Sunday, November 28, 2004

Back to Uni!

Tonight is the final night of my month long break. Starting from tomorrow it'll be time to hit the books again. As I said before I'm looking forward to having something to do during the day other than eat, sleep, and s**t but now my fickle mind just doesn't feel like heading back to uni. I feel like staying home and do nothing but eat, sleep and s**t all day. Talk about contradiction huh.

I can't wait to see the others though. I really miss the guys. I'm sure the girls would be proudly displaying their baju raya, kasut raya, or whatever raya as soon as class starts. Nina would be proudly displaying her new kereta raya this sem. Lucky B***h! But anyways, good for her. One more person whom I can hitch a ride from hehe!

The trip to Alor Setar was kinda cool. I'm lucky because I had my own personal tour guide to show me round. If it was otherwise I'd probably be stuck in that ratty hotel room all day. So thanks a lot Matt:> A word of advice to all... if you're ever going to Alor Setar, don't stay at the Grand Continental. It sucks. It's a good thing that accomodation was paid for by the Jabatan if not we're definitely being ripped off. The only good thing about the hotel was its location. But in truth I'd never recommend that hotel to anyone.

Neways due to spending 3 nights in the same room as my mom my sleeping schedule has miraculously followed hers so now as soon the clock hit 11pm my eyes are already drooping. I'm actually putting a lot of effort just to stay awake right now. *YAWN* The problem is why am I still waking up late even though I'm sleeping early? That shall always be a mystery to me.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Mengantok nie...

Actually I'm supposed to be on the road headed towards Alor Setar right now but my workaholic of a mother decided to drop by the school first to check whether there's anything that need settling before she goes off to Kedah for MORE work. Of course there'll be something to settle at school. There'll always be work. It's never ending especially if you're the boss. I can't blame her though. I'm exactly like her. I thrive on having something to do and if I have too much free time on my hands I just wilt. I guess like mother like daughter huh.

It's just that I hate waiting. Basically there's nothing much for me to do at home. I'm all packed and ready to go, there's no point in me going to the add drop thingy because my schedule is okay so here I am bored to death and getting sleepier by the minute. Help! I'm wilting!

I checked out Sheena's blog a while ago and she still hasn't updated anything so I guess she's still busy celebrating Raya. Raya sakan budak tu. As for me I've had enough kuih raya to last me for another year. I dunno whether Matt is gonna insist on me to beraya at his house so If I do go I just hope he doesn't force me to eat any kuih raya. I might gag.

I logged on the add drop thingy just for fun but it was kinda depressing because there's nothing much I can do there anyways. I only have a few more subjects to take and they're all planned out so what's the point of rearranging anything. I'm gonna miss these add drop sessions. I can't believe I'll be graduating soon. Gosh I feel so old.

Anyways, I'm gonna go and get some shut eye. I'm already running out of ideas anyways. Mom... cepatlah balik! I'm bored!

Wednesday, November 24, 2004


Results are out and thank God they're not as bad as I thought they'd be. As usual my results are always a little suprising. The subject that I'd never thought I'd do ok was OK and the one that I was confident with was not so OK. But most of all I'm just glad that I don't have to repeat Arabic writing!!! Yey!! What a relief. I was really worried that I might have to repeat the subject but thank god I don't. But that doesn't mean that Arabic is over for me. I still have to go through Speaking and listening. Aaarrgghh! When will this agony end?

But now I can go off to Alor Setar in peace. No more worrying about my results. Oh and I'm glad too that my Error paper went welll if not I'll never hear the end of it from Dr Nora whenever I go into the office. I wonder if Adeq did well too. I hope so.

I can't wait to get back to campus. I miss my friends. I even miss my room. Just a few more days...

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

What's my results?

Results are supposed to be out today and I don't know what to expect. I'm kinda hopeful, a little optimistic but also doubtful that I might do well. I wonder why IIU is taking such a long time to post up our results. This sucks!

Raya this year is kinda boring for me since not everyone came back. Abe only came back on the third day of Raya while Abang Andy didn't come back at all since Kak Linda gave birth again. They got another boy whom they named Wira Adam Keifli. So welcome to the world Adam! Ika and Auntie Mama both came back with a bad flu and cough which I also caught later on. In fact I'm still coughing till now. I hate being sick. It just makes you feel like doing nothing but sleep. And now I'm supposed to go to Alor Setar for a few days but I won't be able to enjoy the trip much if I'm coughing most of the time.*sigh*

I can't wait to get to Alor Setar. I've only visited it once so I'm looking forward to see it again. And this time I have my very own tour guide-Matt. He'd better take me to all the cool places but knowing him he'd probably take me to all the places where he likes to eat. That's all I ever hear about everytime he talks about his beloved Alor Setar. Oh well... as long as the food's good.

Neways... just a couple days left before all IIU people heads back to campus. I must say that it's quite a relief. I'm already bored out of my mind so I can't wait for some stuff to do. Anyhow got to stop. I have a hungry sister I got to feed!

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Hari Raya

It's amazing how fast time flies by. It felt like it was only a few days ago that I first woke up with my campus roommates for sahur after cramming for the exams the night before. And now it's only a few days away until Raya. This means for that my family and I will have to make that 5 hour trip to our hometown in Kelantan, Tanah Merah. In fact people are already making the journey back to their hometown. I guess Sheena is probably safe and sound in Penang right now.

Anyways I love Kelantan but I hate the journey back. 5 hours in a car is excruciating and added to the fact that we have to puasa then it just becomes unbearable. But still I thank god that the road conditions nowadays are way better than the time when I was a kid. In those days the trip was an 8 hour journey. 8 hours of winding and twisting road with nothing much to look at but trees, trees and more trees. Oh and the fact that my sister used to get carsick did not make things any better either.

Mom is a little worried about the journey back since it has been raining for quite a bit. Rain has its pros and cons. The pros of rain is that it makes the weather bearable so that we wont be all hot and sweaty despite the air conditioning but the cons of rain is that it'll make the road slippery, our vision becomes limited and there's always that scary possibility of landslide. I just hope that when we head back nothing bad happens. I'm glad that mom is such an overly careful driver:P

If I were to worry about the bad things that could happen along the way, the possibilities is endless so I'm just gonna concentrate on the stuff that I'm looking forward too. I can't wait to see all my cousins again. It's too bad that we only meet up once in a while during Raya and such. But I guess those rare meetings make them even sweeter. I just love it when all the cousins gather up during the night and chat away until either the sun comes up or until all the food is gone. Usually it's the latter. Now our number is steadily dwindling. Some are married and some are working or studying somewhere so it's not really the same anymore. Oh well, as time goes on people are bound to change so it’s better to hold on to whatever we have left.

Raya has always been an occasion that everyone looks forward to but as you grow older usually the excitement is not the same as we were younger. I guess it's partly because as you grow older you know that you won't get as much 'duit raya' as you used too. Ika was just commenting to me last night that this year the feel of Raya is just not in the air. In a way I have to agree with her. I mean even the TV ads this year are not that hyped up concerning Raya or Deepavali. But still I think everyone is definitely looking forward to meeting up with family and just eating good food after a month of fasting. A whole month of fasting gone down the rain after 2 days of Raya :P

As for me Raya would mark the near end of our Month long holiday. Although I'm not looking forward to attending classes (especially Arabic) and assignments but I am looking forward to doing something with my time (opposed to sleep, sleep and more sleep), meeting up with friends and of course seeing Matt again. I can't wait to see him again but most of all I miss talking to him. I've never before met a guy that I'm totally at ease when I'm talking. But other than that I'm curious on what Raya program that'll be in store when we get back. I hope the Raya bash will be on. Last year's bash was fun so I hope this year will be better. I'm also planning on having BENL's first annual alumni dinner. I have to talk to Dr. Nuraihan on how to make that happen.

Anyways, going back to Kelantan would mean that I'll be without internet and a computer for a full week so I definitely won't be blogging. So if I don't log on before I go back I just wanna wish everyone a Very Happy Deepavali as well as A Joyous Raya for everyone. Have fun everyone!

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

The kid in me.

I'm already pushing 23 and yet I enjoy watching cartoons and animation that sometimes I wonder am I really an adult or just a kid stuck in an adult's body. I think the answer is definitely the latter.

Can you believe that each day at 3pm I'm stuck in front of the telly just to watch 'As Told By Ginger' on Nick. I don't know why but I love that show and my addiction to that show is similar to soap dramas addiction. I think it'll be great if they actually turned Ginger into a real series. They're already addressing issues that teens nowadays are facing like love, heartbreak, friends, family matters and such so it'll be great as a series. But I guess when it is turned into a series it'll probably be cliched. So maybe it's better for Ginger to stay as a cartoon .

It's kinda embarassing when you think about it but in truth I love cartoons. They're a great way to unwind and relax because you don't have to think when you watch cartoons. Right now I'm a huge fan of Nick and Disney channel and I only switch to other channels when there's reality programs are on. I love reality programs like The Apprentice and next Top Model. My TV programs preference is kinda funny isn't it?

Anyways I can't wait to watch the new disney animation 'The Incredibles'. It looks great. Maybe I'll take Aimee to watch it after we get back from Raya. I think I'll forever love Disney movies. Even when I'm old and wrinkly. And I'll definitely teach my kids to love them too. Great way for family bonding (Jeez... why am I even thinking about this.)

I know that once I head back for campus I'm definitely gonna miss my fave TV channels. Good thing that Anis has a TV card so atleast I get to watch some stuff that I like. I'm seriously considering installing a TV card of my own but nah... what's the point I can always watch with Anis. I'm also definitely gonna miss Astro once I'm in Kelantan. It just doesn't feel the same anymore just watching standard TV and not satellite TV. Astro has definitely changed our lives. I pity Mama coz she'll be missing her fave Philipino soap drama. Maybe with some luck that once we get back from Kel;antan the soap hasn't ended yet. It'll be such a pity if she missed the ending since she followed that series from the very beginning. Thanks God that I'm not a drama series junkie!

Monday, November 08, 2004

Raya Madness

For those who are thinking of any last minute raya shopping… DON'T! It's chaos out there. People of all race, age and nationality are all out for the same thing… bargains. Yeap it's the season of the 'Deeparaya' sale.

My sister and I had to buy some basic necessities so my mom decided to take us out to Kinta City the most renowned shopping complex in Ipoh. Basically it's just a two storey family shopping mall run by Jaya Jusco. The reason why it's so famous is because of its location. It's the closest to the biggest residential area in Ipoh.

So anyways, we arrived at 10am. You may be wondering why we're there so early, well my mom (a very smart lady indeed) knew what we were gonna face so she decided to get there early so that we won't have to worry about parking space. And all that while I thought she wanted to get home early so she can rest since its Ramadhan and all. You think that by arriving at 10 we'd be the earliest there since shops only open at 10.15am but no, we were not the first to arrive. The parking lot was already half full. So then off we went on our expedition for stuff!

It wasn't easy mind you. There were people everywhere but what I find most irritating is those kids who zoom round on those roller shoes of theirs. Hello! Parents! Can't you see that there's a gazillion people at the store? Those kids were zooming around not caring whether they'll run somebody down. I actually laughed when one of them actually ran into a wall. Serves them right (see Alia... I can be evil:P)

But guess where the longest line was? At the ATM machine! I pity those people lining up. My mom (she's really smart) came prepared so she shopped until she nearly dropped. But guess what I got out of fumbling my way through throngs of people doing near festival shopping? Toner, deodorant, a purse (which I absolutelt adore coz it was 70% off) and some inner wear (u know what I mean!). *Sigh* throngs of people just makes shopping tiresome for me. Not too mention the call of Secret Recipe Cakes and Baskin Robbins Ice cream which just had to be ignored. That's it after Raya I'm going shopping with a vengence! Muahaha!

P/S the new Nokia flip phone Nokia 2600 was just released today and to tell you the truth it wasn't what I imagined it to be. They turned out to be rather boring but in way quite trendy too. It's RM 699 which is a little over my budget but... itll be cool to use that phone. However, I kinda like the new Motorola c380. Hmm... choices...choices... choices...

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Blog Hopping

I've never been one to blog hop. I just don't feel like browsing through stranger's blog. Reason? 1) They're strangers so half the time I don't even know what they're talking about and 2)I'm a lazy bum. But last night due to sheer boredom (Gee... what else is new?) I decided to blog hop and see what interesting things I might find.

I did find some intersting blogs and some are very engaging to read but I noticed a similarity with most blogs, the pages are pretty sedate (sorry people). What I mean by sedate is that its only words and nothing else. Not much for eye candy. Unlike my page which is full of pictures and marquees and such. Out of all the blogs I checked out only 2 had tagboards. In a way it made me feel like I went over the top with my own page. Hmm... perhaps I did but what the heck. As long as I like it.

I just feel that if you want to get people to be interested in what you have to offer you have to find a way to get them to stop awhile. So for me by making my page decorative is a way to make them and stop and read what I have to say. Other than that it just makes me feel good. It's like decorating a house and you create a good ambiance. WHen you have good surroundings then ideas and inspiration will definitely flow. Blogs are an outlet where you express yourself so I guess for me the 'extras' on my page are an expression of my creative side. I've never been a poet like Sheena. I suck in poetry so let out my creativity this way.

But I'm not saying that those who didn't have anything 'extra' on their page means that their blogs are boring. Some were outstanding even without decorations and such. I found a blog by this one guy who had a unique style of writing his blog. He really impressed me but you wouldn't say that if you were to judge by how his blog looks like. The page was rather bland. It's such a pity that my internet line went dead as soon as I was about to add a comment on his page. So now I don't know what the blog address is and I just hope that one day I might stumble across it again.

A day of stuffing myself...

Today was quite an experience for me. Today I had a hand at making apple pie and lasagna! Definitely something that I'm proud of because they came out just right albeit both were a little salty. But I blame that on it being my first time trying to make those two dishes. And besides saltiness was easily remedied. The apple pie just needed a little vanilla ice cream and voila... apple pie ala mode. YUM! The Lasagna just had to make do how it was but I don't see any of my family complaining so I'm proud of myself today.

So today was officially a day of stuffing myself. It was like the lasagna and the apple pie was both taking turns beckoning me to eat them. But I have to be STRONG! Puasa is for you to lose weight not gain them. Well... it's not my fault that I had too much time on my hands and decided to cook all my favourite food. I blame it on IIU's schedule! (It's ironic that when we're having too muvh time in vacation we're complaining that we're bored but when we're in campus we just can't wait to get back home.)

So to kill time I experimented with cooking, turned the house upside down with cleaning, practically grew roots in front of the telly and the computer, annoyed both my sisters endlessly and still working on my mom, hmm... so what else should I do? Seriously I've exhausted all ideas on how to fill up my spare time. This is getting to be a challenge for me every semester. I think that everytime before semester break I should collect stuff for me to do at home as well plan ahead on activities that I could do at home. But then I'd probably do them during the first week I'm back and then the cycle just goes on and on and on and on.

So to anyone out there... if you have any ideas on what I could do... PLEASE just tell me. I need help!


A friend of mine posted this up on the Bulletin Board in Friendster and I think everyone should be aware of this. I don't know whether it's a hoax or not but I guess it pays to be wary.

Message: A lady at a nightclub on a Saturday night was taken by 5 men, who according to hospital and police reports, gang raped her before dumping her.

Unable to remember the events of the evening, tests later confirmed the repeat rapes along with traces of Rohypnol in her blood and Progesterex, essentially a small sterilization pill. The drug is now being used by rapists at parties to rape AND sterilize their victims. Progesterex is available to vets to sterilize large animals. Progesterex is being used together with Rohypnol, the date rape drug. As
with Rohypnol, all they have to do is drop it into the girl's drink.

The girl can't remember a thing the next morning, of all that had taken place the night before. Progesterex, which dissolves in drinks just as easily, is such that the victim doesn't get pregnant!; she won't conceive from the rape and the rapist needn't worry about having a paternity test identifying him months later.

The drug's effects ARE NOT TEMPORARY - They are P*E*R*M*A*N*E*N*T Progesterex was designed to sterilize horses..

Any female who takes it will NEVER BE ABLE TO CONCEIVE.. The weasels cn get this drug from anyone who is in the vet school or any university. ! It's that easy, and
Progesterex is about to break out big on campuses everywhere. Believe it or not, there are even sites on the Internet telling people how to use it. Please forward this to everyone you know, especially girls.. Be careful when you're out and
don't leave your drink unattended. Please make the effort to forward this on to all you know...

please inform all your female friends and relatives.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Bush won again!

Well... Looks like Bush has won a second term in the White house. I wonder how he won. I just hope this is not the start of World War III

Period Pain is a Bitch!

My period came today thus dashing my hopes of actually making it through Ramadhan period-free. It's kinda weird actually why it came now since my last cycle came right before puasa start. Anyways this isn't something I should talk about in public. Hehe!

But period pain is a bitch. I haven't had cramps for a while now and when it comes it attacks with a vengeance. Me groaning and moaning in a fetal position is not a pretty sight to see. Even now even with the pain less intense as before it's still uncomfortable and there's nothing you can do to actually ease it. Unless you knock yourself out with a painkiller and all is well. However I'm not one of those people who like to indulge in painkillers. I believe pain makes a person tougher. So as long as I can still bear it I'll lay off the painkiller.

Guys seem to love to make fun of girls whenever girls have cramps. That is a mystery that'll stay unsolved. I remember once a few guy friends of mine were making fun of me while I was having cramps while waiting for the next class. They were just not convinced that cramps can be that painful. Seriously it's one thing to make fun of girls when they're okay but it's another when they’re having cramps. All I said was "Why don’t you go take a garden fork, skewer it in your groin and turn it 360degrees for a full 24 hours. Then tell me whether it’s that painful or not." Raging hormones and girl power shut them up instantly. I guess I kinda made my point.

Ever watched the movie 'The Astronaut's Wife' where the astronaut's body (Johnny Depp) was taken over by an alien and it wanted to do was reproduce so that it can take over the world. The wife (Charlize Theron) soon became suspicious but in the end she was the one taken over by the alien. Quite a cool movie and Johnny Depp *sigh* is as delicious as always. Anyways there was a scene in that movie where the wife had a dream that she saw her baby holding up her bloody uterus, a signal that something was wrong with her baby. That is exactly how I feel when I get cramps. I feel like ripping my uterus out so that I won’t feel the pain.

I'm just glad that tomorrow (hopefully) all of this will be over. And also while everyone is holding themselves back from eating and drinking I'll be free to eat and drink whenever I like. Muahahah! But nah… I'll follow along. It won't be fair on my sisters. Perhaps a drink or two is okay :P

The Way of Da’wah.

Concerning the Issue of 'Masuk Islam, Masuk Melayu', it made me ponder further on how it affects the progress of da'wah here in Malaysia. Undeniably because of this issue many non-muslims especially Chinese are very reluctant to embrace Islam because they think that Islam is 100% Malay related, which is wrong by the way. But then again we can't really blame them because there are plenty of Malays out there who thinks this way too. The way we think and the way we act is in itself a form of da'wah.

I myself hate when people start to preach. It's long winded and boring. People especially teens no longer want to long preaches and sermons. Teens nowadays have mastered the art of blocking out things that they don't wanna hear. Do you ever wonder why Raihan was so successful when they first came into the entertainment industry? They managed to sell 750 000 copies of their album which no one other than a handful of other artist have managed to achieve. It's quite a feat considering that they were bringing messages of Islam in their songs and not crooning sappy love songs like all the other artists were doing. Why were they successful? Because they were different and they portrayed Islam in a positive light. Islam is not a religion that is based on fear and punishment but of peace. But there’s still people out there preaching about the punishments that you get for your sins. This method will only make people fear Islam and perhaps learn to resent it.

A certain lecturer of mine once commented on the methods used by these preachers. He's Canadian and a mu'allaf himself so he has seen the ways Christian preachers preach. Their way was a way of promoting love while the way of our people was one of criticism. We criticize people of their wrongdoings and ask them to repent. But seriously, who likes to be criticized? I am the type that the more people criticize my lifestyle the more I want to do it. To rebel on what is right. But I don't think I'd feel that way if I were approached nicely and was drawn to talk about the matter.

I just wish that there are people in Malaysia who’d talk about Islam liberally and try to see Islam in the perspective of the Non-Muslims and also of those trying to understand Islam. There are many born Muslims out there who want to understand Islam better but also hopes that Islam understands them.

"To lash out at the darkness is in vain, to fight it just light a candle!"

Embracing Islam is embracing Malay?

There was an article that I found in 'Milenia Muslim' which talks about ethnocentrism which means the belief that one's ethnic identity is far more superior to others. This time they were relating it to the issue of Non-Muslim embracing Islam. This issue has come up once or twice before and it was refreshing to read an article written in the perspective of a newcomer (mu'allaf).

In Malaysia we've always associated Islam with Malays. If you're Malay then you're definitely Muslim but most people also think that if you’re Muslim then you're Malay or should become like one. This is SO wrong.

I don't know why this issue should come up when we've been living in a country which is multiracial and religious freedom is practice. So when a non-Muslim wants to embrace Islam or any other religion, cultural aspect of a race associated with that religion shouldn’t be a part of religion itself. But that is exactly what is happening. For a non-Muslim embracing Islam also means embracing Malay 'masuk Melayu'. I have personally seen proof of this so-called phenomenon.

Once when I was 14, I was reprimanded for eating with chopsticks. I was at a mall with a bunch of friends having lunch when suddenly the security guard came up to me and says, "Awak tak malu ke. Dahla pakai tudung tapi makan macam orang kafir." (Aren't you ashamed? You're wearing a scarf and yet you're eating like a non-Muslim.) Then the guy walked off. I was speechless. All this while I have never been told that eating with a chopstick was wrong. I even use it at home and my parents are cool about it. But like any 14 year old I just laughed it off. But at home I mentioned the incident to my dad and surprisingly he was quite steamed up about it. He gave me a point which no one could refute, there's more than 100 million Muslims in China which is 10 times more Muslims in Malaysia so should we reprimand them for eating with chopsticks? And what about the fork and spoon? They're not Malay's culture so should we stop using them?

Quite a big issue for a 14 year old to ponder about but what my dad says makes sense even then. We should never associate Islam with a culture. If we do then what's the point of God creating different kind of people. I don't like to point fingers but its people like that security guard that takes Islam back and not forward. These type of people have this mindset that the Malay way is the best and all other races just doesn't know any better hence they’re 'kafirs'. Well… have they ever wondered why those people don't want to embrace Islam?

No race wants their culture to die out so it is understandable when certain people are apprehensive about converting to another religion. It's especially worrying to the converter's members of the family of the. They're worried that any ties to their family will be severed. But we should always remember once we’re born into a certain race we shall die as a member of that race and nothing can ever change that. Even religion.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Just goes to show how bored I am...

Wanna see how bored I am. I'm actually doing quizzes at Quizilla! But I'm kinda happy with the results. They kinda represent ME and what I love most!

Evil(Hehe! That's funny! I've always thought as myself being evil.)

What Kanji word best suits you?

ex v

You're a Vampire. Vampires were the creatures of the night that were believed to live off of human blood. Count Dracula, being the most famous vampire, set the stereotype. They had dark hair and pale skin from being away from the sunlight (It's true I dont go out in the sun much). If they actually existed, it's very possible they had the skin disease that made you allergic to the sun so whenever the sunlight would hit it, it would hurt like crazy (my skin doesn't hurt but I sweat like a pig and I hate that. So I avoid the sun). They were usually snobbish and control freaks and kept werewolves as pets (I don't think I'm a snob but I've always wanted a tiger as pet. Is that okay for a pet?).

What Mystical Creature Are You? (Pictures)


Jaguar Spirit Calls To You!
Jaguar's Wisdom

Seeing the roads within chaos
Understanding the patterns of chaos
Moving without fear in the darkness
Facilitating soul work
Empowering oneself
Moving in unknown places
Psychic sight

Animal Spirit Guides ~ Which One Calls To You?

But this quiz out of all really represents me.

Tis an ice dragon breathes...when the first snowflake doesnt melt....

Your an ice dragon! Congrats! Out of all the dragons, you are most powerful but do not like to show it. A rare and special creture, you have artistic style and are great at expressing yourself. You think friends and Family are the most important, and are a hopeless romantic. But of course, as ice goes, you can be a little cold or harsh at times. But not to worry, you always apologize later!

What elemental dragon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Insomnia's dillemma!

I tried calling Matt a while back and I couldn't get through. I'm trying to be careful with telephone usage nowadays since mom has been dropping hints about the phone bill. Erk! But sheer boredom made me pick up the phone and call him. I just need to do something or have someone to talk to. But alas! Can't get through so here I am typing away aimlessly. His birthday is coming up this Thursday though and he's FINALLY turning 20!

I'm in love with Matt and I think that he's like the greatest guy I've ever met but I must admit that him being 19 somewhat bothers me. All this while I've been thinking of myself as a liberal thinking girl and I try to take things with an open mind but somehow this matter bothers me. I'll be happier if he was 20 rather than 19.

I guess its because I've been brought up in a society where traditionally its preferable that guys should be older. Even in religion girls are asked to find a guy who are older than they are. Reason: girls mature faster than guys. In a way its true. But there are cases where this is the opposite like with Matt. Certain times he's proven himself to be way more mature than most guys his age. He looks more matured too. I have a friend who thought that he was already working. It's the 'MALAY' in me. Susah sikit nak terima:P

I dont think its the looks that bothers me but more towards where we are in life right now that bothers me. I'll be graduating in sem 3 and he'll still be in uni. To me somehow that just doesn't feel right. The thing is I've been trying to shake this feeling off but I can't and that bothers me even more. I guess in this relationship of mine that'll be the biggest obstcale that I have to face. Age.

Confusion is what I mostly feel at the moment. I'm confused why I'm feeling this way and what I should do about it. I know that people nowadays doesn't care about age anymore but why does it bother me? Even my family sems cool with it. I just can't understand it.

Despite all the apprehension, confusion and doubt I know that I love that guy and that no matter what I'm gonna try to make this relationship work. He means more to me that what mere numbers represent. I guess its that contradictory nature in me. Like I always say to people... I'm a head full of ironies and a body full of contradictions.

Monday, November 01, 2004

I wonder how on earth the photographer managed to take this picture... Posted by Hello

What's up with my blog skin?

I dunno why but I've been pretty unlucky so far with my blog skin. his is probably the zillionth time I've edited it just for the skin alone. Last time it happened everything just disappeared and I had to redo EVERYTHING gain from scratch. Technically I was also at fault for not saving the codes in the first place. Oh well... I definitely learnt from that experience.

Then... everything was fine for a while when suddenly, the main picture disappeared. The one that I was so proud of! But apparently I wasn't the only one suffering that problem so I decided to change the picture and take it from my fave site But alas, again trouble was in store for me as they had remove some pics due to technicalities. So I had to look for more pics again. SO this is the final results! Although I must say that I'm particularly happy with the outcome of this one. I just hope it doesn't disappear like the others.

Holidays are getting a tad boring now. Nothing much has been going on except for vegetating in front of the couch and stuffing my face. I NEED something to do! I mean other than baking Raya biscuits. Aaaargh I'm kinda sick of that too! Now my hands constatly smell of butter.

Anyways... happy Halloween to all who celebrates the day where ghosts are free to wander back on earth. Although Malaysia doesn't celebrate this event extensively at least Astro had some really cool programs on TV so at least Halloween was enjoyable. But now the problem of getting rid of my boredom. Aaaarrrggghhh!!! Help me!


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