu lelaki akan dikeluarkan begitu saja. Jadi dekat sini lapan hati lelaki akan kecewa. Bila dah kecewa sudah pasti mereka tidak mempercayai wanita lagi dan membuatkan dia semakin takut untuk mencari jodoh dan bercinta dengan mana-mana wanita. Ini membuatkan mereka rasa kecewa dan tak nak mencari cinta lagi jauh lagi untuk menamatkan zaman bujang dalam masa terdekat.
Kepada kaum lelaki saya nak tanya apakah tak ada cara lain lagi dalam mencari seorang wanita. Di mana sifat lelaki anda sehingga menyuruh orang lain mencarikan jodoh untuk anda. Apakah perasaan anda dan kaum keluarga anda bila anda ditolak oleh seorang wanita yang sememang kita kenal bukan sepopular Siti Nurhaliza, secantik Aiswarya Rai jauh lagi bertutup aurat seiras Wahida. Jauh sekali wanita itu dari kalangan keraba diraja atau golongan hartawan. Begitu juga jauh sekali kita nak bezakan semulia dengan insan yang bernama Siti Khadijah atau Rabiatul Adawiyah .
Apakah yang membuatkan anda semua masuk program ini semata untuk mencari glamor, atau mempromosi kaum keluarga, mempromosi tempat kerja dan majikan. Atau sememangnya menjual maruah anda sendiri atau melahirkan kekesalan diri anda lagi tewas dengan seorang wanita. Apa moralnya gadis itu terpilih. Dan yang nyata apakah anda yang hensem, yang memiliki pekerja tetap dan hebat ini tidak mempunyai kekasih hati. Apakah pula wanita yang dianggap sopan, baik pada keluarga itu tidak mendapat jodoh. Itulah hakikat sebenarnya yang perlu penonton tahu.
Kesimpulannya pihak penganjur mengatakan tidak semestinya diakhiri dengan perkahwinan. Jadi kalau tak diakhiri dengan perkahwinan nak diakhiri dengan apa lagi. Nak diakhiri dengan kecewa kaum lelaki atau perasaan megah seorang wanita kerana ramai lelaki meminatinya. Jadi kalau tak diakhiri dengan perkahwinan sudah pasti program ini sebenarnya telah lari dari tajuk asal. Jika program ini menyediakan 10 lelaki dan 10 perempuan dan mereka mencari jodoh masing-masing rasanya itu dianggap lebih manis dan berkesan dalam mencari jodoh bukan semata mencari kecewa lelaki.
Yang pasti di saat tv3 memaparkan program realiti tv Bersamamu yang membuatkan orang ramai menangis kesedihan kerana mengenangkan kemiskinan kita pula disogokkan dengan perasaan kecewa dalam mencari cinta. Waktu siaran pula adalah selama satu jam tapi program Bersamamu itu yang merupakan rancangan terbaik, memberi manfaat, berkesan pula dalam tempoh tak sampai setengah jam. Jangan terlalu leka dengan program realiti tv sehingga apa yang dipaparkan tak memberi faedah langsung kepada semua penonton.
Banyak lagi rasanya rancangan yang perlu diketengahkan dalam mencari rating tertinggi seperti memaparkan atau mendedahkan isu kelakuan aib remaja berpasangan atau tak senonoh di tempat terbuka, rancangan keinsafan atas kesalahan besar dilakukan dalam hidup seseorang seperti membuat temu ramah rancangan yang memaparkan tentang keinsafan, taubat atau rancangan luahan orang cacat, yatim piatu atau yang memaparkan isu hari-hari terakhir seorang pesakit AIDS, seorang yang akan dijatuhkan hukuman gantung atau rancangan yang memaparkan isu kenapa seseorang ibu bapa yang tua ditinggalkan di ! rumah Seri Kenangan. Rancangan lebih kepada berbentuk pengorbanan dan kasih sayang yang sebenar.
Saya yakin rancangan yang saya maksudkan ini akan mendapat rating dan disukai ramai kerana ia adalah sebuah rancangan realiti yang sebenar-benarnya daripada program realiti lain yang lebih kepada hiburan kosong semata-mata dan hanya sebuah lakonan dalam pentas teater. Yang pasti rancangan yang dipaparkan lebih kepada perasaan memupuk kasih sayang dan keinsafan daripada kita menangisi tentang cinta tidak kesampaian atau menangisi tentang penyingkiran seseorang yang baru belajar nak menyanyi dan mencari sebuah haluan hidup yang tak pasti.
Note from Lishaznia:
I've always thought that dating reality shows are crap. They make the girls all look slutty and cheap. Not to mention highly desperate. While the guys all look pathetic coz they cant pull in girls and both genders just cant help but look shallow. Why would respectable men and women would actually want to join shows like that. Does money and fame worth sacrificing yur dignity?
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Wasted job opportunity...
Have you ever felt that fate is sometimes toying with you? That's exactly how I'm feeling right now. All this time when I had tons of free time on my hands no job offers at all... but NOW, TGV just called me up and asked me to go for an interview. WHY? WHY? WHY?
So of course I had to decline. Not with the operation this Friday as well as PTS and Convo. I cant possibly start working now. Not to mention the Langkawi trip. But why TGV? One of the two places that I really wanted. If it was like Jusco or something I probably feel so bad bout turning down the job. GOD!! This sucks! I just hope that TGV is still hiring in September.
Now just 2 more days to go to the big operation. Anxiety is really doing a good job in scaring me. Wish me luck people!
So of course I had to decline. Not with the operation this Friday as well as PTS and Convo. I cant possibly start working now. Not to mention the Langkawi trip. But why TGV? One of the two places that I really wanted. If it was like Jusco or something I probably feel so bad bout turning down the job. GOD!! This sucks! I just hope that TGV is still hiring in September.
Now just 2 more days to go to the big operation. Anxiety is really doing a good job in scaring me. Wish me luck people!
Monday, August 01, 2005
The Countdown BEGINS!
So it's finally settled. I have 4 more days to go till operation day. Cant say that I'm dreading it since it'll be the end of my endless boredom at home. Mum wasn't not happy that I put off the operation this long and it didnt help that the doctor commented on the very same thing as soon as I stepped into his office (damn doctor!). Yet I cant say that I looking forward to this surgery either. I mean who would look forward to having their body cut open and have people digging into their bodies. EEEWWW!!
But I guess in my condition I shouldn't have waited. What I have is a giant fybroid (I think) which is a benign tumor that grows inside my body. At first it may be benign but if left long enough it may develop into cancerous tissues. Since I had numerous histories of cancer from Dad's side of the family I guess the possibility that it will turn cancerous is higher than most people with a similar condition.
I realise the seriousness of the whole situation but I've never been a big fan of medicines and hospitals. And don't even get me started on needles and blood. I'm a firm believer in making sure that your antibodies should try to handle minor diseases and illnesses like the flu or headaches on their own without the aid of drugs. So nobody will ever see me popping panadols or uphamols or whatnots whenever I get the flu or headaches. How can the body be strong if drugs are the ones doing the work.
Yeah... I know this is not like some ordinary illness. But still... it'll mean injecting stuff into my system as well as taking stuff out from me. I already had an unfortunate incident with a nurse who didn't know how to take blood from a fine-veined person like me. As a result I became a living pin cushion. You should see the bruises on me. Imagine going through all that pain for a few mililitres of blood. Totally not worth it. Hence my reason for not donating blood. Not selfish (well... maybe a bit) but because there's a big possibility that the nurses will spend more time trying to find my veins than actually getting the blood out of me. It happened before when I was 14 and I know it will happen again. Possibly this coming Friday.
Mum is already going into denial mode by trying not to talk about the whole thing. I find that disturbing. The more she tries to ignore it the more I tend to think about the whole thing. But one thing is for sure... we both want this ordeal to be over as soon as possible. And I want to heal as soon as possible so that I can go off to KL and have something to do for a change other than cook and watch TV. I think I've watched enough TV to last me a whole last time. If only mum subscribed to the movie channel. Life would then be less meaningless...
I envy Matt. Right now he's out with friends having fun. He rubbed it in my face earlier. Sure it was just a joke but somehow I'm kinda resentful coz I'm stuck here doing nothing while he's there having fun. It's true what they say that misery does love company. No wonder there's housewives all over the world just wake up one day and decide that life is not worth living anymore and end it. I just hope that I wont turn out that way.
One good thing that has come out if this is that I look forward to things even more. I look forward to PTS and making up the cast for HUNGRY no matter how bad the play is. I can't wait for my convo and I definitely cant waitr for the trip to Langkawi. PLEASE GOD let it not be cancelled. It's the only thing that's keeping me going at the moment.
Wow... hope is a powerful motivation tool. Never realised that it works in mundane ordinary things before.
But I guess in my condition I shouldn't have waited. What I have is a giant fybroid (I think) which is a benign tumor that grows inside my body. At first it may be benign but if left long enough it may develop into cancerous tissues. Since I had numerous histories of cancer from Dad's side of the family I guess the possibility that it will turn cancerous is higher than most people with a similar condition.
I realise the seriousness of the whole situation but I've never been a big fan of medicines and hospitals. And don't even get me started on needles and blood. I'm a firm believer in making sure that your antibodies should try to handle minor diseases and illnesses like the flu or headaches on their own without the aid of drugs. So nobody will ever see me popping panadols or uphamols or whatnots whenever I get the flu or headaches. How can the body be strong if drugs are the ones doing the work.
Yeah... I know this is not like some ordinary illness. But still... it'll mean injecting stuff into my system as well as taking stuff out from me. I already had an unfortunate incident with a nurse who didn't know how to take blood from a fine-veined person like me. As a result I became a living pin cushion. You should see the bruises on me. Imagine going through all that pain for a few mililitres of blood. Totally not worth it. Hence my reason for not donating blood. Not selfish (well... maybe a bit) but because there's a big possibility that the nurses will spend more time trying to find my veins than actually getting the blood out of me. It happened before when I was 14 and I know it will happen again. Possibly this coming Friday.
Mum is already going into denial mode by trying not to talk about the whole thing. I find that disturbing. The more she tries to ignore it the more I tend to think about the whole thing. But one thing is for sure... we both want this ordeal to be over as soon as possible. And I want to heal as soon as possible so that I can go off to KL and have something to do for a change other than cook and watch TV. I think I've watched enough TV to last me a whole last time. If only mum subscribed to the movie channel. Life would then be less meaningless...
I envy Matt. Right now he's out with friends having fun. He rubbed it in my face earlier. Sure it was just a joke but somehow I'm kinda resentful coz I'm stuck here doing nothing while he's there having fun. It's true what they say that misery does love company. No wonder there's housewives all over the world just wake up one day and decide that life is not worth living anymore and end it. I just hope that I wont turn out that way.
One good thing that has come out if this is that I look forward to things even more. I look forward to PTS and making up the cast for HUNGRY no matter how bad the play is. I can't wait for my convo and I definitely cant waitr for the trip to Langkawi. PLEASE GOD let it not be cancelled. It's the only thing that's keeping me going at the moment.
Wow... hope is a powerful motivation tool. Never realised that it works in mundane ordinary things before.
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Are people just waiting for an excuse to fight?
People in the world nowadays are just waiting for the slightest excuse to fight. Last time it was the 9/11 incident and war instantly broke out. Now with the London bombing incident racism issues are back on the rise. One bombing was bad enough but two... it's a miracle that any Muslim or any non caucasion person will ever set foot on British soil anytime soon.
I guess it has never been settled... just hushed down I guess. So since the bombing and all these Pakistanis have been arrested people think that's okay to just go round and kill people who were different than they are. Because of that one black guy has been murdered in broad daylight. It's just insane! What does most people say about this? Oh... it's just to be expected. Well it shouldn't be. Taking the lives of others is not a privilege that man was supposed to have. It is the right of God and God's alone.
People are full of violence now. You can see it in the things that we play with. Computer games designed for teens are all about killing or mutilating people and the gorier it is the more it sells. Take Counter strike for example... it's a game where you go round killing all the other opponents. What does that teach to teens?
In a way I'm glad I'm in Malaysia where tradition bounds most aspects of life. I dont know how I'll live in a country where it's normal for high schoolers to have guns and teens look and act older than they really are. But saying that... there are aspects of that nations that I'd definitely would love to adopt but tradition and customs would never allow these 'budaya kuning' to ever gain foot in Malaysia.
People live in fear and the more we don't know about something the more we fear it. But does that mean wo should kill those that we fear. What if that thing we fear was in fact a blessing and can be put into good use. Sometimes ignorance is bliss... but not at the expense of others.
I guess it has never been settled... just hushed down I guess. So since the bombing and all these Pakistanis have been arrested people think that's okay to just go round and kill people who were different than they are. Because of that one black guy has been murdered in broad daylight. It's just insane! What does most people say about this? Oh... it's just to be expected. Well it shouldn't be. Taking the lives of others is not a privilege that man was supposed to have. It is the right of God and God's alone.
People are full of violence now. You can see it in the things that we play with. Computer games designed for teens are all about killing or mutilating people and the gorier it is the more it sells. Take Counter strike for example... it's a game where you go round killing all the other opponents. What does that teach to teens?
In a way I'm glad I'm in Malaysia where tradition bounds most aspects of life. I dont know how I'll live in a country where it's normal for high schoolers to have guns and teens look and act older than they really are. But saying that... there are aspects of that nations that I'd definitely would love to adopt but tradition and customs would never allow these 'budaya kuning' to ever gain foot in Malaysia.
People live in fear and the more we don't know about something the more we fear it. But does that mean wo should kill those that we fear. What if that thing we fear was in fact a blessing and can be put into good use. Sometimes ignorance is bliss... but not at the expense of others.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Boredom grips even tighter...
My granny finally leaves. So that's one less burden of my shoulders. No more early morning to cook her breakfast, no more toiling away and wringing my brains trying to figure out what she wants to eat, No more running around doing her errands and most importantly... I have FREEDOM!
I can now go out whenever I want without the fear of her falling down or something. I can go out with friends or my sister or mama and we wont have to rush home to ensure that her food is ready by the time she wants to eat. Note- when she wants to eat, not when we usually have our meals, which means we can never predict when she wants to eat therefore we have to always stay home and be at her beck and call.
So she's in KL and now I can enjoy my vacation. Finally!
Then again... I am now faced with a new dilemma. What am I to do with all that free time? I've looked for a job and still I have no answer from any of the places I asked. No money so I cant zoom around town doing anything that I really want to do or buying anything that might take the bite out of this sheer boredom. *screams* I nead something to do!!!
Right now I am even happy to do my mom's schoolwork. YIPPEE!!! How exciting.
Enough with news of my boredom coz I can go on and on and on so on to happier news. Matt came down last Saturday as promised and everything was great. Had lunch at the house, chatted with the family (even with my granny), joked with Aimee and sampled my homemade pizza (which could've been perfect if I didn't run out of mozzarella cheese and had to make do with cheesedale instead). After lunch and a short rest we went to Coffeebeans for a drink and some much needed privacy. I really missed the guy but most of all I missed his company. I miss having a conversation that doesn't revolve round food, cleaning and house work. He kept me from going insane and for that the world whould thank him. Haha!
Although we weren't together during our 1 year anniversary so we thought of this as a post celebration. He was really sweet. Quite a big event for a guy who's never been in a relationship longer than several months. As for me I'm just happy that I'm with a guy who loves me for me. All I wish for now is for us to always be together.
Other than the cheesedale flaw on my pizza the day was perfect. *sigh* now I'm back to never knowing when I might see him next. That SUCKS!
I can now go out whenever I want without the fear of her falling down or something. I can go out with friends or my sister or mama and we wont have to rush home to ensure that her food is ready by the time she wants to eat. Note- when she wants to eat, not when we usually have our meals, which means we can never predict when she wants to eat therefore we have to always stay home and be at her beck and call.
So she's in KL and now I can enjoy my vacation. Finally!
Then again... I am now faced with a new dilemma. What am I to do with all that free time? I've looked for a job and still I have no answer from any of the places I asked. No money so I cant zoom around town doing anything that I really want to do or buying anything that might take the bite out of this sheer boredom. *screams* I nead something to do!!!
Right now I am even happy to do my mom's schoolwork. YIPPEE!!! How exciting.
Enough with news of my boredom coz I can go on and on and on so on to happier news. Matt came down last Saturday as promised and everything was great. Had lunch at the house, chatted with the family (even with my granny), joked with Aimee and sampled my homemade pizza (which could've been perfect if I didn't run out of mozzarella cheese and had to make do with cheesedale instead). After lunch and a short rest we went to Coffeebeans for a drink and some much needed privacy. I really missed the guy but most of all I missed his company. I miss having a conversation that doesn't revolve round food, cleaning and house work. He kept me from going insane and for that the world whould thank him. Haha!
Although we weren't together during our 1 year anniversary so we thought of this as a post celebration. He was really sweet. Quite a big event for a guy who's never been in a relationship longer than several months. As for me I'm just happy that I'm with a guy who loves me for me. All I wish for now is for us to always be together.
Other than the cheesedale flaw on my pizza the day was perfect. *sigh* now I'm back to never knowing when I might see him next. That SUCKS!
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Job hunting...
Went job hunting today. Even got myself an interview tomorrow. Never thought that it was kinda fun. I made loads of mistakes on each and everyone of my application though. o What the heck... It's only temporary. Just hope that TGV or MPH would call back tho. It'd be fun to work at those places. Two of my most favourite places in the world.
Other than that it was the usual fast food outlets. Nothing spectacular. There were plenty of vacancies but due to our ongoing racial prejudices and discriminations many of those opportunities were closed off to people like me. The MALAY and tudung wearing type. I dont see the significance of having a chinese sales assistant when the shop is open to all Malaysians no matter the race or religion. These people must have the phrase birds of a feather flocks together as their life's mantra or something.
So tomorrow is an interview with Kenny Rogers though as much as I want to hold out for my two choices I cant be picky. They may never even call. I just need some activities to do for the next 3-4 month and some cash to tide me over. Other than that I'm great (oh and not counting me being my grandma's nursemaid which sucks by the way since her so-called ailments are getting worse and worse).
Another thing to look forward to... My stranger coming down all the way from KL just to see me. It's really sweet of him since I know he's gonna be pooped by the time he gets back to uni that nite. 3 hour bus ride to and fro can still drain even the well-rested man. Knowing Matt... he'll probably stay up all Saturday nite playing games or sumthin. But still... can't wait to see him. I have the menu for lunch all lined up and all it needs is the actual execution of cooking. Yeehaa!
One good thing about being a nursemaid... I'm forced to buck up my cooking skills.
Other than that it was the usual fast food outlets. Nothing spectacular. There were plenty of vacancies but due to our ongoing racial prejudices and discriminations many of those opportunities were closed off to people like me. The MALAY and tudung wearing type. I dont see the significance of having a chinese sales assistant when the shop is open to all Malaysians no matter the race or religion. These people must have the phrase birds of a feather flocks together as their life's mantra or something.
So tomorrow is an interview with Kenny Rogers though as much as I want to hold out for my two choices I cant be picky. They may never even call. I just need some activities to do for the next 3-4 month and some cash to tide me over. Other than that I'm great (oh and not counting me being my grandma's nursemaid which sucks by the way since her so-called ailments are getting worse and worse).
Another thing to look forward to... My stranger coming down all the way from KL just to see me. It's really sweet of him since I know he's gonna be pooped by the time he gets back to uni that nite. 3 hour bus ride to and fro can still drain even the well-rested man. Knowing Matt... he'll probably stay up all Saturday nite playing games or sumthin. But still... can't wait to see him. I have the menu for lunch all lined up and all it needs is the actual execution of cooking. Yeehaa!
One good thing about being a nursemaid... I'm forced to buck up my cooking skills.
Monday, July 18, 2005
Nursemaid... refill my water bottle!!
God to think that I came back to turn myself into a nursemaid. *sigh* Well didn't I wish for something to do until November? Being a nursemaid to my hypocondriac grandma is certainly NOT one of them!
Yeah... yeah all you people are gonna say that she's old and she's sure to have some illness and disabilities here and there and I accept that but trust me at times you know she's exxagerating. She eats very well (rice 3 times a day mind you) for someone who claims to the doctors that she cant eat much because of stomach pains. And she certainly gets around a lot for someone who claims she's gonna drop dead any day now. The only troubling ailing disease I see right now is the fact that she's bored and typical of any bored person, you sleep a lot. But no... she tells the doctors that it is a serious disease and needs to be cured. So there I am in the clinic listening to her explaining to the doctor about one threatening disease after another and I cant say anything in case I offend her feelings.
As far as grandmas go she's not exactly the typical grandma figure that you see in movies or hear in stories but she's not exactly the cold, heartless grandma either. But she's definitely finicky and loves to complaint. And because of thet she's landed with us. Probably the only family that can tolerate her. Still she's managed to stir up some uptight feelings in my mom and my sis.
As for me I think it's best that I find a job as quickly as I can before I get fed up with her and end up hurting her feelings. She wont like it coz she'll be losing an ear to moan and groan to but hey... I think she'll live. I just need to get out of the house before I combust from utter boredom or from overeating. Oh did I mention that She refuses to eat unless someone eat with her. So if any of you see how I ballooned I am during the break. You'll know why.
Yeah... yeah all you people are gonna say that she's old and she's sure to have some illness and disabilities here and there and I accept that but trust me at times you know she's exxagerating. She eats very well (rice 3 times a day mind you) for someone who claims to the doctors that she cant eat much because of stomach pains. And she certainly gets around a lot for someone who claims she's gonna drop dead any day now. The only troubling ailing disease I see right now is the fact that she's bored and typical of any bored person, you sleep a lot. But no... she tells the doctors that it is a serious disease and needs to be cured. So there I am in the clinic listening to her explaining to the doctor about one threatening disease after another and I cant say anything in case I offend her feelings.
As far as grandmas go she's not exactly the typical grandma figure that you see in movies or hear in stories but she's not exactly the cold, heartless grandma either. But she's definitely finicky and loves to complaint. And because of thet she's landed with us. Probably the only family that can tolerate her. Still she's managed to stir up some uptight feelings in my mom and my sis.
As for me I think it's best that I find a job as quickly as I can before I get fed up with her and end up hurting her feelings. She wont like it coz she'll be losing an ear to moan and groan to but hey... I think she'll live. I just need to get out of the house before I combust from utter boredom or from overeating. Oh did I mention that She refuses to eat unless someone eat with her. So if any of you see how I ballooned I am during the break. You'll know why.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Bored...
Results are out. Everything is great. Working is a bore. UIA sucks. I have worked extra hours and there might be a chance that I'm not gonna get paid for them. so again UIA SUCKS!
Graduation is not as hyped up as it seems. Very anti climax. Truth is it's a bore. Have to find me a job if I dont to waste away while waiting for my next enrolment. BLEARGH! Life sucks at the moment.
I wanna go and watch War of the Worlds but don't wanna go alone. Too chicken maybe. Should I or shouldn't I? How pathetic am I? Where are my friends?!!
There's nothing on the net. Nothing to do. No money so no talk. Aarrghhh!!
So this is life according to a girl who's bored out of her wits. Someone just shoot me... PLEASE!!
Graduation is not as hyped up as it seems. Very anti climax. Truth is it's a bore. Have to find me a job if I dont to waste away while waiting for my next enrolment. BLEARGH! Life sucks at the moment.
I wanna go and watch War of the Worlds but don't wanna go alone. Too chicken maybe. Should I or shouldn't I? How pathetic am I? Where are my friends?!!
There's nothing on the net. Nothing to do. No money so no talk. Aarrghhh!!
So this is life according to a girl who's bored out of her wits. Someone just shoot me... PLEASE!!
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Pay for your own place...
I dont care if people call me stingy or a scrooge but I just cant take it when people just expect I dont mind it when they come and stay in MY room for absolutely free while I have to fork out 60 bucks for a lousy two weeks stay. Do they think I'm a charity or something.
I'm a reasonable person and I dont mind my real roommate staying by since I'm using some of her stuff so all is fair but when other people are coming over then it is just too much. I may be able to tolerate 2-3 days stay but a whole weeks worth? FORGET IT! That's already 20 bucks worth in rent. All the bullshit that I'm working so I'll be able to pay is CRAP since these people are working too. Unless you're working for peanuts then fork out the cash for your bed and board.
But what really pisses me off is that I'm right here in front of the computer ranting and raving while in front of the very people that I'm pissed at I clam up. WHY! WHY? WHY?!
I'm a reasonable person and I dont mind my real roommate staying by since I'm using some of her stuff so all is fair but when other people are coming over then it is just too much. I may be able to tolerate 2-3 days stay but a whole weeks worth? FORGET IT! That's already 20 bucks worth in rent. All the bullshit that I'm working so I'll be able to pay is CRAP since these people are working too. Unless you're working for peanuts then fork out the cash for your bed and board.
But what really pisses me off is that I'm right here in front of the computer ranting and raving while in front of the very people that I'm pissed at I clam up. WHY! WHY? WHY?!
Thursday, June 30, 2005
The road not taken...
Made another tough decision today. Up this very moment I'm still unsure whether the decision I made was the right one. I just hope that it was. It's not like I was given much time to ponder on the consequences. It was either ANSWER IMMEDIATELY or FOREVER BE BLACKLISTED FROM OUR COMPANY!. *sugh* So due to circumstances, prior obligations and educational reasons I turned down a job interview to one of the biggest advertising firm around. *sigh*
Well... no use crying over spilt milk. It's too late now. The 'Thanks but no thanks' email has been sent. I just hope that they dont blacklist me in the future. Who knows maybe one day I'd apply to that company again.
In a way I feel relieved. Somehow I feel that I'm not quite ready to really step into the working world just yet. Sure I'm working right now but look at what I'm doing now... I'm blogging during office hours. Shows how laid back this job really is. But so far I seem doing okay for a fresh undergrad. Got a job offer to be a kindergarten teacher in PJ. I'll see how it goes. If they're willing to only let me stay til November then it should be cool. Not something to do on a permanent basis though.
*sigh* I hate the predicaments of being an adult...
Well... no use crying over spilt milk. It's too late now. The 'Thanks but no thanks' email has been sent. I just hope that they dont blacklist me in the future. Who knows maybe one day I'd apply to that company again.
In a way I feel relieved. Somehow I feel that I'm not quite ready to really step into the working world just yet. Sure I'm working right now but look at what I'm doing now... I'm blogging during office hours. Shows how laid back this job really is. But so far I seem doing okay for a fresh undergrad. Got a job offer to be a kindergarten teacher in PJ. I'll see how it goes. If they're willing to only let me stay til November then it should be cool. Not something to do on a permanent basis though.
*sigh* I hate the predicaments of being an adult...
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Easy money?
I know that I've been banging my head about finding a job lately so I guess I finally found something that's simple to do and I'll get paid for it. I checked the website and everything seems fine. This job (well not exactly a job) sounds way cool. Definitely something for students to do in their free time. Those who loves to surf the net (like me!) will definitely enjoy it. You can even do it while you're doing another job in the office or something which is definitely a plus for me since I have to spend from ( to 5 every day gawking at the computer screen. Might as well get paid for it. Though I'm quite convinced you guys should get some more info from this website. Signup is FREE. No strings attached and No obligations whatsoever. Check it out who knows maybe it'll be your calling. You guys can go through the link below or click on the ad that's just above the tagboard. Whichever suits ya...
Readclick.Com
Average Joe
I owe it extreme boredeom to actually find myself in front of the TV watching 'Average Joe', a dating reality TV show where Miss America or something gets to pick either an average Joe (common not-too-good-looking men) or some stud that the show provided for her. Last night was the grand finale where she had to choose between this sweet, short, average looking guy (see pic-left. He's better looking on TV) and a hunky, blonde, actor wannabe.
So as usual you know what happens. The actor wannabe was picked although he blatantly say to the girl that he hopes to launch an acting career from being in that TV show. Duh! How dumb can you get Miss America! And finally she got what she deserved bybeing rejected in the end by the very guy who she said 'I think you're the one' just because she used to date Fabio, the PLAYBOY that every mothers warns their kids about. The guys whose pictures appear on cheesy, erotic romance novels. The kinds that guys can easily get a hard on to by just reading the extremely graphic details. I guess the guy's insecurity just can let it pass that he would never measure up to Fabio's performance *winkwink* if you know what I mean.SO at the end of the show all she could say was 'Shame on me...' Well, shame on you then for making such a dumb choice.
Beauty vs Brains or Beauty vs Personality is an ongoing battle that is extremely one sided. Beauty always wins. Last night's show was proof enough. In fact the previous season of 'Average Joe' also came up with the same results. The beauty also picked another beauty. Even at the start of the this season Miss America was struck dumb when she saw all the average Joes lined up for her. Miss America thought that she was way too good for them (yeah sure the shows are scripted but these sentiments are usually true. Ask out any supermodels or gorgeous babes out there and you'll know what I mean). Now I know why I do NOT follow these kind of shows. They're insulting. I'm happily living in my world where only guys go for looks and now on national TV girls are proving themselves to be just as shallow.
So is there any hope at all for us girls who are a little low in the looks department but are high in personality. These kind of things do not help in my paranoia that someday some busty, bottle-blonde bombshell is gonna swoop down and grab my guy. Men and hormones. Does it mean that I hafta present myself in that way just to keep a guy? I dont think so. If a guy shows that looks plays a deciding role in a relationship then its 'Sayonara' baby. Guys like that aren't worth the fight. But if some barbie doll do try to steal your man... be prepare to fight to the death!
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Jobs...
Looking for a job... the bane of all graduates existance. It's the benchmark signaling that you're no longera carefree kid who could spend mommy and daddy's money anymore. Now you spend yours.
It probably wont be too bad if not for the fact that the country generates thousands of graduates each year and only a handful would go on building their own empire while the rest would just be satisfied in being a teeny weeny part of another empire. Myself included.
A society only produces a few Donald Trumps and Bill Gates every generation so that hundreds of thousand of people could work for these few gifted individuals. Sure these people would say that you hafta work for it and bla.. bla.. bla but you still have to have what it takes. A whole lotta luck.
In my case my dreams of actually having something to do during the intermission from undergrad to postgrad was brutally crushed by the news that the Unit does not take non-student working here. Sheesh... couldn't they just at least give an exception since I am technically still a student here. And it's only a matter of time that I'll be accepted back for postgrad. Sounds cocky? Well... you would be if you heard that even those with CGPA 2.4 is accepted for a Masters nowadays. Oh how the standards have fallen.
So everyday I go through the routine of checking jobstreet for a job and hopefully some employers would notice my resume and say... "wow! this is an outstanding gal. We must have her work with us!" But alas... that may only remain as a figment of my imagination. So hopeful work lined up 1) Freelance mystery shopper 2)Content writer. Other companies havent even viewed my resume so I'd say that they're not interested.
Oh what a materialistic world we live in now. We are governed by money! We work coz we need money... money and more money. I need money now to pay for my PTPTN.
It probably wont be too bad if not for the fact that the country generates thousands of graduates each year and only a handful would go on building their own empire while the rest would just be satisfied in being a teeny weeny part of another empire. Myself included.
A society only produces a few Donald Trumps and Bill Gates every generation so that hundreds of thousand of people could work for these few gifted individuals. Sure these people would say that you hafta work for it and bla.. bla.. bla but you still have to have what it takes. A whole lotta luck.
In my case my dreams of actually having something to do during the intermission from undergrad to postgrad was brutally crushed by the news that the Unit does not take non-student working here. Sheesh... couldn't they just at least give an exception since I am technically still a student here. And it's only a matter of time that I'll be accepted back for postgrad. Sounds cocky? Well... you would be if you heard that even those with CGPA 2.4 is accepted for a Masters nowadays. Oh how the standards have fallen.
So everyday I go through the routine of checking jobstreet for a job and hopefully some employers would notice my resume and say... "wow! this is an outstanding gal. We must have her work with us!" But alas... that may only remain as a figment of my imagination. So hopeful work lined up 1) Freelance mystery shopper 2)Content writer. Other companies havent even viewed my resume so I'd say that they're not interested.
Oh what a materialistic world we live in now. We are governed by money! We work coz we need money... money and more money. I need money now to pay for my PTPTN.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Living alone
I've never been one to enjoy being alone. Well... at least not for a long period of time. Sure I enjoy the moments on my own to reflect aboout life and to rest and gather up my strength. But what I'm doing now... purposely putting myself in a situation which I have no one to talk to, no one I can go to in case I feel lonely and no one to call me up to see coz they're a whole state away, is totally out of my character.
My biggest fear... is being alone. I'm not afraid of the dark or scary spirits (though I dont go provoking them either). What I fear the most is the fact that I come back to a place where it is void of other beings. No laughter, no small talks, no shouting. Just the sound of my own breathing. I guess my being here on campus when all other souls are at home was my challenge, my need to confront my fears and learn that being alone was not as bad as it seems.
The first night was the hardest. Nobody was around and I guess the silence just got to me. I cried like a pathetic lonely bitch that I am. It was horrible but thank God for Alexander Graham Bell. If it weren't for the handphone I'd probably would have cried myself to death. The weekend was the only thing that kept me going. It was my escape from being alone. My escape from the opressive silence.
But its getting easier. Just hafta know how to kill time. Work helps... games help and thank GOD anis left her computer. I am so starved for human interaction that the mere sight of another person around me soothes me. Everytime I feel the pressure of being alone I open the front door and look for signs that there's other girls going through the same loneliness. Even the sight of another room with it's lights turned on calms me.
Phobias are a bitch and one way or another you hafta fight it. I'm fighting a battle now but I wonder if I'll ever win this war that rages on within myself. The war of loneliness.
My biggest fear... is being alone. I'm not afraid of the dark or scary spirits (though I dont go provoking them either). What I fear the most is the fact that I come back to a place where it is void of other beings. No laughter, no small talks, no shouting. Just the sound of my own breathing. I guess my being here on campus when all other souls are at home was my challenge, my need to confront my fears and learn that being alone was not as bad as it seems.
The first night was the hardest. Nobody was around and I guess the silence just got to me. I cried like a pathetic lonely bitch that I am. It was horrible but thank God for Alexander Graham Bell. If it weren't for the handphone I'd probably would have cried myself to death. The weekend was the only thing that kept me going. It was my escape from being alone. My escape from the opressive silence.
But its getting easier. Just hafta know how to kill time. Work helps... games help and thank GOD anis left her computer. I am so starved for human interaction that the mere sight of another person around me soothes me. Everytime I feel the pressure of being alone I open the front door and look for signs that there's other girls going through the same loneliness. Even the sight of another room with it's lights turned on calms me.
Phobias are a bitch and one way or another you hafta fight it. I'm fighting a battle now but I wonder if I'll ever win this war that rages on within myself. The war of loneliness.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Old but alone?
Being old scares most people... I mean who'd want to be wrinkly, frail and with practically no energy even to move to the couch right in front of you. As for women being old means losing one's beauty and it might even mean losing the love of your life. So basically not a lot of people looks forward to getting old.
Losing the love of your life is hard enough but what about losing the love of your children. We hear stuff nowadays bout kids sending folks to the home and leaving them there to die.BUt is that much better than staying with your kids and having them scorn at you and hurting you with their words. I'd rather go to the home and live in pampered ignorance rather than put in the line of barb and scorn every single second.
People always say that they'll never ignore their old folks but how many actually put that to action and even if they do put it to action how many of them does it willingly? If the case was the latter then probably death is not a bad option after all for most folks.
Love your parents... they're the only ones that you have.
Losing the love of your life is hard enough but what about losing the love of your children. We hear stuff nowadays bout kids sending folks to the home and leaving them there to die.BUt is that much better than staying with your kids and having them scorn at you and hurting you with their words. I'd rather go to the home and live in pampered ignorance rather than put in the line of barb and scorn every single second.
People always say that they'll never ignore their old folks but how many actually put that to action and even if they do put it to action how many of them does it willingly? If the case was the latter then probably death is not a bad option after all for most folks.
Love your parents... they're the only ones that you have.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Ice
Amazingly this turned out to be so true.
What is your element?
Your element is Ice. This element may seem a little odd, but this is a side-effect from when the element of Water gets hurt. Once you were a content soul, and happy with life. But then something happened. Not necessarily in one day, it probably happened gradually over time. You lost your will to care and became even more reserved from the world. People had hurt you in ways you do not want to remember and now you isolate yourself from them. You have turned into an outsider and probably dress more in black than you used to. Your depression is eating you up and tearing you apart and the worst part is that no one is willing to help, or so it seems. In school you are often by yourself or one single friend and you rarely seem to be truly happy anymore. Your sad, distant eyes and constant frown seems glued to your face and you need a saviour from this world. You may turn to music for understanding and sing/scream along in the lyrics to get rid of some pain. You are not very open about your problems to your family/friends, and wish that they would just notice it and make it go away.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
LIDV
After nearly four years of campus life I'm finally gonna do something that I thought I'd never have to do, something which no sane student would even wish to consider... Live IN During Vacation (LIDV). *sigh* I know that I desperately wanted something to do before I enroll (AGAIN!) so God answered my prayers. The price? A whole 2 weeks of solitary confinement. There'll be no one around (except for those unfortunate few who have to stay on campus) and there'll be little food (what the hell am I thinking?) and of course everyone I know will be safe and sound at home eating good home-cooked meal while I suffer here for the sake of a few bucks. So again... why am I doing this?
But to take things on a more positive note maybe I can finally lose weight. No food means less eating. Less eating means lose weight. Yey! I guess this can be kind like a training ground for me so that when I get my own place I'll know how it feels. Living on campus doesn't mean its free just cheaper that's all. And convenient. I mean who wouldn't want a room at RM3.50 a day which includes water and electric charges as well as security. A heck of a good deal if you ask me. SO what if there's no one around its not like I'm the socialite of the year anyways. Sp things'll be cool. Everyday go to work. Earn some moolah then go back, watch some movies and read good books, zone out and then the process will repeat itself all over again. There... before I know it two weeks have gone by just like that.
Sheesh... who am I kidding? It's gonna be a horrible 2 weeks. Please somebody! Come keep me company!
But to take things on a more positive note maybe I can finally lose weight. No food means less eating. Less eating means lose weight. Yey! I guess this can be kind like a training ground for me so that when I get my own place I'll know how it feels. Living on campus doesn't mean its free just cheaper that's all. And convenient. I mean who wouldn't want a room at RM3.50 a day which includes water and electric charges as well as security. A heck of a good deal if you ask me. SO what if there's no one around its not like I'm the socialite of the year anyways. Sp things'll be cool. Everyday go to work. Earn some moolah then go back, watch some movies and read good books, zone out and then the process will repeat itself all over again. There... before I know it two weeks have gone by just like that.
Sheesh... who am I kidding? It's gonna be a horrible 2 weeks. Please somebody! Come keep me company!
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Confusion
A heart of rock can sometimes be shaken to its core by a mere amber that once burned with an intensity that can consume its vessel if not for the will of iron in which it is contained. Thus when there is nothing to burn the fire dies out. But sometimes when a fire is doused it does not go out completely. For a spark will always be left behind just waiting for the catalyst to ignite its fire once again.
But what do you do when it ignites within a crystal, an entity of purity, a place in which you are safe from all that is unpure, your home. It is a place of safety, protection and contentment. A place where fires are not supposed to rage. But the presence of flames excite you and somehow you are drawn to it. Your crystal is your sanctuary but the fire beckons.
Never is the time for recklessness. for only a fool would even think about playing with fire. The flame leaps and dance to seduce you but in the end it'll just burn you.
Your safe place is where you stay but the calmness and serenity will forever leave an emptiness inside you. Forever making you long and pine for the searing heat of the fire...
Friday, June 10, 2005
Slow down the pace! I can't keep up!
The world is revolving too fast and I am definitely havinga hard time trying to cope. Well actually I'm having a hard time procrastinating and trying to get stuff done at the same time. Oh hell... same difference. But THANK GOD that semantics final assignment is done so I can finally move on. Have I mentioned that I DO NOT like linguistics. I detest the subject. Imagine the joy that I'm feeling knowing that I'm finally leaving that behind me forever. Boo Yah! *dancing around like a mad women*
But one more hurdle to go until I'm free of my undergraduate bondage... my hafazan. Bleargh! UIA loves to 'menyusahkan' its students. Arabic la, tilawah la, ibadah camp la, usrah la... and now hafazan. So again... bleargh! And now that semantics is out of the way I have no more excuse but to actually start memorising. Waaa... I'm not good in that too.
Exams are next week and I am proud to say that I have not even started studying. Yeap... as always I am the procrastinator. Putting things to the very last minute. It worked so far so why not. I'll keep on doing it then :P
It's always at a time when you're at your busiest that things socially start looking up. Now Yuni manged to get some really good tickets to genting which includes board, rides and even transportation at sucha ridiculous price and she wants to go next week. Yeap exam week. Genting is also doing a promo for their 40th annioversary and their charging RM1 per room IF you manage to get up there on the 10th or the 11th to do your booking. How am I suppose to manage all that in a span of a few days AND study as well. *shaking head* Dilemma, dilemma, dilemma!
Ika is finally back from UK so I'm heading back to Maluri soon. Can't wait to taste all that good ZBritish chocolates. I can't remember how many cavities I had during my stay there. But hey... it was all worth it. The choccies are soooooo good (geez, and I question why I gained so much weight.)
Iskandar decided to do the disapearing trick again. Not sms-ing nor answering my calls. Maybe he read the blog about him, misunderstood it and ran away. If that really happened then there's only one thing I can say... SO PERASAN! Just for your info, DOY, I no longer have feelings for you. I am in love with my boyfriend MATT. And I know that it's gonna stay that way for a long time yet and probably (hopefully) until I die. So please... stop your perasan case!
Guys! Sheesh!
But one more hurdle to go until I'm free of my undergraduate bondage... my hafazan. Bleargh! UIA loves to 'menyusahkan' its students. Arabic la, tilawah la, ibadah camp la, usrah la... and now hafazan. So again... bleargh! And now that semantics is out of the way I have no more excuse but to actually start memorising. Waaa... I'm not good in that too.
Exams are next week and I am proud to say that I have not even started studying. Yeap... as always I am the procrastinator. Putting things to the very last minute. It worked so far so why not. I'll keep on doing it then :P
It's always at a time when you're at your busiest that things socially start looking up. Now Yuni manged to get some really good tickets to genting which includes board, rides and even transportation at sucha ridiculous price and she wants to go next week. Yeap exam week. Genting is also doing a promo for their 40th annioversary and their charging RM1 per room IF you manage to get up there on the 10th or the 11th to do your booking. How am I suppose to manage all that in a span of a few days AND study as well. *shaking head* Dilemma, dilemma, dilemma!
Ika is finally back from UK so I'm heading back to Maluri soon. Can't wait to taste all that good ZBritish chocolates. I can't remember how many cavities I had during my stay there. But hey... it was all worth it. The choccies are soooooo good (geez, and I question why I gained so much weight.)
Iskandar decided to do the disapearing trick again. Not sms-ing nor answering my calls. Maybe he read the blog about him, misunderstood it and ran away. If that really happened then there's only one thing I can say... SO PERASAN! Just for your info, DOY, I no longer have feelings for you. I am in love with my boyfriend MATT. And I know that it's gonna stay that way for a long time yet and probably (hopefully) until I die. So please... stop your perasan case!
Guys! Sheesh!
Friday, June 03, 2005
Traditionalist vs. Opportunist
What is going round in a guy's mind if a girl actually walks up to them and starts being friendly? (what I mean by friendly here is not the I-just-wanna-do-thing-with-you friendly but the usual kinds where you just wanna be friends type.) According to my guy friends the first thing that usually comes comes to mind is the fact this girls has guts which then leads to the (usually wrong) conclusion that the girls is fast, easy, social, etc. Why? Why? Why does it have to be that way?
It's okay for a guy to approach girls and get friendly but its not okay for girls to do that? What happened to women's liberation? And though it exists then why are there plenty of strong, gorgeous women still bound by this mentality? why? why?
Girls have every right to pursue happiness so if she spots a guy that catches her eye then why cant she go up to him and be friends? It's so unfair!
Maybe its due to the fact that men are very vain creaturess and when women go up to them they'll start to think that they're all that. Urgh! Seriously guys... sometimes you should look at yourselves in the mirror. And then all these 'perasan' guys will start to get all macho and think that they're irresistable and in turn they'll start thinking that maybe this girl wants something more than friendship. And so the vicious cycle continues.
As for me I just think that opportunities shouldn't be passed by and if there'ssomething or someone that you feel is right for you then go ahead and grab it. Life is too short. Live it or forever be in regret.
It's okay for a guy to approach girls and get friendly but its not okay for girls to do that? What happened to women's liberation? And though it exists then why are there plenty of strong, gorgeous women still bound by this mentality? why? why?
Girls have every right to pursue happiness so if she spots a guy that catches her eye then why cant she go up to him and be friends? It's so unfair!
Maybe its due to the fact that men are very vain creaturess and when women go up to them they'll start to think that they're all that. Urgh! Seriously guys... sometimes you should look at yourselves in the mirror. And then all these 'perasan' guys will start to get all macho and think that they're irresistable and in turn they'll start thinking that maybe this girl wants something more than friendship. And so the vicious cycle continues.
As for me I just think that opportunities shouldn't be passed by and if there'ssomething or someone that you feel is right for you then go ahead and grab it. Life is too short. Live it or forever be in regret.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Abuse
What would you do when you see a friend in a busive relationship? Talk her into leaving the guy... knock some sense into her and tell her she deserves better. Or maybe round up some strong burly guys and go up beat up that a**hole who likes to beat up girls. You know the saying... Fight fire with fire, give him a taste of his own medicine. Whatever the solution is you know that the first thing to do is get the girl away from the guy.
But what if the girl doesn't want to be kept away. What if she's so stubbornly stupid to realise that it's just gonna get worse. What would you do then...
This is the dilemma of a friend who's helpless to help a friend. You could advise, talk to her till you foam at the mouth but she still wont budge. In a situation like I said before, that's a case where the girl is just too weak. In this case... the girl is strong but her strength lies misguided. Love is powerful. So powerful that it'll turn a sensible, sane, strong minded person into putty in a matter of seconds.
You know what's even worse the girl actually knows that she's in a bad situation and she knows what could and may happen but she's just too proud to actually give up on the relationship. Girls have this weakness where they think that they can change the guy's "bad habit" if given more time. HELLO!! If more time was given in this case you'd probably be dead.
So again I ask, what should be done in a case like this? It's easy to just let things be and pretend that this whole thing isn't happening but you cant... not when the friend keeps getting more and more battered up. And the fact that she drags you into her domestic affairs as well. *aargh* That is another problem to be elaborated for another day.
So if there's any good ideas out there about this matter PLEASE run them by me. I'm here at my wit's ened trying to figure out what to do. Let's hope that by the end of this ordeal I'll still have hair left after tearing chunks of it out due to frustration.
But what if the girl doesn't want to be kept away. What if she's so stubbornly stupid to realise that it's just gonna get worse. What would you do then...
This is the dilemma of a friend who's helpless to help a friend. You could advise, talk to her till you foam at the mouth but she still wont budge. In a situation like I said before, that's a case where the girl is just too weak. In this case... the girl is strong but her strength lies misguided. Love is powerful. So powerful that it'll turn a sensible, sane, strong minded person into putty in a matter of seconds.
You know what's even worse the girl actually knows that she's in a bad situation and she knows what could and may happen but she's just too proud to actually give up on the relationship. Girls have this weakness where they think that they can change the guy's "bad habit" if given more time. HELLO!! If more time was given in this case you'd probably be dead.
So again I ask, what should be done in a case like this? It's easy to just let things be and pretend that this whole thing isn't happening but you cant... not when the friend keeps getting more and more battered up. And the fact that she drags you into her domestic affairs as well. *aargh* That is another problem to be elaborated for another day.
So if there's any good ideas out there about this matter PLEASE run them by me. I'm here at my wit's ened trying to figure out what to do. Let's hope that by the end of this ordeal I'll still have hair left after tearing chunks of it out due to frustration.
Monday, May 30, 2005
Rejection
Never in the world would I ever want anyone to feel the sheer disappointment of being denied of somthing that one has hoped for so long. I never realised just how much I wanted something until the very instant that I found out that I have been denied of the very thing that I covet.
Wanting things is an integral part of life. You want things all the time. Food, clothes, accesories, toys and other stuff that'll make your heart complete. But sometimes there are things that you want that goes beyond mere wants and needs. It becomes your focus and an obsession.
As for me, what I wanted would change my life in a myriad of ways. BUt most of all it would help the one person that I've come to cherish aove all things in my life. My mother. All the time that I've wasted trying to rebel against her can never be returned and now all I ask is just one chance to prove myself. And yet it was denied.
I have never been good with rejection. So much hurt and pain would well up inside me whenever I encounter yet another rejection but somehow in life there are areas in which I excel and never rejected. I guess God wants me to taste the bitter pill in life by showing me that sometimes you can get too cocky.
And when you fall... you fall hard. Coping with rejection is one thing but letting others see you in that vulnerable state is definitely another. Alas... I have suffered both today.
I just know that I just can't give up. Don't give up. I have too much riding on this to just give up.
Wanting things is an integral part of life. You want things all the time. Food, clothes, accesories, toys and other stuff that'll make your heart complete. But sometimes there are things that you want that goes beyond mere wants and needs. It becomes your focus and an obsession.
As for me, what I wanted would change my life in a myriad of ways. BUt most of all it would help the one person that I've come to cherish aove all things in my life. My mother. All the time that I've wasted trying to rebel against her can never be returned and now all I ask is just one chance to prove myself. And yet it was denied.
I have never been good with rejection. So much hurt and pain would well up inside me whenever I encounter yet another rejection but somehow in life there are areas in which I excel and never rejected. I guess God wants me to taste the bitter pill in life by showing me that sometimes you can get too cocky.
And when you fall... you fall hard. Coping with rejection is one thing but letting others see you in that vulnerable state is definitely another. Alas... I have suffered both today.
I just know that I just can't give up. Don't give up. I have too much riding on this to just give up.
Sunday, May 29, 2005
And he's back
An old flame suddenly resurfaced in my life and suddenly I find myself confused which then led me to question myself 'WHY SHOULD I BE CONFUSED?' I'm in that place in my relationship that I shouldn't be bothered with these kind of things aaaanddd the guy has never been interested in the first place. It's all me. So mengapa perasan lebih ni? But you know how the saying goes... First loves die hard *sigh*
School days were the worst for me. I hated school especially when I was in the last two years of high school. I guess that period was my first lesson in life. Shit will happen and they're merciless. Life can just drain you up to a point when you'll think what's the point of living anymore? But life works in twisted and wonderous ways. Just as much as it enjoys fucking people up it'll somehow give something to let you hold on and not give up. Sometimes you realise what they are sometimes you dont. As for me... I didn't know how much I valued the friendship of a couple of friends until now. And this guy... was one of them.
At a time when life sucks I found solace in solitude, sarcasm, a true friend and a crush. I guess these was the things that kept me sane when everything else was as chaos. To the world I was an outcast; not to be befriended because I was stupid and I excel in the one thing that I am good at. That's the Malay dilemma for you. Never wanting to see others succeed. I hated that life with every fibre of my being and to this day the feeling just grows and grows. But with this guy he wasn't just a crush but a kindred spirit. Someone who understood and was going through the same thing that I was but lucky for him he had and advantage of being MALE. Females are ruthless and they'll do anything to keep another down. Yes... I know I'm a female and I shouldn't bitch about my own sex but hey... it's the truth.
To cut things short... things didn't work out relationship-wise. In a way I'm glad... who knew what could've happened to the bond that we shared if things did work out. Love is a gift and a blessing but sometimes it'll change things for the worse. This is the guy whom I could talk to without holding back and with love in the picture he might vanish just like that. Friend like these are hard to find and you'll be lucky if you could find even a handful. They are the friend you want to keep. Friends who'll always have your back.
But having said that... I just realised. How can I be so stupid! I already have the same comraderie and friendship that I have with that guy but with the added bonus of love as well. I have it in Matt. The guy who'll listen and criticise as brutally honest as he could be. A friend and a companion. A 2 in 1 deal.
School days were the worst for me. I hated school especially when I was in the last two years of high school. I guess that period was my first lesson in life. Shit will happen and they're merciless. Life can just drain you up to a point when you'll think what's the point of living anymore? But life works in twisted and wonderous ways. Just as much as it enjoys fucking people up it'll somehow give something to let you hold on and not give up. Sometimes you realise what they are sometimes you dont. As for me... I didn't know how much I valued the friendship of a couple of friends until now. And this guy... was one of them.
At a time when life sucks I found solace in solitude, sarcasm, a true friend and a crush. I guess these was the things that kept me sane when everything else was as chaos. To the world I was an outcast; not to be befriended because I was stupid and I excel in the one thing that I am good at. That's the Malay dilemma for you. Never wanting to see others succeed. I hated that life with every fibre of my being and to this day the feeling just grows and grows. But with this guy he wasn't just a crush but a kindred spirit. Someone who understood and was going through the same thing that I was but lucky for him he had and advantage of being MALE. Females are ruthless and they'll do anything to keep another down. Yes... I know I'm a female and I shouldn't bitch about my own sex but hey... it's the truth.
To cut things short... things didn't work out relationship-wise. In a way I'm glad... who knew what could've happened to the bond that we shared if things did work out. Love is a gift and a blessing but sometimes it'll change things for the worse. This is the guy whom I could talk to without holding back and with love in the picture he might vanish just like that. Friend like these are hard to find and you'll be lucky if you could find even a handful. They are the friend you want to keep. Friends who'll always have your back.
But having said that... I just realised. How can I be so stupid! I already have the same comraderie and friendship that I have with that guy but with the added bonus of love as well. I have it in Matt. The guy who'll listen and criticise as brutally honest as he could be. A friend and a companion. A 2 in 1 deal.
Thanks friend...
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Dullness overcomes me...
I know I havent updated lately and trust me I've gotten several complaints about it too. So don't think that I've been let off easy about my not-so-sudden laziness to write. It's just that I want my blog to be an outlet of release where I write down my thoughts and views on certain aspect of life. I never want my blog to be nothing more than an online diary (though most people enjoy reading them-it's like a friend is willingly letting you read her diary.) So all I'm saying is that at the moment my life has been nothing but dull and monotonous.
I guess the only conflict in my life right now is what to do next and what is there to eat besides boring old UIA food. I've also found a way to fund myself through my postgrad years which would put me in further debt in say... the next 20 years. *sigh* Everything has a cost nowadays, next thing you know they'll be charging you for breathing.
So that's it... that's my pathetic life. Horrible aint it. I just wish that I had a dillema like Fynn to write about. Revenge to all the people that shunned me before in my life. It's nice but been there, done that. My sweet revenge has passed. I've proved my point. I'm not dumb! (so there you stupid MRSM snobs!) Besides I think I'm groen enough to let bygones be bygones :P
So basically the next three years of my life wont be any different than it is now. Boring...boring...boring. I just PRAY that someday I'll hit gold like Firdaus. Lucky guy... he already has a high paying job and the firm he works with is gonna fund his master's degree. AAArrRrRgGGGGhhhhh! Some people get all the luck while I'm here burdened by more and more debt.
I seriously think I should reconsider my study vs working options. *whimper*
I guess the only conflict in my life right now is what to do next and what is there to eat besides boring old UIA food. I've also found a way to fund myself through my postgrad years which would put me in further debt in say... the next 20 years. *sigh* Everything has a cost nowadays, next thing you know they'll be charging you for breathing.
So that's it... that's my pathetic life. Horrible aint it. I just wish that I had a dillema like Fynn to write about. Revenge to all the people that shunned me before in my life. It's nice but been there, done that. My sweet revenge has passed. I've proved my point. I'm not dumb! (so there you stupid MRSM snobs!) Besides I think I'm groen enough to let bygones be bygones :P
So basically the next three years of my life wont be any different than it is now. Boring...boring...boring. I just PRAY that someday I'll hit gold like Firdaus. Lucky guy... he already has a high paying job and the firm he works with is gonna fund his master's degree. AAArrRrRgGGGGhhhhh! Some people get all the luck while I'm here burdened by more and more debt.
I seriously think I should reconsider my study vs working options. *whimper*
Friday, May 20, 2005
Star Wars: Episode III
Star Wars episode III is exactly what it says it is. It's so Star Wars. No other words can describe it. All that high tech CGI and lasers nad imagination-nothing short of an A+. But if you expect good acting... bleargh!
I dont know whether I should say this with shame but I have never ever watched the old Star Wars Episode *gasp* Yeap... its true. Some may say that I come from a galaxy far, far away.
Well... I can't help it. I've never liked sci-fi. And since I'm on the subject of hating sci-fi I have to admit that I've never watched any of the Matrix trilogy either *double gasp* I think its boring *triple gasp* (Gasps are kindly contributed dramatically by Matt-a true sci-fi fan)
Back to Star Wars, I now fully embrace the Star Wars legacy and is now looking forward to watching the other episodes of Star Wars especially the original ones. I think Matt is ecstatic that he manage to convert a non-fan into a grudgingly-afraid-to-say-it fan. You know I'm seriously contemplating buying myself a light saber. They're ever so cool!
I dont know whether I should say this with shame but I have never ever watched the old Star Wars Episode *gasp* Yeap... its true. Some may say that I come from a galaxy far, far away.
Well... I can't help it. I've never liked sci-fi. And since I'm on the subject of hating sci-fi I have to admit that I've never watched any of the Matrix trilogy either *double gasp* I think its boring *triple gasp* (Gasps are kindly contributed dramatically by Matt-a true sci-fi fan)
Back to Star Wars, I now fully embrace the Star Wars legacy and is now looking forward to watching the other episodes of Star Wars especially the original ones. I think Matt is ecstatic that he manage to convert a non-fan into a grudgingly-afraid-to-say-it fan. You know I'm seriously contemplating buying myself a light saber. They're ever so cool!
Monday, May 09, 2005
Eyes aflame with Light! Turn your eyes on ME!
Never in my life have I ever stuffed myself till I threw up. God... what was I thinking? Why did I eat so much? I feel like a pig. Just a weekend at my aunt's place and all my resolutions of actually controlling my food intake and toning down my body flew out the window. Am I that weak?
Staying in this hellhole has at least one advantage. Here I get to control what I eat since I hafta pay for it. Yes I sound like Miss Scrooge but hey... rm10 nowadays dont go far anymore. It'll probably last you three days tops. Trust me I've been through the days of utter starvation when my mom decided to teach me a lesson and decided to let me starve for being too loose with money.
But back to the issue... My one and only weakness 'FOOD'. I dont know how to control it. I'm just glad that I'm worried enough as not to stuff myself silly with food. At least I'm vain enough to not want to be called Obese. Sometimes I look at those extreme obese cases on TV and I swear to myself to do something but somehow I always lose the battle. God! Help me! What am I supposed to do.
I hate today's world of superficiality. Why must beauty conquer all? Why is it put second next to intelligence? And WHY must FAT people be considered ugly?
Staying in this hellhole has at least one advantage. Here I get to control what I eat since I hafta pay for it. Yes I sound like Miss Scrooge but hey... rm10 nowadays dont go far anymore. It'll probably last you three days tops. Trust me I've been through the days of utter starvation when my mom decided to teach me a lesson and decided to let me starve for being too loose with money.
But back to the issue... My one and only weakness 'FOOD'. I dont know how to control it. I'm just glad that I'm worried enough as not to stuff myself silly with food. At least I'm vain enough to not want to be called Obese. Sometimes I look at those extreme obese cases on TV and I swear to myself to do something but somehow I always lose the battle. God! Help me! What am I supposed to do.
I hate today's world of superficiality. Why must beauty conquer all? Why is it put second next to intelligence? And WHY must FAT people be considered ugly?
Friday, May 06, 2005
HELP
Just when I complain that Matt does not pay me much attention, God decided to teach me a lesson (to be grateful, of course) and sent in a guy (weirdo is more like it) who suddenly showers me too much attention for me to handle. A foreigner with dubious agendas; a)he really like Malay girls b)he wants "some" c)he's hoping for a free ticket to stay in the country.
Yesterday I was practically hunted down like a rabbit just so that he can take down my number and shower me with proclaimation of love at first sight and offers of marriage. Freaky? You got it. He told me that the minute that he saw me he knows that he wants to marry me and all because my "aura" was beautiful. Sheesh!
I supposed I should be flattered but I'm NOT. I have a BOYFRIEND. Even if I was single this guy is definitely out of the question. And what is freakier is the fact that he wouldn't back off even though I told him I was in love with someone else. Aiyoo! Headache! He even called last night to tell me that he loved me. *SCREAM* Help me!
And amidst all the running and ducking into empty classes I was stupid enough to be threatened to give my number (cowering in shame). Don't blame me! I was scared! And... he practically took my phone and made sure that the number was correct. I did give Matt's 013 number at first but he knew I was bluffing. *sigh* And this had to happen on the one day that Matt balik kampung.
I just hate the fact that I'm going round campus and looking over my back all the time to see if he is stalking me (which he did after despite me practically running from him after the whole "talk". Luckily Along Syerina was driving that day) Next time I'm gonna call him up and bring Matt along. This is a perk of having a boyfriend who works out other than the fact that he looks yummy:P
If any of you suddenly notice that I'm missing in action... Please contact Matt and lookout for a foreigner named Mustafa.
Yesterday I was practically hunted down like a rabbit just so that he can take down my number and shower me with proclaimation of love at first sight and offers of marriage. Freaky? You got it. He told me that the minute that he saw me he knows that he wants to marry me and all because my "aura" was beautiful. Sheesh!
I supposed I should be flattered but I'm NOT. I have a BOYFRIEND. Even if I was single this guy is definitely out of the question. And what is freakier is the fact that he wouldn't back off even though I told him I was in love with someone else. Aiyoo! Headache! He even called last night to tell me that he loved me. *SCREAM* Help me!
And amidst all the running and ducking into empty classes I was stupid enough to be threatened to give my number (cowering in shame). Don't blame me! I was scared! And... he practically took my phone and made sure that the number was correct. I did give Matt's 013 number at first but he knew I was bluffing. *sigh* And this had to happen on the one day that Matt balik kampung.
I just hate the fact that I'm going round campus and looking over my back all the time to see if he is stalking me (which he did after despite me practically running from him after the whole "talk". Luckily Along Syerina was driving that day) Next time I'm gonna call him up and bring Matt along. This is a perk of having a boyfriend who works out other than the fact that he looks yummy:P
If any of you suddenly notice that I'm missing in action... Please contact Matt and lookout for a foreigner named Mustafa.
Monday, May 02, 2005
I dont know if I'm asking too much or I'm just being irrational. Is it too much for me to ask for my boyfriend to pay me a little attention once in a while when we're not together. Is it too much for me to ask for something as small as a miscall just to say that I'm still on his mind. Or have my life dwindled down to nothing and everything that happens in my life now revolves around him. Has it? What happened to me? Am I that pathetic? So devoid of everything else in life that my one and only social salvation is my boyfriend. God...
I'm just so lonely. So very lonely. Everyone have gone off their seperate ways so I'm left here alone with only one person to hold on to. I guess I have turned into a hermit. Estranged and pathetic with very few friends to call my own. No wonder I enjoy spending time in the dingy office. It has become my hiding place. A place where I can pretend that in reality I'm a loser, a nobody that no one wishes to have any connections with. There I can pretend that I'm someone important and that I can pretend that I'm actually needed for something. At least there I'm not rejected.
Rejection has been too common for me nowadays and yet I've still not learned how to handle it. I doubt that I'll ever learn. God... just give me strength. PLEASE...
I'm just so lonely. So very lonely. Everyone have gone off their seperate ways so I'm left here alone with only one person to hold on to. I guess I have turned into a hermit. Estranged and pathetic with very few friends to call my own. No wonder I enjoy spending time in the dingy office. It has become my hiding place. A place where I can pretend that in reality I'm a loser, a nobody that no one wishes to have any connections with. There I can pretend that I'm someone important and that I can pretend that I'm actually needed for something. At least there I'm not rejected.
Rejection has been too common for me nowadays and yet I've still not learned how to handle it. I doubt that I'll ever learn. God... just give me strength. PLEASE...
Sunday, May 01, 2005
Monday, April 25, 2005
Back in campus...
I'll be back in campus in around 5 hours or so and that will be the last couple of months in which I'm an under graduate. *sigh* I just don't think I'm ready to make the transition just yet. I'm still a little kid!!
Other than that I'm pretty excited to be back. I miss my friends... I miss having work and I miss Matt. But I'll definitely miss the unlimited time usage of the internet at home since UIA have lousy schedule for lab usage and absurdly limited terminals for in comparison to thye students' capacity. So for the next couple of months my blogs will be few in between.
I miss my mum *sob* Wish she was here to send me off *sob*
Oh well... Got to make sure the house is all secured before I leave. My bus is leaving in 2 hours so I gotta ready. Over and Out!
Other than that I'm pretty excited to be back. I miss my friends... I miss having work and I miss Matt. But I'll definitely miss the unlimited time usage of the internet at home since UIA have lousy schedule for lab usage and absurdly limited terminals for in comparison to thye students' capacity. So for the next couple of months my blogs will be few in between.
I miss my mum *sob* Wish she was here to send me off *sob*
Oh well... Got to make sure the house is all secured before I leave. My bus is leaving in 2 hours so I gotta ready. Over and Out!
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Always be prepared.
"Always be prepared..." I got the full impact of its meaning today and now I'm all sweaty, tired and frustrated because of it. *sigh*
As a continuation of the 'Dripping Kettle Symbol' story the car is still not ready although after numerous calls have been and claims and assurance that the car was ready was given to the owner. Why must give out false claims that the car is ready when is as sure as hell isn't. I mean... its not like the mechanic will get something out of people driving all the way to Sungkai from Ipoh except a couple of angry car owners. If he's hoping that their car would die on the highway while getting to the workshop then they must be in Planet 'Hello! What were you thinking?!!'
SO now I hafta travel back to KL the conventional way... by bus. Yeah... I know its not so bad except the idea of stopping in Puduraya and then taking another bus to UIA while lugging a huge bag is not my idea of easy. Especially now with the sun practically an inch above our heads. And yes I know that I'm acting like a spoiled brat. I just hate travelling in the heat!
So now I guess I should de-spoil myself and get used to travelling by bus again. *sigh* Mommy... I wanna car!
As a continuation of the 'Dripping Kettle Symbol' story the car is still not ready although after numerous calls have been and claims and assurance that the car was ready was given to the owner. Why must give out false claims that the car is ready when is as sure as hell isn't. I mean... its not like the mechanic will get something out of people driving all the way to Sungkai from Ipoh except a couple of angry car owners. If he's hoping that their car would die on the highway while getting to the workshop then they must be in Planet 'Hello! What were you thinking?!!'
SO now I hafta travel back to KL the conventional way... by bus. Yeah... I know its not so bad except the idea of stopping in Puduraya and then taking another bus to UIA while lugging a huge bag is not my idea of easy. Especially now with the sun practically an inch above our heads. And yes I know that I'm acting like a spoiled brat. I just hate travelling in the heat!
So now I guess I should de-spoil myself and get used to travelling by bus again. *sigh* Mommy... I wanna car!
Friday, April 22, 2005
Alone for the weekend...
So this is how it feels like when parents are away for the weekend. First time ever for me... wow... what should I do? You know what they say, when the cats are away the mice will play. Muahahahaha!
But... since most of my friends live all over Malaysia there's just no point in having a party so that's one idea out of the window. So all I can do is just sit here in front of the comouter and surf away... *sigh*
It's nice that I get a chance to feel living on my own for a change. I can wake up anytime I want and do anything I want. Aaahhh the liberty of freedom. I cant wait to get my own place. A place to call your own. But since I hafta endure a few more years of studying that dream will just have to be put on hold.
What sucks about this weekend is that it's supposed to be the last weekend of my break before I go off to campus and mom should be here to wish me off. Call me sappy and sentimental but it sucks leaving the house with no one sending you off. I'm so used to be sent off my mom that going off otherwise seems incomplete.
Well... only one thing to look forward to... the actual leaving for campus. There's not much else I can do here besides vegetating in front of the TV. Even that can get old really fast... There nothing much on TV except reruns of the same programmes. I really envy Sally, Midge, Fierah and all those living in JB. Singapore channels... Malaysian channels... Indonesian channels... Man!
So all I have planned for the weekend is to see my old friend Apash. Other than that... NADA! Oh well... just a couple more days till I'm back to the battlefield (as Kaled aptly put it) and my days of boredom shall cease.
But... since most of my friends live all over Malaysia there's just no point in having a party so that's one idea out of the window. So all I can do is just sit here in front of the comouter and surf away... *sigh*
It's nice that I get a chance to feel living on my own for a change. I can wake up anytime I want and do anything I want. Aaahhh the liberty of freedom. I cant wait to get my own place. A place to call your own. But since I hafta endure a few more years of studying that dream will just have to be put on hold.
What sucks about this weekend is that it's supposed to be the last weekend of my break before I go off to campus and mom should be here to wish me off. Call me sappy and sentimental but it sucks leaving the house with no one sending you off. I'm so used to be sent off my mom that going off otherwise seems incomplete.
Well... only one thing to look forward to... the actual leaving for campus. There's not much else I can do here besides vegetating in front of the TV. Even that can get old really fast... There nothing much on TV except reruns of the same programmes. I really envy Sally, Midge, Fierah and all those living in JB. Singapore channels... Malaysian channels... Indonesian channels... Man!
So all I have planned for the weekend is to see my old friend Apash. Other than that... NADA! Oh well... just a couple more days till I'm back to the battlefield (as Kaled aptly put it) and my days of boredom shall cease.
Surgery time
It's confirmed... AGAIN... I have another lump in my chest and this time the doctor have advised me to take it out. As in go for surgery. Yeap another humiliating ordeal I have to go through just to have some peace of mind that I don't have an unidentified foreign object in my own chest.
The question would be why are most of the doctors that deals with ladies' private anatomy are male? Why must we ladies endure the humiliating probing and prodding of a man just to confirm that what I have is an actual lump and whether its serious enough to be removed.
I dont find myself dreading surgery since I know I'll be unconscious most of the time but the thought of having the doctors check up on me is never something that I look forward to (I'll be a sick pervert if I did).
Just a warning to all girls out there... Never ever go to see a doctor alone. No matter how kind the doctors are nowadays never ever trust them. Always have someone with you. I was so glad that everytime I did a checkup a nurse was always there so in a way I was comforted. And another thing... its advisable to check ur self once in a while. The last time this happened to me was 9 years ago and I've been scared ever since to check myself and then when I did have the courage to do it... the lump is now as big as a ping pong ball. Sometimes these self checks may even save your life.
So now... all I have to look forward to is the surgery itself. Still not confirmed since UIA is always vague about their schedule but I'm glad that my doctor is willing to put me first and let me have the surgery anytime I want as long as it's before July. Boy... what a way to celebrate my final semester as an undergraduate.
The question would be why are most of the doctors that deals with ladies' private anatomy are male? Why must we ladies endure the humiliating probing and prodding of a man just to confirm that what I have is an actual lump and whether its serious enough to be removed.
I dont find myself dreading surgery since I know I'll be unconscious most of the time but the thought of having the doctors check up on me is never something that I look forward to (I'll be a sick pervert if I did).
Just a warning to all girls out there... Never ever go to see a doctor alone. No matter how kind the doctors are nowadays never ever trust them. Always have someone with you. I was so glad that everytime I did a checkup a nurse was always there so in a way I was comforted. And another thing... its advisable to check ur self once in a while. The last time this happened to me was 9 years ago and I've been scared ever since to check myself and then when I did have the courage to do it... the lump is now as big as a ping pong ball. Sometimes these self checks may even save your life.
So now... all I have to look forward to is the surgery itself. Still not confirmed since UIA is always vague about their schedule but I'm glad that my doctor is willing to put me first and let me have the surgery anytime I want as long as it's before July. Boy... what a way to celebrate my final semester as an undergraduate.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Two Timers...
I dunno what's in certain human beings to just two time people. It's something that I hate in a human being. When they have this trait I don't even consider them as human anymore. I There's even some animals that are capable of monogomous relationship their whole lives.
Why do I hate cheaters? Well... other than the fact that they cheat, lie and hurt other people they also show a lacking capability on to decide what they really want. Which in a way also showa that they're just greedy. A classic case of wanting to have the cake and eat it too ( who made up this phrase? it's kinda stupid...)
Sure I may be just another case of 'a-girl-who-got-two-timed-by-her-ex-and-is-now bitching-about-it' but still I maintain that I felt this way even before I got two timed. Being cheated just made it worse.
It sucks to see other people suffer because of infidelity. Especially when it happens to those closest to you. You feel like helping but there's nothing much that you could do. That's the part that really sucks. Marriages crumble... relationships torn... friendship broken... all because someone had to cheat.
Please people... DON'T CHEAT! It's just not worth the aggravation afterwards. Even way after the whole thing is over the past might just come back to haunt you.
Why do I hate cheaters? Well... other than the fact that they cheat, lie and hurt other people they also show a lacking capability on to decide what they really want. Which in a way also showa that they're just greedy. A classic case of wanting to have the cake and eat it too ( who made up this phrase? it's kinda stupid...)
Sure I may be just another case of 'a-girl-who-got-two-timed-by-her-ex-and-is-now bitching-about-it' but still I maintain that I felt this way even before I got two timed. Being cheated just made it worse.
It sucks to see other people suffer because of infidelity. Especially when it happens to those closest to you. You feel like helping but there's nothing much that you could do. That's the part that really sucks. Marriages crumble... relationships torn... friendship broken... all because someone had to cheat.
Please people... DON'T CHEAT! It's just not worth the aggravation afterwards. Even way after the whole thing is over the past might just come back to haunt you.
Results...
Results are out... finally. After a long day of trying to get through IIU's shitty server I only managed it at 1am when the time scheduled was 4.30pm. What the fcuk?!! (this is deliberate) UIA really hafta get their act together. And you call yourself an international university. Why of all days it has to be the day when our results come out. Excuses like oh it must be jammed coz there's too many trying to get online is just bullshit coz at other times it happens too.
But anyhow... got my results. Can't say I was too happy but can't say that I'm too disappointed either. But... I'm ECSTATIC because I got B+ in Arabic and trust me that is no easy feat. WOOHOO!
On the other hand editing was a bummer. What did I do to deserve a mere B? I think the lecturer hates me. He gives A's, A minuses and B+'s to nearly everybody but me. Why? Why? Why? Yeah I may sound like an ungrateful brat right now but seriously when I have no money to further my education... B is not an option. Everybody wants perfection nowadays.
So now just another two more subjects to go. Another Arabic (listening this time) and semantics. Why lah I have to leave a subject that I'm most likely to hate the very last. Talk about planning. Sheesh! I suck at it. The only thing I'm looking forward to is the fact that Matt is taking it with me. I never shared a class with a boyfriend before. I wonder how it's like?
But anyhow... got my results. Can't say I was too happy but can't say that I'm too disappointed either. But... I'm ECSTATIC because I got B+ in Arabic and trust me that is no easy feat. WOOHOO!
On the other hand editing was a bummer. What did I do to deserve a mere B? I think the lecturer hates me. He gives A's, A minuses and B+'s to nearly everybody but me. Why? Why? Why? Yeah I may sound like an ungrateful brat right now but seriously when I have no money to further my education... B is not an option. Everybody wants perfection nowadays.
So now just another two more subjects to go. Another Arabic (listening this time) and semantics. Why lah I have to leave a subject that I'm most likely to hate the very last. Talk about planning. Sheesh! I suck at it. The only thing I'm looking forward to is the fact that Matt is taking it with me. I never shared a class with a boyfriend before. I wonder how it's like?
Monday, April 18, 2005
RESULTS!
I'm anxious cause results will be out tomorrow at 4.30pm.
I'm anxious cause I know I'll be flopping at least two papers.
I'm anxious Cause I NEED to do WELL!!
AAARRRRGGGHHH! The pressure is getting to me!
I'm anxious cause I know I'll be flopping at least two papers.
I'm anxious Cause I NEED to do WELL!!
AAARRRRGGGHHH! The pressure is getting to me!
Friday, April 15, 2005
Friendship VS Love
People always say that friendshi lasts forever and I guess for some that may be true. And the same people would say that nothing, not even true love ( an ideal that everyone wants to believe in), can stand in its way. But is this really true? Is that idea merely idyllic thinking or perhaps the actual fact? A friend of mine actually brought this subject to my attention and the thing is I think that it's all in the head. Ideals that may come true if one were to work on it but reality simply states that friendship is too fragile of a bond to not be affected by love. Face the facts people... it's happening all around you.
I think I should put this subject in a narrower frame...Would a group of close friends, sworn together by eternal friendship, be forever close to each other although each one starts too find the love of their life? I doubt it. It just doesn't work that way. I'm not trying the pessimist here but it's facts and I've seen it happen, to my best friend, to my acquaintances, in TV, in movies and even to me.
Both guys and gals break away from the group when they meet someone. They wanna spend more with the love of their life, the better half, the "soulmate". So I guess the rest can only sit back and either resent them or be happy for them. There's nothing else you can do about it. This is a normal phenomenon that's happening all over the globe. NOw that I think about it... it's kinda sad isn't it? It's sad that sometimes that you have to prioritise and choose which comes first love or friendship. Love can be such a powerful force *sight* (boy, that sounds so cliched.)
No wonder some people avoid marriage like it's a plague. For them it's like willingly cutting yourself off from the world and just limiting yourself to the people immediately around you. But you know... with all this in mind, why does it not turn me off from love? Hmm...
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
This is what happens when you're engine clueless
This is what happens when two 'engine-clueless' girls had a car breakdown on the highway.
1ST GIRL: Uh-Oh... something is blinking. SOMETHING IS BLINKING!!
2ND GIRL: What? What's blinking?!!
1ST GIRL: I dunno. There's this symbol that looks like a dripping kettle suddenly blinked.
2ND GIRL: A kettle? What do you mean a kettle? (Looks over to the driver's dashboard) Oh... you mean the one that looks like Aladdin's lamp.
1ST GIRL: Yeah... whatever. Look I'm gonna pull over and call my dad. (Pulled over to the side and immediately called Dad. Still mentioned that the 'kettle dripping' symbol was blinking. 2ND GIRL decided to call her boyfriend. She told him that the 'Aladdin's lamp' symbol was blinking.)
1ST GIRL: My dad says maybe we should just add water. DO you have water? (2ND GIRL hands her the mineral water. After water was added they set off again.) Phew! Thank God. The symbol's gone. (After a short while on the road...) Oh no!! It started blinking again!! (Immediately called Dad again and again mentioned that the Kettle dripping symbol was blinking.) Shriek! Oh no! It's no longer blinking. Now it's permanantly on!!! There's another symbol next to it and I don't even know what the hell it stands for. (Starts to panic nad yelled frantically at her dad on the phone. 2ND GIRL tries to recover from the ear piercing shriek.)
2ND GIRL: Cool it... calm down. You're driving, remember? Maybe we whould stop at the next petrol station.
1ST GIRL: I dunno whether we can make it. I'm gonna stop at the next Toll booth.
2ND GIRL: Yeah... that's cool. The next one is 5km away.
1ST GIRL: WHAT!!?? I don't think we can make it. What if the car dies?? (hands tight on wheels)
2ND GIRL: It won't (Prayed hard that the car won't die. Too broke to contribute to the repair costs.)
1ST GIRL: Hey, can you hear that? there's that sort of ticking sound.
2ND GIRL: Ticking? Oh... you mean the rattling sound? Yeah... where did it come from?
1ST GIRL: The ticking seems to be coming from the engine. Oh No! Oh No! (starts to panic again)
2ND GIRL: Just keep cool ok. (Sweating heavily) Just keep driving till we come to the nearest Toll booth. If you think the sound is getting worse let's just stop at the nearest phone at the side.
1ST GIRL: I'm NOT stopping at the side. A lorry might ram into us. They're all going so fast!
2ND GIRL: OH-KAY... we'll stop at the toll booth then. (Starts biting nails. 1ST GIRL still frantically having panicky conversations with dad.)
1ST GIRL: Look there's junction for a Toll booth. Let's go. Shit... where's my money? And why is this car swaying. Hmm... maybe there's strong winds. (stops at the side. Rummaged for money in handbag.) I wonder how much the toll is? Oh yeah... If I don't have enough money could you help out?
2ND GIRL: (GULP) Sure. No problem.
1ST GIRL: Okey... thank God! (Starts towards the toll booth when suddenly the engine stops just a few feet away from the toll booth.) Uh-Oh!
2ND GIRL: What's wrong now? Why did you stop? Is the engine dead? Can you start the engine?
1ST GIRL: Oh no! The engine is dead!! I can't even start the car!! And we were so close!!
After that... of course all the vultures (tow trucks) swarmed. 1ST GIRL picked one and they were taken to the nearest mechanic which was just opposite the toll booth. 1ST GIRL had to pay the tow truck RM20.
1ST GIRL: We were so close... if only the engine didn't die too soon and I would've saved 20 bucks.
The problem was that the main bearing was burned down. Typical problem for the type of car she was driving. The repairs would cost thousands-according to the mechanic (which the dad seriously doubt). When the 1ST GIRL was questioned she repeatedly said the 'kettle-dripping' symbol blinked, which of course made the mechanics laughed. And when she mentioned that strong wind made her car swerve they laughed again. Apparently that was a normal condition if the main bearing was busted. So 1ST GIRL decided to shut up and only answer when she really have to. 2ND GIRL thanked god that she didn't say anything or she would've looked like a fool too.
Moral of the story... try to find out the names of the symbols on the dashboard and what they're for so that you won't make a fool of yourself at the mechanics.
And may be you've guessed it... 2ND GIRL was me.
1ST GIRL: Uh-Oh... something is blinking. SOMETHING IS BLINKING!!
2ND GIRL: What? What's blinking?!!
1ST GIRL: I dunno. There's this symbol that looks like a dripping kettle suddenly blinked.
2ND GIRL: A kettle? What do you mean a kettle? (Looks over to the driver's dashboard) Oh... you mean the one that looks like Aladdin's lamp.
1ST GIRL: Yeah... whatever. Look I'm gonna pull over and call my dad. (Pulled over to the side and immediately called Dad. Still mentioned that the 'kettle dripping' symbol was blinking. 2ND GIRL decided to call her boyfriend. She told him that the 'Aladdin's lamp' symbol was blinking.)
1ST GIRL: My dad says maybe we should just add water. DO you have water? (2ND GIRL hands her the mineral water. After water was added they set off again.) Phew! Thank God. The symbol's gone. (After a short while on the road...) Oh no!! It started blinking again!! (Immediately called Dad again and again mentioned that the Kettle dripping symbol was blinking.) Shriek! Oh no! It's no longer blinking. Now it's permanantly on!!! There's another symbol next to it and I don't even know what the hell it stands for. (Starts to panic nad yelled frantically at her dad on the phone. 2ND GIRL tries to recover from the ear piercing shriek.)
2ND GIRL: Cool it... calm down. You're driving, remember? Maybe we whould stop at the next petrol station.
1ST GIRL: I dunno whether we can make it. I'm gonna stop at the next Toll booth.
2ND GIRL: Yeah... that's cool. The next one is 5km away.
1ST GIRL: WHAT!!?? I don't think we can make it. What if the car dies?? (hands tight on wheels)
2ND GIRL: It won't (Prayed hard that the car won't die. Too broke to contribute to the repair costs.)
1ST GIRL: Hey, can you hear that? there's that sort of ticking sound.
2ND GIRL: Ticking? Oh... you mean the rattling sound? Yeah... where did it come from?
1ST GIRL: The ticking seems to be coming from the engine. Oh No! Oh No! (starts to panic again)
2ND GIRL: Just keep cool ok. (Sweating heavily) Just keep driving till we come to the nearest Toll booth. If you think the sound is getting worse let's just stop at the nearest phone at the side.
1ST GIRL: I'm NOT stopping at the side. A lorry might ram into us. They're all going so fast!
2ND GIRL: OH-KAY... we'll stop at the toll booth then. (Starts biting nails. 1ST GIRL still frantically having panicky conversations with dad.)
1ST GIRL: Look there's junction for a Toll booth. Let's go. Shit... where's my money? And why is this car swaying. Hmm... maybe there's strong winds. (stops at the side. Rummaged for money in handbag.) I wonder how much the toll is? Oh yeah... If I don't have enough money could you help out?
2ND GIRL: (GULP) Sure. No problem.
1ST GIRL: Okey... thank God! (Starts towards the toll booth when suddenly the engine stops just a few feet away from the toll booth.) Uh-Oh!
2ND GIRL: What's wrong now? Why did you stop? Is the engine dead? Can you start the engine?
1ST GIRL: Oh no! The engine is dead!! I can't even start the car!! And we were so close!!
After that... of course all the vultures (tow trucks) swarmed. 1ST GIRL picked one and they were taken to the nearest mechanic which was just opposite the toll booth. 1ST GIRL had to pay the tow truck RM20.
1ST GIRL: We were so close... if only the engine didn't die too soon and I would've saved 20 bucks.
The problem was that the main bearing was burned down. Typical problem for the type of car she was driving. The repairs would cost thousands-according to the mechanic (which the dad seriously doubt). When the 1ST GIRL was questioned she repeatedly said the 'kettle-dripping' symbol blinked, which of course made the mechanics laughed. And when she mentioned that strong wind made her car swerve they laughed again. Apparently that was a normal condition if the main bearing was busted. So 1ST GIRL decided to shut up and only answer when she really have to. 2ND GIRL thanked god that she didn't say anything or she would've looked like a fool too.
Moral of the story... try to find out the names of the symbols on the dashboard and what they're for so that you won't make a fool of yourself at the mechanics.
And may be you've guessed it... 2ND GIRL was me.
Life at home...
Life at home is so simple... so mundane... so predictable... so BORING! I know that I'm definitely not the type to stay at home for hours on end and do the simple things that housewives do all day. I'm just not cut out for that. It's only been a week and I'm already at my wits ends!
Though... I have to admit that it's a great time for me to reflect on some stuff. Stuff that's been bothering me but I decided to push aside due to other stuff. I've been thinking a lot about life (typical), my future (blah!) friends, relationships and family. But mostly about the things that has happened in the past that I just knew about all because I was either too ignorant to notice or people have done a great job to cover their tracks, or people have been doing their best to keep things secret from me (though I seriously doubt that).
I've found out that people would lie and set up their own friends just so that they'd get a passing mark in BM. I got to know people who are so bored with their life that they'd do horrifically insane stuff without even considering what's gonna happen and what the world might say. Though not caring about what the world thinks is a good thing but I think there's a limit to that, don't you think. It's just amazing that all these things have been happening around me, right under my very nose, to the people close to me and yet I haven't a clue about them. So at home... I think, think, and think again. Would it make a difference if I knew? Hmm...
I once said to Matt that the 3 weeks break is somewhat welcomed because it'll give me time to reflect about the relationship... well... I think I'm sticking by what said (sorry Stranger). It's nice to have time on your own. Sort out emotions and think things thouroughly without interference. It's also a time when I can build up my feeling either for Matt, my friends, family, life and even for the world. I just wish that in the future these kind of breaks are still available to me. I'll probably go insane without. Ironic huh? I just said that I'll probably go insane with too much time on my hands. Well...that's me a head full of ironies and a body full of contradictions.
Though... I have to admit that it's a great time for me to reflect on some stuff. Stuff that's been bothering me but I decided to push aside due to other stuff. I've been thinking a lot about life (typical), my future (blah!) friends, relationships and family. But mostly about the things that has happened in the past that I just knew about all because I was either too ignorant to notice or people have done a great job to cover their tracks, or people have been doing their best to keep things secret from me (though I seriously doubt that).
I've found out that people would lie and set up their own friends just so that they'd get a passing mark in BM. I got to know people who are so bored with their life that they'd do horrifically insane stuff without even considering what's gonna happen and what the world might say. Though not caring about what the world thinks is a good thing but I think there's a limit to that, don't you think. It's just amazing that all these things have been happening around me, right under my very nose, to the people close to me and yet I haven't a clue about them. So at home... I think, think, and think again. Would it make a difference if I knew? Hmm...
I once said to Matt that the 3 weeks break is somewhat welcomed because it'll give me time to reflect about the relationship... well... I think I'm sticking by what said (sorry Stranger). It's nice to have time on your own. Sort out emotions and think things thouroughly without interference. It's also a time when I can build up my feeling either for Matt, my friends, family, life and even for the world. I just wish that in the future these kind of breaks are still available to me. I'll probably go insane without. Ironic huh? I just said that I'll probably go insane with too much time on my hands. Well...that's me a head full of ironies and a body full of contradictions.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
A new look maybe?
Hmmm... I'm getting bored of this layout. I'm thinking of getting a new skin. I think I should.
Well... gotta go surf for some skins.
Well... gotta go surf for some skins.
Thursday, April 07, 2005
Astrology reading
I know that astrology reading is a bunch of crap but I seriously like this reading of my relationship with Matt. I'm missing him like crazy and its bad enough that with me graduating soon I may only have a couple more months to lepak with him. After that is the possibility of us going through a long and difficult long-distance relationship.
Waa... I'm gonna miss you stranger!
THE READING
Sun Conjunct Mercury
Your relationship may not be so much an emotional relationship as it is an intellectual one. Yours is perhaps a relationship where you can exchange thoughts and ideas, study, research, spend hours in conversation and enjoy mental stimulation rather than physical. For you, sex takes place mentally rather than physically. Rather than having an emotional rapport, you may be more detached and logical in your relationship.
Your conversations will be excellent and since you have so much in common, you probably think the same ways about life in general. You will have no trouble understanding what the other person is talking about. There are very meaningful discussions indicated here and should you be involved in creative or business ventures together, then this aspect is an added boost for the conception of new ideas.
You can feel very close to each other with this aspect, without feeling vulnerable, and doing your "own thing" will be a prerequisite for the two of you. Trips and travel, whether local or long distance, are also part of this aspect. Sitting still may be difficult for you both.
Sun Conjunct Venus
This aspect signifies that you just plainly love each other. The attraction is so strong between you that even though you may be incompatible by other standards, you still feel like being with your partner because of that love you feel for them. It's not that they won't occasionally drive you nuts - they will. It's just that the bottom line is that there is real love between you and there is no stronger emotion in the universe.
By being together you can create beauty and form as well as appreciate art and music. Your home can easily be filled with "treasures" that reflect the talents you have. But as always with Venus, be careful of overindulging in the good things of life so they do not become a noose around your neck instead of an object of desire. Remember, the more things you have, the more trouble you are likely to have. You will not mind showing off what you have accrued together, but vanity can become an undesired side effect of this aspect if it is not kept in check.
Avoid hiding any difficulties in your relationship and bring them out in the open so they can be resolved or at least recognized in order to avoid major problems down the road. You may also be drawn to speculative ventures with this aspect, so just remember to be practical in your expenditures.
With this configuration, no matter what difficulties come along to challenge you, you will always feel a need and desire to make peace, reconcile and create harmony and cooperation in your relationship. This aspect offers a great stability that will keep you from turning against each other, unless the obstacles become totally overwhelming.
A great deal of time and effort can be put into social activities and if you are involved in creative ventures together, then this aspect adds support and form to your ideas.
Sun Square Pluto
This aspect is an indicator of either a very strong love-hate relationship or a relationship that possesses magnetic attraction and repulsion at the same time. This stems from the qualities of Pluto that want to try to dominate, to wield the power, to manipulate and to control. If you try to use this Plutonian energy in negative ways, there are likely to be some very violent responses to your efforts. This relationship may be headed for some real heavy-duty conflicts!
One or both of you may feel a strong need to dig deeply into the abyss of your partner's mind, ferreting out any and all information until there is nothing left but mush. If you are going to make this relationship work, then teamwork is required. You need to treat each other as equals with neither one of you holding the balance of power. If you cannot do this, then you may not want to get involved at all, as if you could avoid it! The relationship's positive potential is not impossible, but the greatest caution is advised to recognize the pitfalls.
Another word of caution, if you do marry and decide you can no longer live with the heat this oven produces, then I suggest you dig a trench and get set for open warfare while you decide at great risk to life and limb who gets custody of the goldfish! Possessiveness is obviously one of the negative traits of this aspect.
Power struggles, misunderstandings and quarrels can easily develop between you and your partner. Any dishonesty between the two of you is sure to be brought out into the open and you will have a heck of a time dealing with it. This is not a light or frivolous relationship, and, in time, you will get to know each other completely and once the bond is forged, it cannot easily be undone.
In case you have not figured it out by now, this relationship may be a fated, meant-to-be, irresistible, unavoidable connection and circumstances beyond your control may have shackled you together in order that you may learn valuable lessons.
It may well be advised that you think carefully before getting involved in business dealings together because they probably would prove to be both disruptive and destructive if you do. Perhaps the biggest reason for this is the power struggle that is likely to occur between you. Remember, both of you can't wear the same pair of pants at the same time, although you will try. Jealousy, fanatical behavior, impulsive acts and a modicum of physical suffering define the energy of this aspect. Problems can also be seen in joint finances, insurance claims, wills and taxes.
The good news is that there is a great deal of sexual energy present between you. Just so it isn't a total loss!
Waa... I'm gonna miss you stranger!
Sun Conjunct Mercury
Your relationship may not be so much an emotional relationship as it is an intellectual one. Yours is perhaps a relationship where you can exchange thoughts and ideas, study, research, spend hours in conversation and enjoy mental stimulation rather than physical. For you, sex takes place mentally rather than physically. Rather than having an emotional rapport, you may be more detached and logical in your relationship.
Your conversations will be excellent and since you have so much in common, you probably think the same ways about life in general. You will have no trouble understanding what the other person is talking about. There are very meaningful discussions indicated here and should you be involved in creative or business ventures together, then this aspect is an added boost for the conception of new ideas.
You can feel very close to each other with this aspect, without feeling vulnerable, and doing your "own thing" will be a prerequisite for the two of you. Trips and travel, whether local or long distance, are also part of this aspect. Sitting still may be difficult for you both.
Sun Conjunct Venus
This aspect signifies that you just plainly love each other. The attraction is so strong between you that even though you may be incompatible by other standards, you still feel like being with your partner because of that love you feel for them. It's not that they won't occasionally drive you nuts - they will. It's just that the bottom line is that there is real love between you and there is no stronger emotion in the universe.
By being together you can create beauty and form as well as appreciate art and music. Your home can easily be filled with "treasures" that reflect the talents you have. But as always with Venus, be careful of overindulging in the good things of life so they do not become a noose around your neck instead of an object of desire. Remember, the more things you have, the more trouble you are likely to have. You will not mind showing off what you have accrued together, but vanity can become an undesired side effect of this aspect if it is not kept in check.
Avoid hiding any difficulties in your relationship and bring them out in the open so they can be resolved or at least recognized in order to avoid major problems down the road. You may also be drawn to speculative ventures with this aspect, so just remember to be practical in your expenditures.
With this configuration, no matter what difficulties come along to challenge you, you will always feel a need and desire to make peace, reconcile and create harmony and cooperation in your relationship. This aspect offers a great stability that will keep you from turning against each other, unless the obstacles become totally overwhelming.
A great deal of time and effort can be put into social activities and if you are involved in creative ventures together, then this aspect adds support and form to your ideas.
Sun Square Pluto
This aspect is an indicator of either a very strong love-hate relationship or a relationship that possesses magnetic attraction and repulsion at the same time. This stems from the qualities of Pluto that want to try to dominate, to wield the power, to manipulate and to control. If you try to use this Plutonian energy in negative ways, there are likely to be some very violent responses to your efforts. This relationship may be headed for some real heavy-duty conflicts!
One or both of you may feel a strong need to dig deeply into the abyss of your partner's mind, ferreting out any and all information until there is nothing left but mush. If you are going to make this relationship work, then teamwork is required. You need to treat each other as equals with neither one of you holding the balance of power. If you cannot do this, then you may not want to get involved at all, as if you could avoid it! The relationship's positive potential is not impossible, but the greatest caution is advised to recognize the pitfalls.
Another word of caution, if you do marry and decide you can no longer live with the heat this oven produces, then I suggest you dig a trench and get set for open warfare while you decide at great risk to life and limb who gets custody of the goldfish! Possessiveness is obviously one of the negative traits of this aspect.
Power struggles, misunderstandings and quarrels can easily develop between you and your partner. Any dishonesty between the two of you is sure to be brought out into the open and you will have a heck of a time dealing with it. This is not a light or frivolous relationship, and, in time, you will get to know each other completely and once the bond is forged, it cannot easily be undone.
In case you have not figured it out by now, this relationship may be a fated, meant-to-be, irresistible, unavoidable connection and circumstances beyond your control may have shackled you together in order that you may learn valuable lessons.
It may well be advised that you think carefully before getting involved in business dealings together because they probably would prove to be both disruptive and destructive if you do. Perhaps the biggest reason for this is the power struggle that is likely to occur between you. Remember, both of you can't wear the same pair of pants at the same time, although you will try. Jealousy, fanatical behavior, impulsive acts and a modicum of physical suffering define the energy of this aspect. Problems can also be seen in joint finances, insurance claims, wills and taxes.
The good news is that there is a great deal of sexual energy present between you. Just so it isn't a total loss!
Sunday, April 03, 2005
Back home
Exams Over (YAY!), Holidays started (DOUBLE YAY!), Back home (emm), Daily routine of cooking and cleaning and doing absolutely nothing (Blah - boring!).
Yeap it's gonna be a long 3 weeks.
Yeap it's gonna be a long 3 weeks.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Screaming Banshee
I've heard of people being obsessed with religion before and I've seen the footage on TV what people would do when the obsession overcomes then but I never imagined that one day that I'd actually see the wrath of these religiously obsessed people right in front of my eyes and actually spar with them. (Though I don't actually call it sparring since they were shouting at the top of their lungs while I was meekly pointing out that they were wrong.) Anyways, I'm just lucky that I wasn't the target of their anger so I didn't get much heat from them. I probably should start at the very beginning so that you'd know what I'm talking about.
Last night after a fight with her better half, a friend of mine wanted to cool off and asked us out for a drink at NZ. While we were there the same friend saw her old dance instructor and of course him being the polite guy that he was came over to the table and said hi to everybody. I think that was sweet because they were already halfway across the restaurant (which is really huge). So with a reunion there's usually the normal pleasantries and such and at the end of the whole thing was the goodbye hug. A hug between a student to her old teacher and an old friend. Basically a 3-second kinda thing. Though I must admit it wasn't really 'manis' for her to do that to a guy in public but it wasn't anything to go berserk about either.
So the guy left and we're waiting for food when suddenly this woman in her 30's came over and nicely said... (in a nica tone)
"Assalamualaikum, saya minta maaf sebab saya terpaksa cakap nie tapi saya rasa ini tanggung jawab saya sebagai orang Islam...."
And this is when the whole screaming banshee ordeal started. She started going on and on and on about being embarassed seeing my friend hugging the guy and being embarrassed that a Malay was acting like that. All the while her voice rose higher and higher until the whole goddamn restaurant now knew what just happened. The woman was livid. She was waving her arms everywhere and pointing her finger to my friend's face which is something that I cannot accept. Hello... you're talking about Malay being proper but what the heck are you doing pointing like that right in her face. Not only that her arm waving nearly took off my tudung so you can tell how frantically she was waving her arms and ranting. Her face was purple with all the shouting that she was doing.
The 5 of us were shocked and I didn't know what came over me I just decided to say something. Luckily not out of anger or just trying to be rude but because she was embarassing herself. So I said...
"Akak... akak... sabar sikit akak. Sabar..."
After that she started to tone down a bit though she still hasn't stopped. Then I saw her husband with their baby (they were eating a table away from us which is how they saw the whole hugging scene) coming at us. My first thought was "THANK GOD! He's finally gonna calm this madwoman down." But no... he just came to finish what the lady started. He yelled at me asking how can I not be angry at that kind of behaviour and then he turned back towards my friend at started yelling at her. This time he was more vulgar bringing in all here ancestry into the picture which is again another big No-No for me. So I interject by saying (nicely)...
"Abang... jangan la jerit-jerit. Cakaplah elok-elok, bukannya dia tak nak dengar. Tapi kalau abang cakap macam nie siapa nak dengar lagi dia tak nak dengar."
He of course ignored me and started yelling at my friend again. My friend then recovered from shock and nicely and calmly thanked them for 'tegur'-ing her (which to me is very brave coz I would've just ignored them if I were her). My friend said she was sorry to both of them and again thanked them. But you know what the guy said...
"Apa mintak maaf kat aku? Ko kan ada tuhan ko, pergi mintak maaf kat tuhan ko tu. Budak-budak kurang ajar!"
And with that he returned to his table again. Seriously, with that remark he totally squashed whatever respect that any of us had for him. I mean what was this 'tuhan aku, tuhan ko' all about? Aren't we Muslims? Don't we worship the same god?
Sally raised a really good point then. Imagine what non-Muslim would think when they see Muslims treating other Muslims this way. No wonder Islam is so misunderstood and is considered as a terrible religion. The Terrorist religion. If that couple are so into Islam then they should know that Islam never teaches its followers to do da'wah like that.
All of us were traumatised but we knew that we didn't deserve to be treated that way. And I think most of the people there agreed with us since some of them actually came up to us and gave us their support. Two of my friends cried because of that treatment. As for me... well, I'm just glad that finally I had the courage to actually stand up for what's right. God I can't believe that there still people like those two left in this world.
Please god... give them the true light of Iman. Amin
Last night after a fight with her better half, a friend of mine wanted to cool off and asked us out for a drink at NZ. While we were there the same friend saw her old dance instructor and of course him being the polite guy that he was came over to the table and said hi to everybody. I think that was sweet because they were already halfway across the restaurant (which is really huge). So with a reunion there's usually the normal pleasantries and such and at the end of the whole thing was the goodbye hug. A hug between a student to her old teacher and an old friend. Basically a 3-second kinda thing. Though I must admit it wasn't really 'manis' for her to do that to a guy in public but it wasn't anything to go berserk about either.
So the guy left and we're waiting for food when suddenly this woman in her 30's came over and nicely said... (in a nica tone)
"Assalamualaikum, saya minta maaf sebab saya terpaksa cakap nie tapi saya rasa ini tanggung jawab saya sebagai orang Islam...."
And this is when the whole screaming banshee ordeal started. She started going on and on and on about being embarassed seeing my friend hugging the guy and being embarrassed that a Malay was acting like that. All the while her voice rose higher and higher until the whole goddamn restaurant now knew what just happened. The woman was livid. She was waving her arms everywhere and pointing her finger to my friend's face which is something that I cannot accept. Hello... you're talking about Malay being proper but what the heck are you doing pointing like that right in her face. Not only that her arm waving nearly took off my tudung so you can tell how frantically she was waving her arms and ranting. Her face was purple with all the shouting that she was doing.
The 5 of us were shocked and I didn't know what came over me I just decided to say something. Luckily not out of anger or just trying to be rude but because she was embarassing herself. So I said...
"Akak... akak... sabar sikit akak. Sabar..."
After that she started to tone down a bit though she still hasn't stopped. Then I saw her husband with their baby (they were eating a table away from us which is how they saw the whole hugging scene) coming at us. My first thought was "THANK GOD! He's finally gonna calm this madwoman down." But no... he just came to finish what the lady started. He yelled at me asking how can I not be angry at that kind of behaviour and then he turned back towards my friend at started yelling at her. This time he was more vulgar bringing in all here ancestry into the picture which is again another big No-No for me. So I interject by saying (nicely)...
"Abang... jangan la jerit-jerit. Cakaplah elok-elok, bukannya dia tak nak dengar. Tapi kalau abang cakap macam nie siapa nak dengar lagi dia tak nak dengar."
He of course ignored me and started yelling at my friend again. My friend then recovered from shock and nicely and calmly thanked them for 'tegur'-ing her (which to me is very brave coz I would've just ignored them if I were her). My friend said she was sorry to both of them and again thanked them. But you know what the guy said...
"Apa mintak maaf kat aku? Ko kan ada tuhan ko, pergi mintak maaf kat tuhan ko tu. Budak-budak kurang ajar!"
And with that he returned to his table again. Seriously, with that remark he totally squashed whatever respect that any of us had for him. I mean what was this 'tuhan aku, tuhan ko' all about? Aren't we Muslims? Don't we worship the same god?
Sally raised a really good point then. Imagine what non-Muslim would think when they see Muslims treating other Muslims this way. No wonder Islam is so misunderstood and is considered as a terrible religion. The Terrorist religion. If that couple are so into Islam then they should know that Islam never teaches its followers to do da'wah like that.
All of us were traumatised but we knew that we didn't deserve to be treated that way. And I think most of the people there agreed with us since some of them actually came up to us and gave us their support. Two of my friends cried because of that treatment. As for me... well, I'm just glad that finally I had the courage to actually stand up for what's right. God I can't believe that there still people like those two left in this world.
Please god... give them the true light of Iman. Amin
Friday, March 18, 2005
Exam week.
Exam week has started so I expect A lot of the gang's blogs are rather outdated at the mo'. I'm just glad that I'm taking 12 credit hours this sem. Less exams! WOOHOO!
And now I'm celebrating coz my Desktop assignment is OVER! YEAH!
Oh yeah... Don't watch the movie 'Cursed'. It sucks. Totally not Wes Craven's usual standard. Watch 'Be Cool'. It's so... Cool!
I know you guys may be wondering whether I'm studying. I am, I am. Just need some break once in a while. Sides I still need to go to the office to finish up on Quality Quest's Special Edition newsletter. YAWN!
Gotta go. Need to reacquainte myself with old friends.
And now I'm celebrating coz my Desktop assignment is OVER! YEAH!
Oh yeah... Don't watch the movie 'Cursed'. It sucks. Totally not Wes Craven's usual standard. Watch 'Be Cool'. It's so... Cool!
I know you guys may be wondering whether I'm studying. I am, I am. Just need some break once in a while. Sides I still need to go to the office to finish up on Quality Quest's Special Edition newsletter. YAWN!
Gotta go. Need to reacquainte myself with old friends.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Please Yourself
You can never please people, No matter how hard you try. It's always been a bad idea to please everybody so you're better off putting yourself first no matter what happens.No, you're not being selfish or greedy or opportunistic but merely trying to survive in this dog-eat-dog world. Coz in the end you can never totally win.Why am I being pessimistic? Why the negativity? Well... its neither of those things really. Just relaying the cold hard truth. Nothing but the facts.
Just when you think that everything is going along fine you'd get run over by incidents that you weren't aware of before. Things that you're supposed to know but due to cultural and psychological barriers it was kept from you. So in the end you're suffering. BIG TIME! The irony of it all is that the barriers were meant to protect you. Not hurt you. Just so you know, it hurt me. It hurt me A LOT!
BUt then, out of respect you try to please them thinking that it'll all be better in the end. But no... it just adds up to everything. Now the problem comes from YOU. You're the one changing things. You're the one that's making people talk and comment. You're the one that's wrong. Now when did that come about? Just because things aren't the same any more and people tend to comment about it so the cause of the problem is you? Someone enlighten me please!
'Every man is an island'. A statement that rings true. In the old days people stick together to survive the forces of nature. But now sticking together could mean the end of you. No wonder there's more hermits in the world than ever before. Being in solitude definitely has its perks. No commitments. Just you and the world. I no longer believe in the best friend system. There are only good friends and possibly close friends. Best friends to me are just myths that people make up to feel a sense of solidarity outside the circle of family and loved ones. The days of best friends have perished with the death of the last 'Sahabah'. They were best friends in the truest sense of the word. Show me a friend like one of the sahabah and I shall eat back all my words and that's a promise.
Though my resolve is made but there's this niggling doubt in my heart asking could it just be me? My way of thinking? Maybe I'm on a level that is not parallel to others. My ideals being different. Someone once mentioned that I'm like an old soul with a youth's mind and body.COuld that be the real cause of my heartache? Could that be the reason why I'm so misunderstood or misunderstand others in return?
Or is it because I have now left the 'comfort years' in my life? The years in which I can be carefree and everything is provided for me. Did reality come too soon?
These questions is constantly going on in my head. Answers that I can only obtain if I go directly to the source-the people that made me ponder all these things in the first place. But I know I probably won't be satisfied anyways. This problem is like a vicious ghost that'll just keep haunting you no matter what you do
So in the end I'm back to my first conclusion which is you can never plese anyone but yourself. If you try to please everybody you'll end up destroying yourself. If you wanna survive you just have to do what's best and what's best for you does not necessarily mean it's best for everybody. Those who can't accept this will just have to learn to cope with it.
"Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation. It is better be alone than in bad company."-George Washington
Just when you think that everything is going along fine you'd get run over by incidents that you weren't aware of before. Things that you're supposed to know but due to cultural and psychological barriers it was kept from you. So in the end you're suffering. BIG TIME! The irony of it all is that the barriers were meant to protect you. Not hurt you. Just so you know, it hurt me. It hurt me A LOT!
BUt then, out of respect you try to please them thinking that it'll all be better in the end. But no... it just adds up to everything. Now the problem comes from YOU. You're the one changing things. You're the one that's making people talk and comment. You're the one that's wrong. Now when did that come about? Just because things aren't the same any more and people tend to comment about it so the cause of the problem is you? Someone enlighten me please!
'Every man is an island'. A statement that rings true. In the old days people stick together to survive the forces of nature. But now sticking together could mean the end of you. No wonder there's more hermits in the world than ever before. Being in solitude definitely has its perks. No commitments. Just you and the world. I no longer believe in the best friend system. There are only good friends and possibly close friends. Best friends to me are just myths that people make up to feel a sense of solidarity outside the circle of family and loved ones. The days of best friends have perished with the death of the last 'Sahabah'. They were best friends in the truest sense of the word. Show me a friend like one of the sahabah and I shall eat back all my words and that's a promise.
Though my resolve is made but there's this niggling doubt in my heart asking could it just be me? My way of thinking? Maybe I'm on a level that is not parallel to others. My ideals being different. Someone once mentioned that I'm like an old soul with a youth's mind and body.COuld that be the real cause of my heartache? Could that be the reason why I'm so misunderstood or misunderstand others in return?
Or is it because I have now left the 'comfort years' in my life? The years in which I can be carefree and everything is provided for me. Did reality come too soon?
These questions is constantly going on in my head. Answers that I can only obtain if I go directly to the source-the people that made me ponder all these things in the first place. But I know I probably won't be satisfied anyways. This problem is like a vicious ghost that'll just keep haunting you no matter what you do
So in the end I'm back to my first conclusion which is you can never plese anyone but yourself. If you try to please everybody you'll end up destroying yourself. If you wanna survive you just have to do what's best and what's best for you does not necessarily mean it's best for everybody. Those who can't accept this will just have to learn to cope with it.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
PHOTOS
I know that I promised to post this up sooner but somehow my KEMALASAN got the better of me. So this is the links to all the photos that I took from BENL activities and Pics of people in BENL. Ur welcome to help urself to them and add to them if you want. There's pics from the ELC gathering, Nusantara Week and some others. Enjoy!
BENL PICS
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Disappointment
It sucks having people let you down. It sucks even more when its something that you've been lookingg forward to for ages and suddenly plans have to be altered. It sucks most when the person that you really depend on is the one that lets you down.
Though you probably cant blame the person. You can never force somebody to do something when they're not in the mood. But can you blame me if I feel this way. Especially when you're led to expect that you can always rely on the somebody. And they'll always be there for you.
How would it feel if that someone says to you 'Aww. I'm just not in the mood. You go enjoy yourself.' How am I suppose to enjoy myself when I've been let down? And the reason that you've been let down is because they're not in the mood.
So don't blame me for feeling this way. It's only expected. I didn't force you to do what I wanted you to do so don't force me to pretend like nothing happened.
Though you probably cant blame the person. You can never force somebody to do something when they're not in the mood. But can you blame me if I feel this way. Especially when you're led to expect that you can always rely on the somebody. And they'll always be there for you.
How would it feel if that someone says to you 'Aww. I'm just not in the mood. You go enjoy yourself.' How am I suppose to enjoy myself when I've been let down? And the reason that you've been let down is because they're not in the mood.
So don't blame me for feeling this way. It's only expected. I didn't force you to do what I wanted you to do so don't force me to pretend like nothing happened.
Saturday, March 05, 2005
I never thought...
I never thought that someday I'd actually be doing... FILING. Probably the most tedious and cerewet job that you'd ever get. Imagine how much fun (read this with as much sarcasm as you could muster) I'm having sorting different sorts of papers into categories and putting them into files. It'll help a lot if the subjects on the paper weren't so ambigious so I could actually file them correctly. It's like filing a stone in either 'things that can hurt you' or 'hard object'. I salute to all secretaries everywhere who actually do this for a living. (SALUTE)
Quality Day today and I expect all classes after Friday prayers is cancelled. Always good news for us students if any class is cancelled. The idea that the semester is coming to an end is something that I really look forward to but EXAMS? No Way! Why must we have exams? Why? Why? Why? I hate exams.
My first exam is this coming Monday. Arabic speaking. Oh Boy! I wonder what kind of crap is actually gonna spill out of my mouth. I think I'm probably the worst student in the class but the Ustaz is too polite to actually say so. Please God, I really need you help for this. I need the POWER of ARABIC SPEECH! I just hope my roommates wont throttle me first with my arabic practices this weekend. It's either they throttle me to shut me up or die laughing at the bullshit thats spewing out of my mouth :P
Matt is headed back to Kedah at this vey moment. Hurmmpphh! Tapi... bagus juga. At least no distraction for me to practice Arabic. Waaa... this is gonna be a loooooooonnnnnnnggg weekend!!
Quality Day today and I expect all classes after Friday prayers is cancelled. Always good news for us students if any class is cancelled. The idea that the semester is coming to an end is something that I really look forward to but EXAMS? No Way! Why must we have exams? Why? Why? Why? I hate exams.
My first exam is this coming Monday. Arabic speaking. Oh Boy! I wonder what kind of crap is actually gonna spill out of my mouth. I think I'm probably the worst student in the class but the Ustaz is too polite to actually say so. Please God, I really need you help for this. I need the POWER of ARABIC SPEECH! I just hope my roommates wont throttle me first with my arabic practices this weekend. It's either they throttle me to shut me up or die laughing at the bullshit thats spewing out of my mouth :P
Matt is headed back to Kedah at this vey moment. Hurmmpphh! Tapi... bagus juga. At least no distraction for me to practice Arabic. Waaa... this is gonna be a loooooooonnnnnnnggg weekend!!
Friday, March 04, 2005
Hide And Seek
'Hide and Seek' is a crappy movie. Don't watch it especially if you've watched 'Secret Window'. Why Robert De Niro Acted in that movie would always be a mystery to me.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
The past shall haunt you...
"The past shall return to haunt you." God! How true is that. I've never felt the true power of those words before this and now I'm on the receiving end of it.
I never knew the naivety and stupidity of a girl, fresh out of high school and never had a boyfriend before, would actually come back and taunt me. I call them my 'Blind Days'
I just didnt realise that I was in a snag that would eat me up alive for years afterwards. I was blind for actually falling for a guy like him and stupid for actually ignoring the warnings of my friends. Until that very day my eyes was finally wrenched open and at last I could finally free myself from his cluthes. I could see there and then who the guy really was... a lying, cheating (the girl dumped him though and to this very day this thought just fills me up with glee), and undoubtedly useless guy who probably went out with me just because I was stupid enough to lend him money (which he hasn't paid back yet). But still emotionally I was quite bound. He was my first boyfriend and you can never forget your first love.
Love? Yeah right! It was probably more of a relationship to fit in and be accepted more than anything else really but still... I was bound. I only managed to free myself completely after a rebound relationship which turned into a real one. And for that I have to thank the guy although it didn't work out in the end. Rebounds never do.
*sigh* I thought that this incident was over. I don't have to ever bother myself about that piece of crap anymore (boyfriend number 1). I was wrong. DEAD WRONG! Yeah I've been seeing him round campus lately since he has another girlfriend from UIA now. But we pretty much ignore eac other and go our seperate ways. Yes I loathe him and yes I wish to do him bodily harm but I didnt think that the girl that he's with would appreciate me beating him to a pulp or suddenly marching up to him demanding my money back. So since I left him alone the least he could do was leave me alone. After all this thing had happened years ago.
But no... I think he's determined to screw up my life. I see that there's vicious lies about spreading from his friends or it could be just one person or possibly it could be him. Too chicken to actually start a ruckus himself. Whoever that person is the rumours are vicious.
Then again, I'm not bothered for they are after all vicious lies and they have nothing against me. No proof, no conviction. Just spite and the need to create mayhem in someone else's life. Well... you can say whatever you want but they're nothing more than words that'll just disappear like smoke. So whoever is doing it don't waste your time. They're not gonna hurt me and I know those who have faith in me will ignore it too.
Thanks though to those who have stood up for me. Appreciate the thought. But those brainless numbskulls are just waiting for a reason to attack and I think the best way is to ignore them. They'll soon run out of steam and in the end they'll just look like a bunch of brainless idiots who have no life except trying to ridicule the girls who dumped them. And you wonder why these girls dumped them (please note the heavy sarcasm here!).
But seriously thanks a lot to those who backed me up whoever you are. But let's not stoop to their level. They're just scum that lives off the shit of animals like pigs and the dung beetle. As long as people like you guys are still around then nothing can hurt me.
I never knew the naivety and stupidity of a girl, fresh out of high school and never had a boyfriend before, would actually come back and taunt me. I call them my 'Blind Days'
I just didnt realise that I was in a snag that would eat me up alive for years afterwards. I was blind for actually falling for a guy like him and stupid for actually ignoring the warnings of my friends. Until that very day my eyes was finally wrenched open and at last I could finally free myself from his cluthes. I could see there and then who the guy really was... a lying, cheating (the girl dumped him though and to this very day this thought just fills me up with glee), and undoubtedly useless guy who probably went out with me just because I was stupid enough to lend him money (which he hasn't paid back yet). But still emotionally I was quite bound. He was my first boyfriend and you can never forget your first love.
Love? Yeah right! It was probably more of a relationship to fit in and be accepted more than anything else really but still... I was bound. I only managed to free myself completely after a rebound relationship which turned into a real one. And for that I have to thank the guy although it didn't work out in the end. Rebounds never do.
*sigh* I thought that this incident was over. I don't have to ever bother myself about that piece of crap anymore (boyfriend number 1). I was wrong. DEAD WRONG! Yeah I've been seeing him round campus lately since he has another girlfriend from UIA now. But we pretty much ignore eac other and go our seperate ways. Yes I loathe him and yes I wish to do him bodily harm but I didnt think that the girl that he's with would appreciate me beating him to a pulp or suddenly marching up to him demanding my money back. So since I left him alone the least he could do was leave me alone. After all this thing had happened years ago.
But no... I think he's determined to screw up my life. I see that there's vicious lies about spreading from his friends or it could be just one person or possibly it could be him. Too chicken to actually start a ruckus himself. Whoever that person is the rumours are vicious.
Then again, I'm not bothered for they are after all vicious lies and they have nothing against me. No proof, no conviction. Just spite and the need to create mayhem in someone else's life. Well... you can say whatever you want but they're nothing more than words that'll just disappear like smoke. So whoever is doing it don't waste your time. They're not gonna hurt me and I know those who have faith in me will ignore it too.
Thanks though to those who have stood up for me. Appreciate the thought. But those brainless numbskulls are just waiting for a reason to attack and I think the best way is to ignore them. They'll soon run out of steam and in the end they'll just look like a bunch of brainless idiots who have no life except trying to ridicule the girls who dumped them. And you wonder why these girls dumped them (please note the heavy sarcasm here!).
But seriously thanks a lot to those who backed me up whoever you are. But let's not stoop to their level. They're just scum that lives off the shit of animals like pigs and the dung beetle. As long as people like you guys are still around then nothing can hurt me.
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