Tuesday, August 30, 2005


Every year it's the same routine for me... either lounging around in my room with a couple of friends shouting 'MERDEKA' or lounging around in front of the TV with the family and shouting 'MERDEKA' as soon as it is the 31 of August. Although it sound so unspirited and unpatriotic, trust me the spirit of Merdeka is deep within me.

Thus I'd like to wish all Malaysians out there 'SELAMAT HARI KEBANGSAAN ke-48'!


Sunday, August 28, 2005

I'm back...

Convo is over and done with. It was exactly as I expected it... exciting, loads of people and a bit of a letdown (Yeah, I expected this). But it was fun meeting up old friends all dressed up, and seeing how they got along in the world. Some are already career folks and family men while there are some like me who's still not ready to embrace the working world just yet. For people like me, the working world is something that you do part time and to fill up time in between semesters where your mind doesn't go idle and you'll get paid so that you'll have pocket money. Far from the actual working for a living concept. Yeap, I'm a coward when it comes to facing reality.

So many things happened before convo itself that if I were superstitious I'd probably stayed at home and not go out at all that day. Firstly I found out that the shoes (sandals) mom bought were not allowed so I had to get another pair. Then I found out that my baju kurung was an unexceptable colour so I had to wear Ika's baju (which was a pity coz I loved the fabric and colour of my baju kurung) and lastly on the actual convo day itself the video camera didn't work. So there goes the recording of my convocation. So to make up for it we took plenty of pictures. Even that didn't come out half as much as I wanted it too. So now all I have ia few large pictures the photographer took (they're really bad since there were too many of us on stage and the picture of me had someone else's face in the background) and two small albums of personal pictures. Oh well... it was still a memorable day. Hopefully my Master's convo will be much better.

Besides that, my wounds are doing nicely too. They've closed up perfectly though they still hurt. I still can't make extreme movements like jumping vigorously or go on a roller coaster just yet but healing progress is great. The only setback of actually getting the lumps out of me is that nearly everybody said that my 'rack' is smaller now. Darn! And to think that people actually pay good money to get my natural sizes. Pity Matt. He wont be too happy. Haha! So now all I have to look forward too is my holiday. It's just a week away!!

Langkawi here I come!

Friday, August 12, 2005

Off you go bandages!!

My bandages are off and I finally saw how my operations wounds looks like. Quite gruesome to tell you the truth. I just hope that all the ikan haruan that I've been eating will work it's magic soon. The last time I had the operation the scar is barely visible and even the doctor was impressed. So this time I'm hoping for the same results.

I'm relieved though that the bandages are off. It means that I can finally move round now. I can drive and go out again. Though unfortunately due to the haze I'm not advised to go out at all. The nice doctor gave me 1/2 dozen masks coz I'll be going round to KL next week. That was sweet and it was FOC too. And I used to think that private doctors would suck your money dry for every little bit of healthcare that they give. I guess I was wrong. Though this whole operation and lumps thingy are wrapping up (the biopsy came out negative for cancer by the way, I AM SO RELIEVED!) I still hafta go to him for follow up checkups. Mum was really worried so doctor is gonna check again to ease her mind. Did I mention that this doctor is really sweet. Definitely someone you'd go to again.

Right now, I just need to concentrate on getting over the haze. I wish the haze would just disappear soon. I cant believe that there's still people out there burning things out in the open when the country has announced a state of emergency. How selfish can some people be. And since the situation is getting worse by the day, you just can't help but be angry at the Indonesian government for not anticipating the burnings and putting a stop to it before it actually affected people.

I pity those people who depends on good weather to make a living like food hawkers and peddlers. When people stay indoors nobody would want to buy their food. Maybe next time leaders would think about the consequences before pushing aside matters concerning the environment. It's not trivial for if we lose the earth we're living in now where else are we gonna live?

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Hazy days...

The haze is getting worse by the day. I cant believe that the 1997 haze pehenomenon has hit back with a vengeance. Kinda brings back a whole lot of memories for me.

It was days like these that Abah died a few years back. And eeriely he just got out of a major surgery too. Just like me, except that his was far more major and life threatening than mine. He was fine after the surgery, in fact the doctors were optimistic about his recovery. What they didnt expect was the haze. It got really bad and finally Abah's weakened lungs (after effects of chemotherapy) couldn't take it any longer. He passed away and we've been devoid of his presence ever since.

I really miss him. I always look at other families with envy whenever their dads spend some quality time with them. Sometimes I feel that I was robbed of that. But in a way it has led me to get a relationship with my mother that most people don't have. A mutual respect and understanding. Not the kind of relationship potrayed by the Gilmore Girls but an embracing independance where we need each other but in detached sort of way. We have room to move and make our own choices in life but at the same time we know there's always a limit and there's always someone we can lean on if we feel the need for support. It took me ages to achieve this with my mom but If Abah was still alive I probably wouldn't ever get this kind of bond with my mom.

So it's true when they say that clouds do have silver lining. And in this case the lining was in fact GOLD!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Recovery time... slow.

People would think and assume so many things but then realise later on that what they thought turns out to be horribly wrong. I'm going through the exact same dilemma right now.

First of all I thought that with the operation over and me getting out of hospital that would mean the end of my so-called suffering. But no... turns out that I got some bug and I've been going through my days with a fever that comes and goes. Fever I can handle it's the sore throat I hate. Now all I can eat is liquids or mushy foods. YUCK! But at least I'm at home now and not at the hospital still (Gee Yan, I wonder how you handled staying at the hospital for a whole month. I'd probably die of boredom. Salute you lah!) Thus my recovery time right now is slower than I'd like it to be coz there's so many things for me to do right now for convo. I need to go shopping! I need SHOES!!

The second thing that I was wrong about is this MAWI AF3 fever. I thought with the end of AF3 all this hyped-up nonsense will go away. Sadly I was wrong. Now people are even more desperate to see their idols that they scour every astro channels, radio shows, internet and newspapers just to get a glimpse of their "idol". Sadly my own family member is one of them. Though not up to the extent of voting every week but an avid follower of Mawi. I pity the poor guy. He has lost all hopes of privacy now. And Astro is not making things any better by showing to the world his home and all. There's even reports of break ins at his home by fanatic fans and reporters who wanted to get their hands on his stuff. I hope Mawi really knew what he was signing up for when he joined AF3. As for me I'm just sick and tired of watching all those reruns on TV.

Please people... get a life!!

Monday, August 08, 2005

Wife Swap

Have you guys watched this reality TV show 'Wife Swap'? Yeah I know from my previous blog I sound like one big anti-reality TV girl but actually I'm not. I'm actually a big fan only there's certain shows that I'd rather not watch and I'm sure you can guess what they are :P Anyways about Wife Swap, it's a show where 2 wives are to switch places and live the lives of their exact opposite for 2 whole weeks and see what they can learn from that experience. The first week the wives have to follow the rules of the original wife but the 2nd week the wives are to implement their own rule.

Last night I was watching an episode where a devout, traditional christian has to change place with a lesbian. Woohoo! Imagine that! So of course there were plenty of shouting and crying. What I love about this show is that it shows the true nature of human beings especially when they're put in a situation that they must handle all on their own. For this episode the Christian showed her true nature which was of prejudice and snobbishness which is kind of ironic really when at the start of the show she mentioned that she live life according to this principle 'Do unto others as you want others to do unto you'. If the way she treated the lesbians was the was she wanted people to treat her then she must love people judging her by the colour of her skin and her status in life.

Christianity is the closest religion to Islam and they share a lot of the same values and principles and its offensive when she treats people that way and say that she did it in the name of christianity and morality. I think all that time the money and status was speaking coz never once did she actually sit down and listened to pother people talking and hear what the other has to say. She even insinuate that the other gay wife would actually do something to her teenage daughter. Why is it people fear so much of those who are different from they are? In this case I find it funny to see that a black women actually fearing someone who was different from the norm when actually the African-American have been fighting to be seen as an equal to the caucasians. But now the race that have been prejudiced all this while is giving out the same prejudice to other people. Where is the justice in that?

Lesbianism is against most religion but it doesn't mean that we should treat these people badly. They're people too. I just hope that some days these ignorant people get enlightened and someday the fog that's been blinding them lifts up and show them the light.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

The end of AF3

AF3 is officially over as of last night. Cant say that I'm sad. I've never been a big fan. I only started watching when I first started my break. I think then there were only 7 students left. I am more relieved that it's ended. Finally my family can go out on Saturday nites without worrying who the next reject of AF3 is gonna be. To tell you the truth I'm getting kinda sick with all this hyped-up AF fever.

No offence to all AF fans out there though. The show is entertaining and all but all this uproar over a few guys is waaaaay too much. People are actually waging war over who should win when in reality the actual people who are in the show are like buddies. And to think that the TV station is actually encouraging this kind of behaviour by letting over-enthusiastic fans fight onscreen through chat channels. These fans waste so much money by chatting and voting but what do they get in return? An empty wallet and nothing else. Well... perhaps the satisfaction of getting their "idol" the much coveted 1st place. But after that what else? The idol just get richer and richer and the fans wont even get the acknowledgement they rightly deserve. To the idol they are only fans. Nothing more.

Though I must applaude the Mawi Fan Club for their fantastic coordination with their sms. Not only did they managed to outvote every other idol but they also landed him the Best vocal award and the Best performance award. Imagine how much money they spent to actually let Mawi walk away with RM26000 in cash and a whole lot more in assets. Luckily the guy is talented and can actually sing so in a way the title "Juara Akademi Fantasia" is deserving. But in reality who's the actual winner in this scenario? Not the fans... and definitely not the idol. In fact it's the TV station and Maxis. Just wonder how much they reap from this show every week. But then again those were the choices of the voters. Who am I to say whether what they did was foolish or not. Coz when questioned these fans can easily say "It's my money, so what do you care what I do with it".

Well... you're right. It's your money. Therefore it's your problem. If there's anybody out there who doesn't like what they're reading... tough. This is my opinion and I'm sticking with it. I didn't mean to raise anyones ire but then again you can't please everybody. For once I applaud Najib, our DPM, to actually acknowledge this problem out loud. Malaysians are slowly turning into copycats and everything deemed exciting and popular should be done in Malaysia too. I just wish that they pick the really worthy ones to copy like 'The Apprentice' or something. Why generate more and more one hit wonders that'll just come up with one hit song in their entire lifetime?

The glitzy world of fame and popularity shall forever haze the true vision that lay before our very own eyes...

Saturday, August 06, 2005

I'm back...

well... I'm back and WHEW! What an experience! Hospital life is exactly how everybody says it would be. Thank GOD that I didn't hafta stay there that long. Two nights is more than enough!

So I got admitted into hospital to remove one lump but turns out that there were 3 lumps altogether. Even the doctor was shocked. All those tests and ultrasounds and they were unaware that there were 3 huge lumps growing in my chest. I was really lucky. Not only was I walking around with 3 lumps but all of them were the size of my big toe. How did I miss that?

I would've posted a picture of the lumps but I dont want to gross people put so let's just say that in clear liquid (I think is steriled water) it looks like 3 wads of cotton balls except they're more dense and heavy. Kinda icky!

Right now I dont really know how the scar looks like cause the bandage can only come off on the 12th so I just hope to God that there isn't any noticeable scars. I pray too that this will be the last time I go under the knife. I hate the feeling of needles being stuck into me. I felt like a walking pin cushion. Though I could do with all the attention ane everyone tripping over themselves to do my bidding :P

But the experience was made more tolerable that there were friends out there who truly cared and even more suprising was the support from those I barely knew and those that I never knew at all. To all those people I would like to say thank you. What you guys said or wrote really meant a lot and I hope someday I can do the same in return

p.s. To author of Catharsis.blogsirit.com, your blog is kinda cool too. Same colour scheme! I already linked you. Would love to hear from ya again. Ciao!

Thursday, August 04, 2005


Tomorrow is a big day for me. The DAY! Yeap finally going into surgery. Mum doesn't get it why I let this thing grew so big inside me before I actually told anyone. Well... it's simple really. I was scared.

I was scared that it was more than it seems. I was scared to go through all those tests and most of all I was scared that nobody would be there while I'm suffering. Though all those things were scarier in my head than in real life but a fraction of it still came through.

Found out several people not caring about my predicament and rather go on with their lives than care. These were the people I trusted and cared about. I guess true hardships do seperate friends from fakes. But there are those who truly care and for that I'm glad. At least I'm not alone.

All I ask is to get out of this okay. Friends... please pray for me.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

A friend of mine sent this email to me and I thought that it was too interesting to let it lay round in my inbox and be forgotten. The author whoever the person is has terrific insights. It's a shame too that the person feels that he/she couldnt disclose their name to the world since the writing is really good. But then again that's Malaysians. Always afraid that the world will be offended by what they say. Speak up people! Tell the world how you feel! Too bad it's written in Malay. Maybe one day I'll get the energy and the will to actually translate it to English so that I can share it to the world. But till then... to all who can read and understand Malay, tell me what you think.

Source: http://virtualfriends.net
Directory: Lifestyle
Author: unknown
Posted By: ladyice (NuR, LyNn)
Posted On: Tue, 02 Aug 2005 08:13:14 AM

Program realiti TV3 terbaru iaitu Mencari Cinta yang memaparkan sembilan lelaki merebut untuk menawan hati seorang gadis semakin hangat diperkatakan di kalangan peminat rancangan Realiti Tv. Jadi dekat sini sebagai penonton program realiti ingin membuat sedikit komen atas rancangan tersebut yang sememangnya kita ketahui meniru akan program dari negara barat. Begitu juga dengan program realiti televisyen yang lain seperti Mentor, Akademi Fantasia, Audition yang sememangnya lebih kepada hiburan kosong semata-mata. Rakyat Malaysia hari ini lebih kepada membicarakan isu pitisan dan hiburan semata-mata tanpa lebih membicarakan isu yang lebih mendatangkan faedah kepada pembangunan akhlak.

Berbalik kepada Mencari Cinta awal-awal lagi saya mengatakan bahawa program ini sebenarnya tidak ada matlamat dalam sebuah rancangan. Jauh sekali mendatangkan kebaikan pada pihak penonton ataupun mereka yang terlibat.

Mencari cinta ini sebenarnya tidak tepat dengan tajuk utama iaitu istilah mencari cinta tapi lebih kepada mencari kecewa lelaki. Saya mengatakan di sini ialah lelaki-lelaki yang masuk rancangan tersebut lebih kepada mengejar sesuatu yang tak pasti dan seolah-olah pasrah kepada jodoh sehingga sanggup mempromosi diri dalam tv dan menjual maruah sebagai seorang lelaki. Berebut dan mengejar seorang wanita yang sememangnya kita tak ketahui apakah sebenarnya keistimewaan yang ada pada dia dan adakah beliau memenuhi ciri-ciri seorang wanita yang patut dijadikan isteri. Sedangkan dalam AL Quran itu sendiri telah menggariskan beberapa perkara yang sememangnya menjadi ikutan golongan lelaki dalam mencari jodoh.

Saya bersyukur sangat kepada peserta pertama dulu yang menarik diri awal-awal lagi. Sudah pasti dia tak mengalami rasa kecewa, putus asa, dimalukan serta menjatuhkan maruah seumur hidup. Tapi kepada lelaki yang memasukinya dan tersinggir sudah pasti merasai saat kekecewaan ini. Mereka berhempas pulas menandingi satu sama lain semata-mata memikat gadis yang dikenali dalam televisyen semata-mata. Gadis yang saya lebih katakan kepada pasrah dalam mencari jodoh sehingga masuk televisyen jual muka semata-mata mencari suami semata-mata umur juga telah lanjut. Jadi kepada lelaki saya nak tanya perempuan macam inikan yang kamu semua nak dijadikan bini.

Soalan ini saya rasa tak perlu saya tanya pada diri anda sendiri tetapi cuba tanya dahulu pada ibu bapa atau kaum keluarga anda. Memang apa yang kita nampak semuanya lebih memuji satu sama lain tapi hakikatnya kita tak tahu lagi situasi sebenar di belakang kamera. Lagi satu saya nak komen peserta tu dinilai sebagai anak yang baik tapi kenapa dalam ramai-ramai adik-beradik dia tu dia seorang je yang tak bertudung, berambut merah dan berkuku panjang. Layakkah dia membasuh beras menggunakan kuku untuk menyediakan nasi kepada seorang suami. Saya bukan nak menjatuhkan maruah sesiapa tapi kena fikirlah sewajarnya sebagai insan yang dikurniakan akal baik lelaki atau perempuan tersebut atau pihak penganjur program realiti ini.

Yang nyata keluarga dari pihak perempuan pula seolah-olah diistilahkan lebih sudu dari kuah tanpa mengetepikan atau tak sedar bahawa cinta yang sebenarnya adalah cinta yang berputik dari hati. Dua hati bersatu menjadi satu diikuti rasa kasih dan sayang yang mendalam. Cinta juga lahir dari hati dan bukan paksaan kaum keluarga. Keluarga sibuk bertanya macam-macam sehinggakan si peserta yang bernama Azhari tak sempat menghabiskan hidangan. Tapi kaum keluarga kita lihat bahawa pinggan mereka sebenarnya sudah licin. Begitu juga kaum keluarga telah membuat penilaian mereka dalam tempoh waktu yang singkat saja. Melebalkan orang tu macam ni orang! tu macam tu. Orang ni peramah, orang tu sopan dan macam-macam lagi. Sibuk juga membicarakan fasal keluarga, fasal pekerjaan dan sebagainya. Apa dia ingat anak dia tak ada masa depan ke kalau berkahwin dengan salah seorang dari mereka. Lepas tu siap buat cabutan macam nak beli nombor ekor lagi. Siapa tak berkenan dia akan singkir. Siapa yang memenuhi ciri dia akan ambil tanpa persetujuan sejati dari pihak wanita.

Jadi dengan sini jelas pihak lelaki sengaja diperbodohkan pihak perempuan atau pihak penganjur sendiri apatah lagi dengan tak disangka SMS penonton tetap menjadi trend kepada program yang berbentuk realiti. Saya nak tanya kepada penonton yang sms tu. Apa kaitan sms anda dengan soal jodoh mereka. Buat apa undi sedangkan tidak ada

faedah walau sedikit pun yang saya nampak. Jauh sekali mengenali mereka semua. Bila dah sms tu sudah tentu pihak penganjur kan yang dapat untung. Pihak penonton yang sms tu apa yang dia dapat. Kalau dapat mana-mana lelaki dalam sembilan orang tu kira baik le tapi sebaliknya.

Cuba kita lihat bagaimana perasaan lelaki yang dipuji, disukai, dilayan dengan baik oleh pihak perempuan dan kaum keluarga dengan sebaik-baiknya tetapi kesudahannya dipecat juga dengan pelbagai alasan tertentu yang tak masuk akal semata-mata nak mencari yang terbaik antara sembilan lelaki tersebut. Jadi saya nak tanya nak mencari yang terbaik di sini dimaksudkan ialah kalau kita nak mencari yang terbaik sudah pasti kita bertanyakan pada diri kita sendiri(perempuan tersebut) baik sangatkan diri anda yang sebenar. Kalau baik dan terbaik sampai sembilan lelaki berebut kenapa anda tidak berkahwin sampai mencecah umur 40.

Dunia hari ini kita sedia ketahui bahawa kaum wanita melebihi jumlah kaum lelaki. Jadi kalau sembilan wanita mencari satu lelaki itu dah kira boleh diterima le. Tapi dalam hal ini telah bertukar kepada sembilan lelaki mencari satu perempuan. Dan pada perempuan tersebut apakah anda telah habis cara dalam mencari jodoh. Dan adakah anda bahagia dengan puluhan mulut kaum keluarga memilih dalam mencari lelaki yang dianggap terbaik itu.

Cuba bayangkan betapa hancur hati seorang lelaki bila cinta ditolak oleh seorang wanita dan begitu juga sebaliknya. Hanya mereka yang mengalami semua ini akan merasai akibatnya. Sudah tentu lepas ini akan mewujudkan perasaan dendam, kecewa, sedih, menjatuhkan maruah kaum lelaki seolah diri ini tidak setanding digandingkan dengan wanita tersebut hatta mana-mana wanita sekali pun sehingga dibuang begitu saja tanpa adanya kebaikan tertentu. Yang nyata keburukan lebih bertandang. Jadi lelaki yang dibuang ini sudah pasti terus dibelenggu dengan perasaan rendah diri kerana cinta mereka telah ditolak secara terang-terangan dan disaksikan berjuta rakyat Malaysia. Sudah pastinya lelaki yang ditolak secara diketahui umum ini akan membuatkan wanita-wanita kat luar juga t! idak mendekati lelaki ini kerana lelaki ini pernah ditolok dan dikecewakan wanita tersebut. Dan sudah pasti memandang serong kenapa lelaki ini ditolok. Kalau dah ditolok sudah pasti akan menimbulkan perasaan negatif dan mengakui lelaki tersebut tidak mendapat tempat di hati wanita dan kaum keluarga . Jika ada pun wanita-wanita kat luar meminati lelaki ini juga sudah pasti atas dasar kepopularan lelaki tersebut masuk tv sebagaimana penonton memuja Mawi, Zahid, Jaqline Victor dan sebagainya atas dasar penilainya dalam sebuah program realiti tv yang lebih memaparkan realiti kebaikan dari realiti keburukan..

Dari minggu ke minggu satu persatu lelaki akan dikeluarkan begitu saja. Jadi dekat sini lapan hati lelaki akan kecewa. Bila dah kecewa sudah pasti mereka tidak mempercayai wanita lagi dan membuatkan dia semakin takut untuk mencari jodoh dan bercinta dengan mana-mana wanita. Ini membuatkan mereka rasa kecewa dan tak nak mencari cinta lagi jauh lagi untuk menamatkan zaman bujang dalam masa terdekat.

Kepada kaum lelaki saya nak tanya apakah tak ada cara lain lagi dalam mencari seorang wanita. Di mana sifat lelaki anda sehingga menyuruh orang lain mencarikan jodoh untuk anda. Apakah perasaan anda dan kaum keluarga anda bila anda ditolak oleh seorang wanita yang sememang kita kenal bukan sepopular Siti Nurhaliza, secantik Aiswarya Rai jauh lagi bertutup aurat seiras Wahida. Jauh sekali wanita itu dari kalangan keraba diraja atau golongan hartawan. Begitu juga jauh sekali kita nak bezakan semulia dengan insan yang bernama Siti Khadijah atau Rabiatul Adawiyah .

Apakah yang membuatkan anda semua masuk program ini semata untuk mencari glamor, atau mempromosi kaum keluarga, mempromosi tempat kerja dan majikan. Atau sememangnya menjual maruah anda sendiri atau melahirkan kekesalan diri anda lagi tewas dengan seorang wanita. Apa moralnya gadis itu terpilih. Dan yang nyata apakah anda yang hensem, yang memiliki pekerja tetap dan hebat ini tidak mempunyai kekasih hati. Apakah pula wanita yang dianggap sopan, baik pada keluarga itu tidak mendapat jodoh. Itulah hakikat sebenarnya yang perlu penonton tahu.

Kesimpulannya pihak penganjur mengatakan tidak semestinya diakhiri dengan perkahwinan. Jadi kalau tak diakhiri dengan perkahwinan nak diakhiri dengan apa lagi. Nak diakhiri dengan kecewa kaum lelaki atau perasaan megah seorang wanita kerana ramai lelaki meminatinya. Jadi kalau tak diakhiri dengan perkahwinan sudah pasti program ini sebenarnya telah lari dari tajuk asal. Jika program ini menyediakan 10 lelaki dan 10 perempuan dan mereka mencari jodoh masing-masing rasanya itu dianggap lebih manis dan berkesan dalam mencari jodoh bukan semata mencari kecewa lelaki.

Yang pasti di saat tv3 memaparkan program realiti tv Bersamamu yang membuatkan orang ramai menangis kesedihan kerana mengenangkan kemiskinan kita pula disogokkan dengan perasaan kecewa dalam mencari cinta. Waktu siaran pula adalah selama satu jam tapi program Bersamamu itu yang merupakan rancangan terbaik, memberi manfaat, berkesan pula dalam tempoh tak sampai setengah jam. Jangan terlalu leka dengan program realiti tv sehingga apa yang dipaparkan tak memberi faedah langsung kepada semua penonton.

Banyak lagi rasanya rancangan yang perlu diketengahkan dalam mencari rating tertinggi seperti memaparkan atau mendedahkan isu kelakuan aib remaja berpasangan atau tak senonoh di tempat terbuka, rancangan keinsafan atas kesalahan besar dilakukan dalam hidup seseorang seperti membuat temu ramah rancangan yang memaparkan tentang keinsafan, taubat atau rancangan luahan orang cacat, yatim piatu atau yang memaparkan isu hari-hari terakhir seorang pesakit AIDS, seorang yang akan dijatuhkan hukuman gantung atau rancangan yang memaparkan isu kenapa seseorang ibu bapa yang tua ditinggalkan di ! rumah Seri Kenangan. Rancangan lebih kepada berbentuk pengorbanan dan kasih sayang yang sebenar.

Saya yakin rancangan yang saya maksudkan ini akan mendapat rating dan disukai ramai kerana ia adalah sebuah rancangan realiti yang sebenar-benarnya daripada program realiti lain yang lebih kepada hiburan kosong semata-mata dan hanya sebuah lakonan dalam pentas teater. Yang pasti rancangan yang dipaparkan lebih kepada perasaan memupuk kasih sayang dan keinsafan daripada kita menangisi tentang cinta tidak kesampaian atau menangisi tentang penyingkiran seseorang yang baru belajar nak menyanyi dan mencari sebuah haluan hidup yang tak pasti.

Note from Lishaznia:
I've always thought that dating reality shows are crap. They make the girls all look slutty and cheap. Not to mention highly desperate. While the guys all look pathetic coz they cant pull in girls and both genders just cant help but look shallow. Why would respectable men and women would actually want to join shows like that. Does money and fame worth sacrificing yur dignity?

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Wasted job opportunity...

Have you ever felt that fate is sometimes toying with you? That's exactly how I'm feeling right now. All this time when I had tons of free time on my hands no job offers at all... but NOW, TGV just called me up and asked me to go for an interview. WHY? WHY? WHY?

So of course I had to decline. Not with the operation this Friday as well as PTS and Convo. I cant possibly start working now. Not to mention the Langkawi trip. But why TGV? One of the two places that I really wanted. If it was like Jusco or something I probably feel so bad bout turning down the job. GOD!! This sucks! I just hope that TGV is still hiring in September.

Now just 2 more days to go to the big operation. Anxiety is really doing a good job in scaring me. Wish me luck people!

Monday, August 01, 2005

The Countdown BEGINS!

So it's finally settled. I have 4 more days to go till operation day. Cant say that I'm dreading it since it'll be the end of my endless boredom at home. Mum wasn't not happy that I put off the operation this long and it didnt help that the doctor commented on the very same thing as soon as I stepped into his office (damn doctor!). Yet I cant say that I looking forward to this surgery either. I mean who would look forward to having their body cut open and have people digging into their bodies. EEEWWW!!

But I guess in my condition I shouldn't have waited. What I have is a giant fybroid (I think) which is a benign tumor that grows inside my body. At first it may be benign but if left long enough it may develop into cancerous tissues. Since I had numerous histories of cancer from Dad's side of the family I guess the possibility that it will turn cancerous is higher than most people with a similar condition.

I realise the seriousness of the whole situation but I've never been a big fan of medicines and hospitals. And don't even get me started on needles and blood. I'm a firm believer in making sure that your antibodies should try to handle minor diseases and illnesses like the flu or headaches on their own without the aid of drugs. So nobody will ever see me popping panadols or uphamols or whatnots whenever I get the flu or headaches. How can the body be strong if drugs are the ones doing the work.

Yeah... I know this is not like some ordinary illness. But still... it'll mean injecting stuff into my system as well as taking stuff out from me. I already had an unfortunate incident with a nurse who didn't know how to take blood from a fine-veined person like me. As a result I became a living pin cushion. You should see the bruises on me. Imagine going through all that pain for a few mililitres of blood. Totally not worth it. Hence my reason for not donating blood. Not selfish (well... maybe a bit) but because there's a big possibility that the nurses will spend more time trying to find my veins than actually getting the blood out of me. It happened before when I was 14 and I know it will happen again. Possibly this coming Friday.

Mum is already going into denial mode by trying not to talk about the whole thing. I find that disturbing. The more she tries to ignore it the more I tend to think about the whole thing. But one thing is for sure... we both want this ordeal to be over as soon as possible. And I want to heal as soon as possible so that I can go off to KL and have something to do for a change other than cook and watch TV. I think I've watched enough TV to last me a whole last time. If only mum subscribed to the movie channel. Life would then be less meaningless...

I envy Matt. Right now he's out with friends having fun. He rubbed it in my face earlier. Sure it was just a joke but somehow I'm kinda resentful coz I'm stuck here doing nothing while he's there having fun. It's true what they say that misery does love company. No wonder there's housewives all over the world just wake up one day and decide that life is not worth living anymore and end it. I just hope that I wont turn out that way.

One good thing that has come out if this is that I look forward to things even more. I look forward to PTS and making up the cast for HUNGRY no matter how bad the play is. I can't wait for my convo and I definitely cant waitr for the trip to Langkawi. PLEASE GOD let it not be cancelled. It's the only thing that's keeping me going at the moment.

Wow... hope is a powerful motivation tool. Never realised that it works in mundane ordinary things before.


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