Monday, April 25, 2005

Back in campus...

I'll be back in campus in around 5 hours or so and that will be the last couple of months in which I'm an under graduate. *sigh* I just don't think I'm ready to make the transition just yet. I'm still a little kid!!

Other than that I'm pretty excited to be back. I miss my friends... I miss having work and I miss Matt. But I'll definitely miss the unlimited time usage of the internet at home since UIA have lousy schedule for lab usage and absurdly limited terminals for in comparison to thye students' capacity. So for the next couple of months my blogs will be few in between.

I miss my mum *sob* Wish she was here to send me off *sob*

Oh well... Got to make sure the house is all secured before I leave. My bus is leaving in 2 hours so I gotta ready. Over and Out!

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Always be prepared.

"Always be prepared..." I got the full impact of its meaning today and now I'm all sweaty, tired and frustrated because of it. *sigh*

As a continuation of the 'Dripping Kettle Symbol' story the car is still not ready although after numerous calls have been and claims and assurance that the car was ready was given to the owner. Why must give out false claims that the car is ready when is as sure as hell isn't. I mean... its not like the mechanic will get something out of people driving all the way to Sungkai from Ipoh except a couple of angry car owners. If he's hoping that their car would die on the highway while getting to the workshop then they must be in Planet 'Hello! What were you thinking?!!'

SO now I hafta travel back to KL the conventional way... by bus. Yeah... I know its not so bad except the idea of stopping in Puduraya and then taking another bus to UIA while lugging a huge bag is not my idea of easy. Especially now with the sun practically an inch above our heads. And yes I know that I'm acting like a spoiled brat. I just hate travelling in the heat!

So now I guess I should de-spoil myself and get used to travelling by bus again. *sigh* Mommy... I wanna car!

Friday, April 22, 2005

Alone for the weekend...

So this is how it feels like when parents are away for the weekend. First time ever for me... wow... what should I do? You know what they say, when the cats are away the mice will play. Muahahahaha!

But... since most of my friends live all over Malaysia there's just no point in having a party so that's one idea out of the window. So all I can do is just sit here in front of the comouter and surf away... *sigh*

It's nice that I get a chance to feel living on my own for a change. I can wake up anytime I want and do anything I want. Aaahhh the liberty of freedom. I cant wait to get my own place. A place to call your own. But since I hafta endure a few more years of studying that dream will just have to be put on hold.

What sucks about this weekend is that it's supposed to be the last weekend of my break before I go off to campus and mom should be here to wish me off. Call me sappy and sentimental but it sucks leaving the house with no one sending you off. I'm so used to be sent off my mom that going off otherwise seems incomplete.

Well... only one thing to look forward to... the actual leaving for campus. There's not much else I can do here besides vegetating in front of the TV. Even that can get old really fast... There nothing much on TV except reruns of the same programmes. I really envy Sally, Midge, Fierah and all those living in JB. Singapore channels... Malaysian channels... Indonesian channels... Man!

So all I have planned for the weekend is to see my old friend Apash. Other than that... NADA! Oh well... just a couple more days till I'm back to the battlefield (as Kaled aptly put it) and my days of boredom shall cease.

Surgery time

It's confirmed... AGAIN... I have another lump in my chest and this time the doctor have advised me to take it out. As in go for surgery. Yeap another humiliating ordeal I have to go through just to have some peace of mind that I don't have an unidentified foreign object in my own chest.

The question would be why are most of the doctors that deals with ladies' private anatomy are male? Why must we ladies endure the humiliating probing and prodding of a man just to confirm that what I have is an actual lump and whether its serious enough to be removed.

I dont find myself dreading surgery since I know I'll be unconscious most of the time but the thought of having the doctors check up on me is never something that I look forward to (I'll be a sick pervert if I did).

Just a warning to all girls out there... Never ever go to see a doctor alone. No matter how kind the doctors are nowadays never ever trust them. Always have someone with you. I was so glad that everytime I did a checkup a nurse was always there so in a way I was comforted. And another thing... its advisable to check ur self once in a while. The last time this happened to me was 9 years ago and I've been scared ever since to check myself and then when I did have the courage to do it... the lump is now as big as a ping pong ball. Sometimes these self checks may even save your life.

So now... all I have to look forward to is the surgery itself. Still not confirmed since UIA is always vague about their schedule but I'm glad that my doctor is willing to put me first and let me have the surgery anytime I want as long as it's before July. Boy... what a way to celebrate my final semester as an undergraduate.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Two Timers...

I dunno what's in certain human beings to just two time people. It's something that I hate in a human being. When they have this trait I don't even consider them as human anymore. I There's even some animals that are capable of monogomous relationship their whole lives.

Why do I hate cheaters? Well... other than the fact that they cheat, lie and hurt other people they also show a lacking capability on to decide what they really want. Which in a way also showa that they're just greedy. A classic case of wanting to have the cake and eat it too ( who made up this phrase? it's kinda stupid...)

Sure I may be just another case of 'a-girl-who-got-two-timed-by-her-ex-and-is-now bitching-about-it' but still I maintain that I felt this way even before I got two timed. Being cheated just made it worse.

It sucks to see other people suffer because of infidelity. Especially when it happens to those closest to you. You feel like helping but there's nothing much that you could do. That's the part that really sucks. Marriages crumble... relationships torn... friendship broken... all because someone had to cheat.

Please people... DON'T CHEAT! It's just not worth the aggravation afterwards. Even way after the whole thing is over the past might just come back to haunt you.


Results are out... finally. After a long day of trying to get through IIU's shitty server I only managed it at 1am when the time scheduled was 4.30pm. What the fcuk?!! (this is deliberate) UIA really hafta get their act together. And you call yourself an international university. Why of all days it has to be the day when our results come out. Excuses like oh it must be jammed coz there's too many trying to get online is just bullshit coz at other times it happens too.

But anyhow... got my results. Can't say I was too happy but can't say that I'm too disappointed either. But... I'm ECSTATIC because I got B+ in Arabic and trust me that is no easy feat. WOOHOO!

On the other hand editing was a bummer. What did I do to deserve a mere B? I think the lecturer hates me. He gives A's, A minuses and B+'s to nearly everybody but me. Why? Why? Why? Yeah I may sound like an ungrateful brat right now but seriously when I have no money to further my education... B is not an option. Everybody wants perfection nowadays.

So now just another two more subjects to go. Another Arabic (listening this time) and semantics. Why lah I have to leave a subject that I'm most likely to hate the very last. Talk about planning. Sheesh! I suck at it. The only thing I'm looking forward to is the fact that Matt is taking it with me. I never shared a class with a boyfriend before. I wonder how it's like?

Monday, April 18, 2005


I'm anxious cause results will be out tomorrow at 4.30pm.

I'm anxious cause I know I'll be flopping at least two papers.

I'm anxious Cause I NEED to do WELL!!

AAARRRRGGGHHH! The pressure is getting to me!

Friday, April 15, 2005

Friendship VS Love

Friendship VS Love

People always say that friendshi lasts forever and I guess for some that may be true. And the same people would say that nothing, not even true love ( an ideal that everyone wants to believe in), can stand in its way. But is this really true? Is that idea merely idyllic thinking or perhaps the actual fact? A friend of mine actually brought this subject to my attention and the thing is I think that it's all in the head. Ideals that may come true if one were to work on it but reality simply states that friendship is too fragile of a bond to not be affected by love. Face the facts people... it's happening all around you.

I think I should put this subject in a narrower frame...Would a group of close friends, sworn together by eternal friendship, be forever close to each other although each one starts too find the love of their life? I doubt it. It just doesn't work that way. I'm not trying the pessimist here but it's facts and I've seen it happen, to my best friend, to my acquaintances, in TV, in movies and even to me.

Both guys and gals break away from the group when they meet someone. They wanna spend more with the love of their life, the better half, the "soulmate". So I guess the rest can only sit back and either resent them or be happy for them. There's nothing else you can do about it. This is a normal phenomenon that's happening all over the globe. NOw that I think about it... it's kinda sad isn't it? It's sad that sometimes that you have to prioritise and choose which comes first love or friendship. Love can be such a powerful force *sight* (boy, that sounds so cliched.)

No wonder some people avoid marriage like it's a plague. For them it's like willingly cutting yourself off from the world and just limiting yourself to the people immediately around you. But you know... with all this in mind, why does it not turn me off from love? Hmm...

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

This is what happens when you're engine clueless

This is what happens when two 'engine-clueless' girls had a car breakdown on the highway.

1ST GIRL: Uh-Oh... something is blinking. SOMETHING IS BLINKING!!

2ND GIRL: What? What's blinking?!!

1ST GIRL: I dunno. There's this symbol that looks like a dripping kettle suddenly blinked.

2ND GIRL: A kettle? What do you mean a kettle? (Looks over to the driver's dashboard) Oh... you mean the one that looks like Aladdin's lamp.

1ST GIRL: Yeah... whatever. Look I'm gonna pull over and call my dad. (Pulled over to the side and immediately called Dad. Still mentioned that the 'kettle dripping' symbol was blinking. 2ND GIRL decided to call her boyfriend. She told him that the 'Aladdin's lamp' symbol was blinking.)

1ST GIRL: My dad says maybe we should just add water. DO you have water? (2ND GIRL hands her the mineral water. After water was added they set off again.) Phew! Thank God. The symbol's gone. (After a short while on the road...) Oh no!! It started blinking again!! (Immediately called Dad again and again mentioned that the Kettle dripping symbol was blinking.) Shriek! Oh no! It's no longer blinking. Now it's permanantly on!!! There's another symbol next to it and I don't even know what the hell it stands for. (Starts to panic nad yelled frantically at her dad on the phone. 2ND GIRL tries to recover from the ear piercing shriek.)

2ND GIRL: Cool it... calm down. You're driving, remember? Maybe we whould stop at the next petrol station.

1ST GIRL: I dunno whether we can make it. I'm gonna stop at the next Toll booth.

2ND GIRL: Yeah... that's cool. The next one is 5km away.

1ST GIRL: WHAT!!?? I don't think we can make it. What if the car dies?? (hands tight on wheels)

2ND GIRL: It won't (Prayed hard that the car won't die. Too broke to contribute to the repair costs.)

1ST GIRL: Hey, can you hear that? there's that sort of ticking sound.

2ND GIRL: Ticking? Oh... you mean the rattling sound? Yeah... where did it come from?

1ST GIRL: The ticking seems to be coming from the engine. Oh No! Oh No! (starts to panic again)

2ND GIRL: Just keep cool ok. (Sweating heavily) Just keep driving till we come to the nearest Toll booth. If you think the sound is getting worse let's just stop at the nearest phone at the side.

1ST GIRL: I'm NOT stopping at the side. A lorry might ram into us. They're all going so fast!

2ND GIRL: OH-KAY... we'll stop at the toll booth then. (Starts biting nails. 1ST GIRL still frantically having panicky conversations with dad.)

1ST GIRL: Look there's junction for a Toll booth. Let's go. Shit... where's my money? And why is this car swaying. Hmm... maybe there's strong winds. (stops at the side. Rummaged for money in handbag.) I wonder how much the toll is? Oh yeah... If I don't have enough money could you help out?

2ND GIRL: (GULP) Sure. No problem.

1ST GIRL: Okey... thank God! (Starts towards the toll booth when suddenly the engine stops just a few feet away from the toll booth.) Uh-Oh!

2ND GIRL: What's wrong now? Why did you stop? Is the engine dead? Can you start the engine?

1ST GIRL: Oh no! The engine is dead!! I can't even start the car!! And we were so close!!

After that... of course all the vultures (tow trucks) swarmed. 1ST GIRL picked one and they were taken to the nearest mechanic which was just opposite the toll booth. 1ST GIRL had to pay the tow truck RM20.

1ST GIRL: We were so close... if only the engine didn't die too soon and I would've saved 20 bucks.

The problem was that the main bearing was burned down. Typical problem for the type of car she was driving. The repairs would cost thousands-according to the mechanic (which the dad seriously doubt). When the 1ST GIRL was questioned she repeatedly said the 'kettle-dripping' symbol blinked, which of course made the mechanics laughed. And when she mentioned that strong wind made her car swerve they laughed again. Apparently that was a normal condition if the main bearing was busted. So 1ST GIRL decided to shut up and only answer when she really have to. 2ND GIRL thanked god that she didn't say anything or she would've looked like a fool too.

Moral of the story... try to find out the names of the symbols on the dashboard and what they're for so that you won't make a fool of yourself at the mechanics.

And may be you've guessed it... 2ND GIRL was me.

Life at home...

Life at home is so simple... so mundane... so predictable... so BORING! I know that I'm definitely not the type to stay at home for hours on end and do the simple things that housewives do all day. I'm just not cut out for that. It's only been a week and I'm already at my wits ends!

Though... I have to admit that it's a great time for me to reflect on some stuff. Stuff that's been bothering me but I decided to push aside due to other stuff. I've been thinking a lot about life (typical), my future (blah!) friends, relationships and family. But mostly about the things that has happened in the past that I just knew about all because I was either too ignorant to notice or people have done a great job to cover their tracks, or people have been doing their best to keep things secret from me (though I seriously doubt that).

I've found out that people would lie and set up their own friends just so that they'd get a passing mark in BM. I got to know people who are so bored with their life that they'd do horrifically insane stuff without even considering what's gonna happen and what the world might say. Though not caring about what the world thinks is a good thing but I think there's a limit to that, don't you think. It's just amazing that all these things have been happening around me, right under my very nose, to the people close to me and yet I haven't a clue about them. So at home... I think, think, and think again. Would it make a difference if I knew? Hmm...

I once said to Matt that the 3 weeks break is somewhat welcomed because it'll give me time to reflect about the relationship... well... I think I'm sticking by what said (sorry Stranger). It's nice to have time on your own. Sort out emotions and think things thouroughly without interference. It's also a time when I can build up my feeling either for Matt, my friends, family, life and even for the world. I just wish that in the future these kind of breaks are still available to me. I'll probably go insane without. Ironic huh? I just said that I'll probably go insane with too much time on my hands. Well...that's me a head full of ironies and a body full of contradictions.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

A new look maybe?

Hmmm... I'm getting bored of this layout. I'm thinking of getting a new skin. I think I should.

Well... gotta go surf for some skins.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Astrology reading

I know that astrology reading is a bunch of crap but I seriously like this reading of my relationship with Matt. I'm missing him like crazy and its bad enough that with me graduating soon I may only have a couple more months to lepak with him. After that is the possibility of us going through a long and difficult long-distance relationship.

Waa... I'm gonna miss you stranger!


Sun Conjunct Mercury

Your relationship may not be so much an emotional relationship as it is an intellectual one. Yours is perhaps a relationship where you can exchange thoughts and ideas, study, research, spend hours in conversation and enjoy mental stimulation rather than physical. For you, sex takes place mentally rather than physically. Rather than having an emotional rapport, you may be more detached and logical in your relationship.

Your conversations will be excellent and since you have so much in common, you probably think the same ways about life in general. You will have no trouble understanding what the other person is talking about. There are very meaningful discussions indicated here and should you be involved in creative or business ventures together, then this aspect is an added boost for the conception of new ideas.

You can feel very close to each other with this aspect, without feeling vulnerable, and doing your "own thing" will be a prerequisite for the two of you. Trips and travel, whether local or long distance, are also part of this aspect. Sitting still may be difficult for you both.

Sun Conjunct Venus

This aspect signifies that you just plainly love each other. The attraction is so strong between you that even though you may be incompatible by other standards, you still feel like being with your partner because of that love you feel for them. It's not that they won't occasionally drive you nuts - they will. It's just that the bottom line is that there is real love between you and there is no stronger emotion in the universe.

By being together you can create beauty and form as well as appreciate art and music. Your home can easily be filled with "treasures" that reflect the talents you have. But as always with Venus, be careful of overindulging in the good things of life so they do not become a noose around your neck instead of an object of desire. Remember, the more things you have, the more trouble you are likely to have. You will not mind showing off what you have accrued together, but vanity can become an undesired side effect of this aspect if it is not kept in check.

Avoid hiding any difficulties in your relationship and bring them out in the open so they can be resolved or at least recognized in order to avoid major problems down the road. You may also be drawn to speculative ventures with this aspect, so just remember to be practical in your expenditures.

With this configuration, no matter what difficulties come along to challenge you, you will always feel a need and desire to make peace, reconcile and create harmony and cooperation in your relationship. This aspect offers a great stability that will keep you from turning against each other, unless the obstacles become totally overwhelming.

A great deal of time and effort can be put into social activities and if you are involved in creative ventures together, then this aspect adds support and form to your ideas.

Sun Square Pluto

This aspect is an indicator of either a very strong love-hate relationship or a relationship that possesses magnetic attraction and repulsion at the same time. This stems from the qualities of Pluto that want to try to dominate, to wield the power, to manipulate and to control. If you try to use this Plutonian energy in negative ways, there are likely to be some very violent responses to your efforts. This relationship may be headed for some real heavy-duty conflicts!

One or both of you may feel a strong need to dig deeply into the abyss of your partner's mind, ferreting out any and all information until there is nothing left but mush. If you are going to make this relationship work, then teamwork is required. You need to treat each other as equals with neither one of you holding the balance of power. If you cannot do this, then you may not want to get involved at all, as if you could avoid it! The relationship's positive potential is not impossible, but the greatest caution is advised to recognize the pitfalls.

Another word of caution, if you do marry and decide you can no longer live with the heat this oven produces, then I suggest you dig a trench and get set for open warfare while you decide at great risk to life and limb who gets custody of the goldfish! Possessiveness is obviously one of the negative traits of this aspect.

Power struggles, misunderstandings and quarrels can easily develop between you and your partner. Any dishonesty between the two of you is sure to be brought out into the open and you will have a heck of a time dealing with it. This is not a light or frivolous relationship, and, in time, you will get to know each other completely and once the bond is forged, it cannot easily be undone.

In case you have not figured it out by now, this relationship may be a fated, meant-to-be, irresistible, unavoidable connection and circumstances beyond your control may have shackled you together in order that you may learn valuable lessons.

It may well be advised that you think carefully before getting involved in business dealings together because they probably would prove to be both disruptive and destructive if you do. Perhaps the biggest reason for this is the power struggle that is likely to occur between you. Remember, both of you can't wear the same pair of pants at the same time, although you will try. Jealousy, fanatical behavior, impulsive acts and a modicum of physical suffering define the energy of this aspect. Problems can also be seen in joint finances, insurance claims, wills and taxes.

The good news is that there is a great deal of sexual energy present between you. Just so it isn't a total loss!

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Back home

Exams Over (YAY!), Holidays started (DOUBLE YAY!), Back home (emm), Daily routine of cooking and cleaning and doing absolutely nothing (Blah - boring!).

Yeap it's gonna be a long 3 weeks.


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