Monday, May 02, 2005

I dont know if I'm asking too much or I'm just being irrational. Is it too much for me to ask for my boyfriend to pay me a little attention once in a while when we're not together. Is it too much for me to ask for something as small as a miscall just to say that I'm still on his mind. Or have my life dwindled down to nothing and everything that happens in my life now revolves around him. Has it? What happened to me? Am I that pathetic? So devoid of everything else in life that my one and only social salvation is my boyfriend. God...

I'm just so lonely. So very lonely. Everyone have gone off their seperate ways so I'm left here alone with only one person to hold on to. I guess I have turned into a hermit. Estranged and pathetic with very few friends to call my own. No wonder I enjoy spending time in the dingy office. It has become my hiding place. A place where I can pretend that in reality I'm a loser, a nobody that no one wishes to have any connections with. There I can pretend that I'm someone important and that I can pretend that I'm actually needed for something. At least there I'm not rejected.

Rejection has been too common for me nowadays and yet I've still not learned how to handle it. I doubt that I'll ever learn. God... just give me strength. PLEASE...

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