Perpisahan - Anuar Zain

ku mengerti perpisahan ini
bukan kerana kau membenci
tapi kasih yang pernah ku beri
tiada lagi bersama

sering aku terlihatkan mu
impian nan indah julang bahagia

ku harungi hari demi hari
bersama wajah tak mungkin akan
kembali
tapi hati masih tak terima
ditinggalkan sengsara

keraguan ini bukanlah padamu
perasaan hati masih rindu
kekalutan ini hanyalah untukku
tercari-cari bayanganmu

tak sanggup aku kehilangan
kehilanganmu

masih tercari-cari
keraguan ini bukanlah padamu
masih tercari-cari bayanganmu
tak sanggup aku kehilanganmu


Gosh... this song speaks to me. It is an undoubtedly a beautiful song and as much as I hate to say this but Anuar Zain really sang this song well (yeah... not an Anuar Zain fan). But what really got to me was the lyrics. Whoever wrote this song... KUDOS!!

The hardest thing in life is not the part where you have to break up with someone but the part where you have to let go. Letting go of something that you once had and cherished more than anything else in the world. In time, yes, you learn to accept the fact that you lost someone but during that time only you and god knows the agony and pain of trying to deal with that lost. And this is what this song all about.

And during that time you also deal with the agony of seeing the other person, the person you loved, being happy with someone else. Because it is at this moment that you realise that you failed to make that person happy. Along with the pain of lost you now deal with the bitter sting of failure.

Why must time heal everything? No matter how optimistic you are in life the pain won't go away just like that. It'll linger until you feel like you just wanna die from it. Time... your saviour yet still your enemy.

I just wanna the pain to go away...

Sanity check

Classes starting again in a few day... whoopee!

Erqk! WRONG! I don't want to go back to uni! *whining*.

I haven't fully enjoyed my time off yet and now I have to go back to the hellhole and start bullying my brains to churn out academically based stuff. Aaarggghhh!! Why? Why? Why? I swear to GOD that after I finish off my thesis I'm gonna take a LOOOONG break and nothing and noone can stop me. How can certain people stand studying ALL the time? Don't they at least get a little depressed?

Depression... the main reason why I was silent for so long. I'm a little okay now but would a couple more semesters be the downfall of me. Me actually getting A FULL BLOWN DEPRESSION? It's a truly scary thought. Depression at the (not so) tender age of 23. *shudder*

Seriously I just can't wait to finish off my Masters. PhD can just wait. I value my sanity even more.

What's up with Asian chicks?

I've just watched episode 9 of America's Next Top Model 7. There's another Asian chick but this time she's Indian. So yeah for sure I was rooting for a fellow Asian though I didn't really see what Tyra meant that she was SOO beautiful that it was scary and that she was too beautiful at times. Maybe I'm used to seeing pretty Indian girls back here in Malaysia that she's just borderline average to me. I seriously thought that the last Asian girl, Gina, was like any other chinese ah moi if she were to come to Ipoh. It's kinda weird seeing the judges raving on and on about her cheekbones and stuff when I see far prettier chinese girls at the wet market. But then again, Westerners have always been into the "Orient". It's a fascination towards the so-called "other", you know all that bullshit that anything that doesn't look and think like them is therefore weird. But I'm not gonna go into all that shit right now. I'll probably end up writing my thesis here.

What I wanna write about is the fact that these Asian girls, considered BEAUTIFUL by their white & black contemporaries just don't think of themselves as beautiful. Gina, the Korean, was chucked out after 3 episodes because she was so insecure about herself. And this Anchal girl was kicked out after the 7th episode for the exact same reason. I kinda knew she was gonna get chucked out sooner or later. Luckily it was a lot later than the Korean girl. I just don't get why she didn't think herself pretty. She considered herself fat and ugly. Yeah she was curvier than the other girls but HELLO! Asian women have always been curvy. And she wasn't fat at all.

I think those two girls are so brainwashed by the stereotype beauty of the West that they just don't realise their own uniqueness. I was so embarassed for the two girls that I was actually cringeing whenever I watched them humiliate themselves. But most of all I was disappointed that they gave up halfway. They claimed that they wanna model more than anything but they gave up when the going got tough. I mean what the hell?!! You don't give up. If you give up when you got that far might as well not enter at all. Sheesh!

I have a friend who's beautiful, confident and has a great personality to boot but she was rejected for a local reality show, Malaysia's Most Beautiful, just because she didn't conform to the stereotype beauty that Malaysian media wants. When somebody even halfway decent comes along they get rejected straight away. What's with that? I hate that girl who won Malaysia's Most beautiful. I think she's a bitch.

I just hope that one day there will be a contestant that would actually does Asian folks proud. I dont think I can go through another cringeworthy episode of an Asian chick making an ass of herself either on local TV or an International one.

Skin Issues

Was watching the 2006 American Music Awards (AMA) last night and there is one thing I've got to comment.... they SUCK singing live. I've always been a fan of the song 'Buttons' but that night's performance was bleargh to say the least. Even their dancing didn't save them, one of them actually fell off a chair while dancing. I guess the only thing they could do was just be as sexually provocative as possible, though in my opinion with the awful singing going on it was probably impossible to achieve.

Still what got my attention the most (other than that awful singing) was the backup dancers. Have you ever noticed that when white singers perform their dancers are sexy but understatedly so but when black singers perform their dancers actually toe the line of being naked. I'm not generalising here, I mean there's plenty of black singers who are ok and there's white singers who actually cover what's 'necessary' too, but then if you watch MTV you'll know what I mean. I was watching Gwen Stefani perform and her dancers were decked out in babydoll dresses but when Jay-Z performed his dancers were in micro-bikinis.

I know plenty of parents that blocks MTV and Channel V so that their kids don't watch them. And I don't blame them really. Even at my age, I avoid watching those channels when my mom is around. Damn embarassing! Some of the performers might as well put out porn videos and call them their music videos. But then again... Sex sells nowadays. I mean just look at Nelly Furtado and Jewel, they sexed up their image just so that she can sell albums.

It's funny though these people would bite your head off if call them names (sluts, hoe, etc) but then they still insist to portray that image. Irony at it's best. It's their individual rights I guess...

Quoting Aristottle...

Anyone can become angry - that is easy.
but to be angry with the right person,
to the right degree,
at the right time
for the right purpose
and in the right way - that is not easy.
-aristotle-

I got this off from a friend. The words really struck me. Especially with the things that's going through my head right now. There's a lot of anger there and also ideas of getting even. Lots of stupid and ridiculous ideas of pushing people off a cliff or electrocuting somebody. Pretty bizarre ideas but mostly stuff that would inflict the most pain. You know, just so that people can feel the pain that I felt. But like I said... mostly delusional stuff that you have in your head. Things that you wish would happen but knows aint never gonna happen.

It sucks when things don't go your way. Especially if it goes the total opposite of how you really want to be. You try to accept it but seriously... as a human, how can you deal with something that hurts you and make you feel like crap at the same time? How can you bleed inside and pretend that it doesn't hurt? How can you not be angry and want to lash out at the person who did it to you?

But as Aristottle has said, to be angry at the right time, the right purpose and the right way is never an easy thing to do. Humans are at the very basic, an animal. Animals never have a logical approach to thing, all they do is lash out. And that's what you wanna do at first. You never think of doing something the right way. All you want to see is the exact same pain in the eyes of those who hurt you. Because at that moment that is what you feel is right. So why does something that feels so right can be so wrong?

It's wrong cause it wont solve anything. It'll just make it worse. All you get is satisfaction but oh, how the satisfaction satisfies...

Somehow it's just not worth it. A fleeting moment of satisfaction but countless hours of pain and agony. It just doesn't compare. As time passes by, you know that the only way to heal is to let time do its work. Again this sucks, humans dont really have the capability to sit still and do nothing. We were born to persevere and to never give up. When God gave us minds and intelligence, it was the greatest test that he had given on mankind. The test of using the mind wisely. As Aristottle would say... "in the right way." And in the case of anger, patience is the key. Hard to swallow but yet you have to do it.

It sucks... I know.

Single again...

I guess it's back to being single again for me, I mean what's the point of thinking that things might work out coz by the way things are looking... there isn't a hope in hell that the relationship might get better. All I am is hanging on to false hopes. Dreams that may never ever come true. *sigh*

Am I sad? Who isn't? Am I angry? A little bit (though bot as much as I used to be). But What I am feeling most of all is heartbreak and rejected. A real shitty feeling. It's like borderline sad, anger, disappointment and numbness. I hate this feeling. Makes you feel weak and vulnerable- two situations that I do NOT want to be in.

Am also feeling loneliness. After 2 years of having a constant companion, a person you thought was your other half, your soulmate, now you're all alone. I have to make a transition to being on my own, alone, single. Not an easy thing to do. Not after you've been out of the loop for so long. It's like being lost in a jungle. You ventured in far too deep and now you don't know how to get back.

It sucks being the only loner in a group of twosomes. It cant hit you any harder than your best friend wanting to keep you company but having her boyfriend hanging on her arm or a husband chauferring you to where you're headed. Sure I appreciate the effort of them including me in the couple-y activities but hey... nobody loves being the 3rd wheel.

Post-breakup mode sucks big time. And you know that time will heal all but sometimes you wish that time would hurry up. The pain, the loneliness can be unbearable at times. Unbearable up to the point you feel like giving up, which is what I'm close to doing right now.

I just wish that I could find that glimmer of hope to get me on my feet again. But again... only time will tell.

To my dear Stranger

Goodbye My Lover

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(x2)

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(x2)

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(x2)

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.(x2)

Hotlink Rawks!!

I know this may seem like a stupid thing to blog about but hey... whatever. This is MY blog and I'll talk about whatever hell I want.

I just got an additional RM90 from Hotlink just because I topped up RM30 a few days back. Woohoo! RM120 worth of airtime. What the hell I'm gonna do with all that credit *so much possibilities*. I've always been using my hotlink for text messaging alone. I mean who wouldn't want to text message when it just cost you 1 sen per sms. With RM10 you already get 1000 sms now with RM120... yowza!

Now this is what I call customer appreciation. Two thumbs up for Hotlink!! My fingers are gonna hurt after this with all that text messaging I'm gonna do huhu~

In pain...

I was overcomed with powerful feelings a while ago. And it was a feeling that I should not indulge in right now. Not when I'm trying to make myself strong. When things are fragile and may or may not depend on how I handle myself right now.

Overcoming strong urges is harder than it sounds. Especially for a impulsive, tempestuous person like me. It'll sap all your strength.

And I'm losing in that battle...

Lately I've been reckless. Been feeling like I dont give a shit. Like life has no meaning anymore. The things I do is useless and that I'm wasting my time.

I just feel like dropping it all...

I don't care anymore...

*sigh* I don't have the luxury...

It's amazing the strength that some people have. Not physically but mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I am weak in all these aspects. Don't really know how to be stronger. "All is well with the world!" I tell others, but inside I'm a mess. I'm breaking apart. It's a wonder that I'm still in one piece.

Why do we put so much effort into things that you're not sure it will last? When you're not guaranteed of happinness and security? Why do we put so much effort in life? It baffles me really when all that life has to offer is pain.

Pain...

A constant fixture in our journey towards the end. It's no suprise that people decide to take matters in their own hands. Why endure it? The constant pain. Maybe it is a good idea to just end it all.

Stop all that pain...

OMG I LOVE teaching!!

OMG... I never realised that I love to teach! What a revelation!

I love the exhiliration. I love the look of intense concentration of people looking at you and hanging on to your every word. You feel so IMPORTANT!!

Now I know for sure... I want to teach. There's nothing else that I'd rather do. jeez I sound so idealistic and so OLD.

I was freaking out when Dr. Nora told me I had to take over the class. Teach my friend? Oh no!! I was afraid they'd be real critical and judgemental if i did or say something wrong. But then again that's paranoia talking. It actually helps having friendly faces in the class. Especially close friend coz u know they'll love you no matter what (thanks Sarah!)

So all in all it was fun and I wouldn't mind doing it again. And the pay is not too shabby either. Hehe! Definitely worth my time. Hope that I didn't screw up Dr. Nora's instructions too much though. Then there'll be bitch to pay. Haha!

Onwards to become Cikgu Liana!!

p.s. To all error and contrastive class that I taught today, tak payah la panggil Miss or Maam or anything of the sort. Geli la...

Help Stop the bloodshed

Dear friends,

Right now a tragedy is unfolding in the Middle East. Hundreds of civilians have died in the bombings in Lebanon, Israel and Palestine and the death toll is rising every day.

UN Secretary General Kofi Annan has called for an immediate ceasefire and UK Prime Minister Tony Blair has joined Annan in calling for the deployment of international troops to the Israel-Lebanon border. This is the best proposal yet to stop the violence, but for it to succeed other global leaders need to get behind it immediately.

I have just signed a petition urging regional and global leaders to speak out and support Kofi Annan's proposal. If people around the world can persuade their governments to unite in demanding a ceasefire, all sides in this conflict will be pressured to stand down. Can you sign the petition too?

Ceasefire campaign

The petition will be sent to key regional and global leaders and publicized in major newspapers in the Middle East, US and Europe. With enough signatures we can help pressure our leaders to stop the violence.

Thanks!

Sarah's Bachelorette Party

The tiara that we got her looked something like this. But less shiny and expensive ;P

Yeap... me being the bride-to-be best pal I had the responsibility of throwing a bachelorette/ hen party for Sarah. Not that I mind. I love to organise and manage stuff despite the occasional setbacks thrown at me.

So the party was on Friday, 4th August held in "The Zon in the Park" (yeah... yeah, Datuk K's hotel), an all-nighter and only bee-you-tee-full babes were invited. Guys just complicate matter. Don't get me started on a certain hypocritical boufriend who acted like this sporting boyfriend who's cool about stuff and suddenly decides to give the girlfriend a hard time when she's already at the party. Sheesh! *cooling down* Some couldn't make it but that's ok coz the party was a blast and it would've been better if the others came. The apartment was great and thank god for Sheena's Auntie Nun, we had it for a really reasonable price. I'm definitely planning to go there again someday.

My main concern was the food. Was it too little? Will they get hungry? Is it good? Do I need to order more? Where will I get money to order more? My worries were baseless. Apparently the food was BERLAMBAK-LAMBAK and we couldn't even finish it the next morning. Such a shame that all the food had to be thrown out. As much as some of us loves food we just couldn't stuff our face any further.

My next concern was will Sarah have a good time? Not that I worry much since Sheena, my lovely co-host was a great entertainment hostess. You wouldn't believe all the naughty and kinky games that was played that night. Suffice to say that plenty of stripping and porno stuff went on and it was all done for the reason of educating the bride to be. Let's just hope Tarmizi will appreciate the lessons ;P Why all the stripping? Well... since we couldn't afford a real live stripper we just decided to go ahead and do it ourselves. Haha! So my mission was accomplished. Sarah had a blast (Sheena and I have a thank-you rose each. Yey!). She relaxed (which was a big deal since the wedding details are getting more and more stressful) and she had loads of fun with her friends. In a way it was kinda like a reunion so that added to the fun too. I hope she puts that tiara we got her for full use. We used the tiara to show who the main focus of the party was. Certain people can forget sometimes, if you know what I mean.

So all in all the party was a HUGE success for me. I could have done without the sudden petty politics that came in before-hand and the sudden tearful confessions session that happened in the middle of the night (girls... we're known for our affinity with feelings and tears). For me it was kinda a limelight stealer incident. Not that I didn't feel for those who confessed but yeah... I could have gone without it. It had its benefits, at least people know what they feel about each other now, revelations were made and things patched up so it's not really a big deal.

Any regrets? Not really. Just that a good bash like this shouldn't wait till another girl decides to get married. Too bad that none of us are filthy rich or at least have a filthy rich boyfriend who could sponsor the whole thing. It's not fun when everyone have to fork out some cash for a party. Haha!

Any pic? LOADS. But I think I should protect the eyes of every male who might read this blog and not risk their eyes popping out of their sockets ;P

Chivalry dead?

Chivalry is dead. Gone are the days when men were gentlemanly and strong. Gone were the days of heroics and valour. Now we just see selfishness and greed.

What happened to the men? Have they become so weak that to give up a seat for a needy person is unbearable for them? A few minutes of standing would kill them? Where have all the men with respect and politeness gone to? What happened to the men who would open doors for you, and carry your stuff and politely giving way if a woman crosses his path? It's like unless they're paid to do so, then people can just forget about being treated that way.

Remember the ad of the man in the lrt that refuses to stand up and give his seat to needier people who didn't manage to get a seat? Notice that the selfish one was a guy and the needy people were all women? Is it coincidental or a just a potrayal of what our men has evolved into?Nowadays I see women who would stand up to give a senior citizen a seat on the lrt. A teenage girl would stand up and give a pregnant lady a seat and I also see a men pointedly ignoring a lady with a child desperately trying to keep balance on the moving train while at the same time ensuring that her child is safe. What is happening to the men nowadays?

I'm a feminist but I don't go round saying that woman are better than men. I believe in equity and I believe that god has created men and women in the world with unique responsibilities befitting their gender. Nor do I go round saying that women should be treated like a fragile being which would shatter at just the meerest jolt. What I'm trying to say here is that women nowadays understand that they too need to be strong. We can stand in the lrt if need be and we dont need a man to offer his seat to us just because we're a woman but my focus is about respect and selflessness. The act of chivalry goes a long way with people and leaves a far lasting impression than anything else. Up to this very day I still remember the guy who gave up his seat for me just because I decided to give up my seat to a blind man. Although I would never meet him again he has my lifelong respect.

Chivalry is dead. Or at the very least dying. I apologise to those who have this admirable trait in them but I feel that once these men are gone from this world their trait would die with them.

Although, just this one time I want to be proven wrong.

New York ,USA 80%
Zurich, Switzerland 77%
Toronto, Canada 70%
Berlin , Germany 68%
São Paulo , Brazil 68%
Zagreb , Croatia 68%
Auckland, New Zealand 67%
Warsaw , Poland 67%
Mexico City ,Mexico 65%
Stockholm ,Sweden 63%
Budapest , Hungary 60%
Madrid , Spain 60%
Prague , Czech Republic 60%
Vienna , Austria 60%
Buenos Aires , Argentina 57%
Johannesburg, South Africa 57%
Lisbon, Portugal 57%
London, United Kingdom 57%
Paris , France 57%
Amsterdam , Netherlands 52%
Helsinki ,Finland 48%
Manila , Philippines 48%
Milan , Italy 47%
Sydney ,Australia 47%
Bangkok , Thailand 45%
Hong Kong , 45%
Ljubljana ,Slovenia 45%
Jakarta , Indonesia 43%
Taipei , Taiwan 43%
Moscow , Russia 42%
Singapore 42%
Seoul , South Korea 40%
Kuala Lumpur , Malaysia 37%
Bucharest ,Romania 35%
Mumbai , India 32%

For those who ar wondering what the heck that list is, it's the ranking for the most polite countries in the world and YES!! MALAYSIA IS THE THIRD RUDEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!!

Yes people... time to deal with it. It's so true! If foreigners and tourist can say that Malaysians are rude to them, what say us the citizens of Malaysia. We're treated like crap!! I have been in numerous situations where my own race treats me like I'm shit based on my dressing. Come on... sure 1st impression counts but if you want business treat people with respect! A friend of mine was advised to leave a Levi's outlet just because he wasn't wearing shoes. He was wearing one of those stylish flip flops but apparently the salesperson wasn't impressed. Well... he must have regretted what he said when the guy bought two pairs of jeans and told the manager about his manners.

Malaysians don't teach manners to their kids anymore. We see parents bringing little kids to important functions and letting them run wild and disturbing whatever is going on. Cinema, weddings, restaurants... you name it there's always kids that are let loose while their parents ignore the fact that they're causing a racket.

Irony is that our government is promoting this "Budi Bahasa Budaya Kita" (courtesy is our culture) shit while the rudest of the lot are government officials. The last time I dealt with government officials was when I had to certify my grandma's death certificate. I went there and there was nobody at the counter. So I sat down and calmly waited. Soon a lady officer came and what do you know the person who came after me rushed to the counter and immediately got served. Me being the polit girl that I am waited because in my mind I'm thinking he's an old man who doesn't know about manners. After that it was my turn. All was fine when suddenly this man out of nowhere came right next to me and started asking about his problems and that lady (I'm guessing he was a friend of hers coc they were all smiley) immediately went on to take care of his affair. And I was aaarrrggghhh!! Hello! I'm right here in front of your counter!!

There's been many cases of that in hospitals, in post offices and in any administrative offices. So tell me where the hell is this "Budi Bahasa Budaya Kita" that we're so proud of. Government clerks can just stop in between duties and chat while we're there waiting for them to settle whatever it is we need settling. If we even open our mouths to tell them to get a move on they'll probably sabotage us. My mum was scolded at once during a tax review recently. What's the purpose of putting enquiry officers at a enquiry desk if you dont want people to ask you questions. How dumb can that be?

I know that most government servants are Malays and it may seem like I'm dissing my own race but hell no! I'm dissing all Malaysians. Chinese have a habit of spitting everywhere and I have come within an inch of getting hit with a spitball. Indians tend to be impatient and sometimes look down on people they think aren't educated. I've seen the astonished looks people gave me when I speak fluent English after I tried communicating in Malay. What's wrong with conversing in my mother tongue?

A lot of difference can be made with just a smile and a simple Thank You but no... it's simply too much of a hassle to say 2 simple words and stretch you mouth muscles.

This issue bout 'MAWI'

Today is the American Independance Day and looks like Mawi gained independance too. From his Fiance. This "Mawi Craze" is never gonna die down is it. Granted that he'll probably be one of the nation's top artists but you would think that after a while his "WORLD" aura would simmer down just a little but NO... he rises like a phoenix from the ashes.

*sigh* Kinda getting sick of all this Hoo-Haa bout this kampung-boy gone big. Seriously, he's not even that cute. Just blessed with a whole lot of charisma I guess. But unlike the time when he first made his appearance, this time there's mixed reactions. Anger, suprise, sympathy, disgust. Kinda makes this whole "putus-tunang" debacle fun to watch. On one side there his ardent followers supporting his every move and claiming that 'It wasn't Mawi's fault! Diana blabbed to the world bout the engagement' while on the other side is these people saying that 'Mawi lupa daratan! (ungrateful)'. Hehe! Dilemma isn't it? I wonder how Mawi gonna get through this. You could check out Astro's channel 15&16 and there's this bunch of people who has no better things to do with their time and money cussing at each other about the Mawi and Diana issue. And all this while Mawi is oblivious to what's going on coz he's too busy making money from these people.

Kinda reminds me bout the whole Sharifah Aini incident. The issue of her hate campaign against Siti and her mock attack incident. Artists will do just about anything to keep their names in the papers. It's just so embarassing at times. However are you gonna show your face in public again? I mean the next time she shows up for a show people will just whisper behind her back about how she tried to bring Siti down. Sharifah Aini can never again be seen at any function where Siti is present.

One thing I noticed with the gossip columns in Malaysian magazines or papers is that fans here are really, really nosy and MEAN. And the artists themselves are crude, extremely superficial and somewhat stupid. Somehow I dont get that impression when I read anything about Hollywood stars. Sure they have stupid incidents too but somehow they show more class. Or maybe the reporters have more class. Hmm...

Back to the Mawi issue... I'm waiting for the moment that it'll all die down again coz my mum is going on and on and on bout him and I'm getting sick (Yes, she's Mawi's die hard fan.) I guess the only time when people will lose interest is after he gets married but before that happens his marriage will probably be the wedding of the century. If that happens and he gets divorced like Erra and Yusry, man... that's another embarassment he has to live down. Artists... when will they learn?

ABC's of Life

A--Accept
Accept others for who they are and for the choices they've made even
if you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or
actions.

B--Break Away
Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope
to accomplish with your life.

C--Create
Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams,
sorrows, and happiness with.

D--Decide
Decide that you'll be successful and happy come what may, and good
things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along
the way.

E--Explore
Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have
much to give. And every time you try something new, you'll learn
more about yourself.

F--Forgive
Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire
unhappiness and grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone
makes mistakes.

G--Grow
Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or
stand in your way.

H--Hope
Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long
as you remain dedicated to the task.

I--Ignore
Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your
goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a
small inkling of what the future holds.

J--Journey
Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded.
Try to learn something new every day, and you'll grow.

K--Know
Know that no matter how bad things seem, they'll always get better.
The warmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.

L--Love
Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your
heart, there's room for nothing else, but when love is in your
heart, there's room for endless happiness.

M--Manage
Manage your time and your expenses wisely, and you'll suffer less
stress and worry. Then you'll be able to focus on the important
things in life.

N--Notice
Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak, or suffering. Offer
your assistance when possible, and always your kindness and
understanding.

O--Open
Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during
the worst of times, there's still much to be thankful for.

P--Play
Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing
without happiness.

Q--Question
Ask many questions, because you're here to learn.

R--Relax
Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that
things always have a way of working out in the end.

S--Share
Share your talent, skills, knowledge, and time with others.
Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times
over.

T--Try
Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You'll
be amazed by what you can accomplish.

U--Use
Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that's wasted has no
value. Talent that's used will bring unexpected rewards.

V--Value
Value the friends and family members who've supported and encouraged
you, and be there for them as well.

W--Work
Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel
guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a
second chance.

X--X-Ray
Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you'll see the
goodness and beauty within.

Y--Yield
Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated,
you'll find success at the end of the road.

Z--Zoom
Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly
head. Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your
abilities, your dreams, and a brighter tomorrow.

Animals

Just Watched



Yeah I'm currently in my Disney aka feel-good movie moment right now. Sides not many good movies going on at the moment. 'Superman' is still aint out (it's taking ages. Hurry up already!) and 'Pirates of the Carribean' aint comint out til July so what the heck, feel-good movies it is.

Talking bout Disney movies, I just watched Bambi on Astro. To tell you the truth I've never sat through Bambi til the end. Didn't manage to stay put in front of the TV this time too. Luckily I didnt coz I know what's gonna happen next. No I'm not talking bout the part where Bambi's mother dies but I'm talking about the part where I'll blubber like a leaking pot if I watch any thing that shows animals dying. Yeap, I'm weak. Absolutely weak when it comes to animals. I cried so hard when I watched that New Zealand whale flick (can't remember the title) I couldn't even breath. I cried during 'The Lion King', '8 Below', and so many Animal Planet's documentaries that if all my tears were collected it could fill a water tank. I'm serious folks. I'm a pushover for animals. It's kinda funny coz I don't get people crying over movies like Titanic and Armagedoon and all those romances and I'm sure they don't get me crying over a penguin getting lost while looking for food.

I just hate it when I read stuff in the news bout people killing off bears and tigers or any other beautiful animals just so they can eat the balls or the brains or something coz they're supposed to be an aphrodisiac. Oh puh-leeze. Total bullshit that's what it is. I'm sure that God made tiger's balls to function as more than to boost a man's libido. Seriously if it's something that viagra can't fix then just learn to live with it. Just because you can't have sex that doesn't give you the right to stop animals from getting 'some' too. How would you feel if you were hunted down for your balls coz there's a rumour that it'll up a person's sex drive? Not a very good thought now is it?

And please... FUR is NOT COOL!! Again... imagine being skinned coz somebody else wants to wear your skin as a coat. Eww... that's kinda disgusting. It's just like in that movie 'Silence of the Lambs' where the killer kills people to take their skin. Yuck! Seriously people like Naomi Campbell should be shot for wearing fur. Public figures should know better.

I just wish that Malaysians would treat their animals better. I've seen some really nasty stuff going on in some household but I just dont have the power to stop it. I tried once and I got threatened that she'll let the dog on me instead. Hmm... irony isn't it. But I'm glad that SPCA is doing something about it. They're making a petition to up the penalty for animal cruelty in Malaysia and they're hoping to get 100 000 signatures. So PLEASE sign the petition (you can actually do it online) Go to SPCA and sign the form. Be a good citizen and prevent animal cruelty!

Yeah okay... Kinda lame but I'm making an effort



I'm currently reading :

God of Small Things
by Arundhati Roy

Just Watched :

Eurotrip

Another blog?

I know that I might be shot to death by die-hard blogspot fans or even blogspot administrators themselves for even attempting to create another blog elsewhere but yeah I did. Or tried to. I failed miserably at LJ coz the customize templates features were WAY too hard. I just couldn't be bothered (my lazy bout has not really subsided yet). And since I totally suck at LJ I didn't even try to try out Xanga. Yeap looks like I'm gonna be a loyal blogspot blogger.

I'm sure bloghoppers are aware of Xanga and Live Journal (LJ). They're probly the next big blog space next to blogspot. You know those features they have where at the top of the page where bloggers show to the world what they're watching or listening to or reading at the moment... well, I LOVE THOSE FEATURES!! I want one! They're so cool! I know that I couldn't be bothered to blog like ALL the time like most but I'm always watching a movie and downloading new songs and reading new books. And they're always a good topic for people to comment on. The next best thing would probly be Myspace blogs since they have those features too but I dont like the blog much since people dont usually read them and to tell you the truth there's too many pervs on Myspace anyways. I wouldn't want them too start reading bout my life's confessions. Who knows what they might do with it. But then who am I kidding? The internet is full of pervs!

But back to the issue at hand... yeah, I dont think blogspot is gonna install those features anytime soon. Probly be a rip-off if they did. So might as well I live with it. What's the point of me having another blog account anyways. I already have two here on blogspot and they're both RARELY updated (for shame). Seems kinda stupid if I actually did another account for that movie, music, books thingy. Oh but I do LOVE those features. I just wanna share to the world the stuff I find out from books and what I love about a certain song or movie. What? I can do that here in blogspot you say? I just need to customize the html and all that? Hmm... I could do that. But I'm just plain lazy. Haha! I want people tp do it for me and I'll just fill in the info ;P

My brain pattern

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a creative hotbed of artistic talent. You're always making pictures in your mind, especially when you're bored. You are easily inspired to think colorful, interesting thoughts. And although it may be hard to express these thoughts, it won't always be.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

FINALLY!!

Wow... I can't believe I actually went through the whole of sem 3 without blogging. Just goes to show how totally out of it I was. Memang malas betul!! I had no mood for classes let alone assignments which I did last minute AGAIN, by the way. And I was only in the mood for playing Sims2 for which I give Kudos to its creators for coming up with a totally addictive game. Aaarrrggghhh... what's happening to me? I am totally losing my drive for studying!! If only they had a master's degree in playing sims. I'll graduate at the top of the class ;p

So what has been happening all these while? Nothing! Hence my reluctance to go blog. The only exciting event of the whole semester was Sheena's birthday party cum reunion gathering which was done at San Francisco Steakhouse, KLCC (they had the best mushroom soup ever!!) and a bowl-explosion incident at Anis's apartment. I was lucky that I wasn't injured since I was standing about a foot away from the bowl. Moral of the incident... never ever buy fake Pyrex bowls! They can't stand the stove heat and they'll explode! But we had a good dinner anyways so it didnt turn out too bad. I guess the most exciting thing that happened is me doing my hair. It's been cut short with long bangs and coloured copper. I also had protein treatment done. I love my new hair and all at the price of RM80. Granted that it was done by a trainee (hence so cheap) and it took about 5 hours to get everything done but hey... it was way worth it. I'm also glad to say that Matt LOVED my new hair. I mean really LOVE it. Definitely RM80 well-spent. I would put up pics but I'm still waiting for Azreen to pass along the pics since lil ol' forgetful me forgot to put the camera in my handbag for Sheena's party.

So now I'm at home with nothing to do but cleaning and cooking so might as well I blog. It's not like I can do anything else since my idiot of a sister installed an anti-porn software which does not even know what website it should block and which ones it shouldn't. I can't even go to my torrent websites cause it says its an inappropirate page. I mean what the heck!!?? I need to download my America's next top model!! ( I love watching bitches fighting). To top it all off... the software files are well hidden that you cant find it at all so you cant do anything to it and my idiot of a sister doesn't even know the password to change the software's setting or uninstall it. So it's stuck there in our computer and we can't do anything about it. It's so annoying. I'm no porn surfer and this anti-porn thingy shouldn't bother me but this is getting outta hand. I need to get rid of it!! If only I could get a job.

I envy Adry, she works somewhere every semester while I'm here stuck at home. I wanna make money too. Sheena is holding two jobs at the moment and both jobs pay quite well. Aaarrggh I'm so jealous. Me want money!! Urgh! Who am I to complain I'm the one who's too lazy to actually show up at work. Again another symptom of laziness at hand. I'm hoping that it's a phase but deep down I seriously doubt it which makes me worry. Oh heck... maybe this 3 weeks break will do me good. I'm hoping that it will. I just need money to make sure all this relaxation willbe all the better. Yeah... yeah I know I cant have my cake and eat it too but hell... there's no harm in wishing isn't there.

My Love life

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves. You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't? You prefer a quirky, unique person to be your lover. You're easy going about who you're with, as long as they love you back. In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm. Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

new skin?

I'm actually thinking of changing my blogskin but havent found anything that caught my eyes so far. All the cute ones are WAY too cute while all the dark ones are WAY too scary. I know that this one suits me but I cant get the glitches to go away.

For a perfectionist like me it'll bug me till I dofind out what's wrong. Aarrgghh it's so annoying!! Can somebody figure out why my skin is all over the place?

On being fat...

It's nice to know that famous people like J.K Rowling (Author of Harry Potter series) would say something about fat issues. Yes... she's very much against it. Check out her official site jkrowling.com. Damn interesting site... tells you all you need to know about Harry Potter (if you're a potter mania like me) and about the author herself. There's also stuff like diaries and articles so it also acts somewhat as he personal blog. Anyways, in this particular article she mentioned that all a long-time-no-see acquaintance said when they met was "hey, u lost weight!". That friend didn't acknowledge the fact that she published a book and just won an award (they were at a book awards ceremony which J.K. Rowling just won something). So all she replied was "Yeah well, I just gave birth at that time."

This story reminds me of so many incidents that I have to go through whenever I meet old friends or old acquaintances though in my case they exclaim "my, you're looking healthier than ever" (healthy=fat). Why is it that people when they have nothing else to talk about start picking on other people's weight. It's bad enough that the recipient of the criticism has to be reminded that she's getting fatter, it's even worse when the exclaimation is done in front of loads of people. And again these same inconsiderate people wonder why everybody else has low self-esteem.

This also goes back to that blog that so-called friend of mine wrote. She probably goes through the same thing as I do though people would probably say "OMG, You're so skinny!!" but seriously in her case most would probably ask, "what's your secret? I need to lose ___ pounds" seeing the fact that skinny is the IN look nowadays. No matter if you're skinny or fat, the mater being pointed out to your face is still rude. So don't do it. Soemtimes when it goes on too long stuff like THAT blog would happen. And the next thing you know prejudice is popping up everywhere against fat/skinny people. I think that's why Pink wrote "Stupid Girls".

"Stupid Girls" by Pink is a really cool song (J.K. Rowling thinks so too-yeah, i think she's gonna be my new role model now ;P). There's too many stupid girls out there nowadays. I've seen girls starving themselves and doing stuff to their bodies just so that people would think them "pretty". But seriously it's all inside yourself. One of my best friends is extremely popular with guys but she would never fit into the category of typical skinny model look. In fact she's quite curvy and even before this she was a few pounds heavier, she still attracted loads of guys. ow did she do it? CONFIDENCE!! If I had half the confidence she has, then I'm all set to CONQUER THE WORLD (oops, I didn't say that out loud did I?) I mean... I'm all set.

If only people could open up their eyes and see the beauty within. I doubt that all these people nowadays saying that they don't care how their partners look like as long as they have a great personality, is all bullshitting really. Probably 1 out of 10 is telling the truth coz I've seen extremely good looking guys and gals with not so good looking partners. But look at that show "Average Joe", not once has the girl ever picked an average Joe which proves my point that people nowadays are mostly superficial.

Till that day of non-existant superficiality comes I shall wear my skepticism proudly and pronounce to the world "SO I'm FAT! Deal with it!"

Toothache gone!!

Hooray!! My toothache is finally gone!! Seriously it's worse than having a fever. You can't even sleep at nights with a toothache.

Uh-Oh... results will be out today. Please! Please! Please! Let me pass Research Methodology!!!

2 hours later...

OMYGODOMYGODOMYGOD! I PASSED!!

On my own!!

Being on your own is definitely liberating! No one to tell you what to do... criticise the way you dress or eat and you can pretty much do exactly what you want whenever you want. I guess being forced to stay at home for the weekend has its uses. I am definitely more relaxed than the last 4 months. *shudder* I do not even want to think about the things I went through last semester. The worst semester of my life. Beats even the time when I was in high school and that was before I can rant and rave on blogger.

I am definitely ready to have my own place. Or at least somewhere I live by my own authority and nobody else can intrude upon it. I am so jealous of Fynn for having her own place. I WANT ONE TOO!! Living on your own is a true sign that you're finally an adult. That you're independant and can stand on your own two feet. But yeah, I chose this life so it's time for me to live with it as sad as it may be. I just wish that people dont look at the 'student' status as a sign to boss me around. It's like being a student means that people can look down on you thinking you don't know any better coz you're still learning. Hell No! I'm learning coz I wanna make more money later on in life with my skills. Better to do it now rather when I'm old and greying. I wanna get on with life so it's easier if I get studying out of the way and then move on.

Aaarrrggghhh!! Just a few more days left of bliss and then back to UIA. Back to studying and assignments and constant worry if my grades are okay (results will be out tomorrow after 4pm. YIKES!!). Thank God that MA's are only a couple of years. I dont think I can take it if it takes as long as the undergrad level. I wanna start earning money and start building my own life. I wonder if I'll miss anything when I start living on my own. Probably the easy living I guess;P I mean living with your parents means you dont hafta worry about bills too much hehe! But other than that... nah! Okay maybe my family but I need freedom (I'm a girl after all). I need room to spiritually grow. Being home you're pretty much shaped by your parents. I need my own place so that I can live being me and not a version of what your mom wants you to be.

As always the case with time, when you look forward to something time tends to slow down and when you dread something time tend to speed up. Although a year aint that long, to me it seems like a very, very, very long time indeed!

Sweet? Me?

Your Reputation Is: Sweet Girl

While you're well known, there's nothing to worry about. You're reputation is mostly good - as good as any rep can be.

What's Your Reputation?

haha!! This is sooo NOT me. I am not sweet!!

Sad... sad day!

It's a sad, sad day when you're barred from going to your own best friend's engagement. Not from weather or the fact that she lives miles and miles away abroad but just because your mom told you so. *sigh*

Yeap... just like a typical Asian mom she put her foot down and said "NO! You can't go. Just do what I say!" Reason for this? Too flimsy too even warrant as a reason. And me being the typical Asian girl living under a parent's roof HAS TO listen to whatever the "RULER" says and in this case it's my mom. *long sigh*

So my best friend goes through her engagement with her bst friend absent. Yeah... yeah it may not sound like a big deal but to me it is. When I get engaged I would want my best friend to be present. Especially if your best friend is the only person besides your significant other who truly understands what you go through in life. For someone like me having my mom around during a critical moment of my life aint enough. My mom is not exactly my friend. My mom is my mom. An authority not to be dealt with.

My presence at her engagement wont probably effect much of the proceedings since I'm nobody but I think it would've meant a lot if I were there to give her encouragement. Getting married aint another step in life. It's a big leap. Especially now when you're still in uni. *another long sigh* But what's a girl to do. There's no way around it. Giving my mom the silent treatment aint gonna change her mind (trust me I tried it) and banging all my doors and stuff wont get me anywhere either, I'll probably get into more trouble.

So here I am on Sunday babysitting my baby sis with a bunch of other 15 year-olds while they go through their maths lesson. Ladeedaa! How exciting! I'm all teary-eyed with happiness. I'm sure this beats getting all dolled up, meeting up all my friends and eating good food at a party anytime! (Oh please, someone just kill me now!)

I vow that someday IF I have kids I will NOT rule over them with the iron claw regime. They shall be my friend and no matter what I do I shall be a cool mom! SO HELP ME GOD!

You Are 48% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul. You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at medium risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is somewhat likely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

Hehe!! How much do you guys agree with this?

Woes on mothers

Sometimes you just cant help but hate your own mom. And you just cant help but wonder whether you're in the right family or were you switched at birth. The two of you just can't get any more different.

Why do mothers do things to aggravate you? (Actually they might ask the same things from their daughters). But I think I can safely say that most mothers don't really try to understand thair daughters and daughters no matter how much they try will never understand their mothers. There's simply too much of an age difference. Sure you see these moms that get along so well with their moms but I betcha that those moms are probably much younger than the moms that usually have a bad relationship with their kids. Moms of the later age just cant understand what teens or young adults nowadays go through in their life. They're so trapped in that old mindset where moms and dads are the authority and nothing the kids say would change their minds about anything.

I see this a lot in Asian household. Asian parents are famous for beating the kids up, for not listening to what the kids say and using the iron claw treatment on their kids. And I see it most often in Asian mothers. Why? Just because they themselves were brought up that way and they just can't help turning out like their moms. It's just a shame when I see bright and intelligent kids trying to voice out some stuff to be instantly rebuked by the parents just with the excuse that they're kids and they dont know any better. How would you know that the kid didn't know any better? Kids nowadays are growing up faster and faster every day. Things aren't the same during the time when our parents were growing up. I think most kids nowadays just want to be heard. Parents dont hafta do what their kids say just listen and discuss it with them. Is that so hard to do?

Parents think that by listening to their kids its like demeaning themselves. Relinquishing whatever veto power they have and sharing it with the kids. Hell NO! Sides, parents aren't supposed to have veto powers anyways. How are you supposed to teach kids to be fair and accepting of other people's ideas if you dont set an example at home. Kids are not dumb not if you teach them right. They know that sometimes parent do the things that they do because it's the best course of action but if things are done just because that what the parents say then for sure the kids will revolt. I believe that parents should let kids take their time in doing some things. Dont force or imply rules just because that is what you believe in. In the end parents are gonna suffer coz their kids went against them behind their backs.

I've seen parents who are democratic and fair and trust me their kids are far better off than most parents who uses the ironclaw method. It's just aint worth it. You dont want your kids to turn your backs on you. Listen to them once in a while and you might learn something about your kids. Sometimes they can be far more intelligent than you give credit for.

try it... It's not so hard to listen.

Marriage... It's an epidemic!!!

Everywhere I turn everybody is doing it. If not downright marriage it's an engagement. It's like the bubonic plague where everybody just can't help but get the disease (no offense, but to me it is like a disease). And what's funny is that all these people that you just never thought would get married first or get married at all would be the first to get hitched. Teaches you to never take things at a surface level huh...

Oh well... I'm happy for them (seriously I am). I'm not too demented to actually run away from my friend's weddings but it's kinda sad when I see all these people who had to sacrifice a whole lot coz of babies and husbands. I just think that it's far too early for most of these people to settle down. They had soo much potential. They could've changed the world!! But then again it must be nice to legally be with that someone you love. *sigh* It sure beats having complete strangers coming at you asking "are you guys married?" and "do you know what you're doing now is indecent?" Ah... fuck you and your hypocrisy. You people are just jealous! I know that ur kids are doing the same thing and there you are sticking your noses up other people's business. Marriage would mean that you can show them the finger and say "ko pedulik apa? I'm married!".

Got to give these people credit though (those getting married early). I mean you meet so many people in your life and these people would definitely offer a lot of temptation. It's hard enough when you're just in a relationship and trying to mantain that relationship but when you're in a marriage and that person you married is gonna be your partner for the rest of your life, temptation is way harder. All these question whether you'll be bored of him or whether it will last will definitely come up. But then again, love conquers all rite? I also have to give them credit for wanting to avoid things that might complicate life a lot further like 'kena tangkap basah' or illegitimate babies.

I'm no commitment phobe and I do wanna have a husband and kids someday but I just cant see that someday to be anytime soon. I wanna achieve things first. Get my life on the right track. And to do this you might have to do stuff that might make marriage suffer and that's shit. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your marriage for your dreams. So to make it work... something gotta give and perhaps for me marriage can wait.

OCD? More like prejudice.

This is taken from a so-called friend's blog. Why did I take it? Let's just say that since she wanted to shout out to the world how she felt, I felt "What the heck... might as well help her spread the word around" (Please read this as sarcastically as you can.) Seriously, I am SOOO tempted to put down her details and expose this self-proclaimed bitch for who she really is (she really knows how to put up a sweet front) but I thought... NAH! Why stoop down to her level. She's in a spot where you can't get any lower.

I'm re-posting her blog coz I wanna show to you what a real prejudiced person is like. To author of blog-if you ever come across this page, it's NOT OCD. Obesessive-Complusive Disorder is when you cant control your need to do something like clean and rearrange stuff. What you have is pure, plain prejudiced. I don't wanna spoil the spurise for all of you so I'll just post it up now. But PLEASE leave comments about the blog. I'd like to hear what you have to say. Who knows maybe I'm just over reacting.

what is? Obssessive Compulsive Disorder. on what? fatty, fatso, whutever.. yeap i have OCD when it comes to fat people (girls, to be specific). to those my girl friends.. i'm sorry but i really am. let me jsut be blunt to u guys... i cannot stand them around me, i feel like kickin' their fat ass( imagining they gonna fly high above the sky..and me sayin' bye bye loser..). for one thing, fat ppl are very slow in thinking.they hardly do things accordingly and they are smelly! i cant stand being around fat people not because i felt intimidated (because i'm skinny) but its just the feeling that i hardly explain. i feel like vommiting when they approach me.

most fat girls i know are way too mean to be a human. they should have become a pig or something. or maybe they were..and reincarnated to be human..because god felt sorry for them.. Speaking of sorry, there goes another reason for me to hate them. They always take advantage on the fact that they are fat. People wud symphatize them. and because of that sympathy, they always have this think sense of sensitivity in them..people never say direct to their face.. "eee.. u're so fat".. but when it comes to skinny ppl, they'll go " so skinny..why, dun eat arr?" stupid asshole..some people have high metabolism, stupid numbnuts! although, i couldnt care less bout those who said i'm skinny..they're just jealous that i can fit in any clothes..MNG..ZARA..this and tht..but them..they have to go to Miss Read..(the auntie kinda clothes).

I hate fat people (fat bitch to be precise) because of Sue..she's fat. a fat whore who sells top up cards who thinks she's hot. She claim her self to be a japanese mix.. (although i dun see it). Perhaps the Sumo part. she's indirectly tryin' to tell the guys that her ancestor is a Sumo Wrestler..ehhehehe. Yes i have to be mean. I discriminiate fat girls.

I hate fat girls because they claim they have 38 cup..yeah like D or F or G, maybe! yeah whutever.. u even have to put deodorant under ur breast..not just armpit!

Some of the fat girls ( my fat friends) claim themselves as the hottie..they can sleep with anyone anytime.. yeah sure.. u got to lift up ur fat so that the guys can see ur pussy.. hahahaha (gross thought).. your pussy is covered up with your jelly belly and its smelly. Why did they do such thing? to boost up their confidence..confidence ma ass!!!

Last but not least.. dear Ireina or whutever ur name is.. my bf told me this funny story about her (which i cant reveal or i'll be dead).. yeah well, look urself at the mirror.. u're nothing but a big time fat whore who's a phaedophile (screw the spelling, i have no time for proper English here).

In conclusion..me, **** and **** have this thing about fat people.. (again, fat girls).. suma orang gemok bodoh! hehehehehe.. (we have the evidence based on the claim)..

So that was it guys... the blog that made everyone's day (again, as much sarcasm as you can muster). The sad part about this whole thing was that she was a really close friend and now I wonder, what was she really thinking all this while? What I really cannot forgive us the fact that she has hurt the feelings of so many people especially those who didn't deserve to be hurt. Irony at it's best when a self-proclaimed big mouth bitch, who puts on a mean front while in reality she's mommy's little girl, calls other people a meanie.

Please people, just tell me what you think. It'll be great to hear what other people have to say.

Nohari Window

I'm just trying to figure out how I am and what are my weaknesses so could all of you help me out? Go to this link and try to describe my weaknesses. It's kinda cool and I really want to improve myself. Help me out ya!

Nohari Window

Bad start?

A friend of mine had commented that I've had a really bad start this new year, come to think of it I may have. But, to me I wouldn't say that it was a bad start. Sure not everybody opens the year with 2 computers banging up but other than that my life has been pretty uneventful. In fact, it adds a litle excitement to my other wise typical and boring life. I mean all I do every single day is wake up, go to class, come back, do assignments and the internet is my best friend. Not exactly the kind of life I thought I'd lead once I'm a masters. My boyfriend is busy and most of my friends are all graduated so that just leaves me and the internet (which lets me down every once in a while- so I cant really depend on it to keep me company either). God I don't have a life!!!

Oh yeah, I just received news that my kitens were taken away by people. I dont know where to and I dont even want to contemplate. Luckily the mom (Maru) is still around so it's not too lonely. But the room is quieter now. I miss them trying to tear up everything in the room. *sob* My theory on their disappearance is that there's some people who are jealous that they dont want to play with them and want to play with me instead. So they call up these people just to spite me. Seriously what have they done to you? They dont poop and pee in your room, I've potty trained them to do it outside and they're not destructive (only to my stuff). *sigh* And to think I promised Sardines to my auntie. It's sad that they're gone but this has happened to me before. So I guess I'm a little immune.

So would I say that I've had a bad year so far? Well, maybe, but I dont want to dwell on the negative. It's just too depressing. It's so much better to concentrate on the better things to come. My computer is up and running. There's still a few snag I want to smooth out but it's not too major that it need immediate attention. And I'm flush again so no worries about money. I just cant wait for the semester to be over and have my well-deserved rest.

And the thought that after struggling for my Masters I shall someday have my own place and no one then can tell me what I should and shouldn't do (though I know mom is gonna try her hardest). Till that day comes... I shall toil away.

Just when you think things couldn't get any worse...

I've just had the most horrible, frustrating, hair-tearing, screaming-bloddy-murder week ever!! Till now I still want to scream bloody murder (SCREAMS IN FRUSTRATION).

Why can't Malaysia adopt US's stand that whenever it's the company's fault, at least pay a little compensation for the damage that's been caused. But NOOO... Malaysia's stance is to just apologize (with as little sincerity as possible) and hope you shove off and never mention this incident ever again. Well you picked the wrong person to mess with BITCH!

In a matter of 1 week my 2 computers have both exploded and fried by UIA due to their management system of complete ignorance of an oncoming problem until a tsunami of a problem hits them up their arses and send them into a panicked frenzy. How did UIA annihilate my computers? By letting me stay in a room that they knew had electrical problems but refuse to fix just because a former occupant was lazy to demand the room to be fixed. That and also the stupidity in thinking that UIA can never do any wrong, only the students. BULL-SHIT! My computers were working just fine and none of my electrical items were faulty. Still wanna blame it on me? Bring it on the? Check my stuff? I guarantee you that they're all A-OKAY. But what is most fucked up is the fact that they refuse to let me change rooms AND the fact that when the higher administration started to ask questions, they get all defensive and of course the blame would fall back on me. Seriously UIA sucks!!


And to think that I would learn to be careful around computers the next time round but no... I managed to actually pry off a letter from a laptop keyboard. And the funny thing is the laptop wasn't even mine. It was a loan from the place that I worked with coz they were sorry that I managed to get my computer blown to pieces! Call it bad luck? No, more like stupid dumbass carelessness. I mean what was I thinking? Be careful la wei!!

But still I feel that I need to stand up for myself though it's obvious that MOST of the blame is mine but it is not entirely my fault (denial is always good). I mean the computer won't just blow up by me plugging it in the socket now would it. Yes... that's what happened! I plugged the computer into the socket and BOOM! Smoke and fire came pouring out the back of the computer. Sob! Sob! My faithful little computer *sob* So for that incident I blame entirely to UIA. I mean why the hell was their voltage so high? Hello... most electrical items has a limit of 230V! But seriously, UIA needs to buck up! Where's the quality? You're supposed to be an international standard university!!

As for the second blow up... it was my new computer. *WAAAAA* That was entirely my fault. I was totally to blame. I was stupid and careless and I bear full responsibility (which cost me RM65). But still the incident was still because of the voltage. I was just stupid enough not to notice the Automatic voltage regulator turned off and went ahead and started the computer and to make a long story short... the power supply melted. Yeah... it actually sounded like ice-cream melting when put in a hot frying pan. The smoke smelled totally disgusting. Luckily this time the monitor (my new prized possesion- a 17" BenQ LCD monitor) did not blow up too. Hence my RM65 'melayang' just like that.

So whose fault is it? Mine and UIA's. For one UIA gave me a room which they knew was faulty in the first place. One of the socket wasn't working so I had to make do (ironing, boil water, recharge handphone, computer) all on one socket. See the probability of voltage overdose? Now you know why. Why they kept it a secret? Simple... all they wanted was MONEY!!

I've already lodged a complaint to the Quality Unit *nyahahaha* and you know what the college admin had the nerve to say? "How the hell did this reach the higher administration?" So... they wanted to keep it a secret. Hah! You're totally busted! (I feel like I've just uncovered a secret illegal organisation-Haha!) So anyhow that made them shake a little and my room change application was approved pronto. And it seems that they fixed up the socket during the weekend. People... people... people... if only you thought of this way earlier during the semester when I first lodged a complaint (I complained 3 times) and this whole messy incident wouldn't have happened. And you all would be blame free.

As for me... I have turned into this paranoid bitch everytime I have to use an electrical item in that room. I break out into a cold sweat and pray to god that nothing blows up. So far so good but I'm still paranoid. I'm definitely gonna change my room. I'm not crazy to actually stay in that room after all that has happened. I just hope they give me a room on the ground floor so I wouldnt have to lug all my stuff.

Oh yeah... u people might be wondering how the hell did I pry loose one of the letters of a laptop? Say thanks to Sardines the kitten. He literally wanted to chase the mouse on the screen and before I could stop him the letter E was off. After the whole computer incident the week before you can imagine the kind of reaction I had (totally berserk). Luckily it wasn't broken or anything. Just came off and by God's miracle I actually succeded in putting it back in all in one piece. phew!!

And to add icing to the cake... Maru actually got locked in my neighbour's room for 2 whole days. I went to the guard house 3 times and only managed to catch the guard at 10pm. I came back after the weekend at 2pm. What the hell were you guarding la? Even then he wouldn't let me open my neighbour's room although I know for a fact that the lady would definitely want me to release the poor cat. She's been stuck in there for 2 days. Imagine the MESS!! Who the hell is gonna clean it? Stupid guard. You know the irony, the next morning I managed to find another guard, female this time, and she immediately looked for a key and let the damn cat go. How simple was that?! Why lah you people need to make things so complicated? And afgter the whole incident has been told to my neighbour even she herself cursed the male guard. I mean come on!! That cat might've died.

I seriously think UIA is one of the best local uni in Malaysia but the attitude of the people here stinks. Big time. I don't think I can ever go through a week like this. I don't think I can handle all that stress. Aaarrrggghhh!!

Neglect...

It's a widespread phenomenon. A guy chases after girl, guy gets the girl, then guy takes the girl for granted coz he already got the girl. Typical scenario that most guys are aware off and yet keeps repeating throughout the duration of his life. Not once does he learn that the girl's feelings matter just as much as his.

Why do most guys expect that the girl would wait on/for him so patiently just because she's his girlfriend. I mean come on she has a life too. A life that she has so willingly altered to accomodate the guy's feelings. So you don't like her to go out with other guys then dont give her a chance to do just that. Don't expect girls to obediently stay in their room, waiting for the boyfriend to call and jumping at his every beck and call. This is the 21st century, girls like that no longer exist! Our world do not just exist around our so-called 'better' half. I know that guys out there will probably label me as a feminist after reading this blog. You know what, SO WHAT! I don't care if I am a feminist. If that's what it takes to get women be respected more then a feminist I shall be.

I don't understand why guys can't treat women with a little more respect and patience despite our so-called weaknesses (emotional and unpredictable). I'm not one to say that women are the epitome of perfection... heck, we women are a complicated bunch that we dont even understand ourselves let alone each other. But then again realise that men too have weaknesses and we bear with it. So why take us for granted and treat us like we're not important. In relationships, the hardest is not when you're trying to get the girl but trying to KEEP the girl. *sigh*

I know all blame shouldn't go to men. Despite my earlier claim that women who jumps at men's every whim is extinct...that's not true. There'll always be woman like that. But that doesn't mean that all women are like that AND that kind of women is NOT the model in which all other women should look up to.

So please... don't insult our intelligence. We have brains and we know how to use it. Keep neglecting us womenfolk, don't be suprised to find yourself alone and miserable looking at a photo of your ex-wife who's having the time of her life with her friends, other liberated women who managed to escape the clutches of men who just didn't learn how to appreciate.

Me Kittens!!

I've always been a cat lover. I think I was one even before I was born. That I have my dad to thank coz he was a cat lover too. There's a picture of me as a wee baby holding on to a cat. I can't help it... I think they're fantastic creatures. The Egyptians wouldn't have worshipped them if they weren't. They're so regal. I seriously wonder how can some people be afraid of cats. It's not like they're tigers or anything. OOooohhh... I want a tiger. A beautiful white bengal tiger for a pet. Yeah... dream on! Gotta make do with cats then.

Right now I am taking care of one sexy momma cat and 3 boisterous and extremely hyper active kittens who are way too large for their age. The mess is unbelieveable! (yes that includes doo doos and wee wees and cathair all over the room). But I'm used to it. Sure its icky but hey it comes with the job. It can't beat having them look at you with those beautifl eyes. I LOVE CATS!!

Momma's name is Maru (courtesy of Adry) and she's one protective momma. How can cats know to protect their kids at all costs and we human beings throw away babies just like that? Does that mean that we're lower than cats? Hmm... you know sometimes I think that most of us are.

And these are her three kittens whom Sarah managed to stop for a potrait. Usually these tykes would be running across the rooms that they're usually a blur. Sardines a boy while the other two are girls. Sardines has bad breath hence the name. Curly was supposed to be called Oinker but nah... she deserves something with a little more dignity. While the last is Tripod (no, she does not have 3 legs). Tripod is feline version of a dalmation and has 3 aligned spots on one side of her body hence the name.


Sardines the fatty cat with bad breath. Still thinking on how to brush his teeth.

Feline Dalmation

Curly in her Cute mode

Actually one of the reasons that I'm posting this is because they need good homes. There's only so much I can do for them. They have a home while I'm on campus but when I'm not they're gonna have a terrible time surviving since they're used to catfood handed to them whenever they're hungry. I can't take them home since I live all the way in Ipoh and have no transport to bring them back. They may be strays but they're well cared for and they're sweet creatures and I have managed to house train them to an extent so if there's anybody out there willing to take them just leave a message and I'll try to contact you. Maru can probably survive if left during the hols but the kittens will probably not. If there's anyone out there who can help please don't hesitate to contact me.

I don't know why I never learn. This has happened before and I still feel guilty for taking cats in and then abandoning them. I'm sooo sorry Momot, Boy, and Lucky. *sigh* I jut love cats too much...


Boy at the prime of his life

Whose fault is it?

Everybody's definition of a relationship is as unique as every other person in this planet. So I dont think one has the right to critisize another person's actions and what they do with their life. But you just cant help it sometimes? You just feel like shaking that person and saying what were you thinking!? Especially when that idiot just doesn't realise that it was their fault that the relationship ended.

Most people demand tolerance and understanding in from their loved ones but do they ever think whether they've been handing out the same things that they've been demanding? So when the relationship fails whose fault is it then? Sometimes it pisses me off that people are in denial of their own faults. It's like that Malay saying "You can spots germs from way across the sea and yet you dont see the elephant right in front of your nose."(translated)

I'm a believer that honesty is best when given at sparingly. There are things that are best not mentioned to anyone even those whom you claim is your soulmate. My philosophy: Sin of ommission is never as bad as sin of commission. But that's not the same as lying. Just for your own pleasure why would you lie to the people you love? The only thing it's gonna bring about is just hurt and mistrust. So why lie?

But hey... it's ur life so who am I to say anything. All he best to you mate!

Through A Rapist's Eyes

This is important information for females of ALL ages. Guys - please forward to the female members of your family and all your female friends and associates.

When this was sent to me, I was told to forward it to my lady friends. I forwarded it to most everyone in my address book. My men friends have female friends and this information is too important to miss someone. Please pass it along.

A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts :

1) The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go aftera woman with long hair . Women with short hair are not common targets.

2) The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who's clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around specifically to cut clothing.

3) They also look for women on their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4) Men are most likely to attack & rape in the early morning, between 5:00 a.m. and 8:30 a.m.

5) The number one place women are abducted from/attacked is grocery store parking lots. Number two is office parking lots/garages. Number three is public restrooms.

6) The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to another location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.

7) Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.

8) If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming

9) These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.

10) Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: "I can't believe it is so cold out here", "we're in for a bad winter." Now
you've seen their face and could identify them in a line-up; you lose appeal as a target.

11) If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell STOP or STAY BACK ! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back . Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

12) If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yell I HAVE PEPPER Spray and holding it out will be a deterrent.

13) If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm (between the elbow and armpit) OR in the upper inner thigh VERY VERY HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands - the guy needed stitches.

Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it hurts.

14) After the initial hit, always GO for the GROIN. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he's out of there.

15) When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible . The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

16) Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior,don't dismiss it, go with your instincts!!!

You may feel a little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

PLEASE READ THEN FORWARD THIS TO EVERY WOMAN YOU KNOW,
IT'S SIMPLE STUFF BUT IT COULD SAVE HER LIFE!

UIA Hols...

Looks like I'm stuck in UIA for the holidays again. Well... maybe not as long as last time but I have to endure days in UIA with nobody around and crappy food. *sigh*

Technically it was my fault. I should've settled my work like ages ago. But NOOOO I just had to goof off. *WHAT WERE YOU THINKING SHAN?* So now I endure the deafening silence and the solitude of UIA during midterm break. Luckily though (why am I saying it's lucky?) Dr. F is having another makeup class on Friday. So at least something to do to kill the time. But NOW I have to worry on how the heck I'm gonna go back to Ipoh this Friday. PERAK has the most concentrated chinese settlement in the whole country. Everybody is going back for Chinese New Year. Aiseyman!!

IT SUCKS that my friends are scattered all over Malaysia so hanging out aint much of an option. I hate going through looking for new pals kinda thing so here I am the voluntary hermit and yet hating every minute of it. *Geez, I'm such a loser* I wish I could make friends without going through all that preliminary bullshit of getting to know each other and all that. It's a lotta hassle. Demanding I know...

*sigh* NAK BALIK! NAK BALIK!

I am beyond pissed at the moment. Wordes can't describe how I feel. I have the urge to kick, scream, shout, throw stuff. But most of all I have this urge to... HURT!

WHy do I let myself be treated this way? Like someone who does not matter. With no dignity. No pride. My ego rebels. I cant's stand it. *screaming in frustration and anger*

I feel unimportant. That I serve no purpose but to be at beck and call. Like I don't have a life. But I DO!! It's a matter of choice on how I lead my life!

Just realise that things can just change. I wont be around all the time you know. Just remember that will you...

It's been awhile since I last blogged. I guess I must have gotten one of those writer's (or in this case blogger's) block. The thing is I had LOADS of stuff to say. Like that time when I got hoodwinked into going clubbing at Planet (then again, I was stupid enough to think that Planet was NOT a club. It didn't help that my gal pals insisted that it was live band-Shame on you girls ;P). Then there was that time when I felt like killing Matt and a girl who just didn't seem to understand that I need some time alone with him. I mean DUH... we just endured like 5 months of long-distance romance here so could you like give me some room! Some people can be THICK sometimes. Other than that was my usual on and off uncertainties, low self-esteem, problems yada... yada... yada and oh yeah I'm feeling under the weather at the moment. Terrible fever and *cough*. And there's also that doubt on whether I should carry on with my Masters (please don't panic people, I AM going through with it ;D). There were times when I felt "I gotta write this!" but I didn't. As soon as the keyboard was right in front of me everything went blank. *sigh* All that pent up stuff aint good people!

It's not just for blogs anymore too. It's happening to letter writing and anything to do with creative writing. I cant even speed up doing quality quest. Dr. Nora is already asking when it's gonna be done. Aaarrgghhh!! Seriously... I just can't go through doing it!!

The case of the 'Malas'? Could be? I just think that my head is still behind time. It's already2006 but my mind is back in 2005. I'm still on holiday mode. Thank god I started studying now rather than working first and then start studying again. Imagine if I'm used to having money every month then hafta go back to just being a student. Whoa! No thanks. So this is my path.

Gotta find a way to kickstart my head back to gear now.

p.s. Happy Eidul Adha Everybody!!

Happy New Year!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!