Monday, May 30, 2005


Never in the world would I ever want anyone to feel the sheer disappointment of being denied of somthing that one has hoped for so long. I never realised just how much I wanted something until the very instant that I found out that I have been denied of the very thing that I covet.

Wanting things is an integral part of life. You want things all the time. Food, clothes, accesories, toys and other stuff that'll make your heart complete. But sometimes there are things that you want that goes beyond mere wants and needs. It becomes your focus and an obsession.

As for me, what I wanted would change my life in a myriad of ways. BUt most of all it would help the one person that I've come to cherish aove all things in my life. My mother. All the time that I've wasted trying to rebel against her can never be returned and now all I ask is just one chance to prove myself. And yet it was denied.

I have never been good with rejection. So much hurt and pain would well up inside me whenever I encounter yet another rejection but somehow in life there are areas in which I excel and never rejected. I guess God wants me to taste the bitter pill in life by showing me that sometimes you can get too cocky.

And when you fall... you fall hard. Coping with rejection is one thing but letting others see you in that vulnerable state is definitely another. Alas... I have suffered both today.

I just know that I just can't give up. Don't give up. I have too much riding on this to just give up.

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