Prejudices

After years of being here in IIU I am finally thrown into the international students social scene. What an irony.

Yeah... when I was in undergraduate I guess I was so wrapped up in my own world and biasness that I never really gave these people a chance. To me back then... they were all the same. Stuck up and prejudiced. When in reality I was the one with the prejudices.

Though it didn't help matters much when they too had their own prejudices against me. These people tend to see me in my baju kurung and my tudung bawal and instantly dismiss me as another typical malay girl. Of course I was offended. The way I dress don't define me. I never describe myself as typical and we English lit majors always pride ourselves of being non-typical. To us typical is a swear word.

I've grown up though.

Old prejudices slowly disintegrating.

New comprehensions dawning.

It's cool. I guess the best things out of this are new friends. Being with new people. Learning, knowing and understanding new things. It's nice to give each other a chance.

So goodbye prejudice... hope you never come back.

Full Speed Ahead!!

Somehow I managed to get myself involved in theater stuff again. As if I havent had enough on my plate already. I'm holding two jobs, supposed to be doing my thesis and now I have to take care of a group of international students who are gonna act in a musical play (of all things!) at Istana Budaya. Not only that, the same play also wants me to act! (but as an extra only lorr...) I seriously don't know what have I gotten myself into!

My body has been screaming that I've been going at warp speed lately and today it refused to cooperate with me. So what did I do the whole day? Sleeping. God... what an embarassment. Yeap, I slept the whole day. Sorry Dr F. (Yeah... I kinda promised her that I'd do something for her but unfortunately I couldn't wake up at all this morning). Guess she wont be asking me any more favours after this. Hate letting people down.

I think I even got Sarah all worried. She thinks I'm pissed at her for something which I totally am not. God... I think I'm a workaholic. Or an aspiring one. I'll probably have zero social life when I actually have a permanent job. God... I hope not.

My body still refuses to cooperate with me. So I guess I better take this as a sign and lock myself in my room and start doing my proposal (OMG deadline is so close!!). All that other work can wait... I guess *biting nails*.

Rape

Wanna talk about having a crappy day? Don't... coz right now I wanna rant about a crappy week. A week of crappiness that surpasses all other crappy weeks of crappiness. I'm facing crap and I feel like crap and right now all I wanna do is beat the crap out of a person who gave my friend, whom I truly love and cherish, a whole load of crap.

My friend was raped.

MY FRIEND WAS RAPED!!!

If there was ever a time for me to truly hate men, this would definitely be it. Only a man can ever truly inflict this kind of pain to another human being. HOW CAN YOU RAPE PEOPLE!!?? HOW CAN YOU VIOLATE ANOTHER HUMAN BEING!!??

All I feel is anger. And helplessness. I can't do anything. I feel useless.I can't help her.

You know when they say that sometimes when something truly bad happens... it changes a person. Thats what happened. I have changed... But most importantly she has changed... I no longer her old self. She is right now a shell of the person that she used to be. I hate that man for making her like this. I hate him with with the very core of my being. And I swear that someday I shall bring him down.

I SWEAR IT!!

"Hell hath no wrath than a woman scorned..."

Cruelty to Animals

What kind of people would do this to animals?

DON'T BUY FUR!! STOP CRUELTY TO ANIMALS!!

N O means NO, Not YES

Which part of N and O spells out YES. Seriously... how dense can people get?!

Why is it with men and hard-to-get women? It's like a magnet reaction where men just can't resist. The attraction to hard-to-get women is so strong sometimes that even when women are not actually playing hard-to-get men can't seem to pull away. Seriously!*frustrated*

Trust me when I say that when most women say "I'm not in the mood" they really mean it. Therefore don't call, don't ask, beg, plead or sulk and just walk away. Coz when you do it'll be the smartest thing you'll ever do. If not women will get annoyed and when they are... Well let's just say it won't be pretty.

And you'll probably save yourself a whole lotta grace in front of the girl by not appearing weak either and on top of that actually comes off as understanding. Now ain't that a plus point for all you men out there. I mean we women do complain that men don't understand us. So even if you don't understand why we're not in the mood, just walk away and pretend that you do.

So I repeat my previous statement... sometimes a NO actually means NO. Figure out the subtle language of women and you'll be a better man for it.

twosomes... threesomes

Was watching Sex and the City and I was totally intrigued by an episode where Samantha agreed to do a threesome with her boyfriend. Seriously I totally do not get the appeal of threesomes. I mean... in a world where its the survival of the fittest, prettiest, sexiest and most sexually active (...est) why would you invite a rival to get into bed with you?

Yeah I know its like guy's ultimate fantasy to have 2,3 or more girls to service him in bed and honestly there's nothing wrong fantasizing that. What would the world be like if you question a man's fantasy. It's healthy... at least if all else fails it keeps the blood pumping to a man's brains.

But right now I'm just questioning the girls's motive in letting a man do that. As much as a sexual prowess a woman can be there will always be that chance where the guy might just prefer the other women. Now would you woman actually wanna see that? Straight on... in bed... while you're having sex? No way, jose!

If my man ever shows that he prefers another woman while he's in bed with me, I assure you claws will come out. And no... I will not indulge in another of man's fantasy by having a girl-on-girl catfight to see who will have sex with the guy. It's the man that'll have to answer.

Call me old fashioned, conservative, prude or whatever I just don't get the idea of anything more than a twosome. I mean God only made one penis per man and one vagina per woman. Surely that must count for something.

Idiots!!

Some of you people have nothing better to do is it other than clogging up my tagbox? Haiyaa...

Even if you do plan to clog up my tagbox try to have some respect towards others and not use my friends' names to play your idiotic pranks.

To Syima, Sarah And all the others that have been wrongly maligned in my tagbox... I'm truly sorry. These a**holes probably had a brain transplant with monkeys.

I'm really sorry girls...

Langkawi!

Langkawi was a blast! Minus the fact that it was tiring at times and that I had to play nanny to 63 international university students, the whole trip was a definite blast!

And I should also mention the guys... *drool* I never knew that UIA had all these drool-worthy men hidden away in its depth. So tall... good looking. And they actually went swimming at the beach... *drooling profusely* There's even a guy from China who could definitely give Jet Li a run for his showbiz money. He gave a demonstration during the closing ceremony and trust me he is even more flexible than a rubber band. (I think my inner gatal-ness is surfacing ;P) And they were all gentlemen too. How could a girl resist them?!! I am so glad that I started working with IIMU *silent grateful prayer to God*.

Ooh... Ooh... I also went parasailing!! Woohoo!! It may be pricey considering I was up in the air for only 10 minutes but it was totally worth it. I was flying!! Total adrenaline rush! I'm definitely going again! Made me quite popular with the guys too since nobody else tried it. Huhu!

Seriously... someday I shall make that list of things to do before I die. There's like a million things I wanna try but I never truly know what they are exactly until they're right in front of my eyes. One thing I know for sure is that bungee jumping is on the list. Woohoo!! Oh and going totally blond. Haha! I just need to see how I look like with yellow hair.

If you guys plan to go to Langkawi someday, I seriously recommend staying at Kg. Tok Senik Resort. The room was fantastic. Total kampung atmosphere and the internationals absolutely loved it. Heck... I loved it. My only gripe was that it wasn't close enough to the beach. But this was remedied by the 1 hour we spent at the beach later *drooling again*.

I also didn't manage to find my fave choccies. *sigh* Was really hoping that I could get some good chocolate shopping while I was there but its cool. Maybe next time. I totally can't wait to start planning for the next programme.

The Good Fairy...

A married couple in their early 60's was out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an examplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."

"Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband" said the wife." The fairy waved her magic wand and -- pouf! -- two tickets for the Queen Mary II luxury liner appeared in her hands.

Then it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said:

"Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me. " The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish... So the fairy waved her magic wand and -- pouf! -- the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful idiots should remember fairies are female.

My so-called birthday bash...

It seems that ever since most of the gang have started working, we all need an excuse to get together. No... actually, I take that back. We need an organizer. No... not the diary/ planner. A true-blue party cum get together organizer. And guess who was nominated? That's rite... poor ole' me. *sigh* Just a slight side effect of being too organised I guess. Seriously when I die I'm gonna have my tombstone read "Here lies Shan, Forever the Organiser".

But yeah... I kinda organised this get together. It was kinda supposed to be a joint birthday celebration for both Sheena and I but Sheena pulled out. Oh well... more attention on me ;)



We had it at San Francisco's again. The obvious choice since poor ole' me don't have a car. I really can't wait to get a real job!! Trust me when I'm loaded I'm gonna go GRAND for my birthday.


All in all it was a good night. As you can see the theme was red (my fave colour) so everybody looked pretty hot. Even the guys. Though I wished that some of my other close friends were there but I'm happy for all those who came. They were the best. Shall love you all always!




I just wonder who's gonna be brave enough to organise the next get together? I already have people clogging up my comment boxes in friendster to organise the next one. Penat la wei nak organise... Somebody else buat la pulak!

FROM LOVERS to FRIENDS

FROM LOVERS to FRIENDS

I got this article from a really cool blog that I read. Yeah... so I'm ripping off somebody else's blog but at least I'm not saying that it's mine. Thing is what the article is all about is exactly the thing that has been running through my head these last few months. Yes... I'm still in my post break-up mode but I'm getting better *fingers crossed behind back*. No seriously... I am *fingers still crossed*.

Oh-Kay... back to the article. After experiencing something that I do not wish any good-hearted citizens of the world to experience I've come to a conclusion that sometimes it's better to let sleeping dogs lie. Why stir things up and make the water murkier (Can u guys get me?) . In other words, maybe an ex is not a good candidate for a friend.

Heck... just read the article and you'll know what I mean.

In many relationships that don't end in marriage (well actually even then), there usually is a time when you have to say "hasta la vista baby." the two of you have shared memories together that when you look back upon, you will either laugh or cry. but whatever that memory might be, once a relationship ends, it's time to say "thanks" or "no thanks" for everything and move on.
But somewhere along the line, there's always the "let's remain friends" compromise to many breakups. it's the much gentler way of saying, "hey, you're not that bad. it's not you. it's me. but look, i still want to be friends with you." *smile* the question that my friends and i discuss a lot is:

Can you be good friends with your ex?

Ok. let's face it. whenever there's a breakup, it's usually never mutual. usually one person is the one that causes or initiates the breakup and is labeled "heartbreaker", while the other person is left hurting and dwelling on the breakup for weeks on end. ok. i admit. even the heartbreaker could hurt too, but usually the one who initiated the breakup moves on faster than the one who didn't.

After having meditated and burned incense on this question, my friends and i have come to the conclusion that NO, it's very rare for many people to become truly good friends with their ex's.

Take me for example. although my ex and i agreed that we would be good friends, we're really not. sure, i get a greeting on my birthday and during the holidays and i just greeted him on his birthday, but those are about the only times we communicate. and i actually prefer it this way. i'm sure he and his wife now does too.

However, i have a friend whose boyfriend and his ex have become best friends instead. whoa! yes. it's true. it can be done. but, when your ex is your best friend and you tell your best friend things about your current relationship, hmm, you could land yourself in a heap of mess.
so why can't ex's remain friends?

here's some reasons i've read on why the can't:

1. There's always a heartbreaker and the heartbreakee. same as mentioned above.

2. You know what they look like underneath all those clothes. you've seen each other naked. whenever you smell their special perfume or cologne, or whenever you hear music that was special to the both of you, you're always going to remember that person and the things you used to do together ( ie, make love, make-out, etc)

3. You can't divulge intimate details about your current relationship to your ex. it would just be wrong for you to tell your ex you just had the greatest sex of your life with someone else.

4. Bitterness comes into play. an ex can pretend to be a friend, but deep down they'd rather see you and your current partner dead (jk). me - actually this is kinda true ;P (jk)

5. Jealousy. seriously - who really likes seeing their ex being lovey dovey with someone else anyway?

Taken from http://daphne.blogs.friendster.com (Thanks Daphne!)

When I think about it... It's hard thinking that my ex will no longer be in my life. He was a good friend. But as much as I hate losing my ex, I just dont think us being friends is gonna help out with me moving on with my life. Why torture myself seeing him be happy with another girl while I could do the same thing with another guy? Life is short, it's just not worth wasting time dwelling on the past.

Maybe someday we can become friends but perhaps another 10 years or so. Or at least until I'm no longer wishing them to be hit by a bus or something. Hahaha! Joking... seriously just joking.

p.s. Happy Friday the 13th. Muahahaha!!

Me... A blogger?

For somebody who claims herself as a blogger, I must be an embarassment to the whole blogging society. I mean my average blogs nowadays are like oner per month? And that's only if I'm suddenly hit with an inspiration thunderbolt. If not all you'd see on my blog are cobwebs. (can you hear crickets? I can...)

So what happened? Did I fall off a building? (Obviously not since I'm still typing this, or else it'll be spooky. Hehe) Or did I just simply forget how to blog?

Answer... none of the above. I haven't been blogging simply because my life is BORING! All I do is go to class, go to my room, go to work (Oh, this may be an interesting aspect in my life... I am now working with Sheena at IIMU. Still waiting for my first paycheck. BILA NAK MASUK?!) , and of course study, study, study. Aint nothing much to say about that sorry routine.

So now I'm at home for my long deserved break. And of course my routine here is get up late, cook, and waste time. So there you go... my never-ending thrills for the day *Yawn*. I just don't feel like readers out there deserved to be bored to death by my simple ephitet of what I dd for the day. Although internet voyeurism is IN nowadays but I still feel like I need some stuff to give voyeurs something to drool about. Rite?

So why am I blogging now? Hehe, just because...

Actually I miss blogging. There's been some good news going on in my life and I feel like sharing it. Some of my friends got engaged or married. Congrats Adry... Kuhen. You two will make lovely wives to your loved one. I couldn't attend Kuhen's wedding but I heard it was beautiful. Kuhen... you're so lucky. *sob* Ada lagi ke orang cam Abe We kat dunia ni? *praying really hard*

As for Adry... she just got engaged. Who knew she would be among the first among us to get on the marital bandwagon. Oh well... why stop a good thing right? I was actually one of her 'dulang girls'. Wasn't something that I was expecting to do but what the heck... she's a friend. And thanks to our hot Gucci Mama, Tiah, her hantaran was gorgeous and the 'petunang' (is there such a word?) was really pretty.

I did this! I did this!

And all the pretty 'dulang girls' in a row

Tiah was practically a one woman wonder. She did all of Andry's hantaran and even Adry's makeup. I helped with the roses in her hair. That's why I photoshopped the picture *So proud! Heck... My first time photoshopping, ok*. All I can say now is I'm proud of lil' Adry. She came a long way and have been through a lot to get this far. And kudos to her coz she never stopped trying. She never gave up. *SOB* Man... I hate getting sentimental.

I also heard that my old roommate, Has, is getting maried soon and also Anis Suhaidalisa, another one of my roommates is geting engaged. I guess it's time. You can't run away from all this marriage stuff no matter how much you try. *sigh* And because of that I hafta prepare myself for the INEVITABLE question, *bracing self* "Awak bila pulak?" Aarrgghh...

So life starts anew for some of my friends. For Adry, Kuhan, Has, Midge... oh yeah, Midge got herself a new job and a place of her own. She's all grown up now. I'm glad... I feel like a mother bird watching her baby take off on her first flight. *SOB* OMG here I go again. Heck, I should feel this way... she practically lived with me for a whole month before she got the job. How time flies...

I'm still in my student mode. Feels like I'm way behind sometimes but I feel it's worth doing what I'm doing now. I'm sure it will be. *determined*

Thesis time is upon me! I hafta persevere! Gambate!

p.s. I love this picture. Who knows when we might get together like this again. (Although I'm hoping this May *wishing hard*). Sheena and Fynn competed in a Poetry Slam. Something like a one-day Akademi Fantasia for poets. Though they didn't win but they did us proud! We missed their performance (drat!) even though we tried to make it there on time after Adry's engagement but we all had fun afterwards hanging out. We're such a fun eclectic group (Me, Nina, Midge and Anne in our baju kurung while Cass, Sheena and Angel in their sexy get up. Woohoo! Very eclectic I must say) that a 'Mat Salleh' actually came and took our picture. Haha! Takpe... The time for us to hang out shall cometh again, my friends!

p.s. again. I was 25 last April 1st!! OMG I'm officially a quater of century old. Wahlau! Neways thanks so much to all my pals especially Anne, Midge and Julie for the GORGEOUS "Coach" bag, Sheena for my cute and lovely clutch and K-Rul for making that day a special one for me. I love u guys so much. Muahs!

*I got a Sony Ericsson MP3 phone. Yeay!*

Moving on...

Never ever thought that moving-on was a long drawn out process. Just when you think that all was well, then BAM that old feeling of sadness, regret, yada yada yada comes rushing back again. God how it sucks! If only wounds would heal faster. Life would be so less complicated.

I mean what's the point in living life looking back into the past, right? But as much as you try not to let the past haunt you, it does. A person who doesn't have the past haunting them are only humanoids void of feelings. Seriously...

I mean everything that happens in life happens for a reason and your future, your entire self was shaped by what happened earlier in your life. So the past does matter, it's just a matter of how much you let it effect you.

Right now, all I wanna do is to speed up my recovery process. I just wanna forget about my past and get on with life with maximum happiness. Urgghh... healing sucks. Why does it have to take so long!?

Desperado

God... don't you hate it when these people don't know when to back off!! Seriously give people room to breath...

There's no denying it even the most attractive people will turn BLEARGH when they start oozing desperate vibes. It's a definite turn off. Even desperate people don't go for other desperate people. Desperate just ain't rite!!

So you wanna know if you're desperate? Do you ever...

1. Hint off a relationship just after a few sms-es to somebody (and you haven't even met that person yet!!)?

2. Do you start posting up pictures of that person in your phone and computer just after a few phone calls?

3. Do you talk off a "connection" after a few conversations with a person?

If you say YES to even one of the questions then you are DEFINITELY desperate!! So cool it! Desperation will only achieve one thing... all your potential dates running at full speed in the opposite direction. Yes... even the butt ugly ones. Trust me, I speak from experience. All those questions I asked... I had to endure that from a guy I know through the net, whom I have never ever met before and was already talking about our parents meeting after a few days of sms-ing. *screams* I'm suffocating by just thinking about it! Now I have to figure out a way to make a graceful sprint in the opposite reaction.

No offence to all of you desperados out there but this is for your own good. Tone it down!! There's nothing that interests people more than a good ol' hard-to-get chase. Getting to know somebody is like knowing there's a juicy prize at the end of a long race but those who rush to get it might accidentally kick it further from reach.

It's the flirting that keeps people going. The playful banterings and the hints of better things to come will just keep people coming back for more. Ain't that right people?

Marriage...

Marriage - Part I

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night .....whether you're here or not."


(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)

************************************

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads:

"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:


"Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

******************************

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.

After some time, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

******************************************

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six"
in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

**************************************

Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am" He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

**************************************

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Perpisahan - Anuar Zain

ku mengerti perpisahan ini
bukan kerana kau membenci
tapi kasih yang pernah ku beri
tiada lagi bersama

sering aku terlihatkan mu
impian nan indah julang bahagia

ku harungi hari demi hari
bersama wajah tak mungkin akan
kembali
tapi hati masih tak terima
ditinggalkan sengsara

keraguan ini bukanlah padamu
perasaan hati masih rindu
kekalutan ini hanyalah untukku
tercari-cari bayanganmu

tak sanggup aku kehilangan
kehilanganmu

masih tercari-cari
keraguan ini bukanlah padamu
masih tercari-cari bayanganmu
tak sanggup aku kehilanganmu


Gosh... this song speaks to me. It is an undoubtedly a beautiful song and as much as I hate to say this but Anuar Zain really sang this song well (yeah... not an Anuar Zain fan). But what really got to me was the lyrics. Whoever wrote this song... KUDOS!!

The hardest thing in life is not the part where you have to break up with someone but the part where you have to let go. Letting go of something that you once had and cherished more than anything else in the world. In time, yes, you learn to accept the fact that you lost someone but during that time only you and god knows the agony and pain of trying to deal with that lost. And this is what this song all about.

And during that time you also deal with the agony of seeing the other person, the person you loved, being happy with someone else. Because it is at this moment that you realise that you failed to make that person happy. Along with the pain of lost you now deal with the bitter sting of failure.

Why must time heal everything? No matter how optimistic you are in life the pain won't go away just like that. It'll linger until you feel like you just wanna die from it. Time... your saviour yet still your enemy.

I just wanna the pain to go away...

Sanity check

Classes starting again in a few day... whoopee!

Erqk! WRONG! I don't want to go back to uni! *whining*.

I haven't fully enjoyed my time off yet and now I have to go back to the hellhole and start bullying my brains to churn out academically based stuff. Aaarggghhh!! Why? Why? Why? I swear to GOD that after I finish off my thesis I'm gonna take a LOOOONG break and nothing and noone can stop me. How can certain people stand studying ALL the time? Don't they at least get a little depressed?

Depression... the main reason why I was silent for so long. I'm a little okay now but would a couple more semesters be the downfall of me. Me actually getting A FULL BLOWN DEPRESSION? It's a truly scary thought. Depression at the (not so) tender age of 23. *shudder*

Seriously I just can't wait to finish off my Masters. PhD can just wait. I value my sanity even more.

What's up with Asian chicks?

I've just watched episode 9 of America's Next Top Model 7. There's another Asian chick but this time she's Indian. So yeah for sure I was rooting for a fellow Asian though I didn't really see what Tyra meant that she was SOO beautiful that it was scary and that she was too beautiful at times. Maybe I'm used to seeing pretty Indian girls back here in Malaysia that she's just borderline average to me. I seriously thought that the last Asian girl, Gina, was like any other chinese ah moi if she were to come to Ipoh. It's kinda weird seeing the judges raving on and on about her cheekbones and stuff when I see far prettier chinese girls at the wet market. But then again, Westerners have always been into the "Orient". It's a fascination towards the so-called "other", you know all that bullshit that anything that doesn't look and think like them is therefore weird. But I'm not gonna go into all that shit right now. I'll probably end up writing my thesis here.

What I wanna write about is the fact that these Asian girls, considered BEAUTIFUL by their white & black contemporaries just don't think of themselves as beautiful. Gina, the Korean, was chucked out after 3 episodes because she was so insecure about herself. And this Anchal girl was kicked out after the 7th episode for the exact same reason. I kinda knew she was gonna get chucked out sooner or later. Luckily it was a lot later than the Korean girl. I just don't get why she didn't think herself pretty. She considered herself fat and ugly. Yeah she was curvier than the other girls but HELLO! Asian women have always been curvy. And she wasn't fat at all.

I think those two girls are so brainwashed by the stereotype beauty of the West that they just don't realise their own uniqueness. I was so embarassed for the two girls that I was actually cringeing whenever I watched them humiliate themselves. But most of all I was disappointed that they gave up halfway. They claimed that they wanna model more than anything but they gave up when the going got tough. I mean what the hell?!! You don't give up. If you give up when you got that far might as well not enter at all. Sheesh!

I have a friend who's beautiful, confident and has a great personality to boot but she was rejected for a local reality show, Malaysia's Most Beautiful, just because she didn't conform to the stereotype beauty that Malaysian media wants. When somebody even halfway decent comes along they get rejected straight away. What's with that? I hate that girl who won Malaysia's Most beautiful. I think she's a bitch.

I just hope that one day there will be a contestant that would actually does Asian folks proud. I dont think I can go through another cringeworthy episode of an Asian chick making an ass of herself either on local TV or an International one.

Skin Issues

Was watching the 2006 American Music Awards (AMA) last night and there is one thing I've got to comment.... they SUCK singing live. I've always been a fan of the song 'Buttons' but that night's performance was bleargh to say the least. Even their dancing didn't save them, one of them actually fell off a chair while dancing. I guess the only thing they could do was just be as sexually provocative as possible, though in my opinion with the awful singing going on it was probably impossible to achieve.

Still what got my attention the most (other than that awful singing) was the backup dancers. Have you ever noticed that when white singers perform their dancers are sexy but understatedly so but when black singers perform their dancers actually toe the line of being naked. I'm not generalising here, I mean there's plenty of black singers who are ok and there's white singers who actually cover what's 'necessary' too, but then if you watch MTV you'll know what I mean. I was watching Gwen Stefani perform and her dancers were decked out in babydoll dresses but when Jay-Z performed his dancers were in micro-bikinis.

I know plenty of parents that blocks MTV and Channel V so that their kids don't watch them. And I don't blame them really. Even at my age, I avoid watching those channels when my mom is around. Damn embarassing! Some of the performers might as well put out porn videos and call them their music videos. But then again... Sex sells nowadays. I mean just look at Nelly Furtado and Jewel, they sexed up their image just so that she can sell albums.

It's funny though these people would bite your head off if call them names (sluts, hoe, etc) but then they still insist to portray that image. Irony at it's best. It's their individual rights I guess...

Quoting Aristottle...

Anyone can become angry - that is easy.
but to be angry with the right person,
to the right degree,
at the right time
for the right purpose
and in the right way - that is not easy.
-aristotle-

I got this off from a friend. The words really struck me. Especially with the things that's going through my head right now. There's a lot of anger there and also ideas of getting even. Lots of stupid and ridiculous ideas of pushing people off a cliff or electrocuting somebody. Pretty bizarre ideas but mostly stuff that would inflict the most pain. You know, just so that people can feel the pain that I felt. But like I said... mostly delusional stuff that you have in your head. Things that you wish would happen but knows aint never gonna happen.

It sucks when things don't go your way. Especially if it goes the total opposite of how you really want to be. You try to accept it but seriously... as a human, how can you deal with something that hurts you and make you feel like crap at the same time? How can you bleed inside and pretend that it doesn't hurt? How can you not be angry and want to lash out at the person who did it to you?

But as Aristottle has said, to be angry at the right time, the right purpose and the right way is never an easy thing to do. Humans are at the very basic, an animal. Animals never have a logical approach to thing, all they do is lash out. And that's what you wanna do at first. You never think of doing something the right way. All you want to see is the exact same pain in the eyes of those who hurt you. Because at that moment that is what you feel is right. So why does something that feels so right can be so wrong?

It's wrong cause it wont solve anything. It'll just make it worse. All you get is satisfaction but oh, how the satisfaction satisfies...

Somehow it's just not worth it. A fleeting moment of satisfaction but countless hours of pain and agony. It just doesn't compare. As time passes by, you know that the only way to heal is to let time do its work. Again this sucks, humans dont really have the capability to sit still and do nothing. We were born to persevere and to never give up. When God gave us minds and intelligence, it was the greatest test that he had given on mankind. The test of using the mind wisely. As Aristottle would say... "in the right way." And in the case of anger, patience is the key. Hard to swallow but yet you have to do it.

It sucks... I know.

Single again...

I guess it's back to being single again for me, I mean what's the point of thinking that things might work out coz by the way things are looking... there isn't a hope in hell that the relationship might get better. All I am is hanging on to false hopes. Dreams that may never ever come true. *sigh*

Am I sad? Who isn't? Am I angry? A little bit (though bot as much as I used to be). But What I am feeling most of all is heartbreak and rejected. A real shitty feeling. It's like borderline sad, anger, disappointment and numbness. I hate this feeling. Makes you feel weak and vulnerable- two situations that I do NOT want to be in.

Am also feeling loneliness. After 2 years of having a constant companion, a person you thought was your other half, your soulmate, now you're all alone. I have to make a transition to being on my own, alone, single. Not an easy thing to do. Not after you've been out of the loop for so long. It's like being lost in a jungle. You ventured in far too deep and now you don't know how to get back.

It sucks being the only loner in a group of twosomes. It cant hit you any harder than your best friend wanting to keep you company but having her boyfriend hanging on her arm or a husband chauferring you to where you're headed. Sure I appreciate the effort of them including me in the couple-y activities but hey... nobody loves being the 3rd wheel.

Post-breakup mode sucks big time. And you know that time will heal all but sometimes you wish that time would hurry up. The pain, the loneliness can be unbearable at times. Unbearable up to the point you feel like giving up, which is what I'm close to doing right now.

I just wish that I could find that glimmer of hope to get me on my feet again. But again... only time will tell.

To my dear Stranger

Goodbye My Lover

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(x2)

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(x2)

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(x2)

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.(x2)

Hotlink Rawks!!

I know this may seem like a stupid thing to blog about but hey... whatever. This is MY blog and I'll talk about whatever hell I want.

I just got an additional RM90 from Hotlink just because I topped up RM30 a few days back. Woohoo! RM120 worth of airtime. What the hell I'm gonna do with all that credit *so much possibilities*. I've always been using my hotlink for text messaging alone. I mean who wouldn't want to text message when it just cost you 1 sen per sms. With RM10 you already get 1000 sms now with RM120... yowza!

Now this is what I call customer appreciation. Two thumbs up for Hotlink!! My fingers are gonna hurt after this with all that text messaging I'm gonna do huhu~

In pain...

I was overcomed with powerful feelings a while ago. And it was a feeling that I should not indulge in right now. Not when I'm trying to make myself strong. When things are fragile and may or may not depend on how I handle myself right now.

Overcoming strong urges is harder than it sounds. Especially for a impulsive, tempestuous person like me. It'll sap all your strength.

And I'm losing in that battle...

Lately I've been reckless. Been feeling like I dont give a shit. Like life has no meaning anymore. The things I do is useless and that I'm wasting my time.

I just feel like dropping it all...

I don't care anymore...

*sigh* I don't have the luxury...

It's amazing the strength that some people have. Not physically but mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I am weak in all these aspects. Don't really know how to be stronger. "All is well with the world!" I tell others, but inside I'm a mess. I'm breaking apart. It's a wonder that I'm still in one piece.

Why do we put so much effort into things that you're not sure it will last? When you're not guaranteed of happinness and security? Why do we put so much effort in life? It baffles me really when all that life has to offer is pain.

Pain...

A constant fixture in our journey towards the end. It's no suprise that people decide to take matters in their own hands. Why endure it? The constant pain. Maybe it is a good idea to just end it all.

Stop all that pain...

OMG I LOVE teaching!!

OMG... I never realised that I love to teach! What a revelation!

I love the exhiliration. I love the look of intense concentration of people looking at you and hanging on to your every word. You feel so IMPORTANT!!

Now I know for sure... I want to teach. There's nothing else that I'd rather do. jeez I sound so idealistic and so OLD.

I was freaking out when Dr. Nora told me I had to take over the class. Teach my friend? Oh no!! I was afraid they'd be real critical and judgemental if i did or say something wrong. But then again that's paranoia talking. It actually helps having friendly faces in the class. Especially close friend coz u know they'll love you no matter what (thanks Sarah!)

So all in all it was fun and I wouldn't mind doing it again. And the pay is not too shabby either. Hehe! Definitely worth my time. Hope that I didn't screw up Dr. Nora's instructions too much though. Then there'll be bitch to pay. Haha!

Onwards to become Cikgu Liana!!

p.s. To all error and contrastive class that I taught today, tak payah la panggil Miss or Maam or anything of the sort. Geli la...

Help Stop the bloodshed

Dear friends,

Right now a tragedy is unfolding in the Middle East. Hundreds of civilians have died in the bombings in Lebanon, Israel and Palestine and the death toll is rising every day.

UN Secretary General Kofi Annan has called for an immediate ceasefire and UK Prime Minister Tony Blair has joined Annan in calling for the deployment of international troops to the Israel-Lebanon border. This is the best proposal yet to stop the violence, but for it to succeed other global leaders need to get behind it immediately.

I have just signed a petition urging regional and global leaders to speak out and support Kofi Annan's proposal. If people around the world can persuade their governments to unite in demanding a ceasefire, all sides in this conflict will be pressured to stand down. Can you sign the petition too?

Ceasefire campaign

The petition will be sent to key regional and global leaders and publicized in major newspapers in the Middle East, US and Europe. With enough signatures we can help pressure our leaders to stop the violence.

Thanks!

Sarah's Bachelorette Party

The tiara that we got her looked something like this. But less shiny and expensive ;P

Yeap... me being the bride-to-be best pal I had the responsibility of throwing a bachelorette/ hen party for Sarah. Not that I mind. I love to organise and manage stuff despite the occasional setbacks thrown at me.

So the party was on Friday, 4th August held in "The Zon in the Park" (yeah... yeah, Datuk K's hotel), an all-nighter and only bee-you-tee-full babes were invited. Guys just complicate matter. Don't get me started on a certain hypocritical boufriend who acted like this sporting boyfriend who's cool about stuff and suddenly decides to give the girlfriend a hard time when she's already at the party. Sheesh! *cooling down* Some couldn't make it but that's ok coz the party was a blast and it would've been better if the others came. The apartment was great and thank god for Sheena's Auntie Nun, we had it for a really reasonable price. I'm definitely planning to go there again someday.

My main concern was the food. Was it too little? Will they get hungry? Is it good? Do I need to order more? Where will I get money to order more? My worries were baseless. Apparently the food was BERLAMBAK-LAMBAK and we couldn't even finish it the next morning. Such a shame that all the food had to be thrown out. As much as some of us loves food we just couldn't stuff our face any further.

My next concern was will Sarah have a good time? Not that I worry much since Sheena, my lovely co-host was a great entertainment hostess. You wouldn't believe all the naughty and kinky games that was played that night. Suffice to say that plenty of stripping and porno stuff went on and it was all done for the reason of educating the bride to be. Let's just hope Tarmizi will appreciate the lessons ;P Why all the stripping? Well... since we couldn't afford a real live stripper we just decided to go ahead and do it ourselves. Haha! So my mission was accomplished. Sarah had a blast (Sheena and I have a thank-you rose each. Yey!). She relaxed (which was a big deal since the wedding details are getting more and more stressful) and she had loads of fun with her friends. In a way it was kinda like a reunion so that added to the fun too. I hope she puts that tiara we got her for full use. We used the tiara to show who the main focus of the party was. Certain people can forget sometimes, if you know what I mean.

So all in all the party was a HUGE success for me. I could have done without the sudden petty politics that came in before-hand and the sudden tearful confessions session that happened in the middle of the night (girls... we're known for our affinity with feelings and tears). For me it was kinda a limelight stealer incident. Not that I didn't feel for those who confessed but yeah... I could have gone without it. It had its benefits, at least people know what they feel about each other now, revelations were made and things patched up so it's not really a big deal.

Any regrets? Not really. Just that a good bash like this shouldn't wait till another girl decides to get married. Too bad that none of us are filthy rich or at least have a filthy rich boyfriend who could sponsor the whole thing. It's not fun when everyone have to fork out some cash for a party. Haha!

Any pic? LOADS. But I think I should protect the eyes of every male who might read this blog and not risk their eyes popping out of their sockets ;P

Chivalry dead?

Chivalry is dead. Gone are the days when men were gentlemanly and strong. Gone were the days of heroics and valour. Now we just see selfishness and greed.

What happened to the men? Have they become so weak that to give up a seat for a needy person is unbearable for them? A few minutes of standing would kill them? Where have all the men with respect and politeness gone to? What happened to the men who would open doors for you, and carry your stuff and politely giving way if a woman crosses his path? It's like unless they're paid to do so, then people can just forget about being treated that way.

Remember the ad of the man in the lrt that refuses to stand up and give his seat to needier people who didn't manage to get a seat? Notice that the selfish one was a guy and the needy people were all women? Is it coincidental or a just a potrayal of what our men has evolved into?Nowadays I see women who would stand up to give a senior citizen a seat on the lrt. A teenage girl would stand up and give a pregnant lady a seat and I also see a men pointedly ignoring a lady with a child desperately trying to keep balance on the moving train while at the same time ensuring that her child is safe. What is happening to the men nowadays?

I'm a feminist but I don't go round saying that woman are better than men. I believe in equity and I believe that god has created men and women in the world with unique responsibilities befitting their gender. Nor do I go round saying that women should be treated like a fragile being which would shatter at just the meerest jolt. What I'm trying to say here is that women nowadays understand that they too need to be strong. We can stand in the lrt if need be and we dont need a man to offer his seat to us just because we're a woman but my focus is about respect and selflessness. The act of chivalry goes a long way with people and leaves a far lasting impression than anything else. Up to this very day I still remember the guy who gave up his seat for me just because I decided to give up my seat to a blind man. Although I would never meet him again he has my lifelong respect.

Chivalry is dead. Or at the very least dying. I apologise to those who have this admirable trait in them but I feel that once these men are gone from this world their trait would die with them.

Although, just this one time I want to be proven wrong.

New York ,USA 80%
Zurich, Switzerland 77%
Toronto, Canada 70%
Berlin , Germany 68%
São Paulo , Brazil 68%
Zagreb , Croatia 68%
Auckland, New Zealand 67%
Warsaw , Poland 67%
Mexico City ,Mexico 65%
Stockholm ,Sweden 63%
Budapest , Hungary 60%
Madrid , Spain 60%
Prague , Czech Republic 60%
Vienna , Austria 60%
Buenos Aires , Argentina 57%
Johannesburg, South Africa 57%
Lisbon, Portugal 57%
London, United Kingdom 57%
Paris , France 57%
Amsterdam , Netherlands 52%
Helsinki ,Finland 48%
Manila , Philippines 48%
Milan , Italy 47%
Sydney ,Australia 47%
Bangkok , Thailand 45%
Hong Kong , 45%
Ljubljana ,Slovenia 45%
Jakarta , Indonesia 43%
Taipei , Taiwan 43%
Moscow , Russia 42%
Singapore 42%
Seoul , South Korea 40%
Kuala Lumpur , Malaysia 37%
Bucharest ,Romania 35%
Mumbai , India 32%

For those who ar wondering what the heck that list is, it's the ranking for the most polite countries in the world and YES!! MALAYSIA IS THE THIRD RUDEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!!

Yes people... time to deal with it. It's so true! If foreigners and tourist can say that Malaysians are rude to them, what say us the citizens of Malaysia. We're treated like crap!! I have been in numerous situations where my own race treats me like I'm shit based on my dressing. Come on... sure 1st impression counts but if you want business treat people with respect! A friend of mine was advised to leave a Levi's outlet just because he wasn't wearing shoes. He was wearing one of those stylish flip flops but apparently the salesperson wasn't impressed. Well... he must have regretted what he said when the guy bought two pairs of jeans and told the manager about his manners.

Malaysians don't teach manners to their kids anymore. We see parents bringing little kids to important functions and letting them run wild and disturbing whatever is going on. Cinema, weddings, restaurants... you name it there's always kids that are let loose while their parents ignore the fact that they're causing a racket.

Irony is that our government is promoting this "Budi Bahasa Budaya Kita" (courtesy is our culture) shit while the rudest of the lot are government officials. The last time I dealt with government officials was when I had to certify my grandma's death certificate. I went there and there was nobody at the counter. So I sat down and calmly waited. Soon a lady officer came and what do you know the person who came after me rushed to the counter and immediately got served. Me being the polit girl that I am waited because in my mind I'm thinking he's an old man who doesn't know about manners. After that it was my turn. All was fine when suddenly this man out of nowhere came right next to me and started asking about his problems and that lady (I'm guessing he was a friend of hers coc they were all smiley) immediately went on to take care of his affair. And I was aaarrrggghhh!! Hello! I'm right here in front of your counter!!

There's been many cases of that in hospitals, in post offices and in any administrative offices. So tell me where the hell is this "Budi Bahasa Budaya Kita" that we're so proud of. Government clerks can just stop in between duties and chat while we're there waiting for them to settle whatever it is we need settling. If we even open our mouths to tell them to get a move on they'll probably sabotage us. My mum was scolded at once during a tax review recently. What's the purpose of putting enquiry officers at a enquiry desk if you dont want people to ask you questions. How dumb can that be?

I know that most government servants are Malays and it may seem like I'm dissing my own race but hell no! I'm dissing all Malaysians. Chinese have a habit of spitting everywhere and I have come within an inch of getting hit with a spitball. Indians tend to be impatient and sometimes look down on people they think aren't educated. I've seen the astonished looks people gave me when I speak fluent English after I tried communicating in Malay. What's wrong with conversing in my mother tongue?

A lot of difference can be made with just a smile and a simple Thank You but no... it's simply too much of a hassle to say 2 simple words and stretch you mouth muscles.

This issue bout 'MAWI'

Today is the American Independance Day and looks like Mawi gained independance too. From his Fiance. This "Mawi Craze" is never gonna die down is it. Granted that he'll probably be one of the nation's top artists but you would think that after a while his "WORLD" aura would simmer down just a little but NO... he rises like a phoenix from the ashes.

*sigh* Kinda getting sick of all this Hoo-Haa bout this kampung-boy gone big. Seriously, he's not even that cute. Just blessed with a whole lot of charisma I guess. But unlike the time when he first made his appearance, this time there's mixed reactions. Anger, suprise, sympathy, disgust. Kinda makes this whole "putus-tunang" debacle fun to watch. On one side there his ardent followers supporting his every move and claiming that 'It wasn't Mawi's fault! Diana blabbed to the world bout the engagement' while on the other side is these people saying that 'Mawi lupa daratan! (ungrateful)'. Hehe! Dilemma isn't it? I wonder how Mawi gonna get through this. You could check out Astro's channel 15&16 and there's this bunch of people who has no better things to do with their time and money cussing at each other about the Mawi and Diana issue. And all this while Mawi is oblivious to what's going on coz he's too busy making money from these people.

Kinda reminds me bout the whole Sharifah Aini incident. The issue of her hate campaign against Siti and her mock attack incident. Artists will do just about anything to keep their names in the papers. It's just so embarassing at times. However are you gonna show your face in public again? I mean the next time she shows up for a show people will just whisper behind her back about how she tried to bring Siti down. Sharifah Aini can never again be seen at any function where Siti is present.

One thing I noticed with the gossip columns in Malaysian magazines or papers is that fans here are really, really nosy and MEAN. And the artists themselves are crude, extremely superficial and somewhat stupid. Somehow I dont get that impression when I read anything about Hollywood stars. Sure they have stupid incidents too but somehow they show more class. Or maybe the reporters have more class. Hmm...

Back to the Mawi issue... I'm waiting for the moment that it'll all die down again coz my mum is going on and on and on bout him and I'm getting sick (Yes, she's Mawi's die hard fan.) I guess the only time when people will lose interest is after he gets married but before that happens his marriage will probably be the wedding of the century. If that happens and he gets divorced like Erra and Yusry, man... that's another embarassment he has to live down. Artists... when will they learn?

ABC's of Life

A--Accept
Accept others for who they are and for the choices they've made even
if you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or
actions.

B--Break Away
Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope
to accomplish with your life.

C--Create
Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams,
sorrows, and happiness with.

D--Decide
Decide that you'll be successful and happy come what may, and good
things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along
the way.

E--Explore
Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have
much to give. And every time you try something new, you'll learn
more about yourself.

F--Forgive
Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire
unhappiness and grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone
makes mistakes.

G--Grow
Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or
stand in your way.

H--Hope
Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long
as you remain dedicated to the task.

I--Ignore
Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your
goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a
small inkling of what the future holds.

J--Journey
Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded.
Try to learn something new every day, and you'll grow.

K--Know
Know that no matter how bad things seem, they'll always get better.
The warmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.

L--Love
Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your
heart, there's room for nothing else, but when love is in your
heart, there's room for endless happiness.

M--Manage
Manage your time and your expenses wisely, and you'll suffer less
stress and worry. Then you'll be able to focus on the important
things in life.

N--Notice
Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak, or suffering. Offer
your assistance when possible, and always your kindness and
understanding.

O--Open
Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during
the worst of times, there's still much to be thankful for.

P--Play
Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing
without happiness.

Q--Question
Ask many questions, because you're here to learn.

R--Relax
Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that
things always have a way of working out in the end.

S--Share
Share your talent, skills, knowledge, and time with others.
Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times
over.

T--Try
Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You'll
be amazed by what you can accomplish.

U--Use
Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that's wasted has no
value. Talent that's used will bring unexpected rewards.

V--Value
Value the friends and family members who've supported and encouraged
you, and be there for them as well.

W--Work
Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel
guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a
second chance.

X--X-Ray
Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you'll see the
goodness and beauty within.

Y--Yield
Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated,
you'll find success at the end of the road.

Z--Zoom
Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly
head. Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your
abilities, your dreams, and a brighter tomorrow.

Animals

Just Watched



Yeah I'm currently in my Disney aka feel-good movie moment right now. Sides not many good movies going on at the moment. 'Superman' is still aint out (it's taking ages. Hurry up already!) and 'Pirates of the Carribean' aint comint out til July so what the heck, feel-good movies it is.

Talking bout Disney movies, I just watched Bambi on Astro. To tell you the truth I've never sat through Bambi til the end. Didn't manage to stay put in front of the TV this time too. Luckily I didnt coz I know what's gonna happen next. No I'm not talking bout the part where Bambi's mother dies but I'm talking about the part where I'll blubber like a leaking pot if I watch any thing that shows animals dying. Yeap, I'm weak. Absolutely weak when it comes to animals. I cried so hard when I watched that New Zealand whale flick (can't remember the title) I couldn't even breath. I cried during 'The Lion King', '8 Below', and so many Animal Planet's documentaries that if all my tears were collected it could fill a water tank. I'm serious folks. I'm a pushover for animals. It's kinda funny coz I don't get people crying over movies like Titanic and Armagedoon and all those romances and I'm sure they don't get me crying over a penguin getting lost while looking for food.

I just hate it when I read stuff in the news bout people killing off bears and tigers or any other beautiful animals just so they can eat the balls or the brains or something coz they're supposed to be an aphrodisiac. Oh puh-leeze. Total bullshit that's what it is. I'm sure that God made tiger's balls to function as more than to boost a man's libido. Seriously if it's something that viagra can't fix then just learn to live with it. Just because you can't have sex that doesn't give you the right to stop animals from getting 'some' too. How would you feel if you were hunted down for your balls coz there's a rumour that it'll up a person's sex drive? Not a very good thought now is it?

And please... FUR is NOT COOL!! Again... imagine being skinned coz somebody else wants to wear your skin as a coat. Eww... that's kinda disgusting. It's just like in that movie 'Silence of the Lambs' where the killer kills people to take their skin. Yuck! Seriously people like Naomi Campbell should be shot for wearing fur. Public figures should know better.

I just wish that Malaysians would treat their animals better. I've seen some really nasty stuff going on in some household but I just dont have the power to stop it. I tried once and I got threatened that she'll let the dog on me instead. Hmm... irony isn't it. But I'm glad that SPCA is doing something about it. They're making a petition to up the penalty for animal cruelty in Malaysia and they're hoping to get 100 000 signatures. So PLEASE sign the petition (you can actually do it online) Go to SPCA and sign the form. Be a good citizen and prevent animal cruelty!

Yeah okay... Kinda lame but I'm making an effort



I'm currently reading :

God of Small Things
by Arundhati Roy

Just Watched :

Eurotrip

Another blog?

I know that I might be shot to death by die-hard blogspot fans or even blogspot administrators themselves for even attempting to create another blog elsewhere but yeah I did. Or tried to. I failed miserably at LJ coz the customize templates features were WAY too hard. I just couldn't be bothered (my lazy bout has not really subsided yet). And since I totally suck at LJ I didn't even try to try out Xanga. Yeap looks like I'm gonna be a loyal blogspot blogger.

I'm sure bloghoppers are aware of Xanga and Live Journal (LJ). They're probly the next big blog space next to blogspot. You know those features they have where at the top of the page where bloggers show to the world what they're watching or listening to or reading at the moment... well, I LOVE THOSE FEATURES!! I want one! They're so cool! I know that I couldn't be bothered to blog like ALL the time like most but I'm always watching a movie and downloading new songs and reading new books. And they're always a good topic for people to comment on. The next best thing would probly be Myspace blogs since they have those features too but I dont like the blog much since people dont usually read them and to tell you the truth there's too many pervs on Myspace anyways. I wouldn't want them too start reading bout my life's confessions. Who knows what they might do with it. But then who am I kidding? The internet is full of pervs!

But back to the issue at hand... yeah, I dont think blogspot is gonna install those features anytime soon. Probly be a rip-off if they did. So might as well I live with it. What's the point of me having another blog account anyways. I already have two here on blogspot and they're both RARELY updated (for shame). Seems kinda stupid if I actually did another account for that movie, music, books thingy. Oh but I do LOVE those features. I just wanna share to the world the stuff I find out from books and what I love about a certain song or movie. What? I can do that here in blogspot you say? I just need to customize the html and all that? Hmm... I could do that. But I'm just plain lazy. Haha! I want people tp do it for me and I'll just fill in the info ;P

My brain pattern

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a creative hotbed of artistic talent. You're always making pictures in your mind, especially when you're bored. You are easily inspired to think colorful, interesting thoughts. And although it may be hard to express these thoughts, it won't always be.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

FINALLY!!

Wow... I can't believe I actually went through the whole of sem 3 without blogging. Just goes to show how totally out of it I was. Memang malas betul!! I had no mood for classes let alone assignments which I did last minute AGAIN, by the way. And I was only in the mood for playing Sims2 for which I give Kudos to its creators for coming up with a totally addictive game. Aaarrrggghhh... what's happening to me? I am totally losing my drive for studying!! If only they had a master's degree in playing sims. I'll graduate at the top of the class ;p

So what has been happening all these while? Nothing! Hence my reluctance to go blog. The only exciting event of the whole semester was Sheena's birthday party cum reunion gathering which was done at San Francisco Steakhouse, KLCC (they had the best mushroom soup ever!!) and a bowl-explosion incident at Anis's apartment. I was lucky that I wasn't injured since I was standing about a foot away from the bowl. Moral of the incident... never ever buy fake Pyrex bowls! They can't stand the stove heat and they'll explode! But we had a good dinner anyways so it didnt turn out too bad. I guess the most exciting thing that happened is me doing my hair. It's been cut short with long bangs and coloured copper. I also had protein treatment done. I love my new hair and all at the price of RM80. Granted that it was done by a trainee (hence so cheap) and it took about 5 hours to get everything done but hey... it was way worth it. I'm also glad to say that Matt LOVED my new hair. I mean really LOVE it. Definitely RM80 well-spent. I would put up pics but I'm still waiting for Azreen to pass along the pics since lil ol' forgetful me forgot to put the camera in my handbag for Sheena's party.

So now I'm at home with nothing to do but cleaning and cooking so might as well I blog. It's not like I can do anything else since my idiot of a sister installed an anti-porn software which does not even know what website it should block and which ones it shouldn't. I can't even go to my torrent websites cause it says its an inappropirate page. I mean what the heck!!?? I need to download my America's next top model!! ( I love watching bitches fighting). To top it all off... the software files are well hidden that you cant find it at all so you cant do anything to it and my idiot of a sister doesn't even know the password to change the software's setting or uninstall it. So it's stuck there in our computer and we can't do anything about it. It's so annoying. I'm no porn surfer and this anti-porn thingy shouldn't bother me but this is getting outta hand. I need to get rid of it!! If only I could get a job.

I envy Adry, she works somewhere every semester while I'm here stuck at home. I wanna make money too. Sheena is holding two jobs at the moment and both jobs pay quite well. Aaarrggh I'm so jealous. Me want money!! Urgh! Who am I to complain I'm the one who's too lazy to actually show up at work. Again another symptom of laziness at hand. I'm hoping that it's a phase but deep down I seriously doubt it which makes me worry. Oh heck... maybe this 3 weeks break will do me good. I'm hoping that it will. I just need money to make sure all this relaxation willbe all the better. Yeah... yeah I know I cant have my cake and eat it too but hell... there's no harm in wishing isn't there.

My Love life

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves. You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't? You prefer a quirky, unique person to be your lover. You're easy going about who you're with, as long as they love you back. In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm. Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

new skin?

I'm actually thinking of changing my blogskin but havent found anything that caught my eyes so far. All the cute ones are WAY too cute while all the dark ones are WAY too scary. I know that this one suits me but I cant get the glitches to go away.

For a perfectionist like me it'll bug me till I dofind out what's wrong. Aarrgghh it's so annoying!! Can somebody figure out why my skin is all over the place?

On being fat...

It's nice to know that famous people like J.K Rowling (Author of Harry Potter series) would say something about fat issues. Yes... she's very much against it. Check out her official site jkrowling.com. Damn interesting site... tells you all you need to know about Harry Potter (if you're a potter mania like me) and about the author herself. There's also stuff like diaries and articles so it also acts somewhat as he personal blog. Anyways, in this particular article she mentioned that all a long-time-no-see acquaintance said when they met was "hey, u lost weight!". That friend didn't acknowledge the fact that she published a book and just won an award (they were at a book awards ceremony which J.K. Rowling just won something). So all she replied was "Yeah well, I just gave birth at that time."

This story reminds me of so many incidents that I have to go through whenever I meet old friends or old acquaintances though in my case they exclaim "my, you're looking healthier than ever" (healthy=fat). Why is it that people when they have nothing else to talk about start picking on other people's weight. It's bad enough that the recipient of the criticism has to be reminded that she's getting fatter, it's even worse when the exclaimation is done in front of loads of people. And again these same inconsiderate people wonder why everybody else has low self-esteem.

This also goes back to that blog that so-called friend of mine wrote. She probably goes through the same thing as I do though people would probably say "OMG, You're so skinny!!" but seriously in her case most would probably ask, "what's your secret? I need to lose ___ pounds" seeing the fact that skinny is the IN look nowadays. No matter if you're skinny or fat, the mater being pointed out to your face is still rude. So don't do it. Soemtimes when it goes on too long stuff like THAT blog would happen. And the next thing you know prejudice is popping up everywhere against fat/skinny people. I think that's why Pink wrote "Stupid Girls".

"Stupid Girls" by Pink is a really cool song (J.K. Rowling thinks so too-yeah, i think she's gonna be my new role model now ;P). There's too many stupid girls out there nowadays. I've seen girls starving themselves and doing stuff to their bodies just so that people would think them "pretty". But seriously it's all inside yourself. One of my best friends is extremely popular with guys but she would never fit into the category of typical skinny model look. In fact she's quite curvy and even before this she was a few pounds heavier, she still attracted loads of guys. ow did she do it? CONFIDENCE!! If I had half the confidence she has, then I'm all set to CONQUER THE WORLD (oops, I didn't say that out loud did I?) I mean... I'm all set.

If only people could open up their eyes and see the beauty within. I doubt that all these people nowadays saying that they don't care how their partners look like as long as they have a great personality, is all bullshitting really. Probably 1 out of 10 is telling the truth coz I've seen extremely good looking guys and gals with not so good looking partners. But look at that show "Average Joe", not once has the girl ever picked an average Joe which proves my point that people nowadays are mostly superficial.

Till that day of non-existant superficiality comes I shall wear my skepticism proudly and pronounce to the world "SO I'm FAT! Deal with it!"

Toothache gone!!

Hooray!! My toothache is finally gone!! Seriously it's worse than having a fever. You can't even sleep at nights with a toothache.

Uh-Oh... results will be out today. Please! Please! Please! Let me pass Research Methodology!!!

2 hours later...

OMYGODOMYGODOMYGOD! I PASSED!!

On my own!!

Being on your own is definitely liberating! No one to tell you what to do... criticise the way you dress or eat and you can pretty much do exactly what you want whenever you want. I guess being forced to stay at home for the weekend has its uses. I am definitely more relaxed than the last 4 months. *shudder* I do not even want to think about the things I went through last semester. The worst semester of my life. Beats even the time when I was in high school and that was before I can rant and rave on blogger.

I am definitely ready to have my own place. Or at least somewhere I live by my own authority and nobody else can intrude upon it. I am so jealous of Fynn for having her own place. I WANT ONE TOO!! Living on your own is a true sign that you're finally an adult. That you're independant and can stand on your own two feet. But yeah, I chose this life so it's time for me to live with it as sad as it may be. I just wish that people dont look at the 'student' status as a sign to boss me around. It's like being a student means that people can look down on you thinking you don't know any better coz you're still learning. Hell No! I'm learning coz I wanna make more money later on in life with my skills. Better to do it now rather when I'm old and greying. I wanna get on with life so it's easier if I get studying out of the way and then move on.

Aaarrrggghhh!! Just a few more days left of bliss and then back to UIA. Back to studying and assignments and constant worry if my grades are okay (results will be out tomorrow after 4pm. YIKES!!). Thank God that MA's are only a couple of years. I dont think I can take it if it takes as long as the undergrad level. I wanna start earning money and start building my own life. I wonder if I'll miss anything when I start living on my own. Probably the easy living I guess;P I mean living with your parents means you dont hafta worry about bills too much hehe! But other than that... nah! Okay maybe my family but I need freedom (I'm a girl after all). I need room to spiritually grow. Being home you're pretty much shaped by your parents. I need my own place so that I can live being me and not a version of what your mom wants you to be.

As always the case with time, when you look forward to something time tends to slow down and when you dread something time tend to speed up. Although a year aint that long, to me it seems like a very, very, very long time indeed!

Sweet? Me?

Your Reputation Is: Sweet Girl

While you're well known, there's nothing to worry about. You're reputation is mostly good - as good as any rep can be.

What's Your Reputation?

haha!! This is sooo NOT me. I am not sweet!!

Sad... sad day!

It's a sad, sad day when you're barred from going to your own best friend's engagement. Not from weather or the fact that she lives miles and miles away abroad but just because your mom told you so. *sigh*

Yeap... just like a typical Asian mom she put her foot down and said "NO! You can't go. Just do what I say!" Reason for this? Too flimsy too even warrant as a reason. And me being the typical Asian girl living under a parent's roof HAS TO listen to whatever the "RULER" says and in this case it's my mom. *long sigh*

So my best friend goes through her engagement with her bst friend absent. Yeah... yeah it may not sound like a big deal but to me it is. When I get engaged I would want my best friend to be present. Especially if your best friend is the only person besides your significant other who truly understands what you go through in life. For someone like me having my mom around during a critical moment of my life aint enough. My mom is not exactly my friend. My mom is my mom. An authority not to be dealt with.

My presence at her engagement wont probably effect much of the proceedings since I'm nobody but I think it would've meant a lot if I were there to give her encouragement. Getting married aint another step in life. It's a big leap. Especially now when you're still in uni. *another long sigh* But what's a girl to do. There's no way around it. Giving my mom the silent treatment aint gonna change her mind (trust me I tried it) and banging all my doors and stuff wont get me anywhere either, I'll probably get into more trouble.

So here I am on Sunday babysitting my baby sis with a bunch of other 15 year-olds while they go through their maths lesson. Ladeedaa! How exciting! I'm all teary-eyed with happiness. I'm sure this beats getting all dolled up, meeting up all my friends and eating good food at a party anytime! (Oh please, someone just kill me now!)

I vow that someday IF I have kids I will NOT rule over them with the iron claw regime. They shall be my friend and no matter what I do I shall be a cool mom! SO HELP ME GOD!

You Are 48% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul. You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at medium risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is somewhat likely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

Hehe!! How much do you guys agree with this?

Woes on mothers

Sometimes you just cant help but hate your own mom. And you just cant help but wonder whether you're in the right family or were you switched at birth. The two of you just can't get any more different.

Why do mothers do things to aggravate you? (Actually they might ask the same things from their daughters). But I think I can safely say that most mothers don't really try to understand thair daughters and daughters no matter how much they try will never understand their mothers. There's simply too much of an age difference. Sure you see these moms that get along so well with their moms but I betcha that those moms are probably much younger than the moms that usually have a bad relationship with their kids. Moms of the later age just cant understand what teens or young adults nowadays go through in their life. They're so trapped in that old mindset where moms and dads are the authority and nothing the kids say would change their minds about anything.

I see this a lot in Asian household. Asian parents are famous for beating the kids up, for not listening to what the kids say and using the iron claw treatment on their kids. And I see it most often in Asian mothers. Why? Just because they themselves were brought up that way and they just can't help turning out like their moms. It's just a shame when I see bright and intelligent kids trying to voice out some stuff to be instantly rebuked by the parents just with the excuse that they're kids and they dont know any better. How would you know that the kid didn't know any better? Kids nowadays are growing up faster and faster every day. Things aren't the same during the time when our parents were growing up. I think most kids nowadays just want to be heard. Parents dont hafta do what their kids say just listen and discuss it with them. Is that so hard to do?

Parents think that by listening to their kids its like demeaning themselves. Relinquishing whatever veto power they have and sharing it with the kids. Hell NO! Sides, parents aren't supposed to have veto powers anyways. How are you supposed to teach kids to be fair and accepting of other people's ideas if you dont set an example at home. Kids are not dumb not if you teach them right. They know that sometimes parent do the things that they do because it's the best course of action but if things are done just because that what the parents say then for sure the kids will revolt. I believe that parents should let kids take their time in doing some things. Dont force or imply rules just because that is what you believe in. In the end parents are gonna suffer coz their kids went against them behind their backs.

I've seen parents who are democratic and fair and trust me their kids are far better off than most parents who uses the ironclaw method. It's just aint worth it. You dont want your kids to turn your backs on you. Listen to them once in a while and you might learn something about your kids. Sometimes they can be far more intelligent than you give credit for.

try it... It's not so hard to listen.

Marriage... It's an epidemic!!!

Everywhere I turn everybody is doing it. If not downright marriage it's an engagement. It's like the bubonic plague where everybody just can't help but get the disease (no offense, but to me it is like a disease). And what's funny is that all these people that you just never thought would get married first or get married at all would be the first to get hitched. Teaches you to never take things at a surface level huh...

Oh well... I'm happy for them (seriously I am). I'm not too demented to actually run away from my friend's weddings but it's kinda sad when I see all these people who had to sacrifice a whole lot coz of babies and husbands. I just think that it's far too early for most of these people to settle down. They had soo much potential. They could've changed the world!! But then again it must be nice to legally be with that someone you love. *sigh* It sure beats having complete strangers coming at you asking "are you guys married?" and "do you know what you're doing now is indecent?" Ah... fuck you and your hypocrisy. You people are just jealous! I know that ur kids are doing the same thing and there you are sticking your noses up other people's business. Marriage would mean that you can show them the finger and say "ko pedulik apa? I'm married!".

Got to give these people credit though (those getting married early). I mean you meet so many people in your life and these people would definitely offer a lot of temptation. It's hard enough when you're just in a relationship and trying to mantain that relationship but when you're in a marriage and that person you married is gonna be your partner for the rest of your life, temptation is way harder. All these question whether you'll be bored of him or whether it will last will definitely come up. But then again, love conquers all rite? I also have to give them credit for wanting to avoid things that might complicate life a lot further like 'kena tangkap basah' or illegitimate babies.

I'm no commitment phobe and I do wanna have a husband and kids someday but I just cant see that someday to be anytime soon. I wanna achieve things first. Get my life on the right track. And to do this you might have to do stuff that might make marriage suffer and that's shit. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your marriage for your dreams. So to make it work... something gotta give and perhaps for me marriage can wait.