ABC's of Life

A--Accept
Accept others for who they are and for the choices they've made even
if you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or
actions.

B--Break Away
Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope
to accomplish with your life.

C--Create
Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams,
sorrows, and happiness with.

D--Decide
Decide that you'll be successful and happy come what may, and good
things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along
the way.

E--Explore
Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have
much to give. And every time you try something new, you'll learn
more about yourself.

F--Forgive
Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire
unhappiness and grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone
makes mistakes.

G--Grow
Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or
stand in your way.

H--Hope
Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long
as you remain dedicated to the task.

I--Ignore
Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your
goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a
small inkling of what the future holds.

J--Journey
Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded.
Try to learn something new every day, and you'll grow.

K--Know
Know that no matter how bad things seem, they'll always get better.
The warmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.

L--Love
Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your
heart, there's room for nothing else, but when love is in your
heart, there's room for endless happiness.

M--Manage
Manage your time and your expenses wisely, and you'll suffer less
stress and worry. Then you'll be able to focus on the important
things in life.

N--Notice
Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak, or suffering. Offer
your assistance when possible, and always your kindness and
understanding.

O--Open
Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during
the worst of times, there's still much to be thankful for.

P--Play
Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing
without happiness.

Q--Question
Ask many questions, because you're here to learn.

R--Relax
Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that
things always have a way of working out in the end.

S--Share
Share your talent, skills, knowledge, and time with others.
Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times
over.

T--Try
Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You'll
be amazed by what you can accomplish.

U--Use
Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that's wasted has no
value. Talent that's used will bring unexpected rewards.

V--Value
Value the friends and family members who've supported and encouraged
you, and be there for them as well.

W--Work
Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel
guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a
second chance.

X--X-Ray
Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you'll see the
goodness and beauty within.

Y--Yield
Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated,
you'll find success at the end of the road.

Z--Zoom
Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly
head. Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your
abilities, your dreams, and a brighter tomorrow.

Animals

Just Watched



Yeah I'm currently in my Disney aka feel-good movie moment right now. Sides not many good movies going on at the moment. 'Superman' is still aint out (it's taking ages. Hurry up already!) and 'Pirates of the Carribean' aint comint out til July so what the heck, feel-good movies it is.

Talking bout Disney movies, I just watched Bambi on Astro. To tell you the truth I've never sat through Bambi til the end. Didn't manage to stay put in front of the TV this time too. Luckily I didnt coz I know what's gonna happen next. No I'm not talking bout the part where Bambi's mother dies but I'm talking about the part where I'll blubber like a leaking pot if I watch any thing that shows animals dying. Yeap, I'm weak. Absolutely weak when it comes to animals. I cried so hard when I watched that New Zealand whale flick (can't remember the title) I couldn't even breath. I cried during 'The Lion King', '8 Below', and so many Animal Planet's documentaries that if all my tears were collected it could fill a water tank. I'm serious folks. I'm a pushover for animals. It's kinda funny coz I don't get people crying over movies like Titanic and Armagedoon and all those romances and I'm sure they don't get me crying over a penguin getting lost while looking for food.

I just hate it when I read stuff in the news bout people killing off bears and tigers or any other beautiful animals just so they can eat the balls or the brains or something coz they're supposed to be an aphrodisiac. Oh puh-leeze. Total bullshit that's what it is. I'm sure that God made tiger's balls to function as more than to boost a man's libido. Seriously if it's something that viagra can't fix then just learn to live with it. Just because you can't have sex that doesn't give you the right to stop animals from getting 'some' too. How would you feel if you were hunted down for your balls coz there's a rumour that it'll up a person's sex drive? Not a very good thought now is it?

And please... FUR is NOT COOL!! Again... imagine being skinned coz somebody else wants to wear your skin as a coat. Eww... that's kinda disgusting. It's just like in that movie 'Silence of the Lambs' where the killer kills people to take their skin. Yuck! Seriously people like Naomi Campbell should be shot for wearing fur. Public figures should know better.

I just wish that Malaysians would treat their animals better. I've seen some really nasty stuff going on in some household but I just dont have the power to stop it. I tried once and I got threatened that she'll let the dog on me instead. Hmm... irony isn't it. But I'm glad that SPCA is doing something about it. They're making a petition to up the penalty for animal cruelty in Malaysia and they're hoping to get 100 000 signatures. So PLEASE sign the petition (you can actually do it online) Go to SPCA and sign the form. Be a good citizen and prevent animal cruelty!

Yeah okay... Kinda lame but I'm making an effort



I'm currently reading :

God of Small Things
by Arundhati Roy

Just Watched :

Eurotrip

Another blog?

I know that I might be shot to death by die-hard blogspot fans or even blogspot administrators themselves for even attempting to create another blog elsewhere but yeah I did. Or tried to. I failed miserably at LJ coz the customize templates features were WAY too hard. I just couldn't be bothered (my lazy bout has not really subsided yet). And since I totally suck at LJ I didn't even try to try out Xanga. Yeap looks like I'm gonna be a loyal blogspot blogger.

I'm sure bloghoppers are aware of Xanga and Live Journal (LJ). They're probly the next big blog space next to blogspot. You know those features they have where at the top of the page where bloggers show to the world what they're watching or listening to or reading at the moment... well, I LOVE THOSE FEATURES!! I want one! They're so cool! I know that I couldn't be bothered to blog like ALL the time like most but I'm always watching a movie and downloading new songs and reading new books. And they're always a good topic for people to comment on. The next best thing would probly be Myspace blogs since they have those features too but I dont like the blog much since people dont usually read them and to tell you the truth there's too many pervs on Myspace anyways. I wouldn't want them too start reading bout my life's confessions. Who knows what they might do with it. But then who am I kidding? The internet is full of pervs!

But back to the issue at hand... yeah, I dont think blogspot is gonna install those features anytime soon. Probly be a rip-off if they did. So might as well I live with it. What's the point of me having another blog account anyways. I already have two here on blogspot and they're both RARELY updated (for shame). Seems kinda stupid if I actually did another account for that movie, music, books thingy. Oh but I do LOVE those features. I just wanna share to the world the stuff I find out from books and what I love about a certain song or movie. What? I can do that here in blogspot you say? I just need to customize the html and all that? Hmm... I could do that. But I'm just plain lazy. Haha! I want people tp do it for me and I'll just fill in the info ;P

My brain pattern

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a creative hotbed of artistic talent. You're always making pictures in your mind, especially when you're bored. You are easily inspired to think colorful, interesting thoughts. And although it may be hard to express these thoughts, it won't always be.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

FINALLY!!

Wow... I can't believe I actually went through the whole of sem 3 without blogging. Just goes to show how totally out of it I was. Memang malas betul!! I had no mood for classes let alone assignments which I did last minute AGAIN, by the way. And I was only in the mood for playing Sims2 for which I give Kudos to its creators for coming up with a totally addictive game. Aaarrrggghhh... what's happening to me? I am totally losing my drive for studying!! If only they had a master's degree in playing sims. I'll graduate at the top of the class ;p

So what has been happening all these while? Nothing! Hence my reluctance to go blog. The only exciting event of the whole semester was Sheena's birthday party cum reunion gathering which was done at San Francisco Steakhouse, KLCC (they had the best mushroom soup ever!!) and a bowl-explosion incident at Anis's apartment. I was lucky that I wasn't injured since I was standing about a foot away from the bowl. Moral of the incident... never ever buy fake Pyrex bowls! They can't stand the stove heat and they'll explode! But we had a good dinner anyways so it didnt turn out too bad. I guess the most exciting thing that happened is me doing my hair. It's been cut short with long bangs and coloured copper. I also had protein treatment done. I love my new hair and all at the price of RM80. Granted that it was done by a trainee (hence so cheap) and it took about 5 hours to get everything done but hey... it was way worth it. I'm also glad to say that Matt LOVED my new hair. I mean really LOVE it. Definitely RM80 well-spent. I would put up pics but I'm still waiting for Azreen to pass along the pics since lil ol' forgetful me forgot to put the camera in my handbag for Sheena's party.

So now I'm at home with nothing to do but cleaning and cooking so might as well I blog. It's not like I can do anything else since my idiot of a sister installed an anti-porn software which does not even know what website it should block and which ones it shouldn't. I can't even go to my torrent websites cause it says its an inappropirate page. I mean what the heck!!?? I need to download my America's next top model!! ( I love watching bitches fighting). To top it all off... the software files are well hidden that you cant find it at all so you cant do anything to it and my idiot of a sister doesn't even know the password to change the software's setting or uninstall it. So it's stuck there in our computer and we can't do anything about it. It's so annoying. I'm no porn surfer and this anti-porn thingy shouldn't bother me but this is getting outta hand. I need to get rid of it!! If only I could get a job.

I envy Adry, she works somewhere every semester while I'm here stuck at home. I wanna make money too. Sheena is holding two jobs at the moment and both jobs pay quite well. Aaarrggh I'm so jealous. Me want money!! Urgh! Who am I to complain I'm the one who's too lazy to actually show up at work. Again another symptom of laziness at hand. I'm hoping that it's a phase but deep down I seriously doubt it which makes me worry. Oh heck... maybe this 3 weeks break will do me good. I'm hoping that it will. I just need money to make sure all this relaxation willbe all the better. Yeah... yeah I know I cant have my cake and eat it too but hell... there's no harm in wishing isn't there.

My Love life

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves. You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't? You prefer a quirky, unique person to be your lover. You're easy going about who you're with, as long as they love you back. In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm. Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

new skin?

I'm actually thinking of changing my blogskin but havent found anything that caught my eyes so far. All the cute ones are WAY too cute while all the dark ones are WAY too scary. I know that this one suits me but I cant get the glitches to go away.

For a perfectionist like me it'll bug me till I dofind out what's wrong. Aarrgghh it's so annoying!! Can somebody figure out why my skin is all over the place?

On being fat...

It's nice to know that famous people like J.K Rowling (Author of Harry Potter series) would say something about fat issues. Yes... she's very much against it. Check out her official site jkrowling.com. Damn interesting site... tells you all you need to know about Harry Potter (if you're a potter mania like me) and about the author herself. There's also stuff like diaries and articles so it also acts somewhat as he personal blog. Anyways, in this particular article she mentioned that all a long-time-no-see acquaintance said when they met was "hey, u lost weight!". That friend didn't acknowledge the fact that she published a book and just won an award (they were at a book awards ceremony which J.K. Rowling just won something). So all she replied was "Yeah well, I just gave birth at that time."

This story reminds me of so many incidents that I have to go through whenever I meet old friends or old acquaintances though in my case they exclaim "my, you're looking healthier than ever" (healthy=fat). Why is it that people when they have nothing else to talk about start picking on other people's weight. It's bad enough that the recipient of the criticism has to be reminded that she's getting fatter, it's even worse when the exclaimation is done in front of loads of people. And again these same inconsiderate people wonder why everybody else has low self-esteem.

This also goes back to that blog that so-called friend of mine wrote. She probably goes through the same thing as I do though people would probably say "OMG, You're so skinny!!" but seriously in her case most would probably ask, "what's your secret? I need to lose ___ pounds" seeing the fact that skinny is the IN look nowadays. No matter if you're skinny or fat, the mater being pointed out to your face is still rude. So don't do it. Soemtimes when it goes on too long stuff like THAT blog would happen. And the next thing you know prejudice is popping up everywhere against fat/skinny people. I think that's why Pink wrote "Stupid Girls".

"Stupid Girls" by Pink is a really cool song (J.K. Rowling thinks so too-yeah, i think she's gonna be my new role model now ;P). There's too many stupid girls out there nowadays. I've seen girls starving themselves and doing stuff to their bodies just so that people would think them "pretty". But seriously it's all inside yourself. One of my best friends is extremely popular with guys but she would never fit into the category of typical skinny model look. In fact she's quite curvy and even before this she was a few pounds heavier, she still attracted loads of guys. ow did she do it? CONFIDENCE!! If I had half the confidence she has, then I'm all set to CONQUER THE WORLD (oops, I didn't say that out loud did I?) I mean... I'm all set.

If only people could open up their eyes and see the beauty within. I doubt that all these people nowadays saying that they don't care how their partners look like as long as they have a great personality, is all bullshitting really. Probably 1 out of 10 is telling the truth coz I've seen extremely good looking guys and gals with not so good looking partners. But look at that show "Average Joe", not once has the girl ever picked an average Joe which proves my point that people nowadays are mostly superficial.

Till that day of non-existant superficiality comes I shall wear my skepticism proudly and pronounce to the world "SO I'm FAT! Deal with it!"

Toothache gone!!

Hooray!! My toothache is finally gone!! Seriously it's worse than having a fever. You can't even sleep at nights with a toothache.

Uh-Oh... results will be out today. Please! Please! Please! Let me pass Research Methodology!!!

2 hours later...

OMYGODOMYGODOMYGOD! I PASSED!!

On my own!!

Being on your own is definitely liberating! No one to tell you what to do... criticise the way you dress or eat and you can pretty much do exactly what you want whenever you want. I guess being forced to stay at home for the weekend has its uses. I am definitely more relaxed than the last 4 months. *shudder* I do not even want to think about the things I went through last semester. The worst semester of my life. Beats even the time when I was in high school and that was before I can rant and rave on blogger.

I am definitely ready to have my own place. Or at least somewhere I live by my own authority and nobody else can intrude upon it. I am so jealous of Fynn for having her own place. I WANT ONE TOO!! Living on your own is a true sign that you're finally an adult. That you're independant and can stand on your own two feet. But yeah, I chose this life so it's time for me to live with it as sad as it may be. I just wish that people dont look at the 'student' status as a sign to boss me around. It's like being a student means that people can look down on you thinking you don't know any better coz you're still learning. Hell No! I'm learning coz I wanna make more money later on in life with my skills. Better to do it now rather when I'm old and greying. I wanna get on with life so it's easier if I get studying out of the way and then move on.

Aaarrrggghhh!! Just a few more days left of bliss and then back to UIA. Back to studying and assignments and constant worry if my grades are okay (results will be out tomorrow after 4pm. YIKES!!). Thank God that MA's are only a couple of years. I dont think I can take it if it takes as long as the undergrad level. I wanna start earning money and start building my own life. I wonder if I'll miss anything when I start living on my own. Probably the easy living I guess;P I mean living with your parents means you dont hafta worry about bills too much hehe! But other than that... nah! Okay maybe my family but I need freedom (I'm a girl after all). I need room to spiritually grow. Being home you're pretty much shaped by your parents. I need my own place so that I can live being me and not a version of what your mom wants you to be.

As always the case with time, when you look forward to something time tends to slow down and when you dread something time tend to speed up. Although a year aint that long, to me it seems like a very, very, very long time indeed!

Sweet? Me?

Your Reputation Is: Sweet Girl

While you're well known, there's nothing to worry about. You're reputation is mostly good - as good as any rep can be.

What's Your Reputation?

haha!! This is sooo NOT me. I am not sweet!!

Sad... sad day!

It's a sad, sad day when you're barred from going to your own best friend's engagement. Not from weather or the fact that she lives miles and miles away abroad but just because your mom told you so. *sigh*

Yeap... just like a typical Asian mom she put her foot down and said "NO! You can't go. Just do what I say!" Reason for this? Too flimsy too even warrant as a reason. And me being the typical Asian girl living under a parent's roof HAS TO listen to whatever the "RULER" says and in this case it's my mom. *long sigh*

So my best friend goes through her engagement with her bst friend absent. Yeah... yeah it may not sound like a big deal but to me it is. When I get engaged I would want my best friend to be present. Especially if your best friend is the only person besides your significant other who truly understands what you go through in life. For someone like me having my mom around during a critical moment of my life aint enough. My mom is not exactly my friend. My mom is my mom. An authority not to be dealt with.

My presence at her engagement wont probably effect much of the proceedings since I'm nobody but I think it would've meant a lot if I were there to give her encouragement. Getting married aint another step in life. It's a big leap. Especially now when you're still in uni. *another long sigh* But what's a girl to do. There's no way around it. Giving my mom the silent treatment aint gonna change her mind (trust me I tried it) and banging all my doors and stuff wont get me anywhere either, I'll probably get into more trouble.

So here I am on Sunday babysitting my baby sis with a bunch of other 15 year-olds while they go through their maths lesson. Ladeedaa! How exciting! I'm all teary-eyed with happiness. I'm sure this beats getting all dolled up, meeting up all my friends and eating good food at a party anytime! (Oh please, someone just kill me now!)

I vow that someday IF I have kids I will NOT rule over them with the iron claw regime. They shall be my friend and no matter what I do I shall be a cool mom! SO HELP ME GOD!

You Are 48% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul. You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at medium risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is somewhat likely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

Hehe!! How much do you guys agree with this?

Woes on mothers

Sometimes you just cant help but hate your own mom. And you just cant help but wonder whether you're in the right family or were you switched at birth. The two of you just can't get any more different.

Why do mothers do things to aggravate you? (Actually they might ask the same things from their daughters). But I think I can safely say that most mothers don't really try to understand thair daughters and daughters no matter how much they try will never understand their mothers. There's simply too much of an age difference. Sure you see these moms that get along so well with their moms but I betcha that those moms are probably much younger than the moms that usually have a bad relationship with their kids. Moms of the later age just cant understand what teens or young adults nowadays go through in their life. They're so trapped in that old mindset where moms and dads are the authority and nothing the kids say would change their minds about anything.

I see this a lot in Asian household. Asian parents are famous for beating the kids up, for not listening to what the kids say and using the iron claw treatment on their kids. And I see it most often in Asian mothers. Why? Just because they themselves were brought up that way and they just can't help turning out like their moms. It's just a shame when I see bright and intelligent kids trying to voice out some stuff to be instantly rebuked by the parents just with the excuse that they're kids and they dont know any better. How would you know that the kid didn't know any better? Kids nowadays are growing up faster and faster every day. Things aren't the same during the time when our parents were growing up. I think most kids nowadays just want to be heard. Parents dont hafta do what their kids say just listen and discuss it with them. Is that so hard to do?

Parents think that by listening to their kids its like demeaning themselves. Relinquishing whatever veto power they have and sharing it with the kids. Hell NO! Sides, parents aren't supposed to have veto powers anyways. How are you supposed to teach kids to be fair and accepting of other people's ideas if you dont set an example at home. Kids are not dumb not if you teach them right. They know that sometimes parent do the things that they do because it's the best course of action but if things are done just because that what the parents say then for sure the kids will revolt. I believe that parents should let kids take their time in doing some things. Dont force or imply rules just because that is what you believe in. In the end parents are gonna suffer coz their kids went against them behind their backs.

I've seen parents who are democratic and fair and trust me their kids are far better off than most parents who uses the ironclaw method. It's just aint worth it. You dont want your kids to turn your backs on you. Listen to them once in a while and you might learn something about your kids. Sometimes they can be far more intelligent than you give credit for.

try it... It's not so hard to listen.

Marriage... It's an epidemic!!!

Everywhere I turn everybody is doing it. If not downright marriage it's an engagement. It's like the bubonic plague where everybody just can't help but get the disease (no offense, but to me it is like a disease). And what's funny is that all these people that you just never thought would get married first or get married at all would be the first to get hitched. Teaches you to never take things at a surface level huh...

Oh well... I'm happy for them (seriously I am). I'm not too demented to actually run away from my friend's weddings but it's kinda sad when I see all these people who had to sacrifice a whole lot coz of babies and husbands. I just think that it's far too early for most of these people to settle down. They had soo much potential. They could've changed the world!! But then again it must be nice to legally be with that someone you love. *sigh* It sure beats having complete strangers coming at you asking "are you guys married?" and "do you know what you're doing now is indecent?" Ah... fuck you and your hypocrisy. You people are just jealous! I know that ur kids are doing the same thing and there you are sticking your noses up other people's business. Marriage would mean that you can show them the finger and say "ko pedulik apa? I'm married!".

Got to give these people credit though (those getting married early). I mean you meet so many people in your life and these people would definitely offer a lot of temptation. It's hard enough when you're just in a relationship and trying to mantain that relationship but when you're in a marriage and that person you married is gonna be your partner for the rest of your life, temptation is way harder. All these question whether you'll be bored of him or whether it will last will definitely come up. But then again, love conquers all rite? I also have to give them credit for wanting to avoid things that might complicate life a lot further like 'kena tangkap basah' or illegitimate babies.

I'm no commitment phobe and I do wanna have a husband and kids someday but I just cant see that someday to be anytime soon. I wanna achieve things first. Get my life on the right track. And to do this you might have to do stuff that might make marriage suffer and that's shit. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your marriage for your dreams. So to make it work... something gotta give and perhaps for me marriage can wait.

OCD? More like prejudice.

This is taken from a so-called friend's blog. Why did I take it? Let's just say that since she wanted to shout out to the world how she felt, I felt "What the heck... might as well help her spread the word around" (Please read this as sarcastically as you can.) Seriously, I am SOOO tempted to put down her details and expose this self-proclaimed bitch for who she really is (she really knows how to put up a sweet front) but I thought... NAH! Why stoop down to her level. She's in a spot where you can't get any lower.

I'm re-posting her blog coz I wanna show to you what a real prejudiced person is like. To author of blog-if you ever come across this page, it's NOT OCD. Obesessive-Complusive Disorder is when you cant control your need to do something like clean and rearrange stuff. What you have is pure, plain prejudiced. I don't wanna spoil the spurise for all of you so I'll just post it up now. But PLEASE leave comments about the blog. I'd like to hear what you have to say. Who knows maybe I'm just over reacting.

what is? Obssessive Compulsive Disorder. on what? fatty, fatso, whutever.. yeap i have OCD when it comes to fat people (girls, to be specific). to those my girl friends.. i'm sorry but i really am. let me jsut be blunt to u guys... i cannot stand them around me, i feel like kickin' their fat ass( imagining they gonna fly high above the sky..and me sayin' bye bye loser..). for one thing, fat ppl are very slow in thinking.they hardly do things accordingly and they are smelly! i cant stand being around fat people not because i felt intimidated (because i'm skinny) but its just the feeling that i hardly explain. i feel like vommiting when they approach me.

most fat girls i know are way too mean to be a human. they should have become a pig or something. or maybe they were..and reincarnated to be human..because god felt sorry for them.. Speaking of sorry, there goes another reason for me to hate them. They always take advantage on the fact that they are fat. People wud symphatize them. and because of that sympathy, they always have this think sense of sensitivity in them..people never say direct to their face.. "eee.. u're so fat".. but when it comes to skinny ppl, they'll go " so skinny..why, dun eat arr?" stupid asshole..some people have high metabolism, stupid numbnuts! although, i couldnt care less bout those who said i'm skinny..they're just jealous that i can fit in any clothes..MNG..ZARA..this and tht..but them..they have to go to Miss Read..(the auntie kinda clothes).

I hate fat people (fat bitch to be precise) because of Sue..she's fat. a fat whore who sells top up cards who thinks she's hot. She claim her self to be a japanese mix.. (although i dun see it). Perhaps the Sumo part. she's indirectly tryin' to tell the guys that her ancestor is a Sumo Wrestler..ehhehehe. Yes i have to be mean. I discriminiate fat girls.

I hate fat girls because they claim they have 38 cup..yeah like D or F or G, maybe! yeah whutever.. u even have to put deodorant under ur breast..not just armpit!

Some of the fat girls ( my fat friends) claim themselves as the hottie..they can sleep with anyone anytime.. yeah sure.. u got to lift up ur fat so that the guys can see ur pussy.. hahahaha (gross thought).. your pussy is covered up with your jelly belly and its smelly. Why did they do such thing? to boost up their confidence..confidence ma ass!!!

Last but not least.. dear Ireina or whutever ur name is.. my bf told me this funny story about her (which i cant reveal or i'll be dead).. yeah well, look urself at the mirror.. u're nothing but a big time fat whore who's a phaedophile (screw the spelling, i have no time for proper English here).

In conclusion..me, **** and **** have this thing about fat people.. (again, fat girls).. suma orang gemok bodoh! hehehehehe.. (we have the evidence based on the claim)..

So that was it guys... the blog that made everyone's day (again, as much sarcasm as you can muster). The sad part about this whole thing was that she was a really close friend and now I wonder, what was she really thinking all this while? What I really cannot forgive us the fact that she has hurt the feelings of so many people especially those who didn't deserve to be hurt. Irony at it's best when a self-proclaimed big mouth bitch, who puts on a mean front while in reality she's mommy's little girl, calls other people a meanie.

Please people, just tell me what you think. It'll be great to hear what other people have to say.

Nohari Window

I'm just trying to figure out how I am and what are my weaknesses so could all of you help me out? Go to this link and try to describe my weaknesses. It's kinda cool and I really want to improve myself. Help me out ya!

Nohari Window

Bad start?

A friend of mine had commented that I've had a really bad start this new year, come to think of it I may have. But, to me I wouldn't say that it was a bad start. Sure not everybody opens the year with 2 computers banging up but other than that my life has been pretty uneventful. In fact, it adds a litle excitement to my other wise typical and boring life. I mean all I do every single day is wake up, go to class, come back, do assignments and the internet is my best friend. Not exactly the kind of life I thought I'd lead once I'm a masters. My boyfriend is busy and most of my friends are all graduated so that just leaves me and the internet (which lets me down every once in a while- so I cant really depend on it to keep me company either). God I don't have a life!!!

Oh yeah, I just received news that my kitens were taken away by people. I dont know where to and I dont even want to contemplate. Luckily the mom (Maru) is still around so it's not too lonely. But the room is quieter now. I miss them trying to tear up everything in the room. *sob* My theory on their disappearance is that there's some people who are jealous that they dont want to play with them and want to play with me instead. So they call up these people just to spite me. Seriously what have they done to you? They dont poop and pee in your room, I've potty trained them to do it outside and they're not destructive (only to my stuff). *sigh* And to think I promised Sardines to my auntie. It's sad that they're gone but this has happened to me before. So I guess I'm a little immune.

So would I say that I've had a bad year so far? Well, maybe, but I dont want to dwell on the negative. It's just too depressing. It's so much better to concentrate on the better things to come. My computer is up and running. There's still a few snag I want to smooth out but it's not too major that it need immediate attention. And I'm flush again so no worries about money. I just cant wait for the semester to be over and have my well-deserved rest.

And the thought that after struggling for my Masters I shall someday have my own place and no one then can tell me what I should and shouldn't do (though I know mom is gonna try her hardest). Till that day comes... I shall toil away.

Just when you think things couldn't get any worse...

I've just had the most horrible, frustrating, hair-tearing, screaming-bloddy-murder week ever!! Till now I still want to scream bloody murder (SCREAMS IN FRUSTRATION).

Why can't Malaysia adopt US's stand that whenever it's the company's fault, at least pay a little compensation for the damage that's been caused. But NOOO... Malaysia's stance is to just apologize (with as little sincerity as possible) and hope you shove off and never mention this incident ever again. Well you picked the wrong person to mess with BITCH!

In a matter of 1 week my 2 computers have both exploded and fried by UIA due to their management system of complete ignorance of an oncoming problem until a tsunami of a problem hits them up their arses and send them into a panicked frenzy. How did UIA annihilate my computers? By letting me stay in a room that they knew had electrical problems but refuse to fix just because a former occupant was lazy to demand the room to be fixed. That and also the stupidity in thinking that UIA can never do any wrong, only the students. BULL-SHIT! My computers were working just fine and none of my electrical items were faulty. Still wanna blame it on me? Bring it on the? Check my stuff? I guarantee you that they're all A-OKAY. But what is most fucked up is the fact that they refuse to let me change rooms AND the fact that when the higher administration started to ask questions, they get all defensive and of course the blame would fall back on me. Seriously UIA sucks!!


And to think that I would learn to be careful around computers the next time round but no... I managed to actually pry off a letter from a laptop keyboard. And the funny thing is the laptop wasn't even mine. It was a loan from the place that I worked with coz they were sorry that I managed to get my computer blown to pieces! Call it bad luck? No, more like stupid dumbass carelessness. I mean what was I thinking? Be careful la wei!!

But still I feel that I need to stand up for myself though it's obvious that MOST of the blame is mine but it is not entirely my fault (denial is always good). I mean the computer won't just blow up by me plugging it in the socket now would it. Yes... that's what happened! I plugged the computer into the socket and BOOM! Smoke and fire came pouring out the back of the computer. Sob! Sob! My faithful little computer *sob* So for that incident I blame entirely to UIA. I mean why the hell was their voltage so high? Hello... most electrical items has a limit of 230V! But seriously, UIA needs to buck up! Where's the quality? You're supposed to be an international standard university!!

As for the second blow up... it was my new computer. *WAAAAA* That was entirely my fault. I was totally to blame. I was stupid and careless and I bear full responsibility (which cost me RM65). But still the incident was still because of the voltage. I was just stupid enough not to notice the Automatic voltage regulator turned off and went ahead and started the computer and to make a long story short... the power supply melted. Yeah... it actually sounded like ice-cream melting when put in a hot frying pan. The smoke smelled totally disgusting. Luckily this time the monitor (my new prized possesion- a 17" BenQ LCD monitor) did not blow up too. Hence my RM65 'melayang' just like that.

So whose fault is it? Mine and UIA's. For one UIA gave me a room which they knew was faulty in the first place. One of the socket wasn't working so I had to make do (ironing, boil water, recharge handphone, computer) all on one socket. See the probability of voltage overdose? Now you know why. Why they kept it a secret? Simple... all they wanted was MONEY!!

I've already lodged a complaint to the Quality Unit *nyahahaha* and you know what the college admin had the nerve to say? "How the hell did this reach the higher administration?" So... they wanted to keep it a secret. Hah! You're totally busted! (I feel like I've just uncovered a secret illegal organisation-Haha!) So anyhow that made them shake a little and my room change application was approved pronto. And it seems that they fixed up the socket during the weekend. People... people... people... if only you thought of this way earlier during the semester when I first lodged a complaint (I complained 3 times) and this whole messy incident wouldn't have happened. And you all would be blame free.

As for me... I have turned into this paranoid bitch everytime I have to use an electrical item in that room. I break out into a cold sweat and pray to god that nothing blows up. So far so good but I'm still paranoid. I'm definitely gonna change my room. I'm not crazy to actually stay in that room after all that has happened. I just hope they give me a room on the ground floor so I wouldnt have to lug all my stuff.

Oh yeah... u people might be wondering how the hell did I pry loose one of the letters of a laptop? Say thanks to Sardines the kitten. He literally wanted to chase the mouse on the screen and before I could stop him the letter E was off. After the whole computer incident the week before you can imagine the kind of reaction I had (totally berserk). Luckily it wasn't broken or anything. Just came off and by God's miracle I actually succeded in putting it back in all in one piece. phew!!

And to add icing to the cake... Maru actually got locked in my neighbour's room for 2 whole days. I went to the guard house 3 times and only managed to catch the guard at 10pm. I came back after the weekend at 2pm. What the hell were you guarding la? Even then he wouldn't let me open my neighbour's room although I know for a fact that the lady would definitely want me to release the poor cat. She's been stuck in there for 2 days. Imagine the MESS!! Who the hell is gonna clean it? Stupid guard. You know the irony, the next morning I managed to find another guard, female this time, and she immediately looked for a key and let the damn cat go. How simple was that?! Why lah you people need to make things so complicated? And afgter the whole incident has been told to my neighbour even she herself cursed the male guard. I mean come on!! That cat might've died.

I seriously think UIA is one of the best local uni in Malaysia but the attitude of the people here stinks. Big time. I don't think I can ever go through a week like this. I don't think I can handle all that stress. Aaarrrggghhh!!

Neglect...

It's a widespread phenomenon. A guy chases after girl, guy gets the girl, then guy takes the girl for granted coz he already got the girl. Typical scenario that most guys are aware off and yet keeps repeating throughout the duration of his life. Not once does he learn that the girl's feelings matter just as much as his.

Why do most guys expect that the girl would wait on/for him so patiently just because she's his girlfriend. I mean come on she has a life too. A life that she has so willingly altered to accomodate the guy's feelings. So you don't like her to go out with other guys then dont give her a chance to do just that. Don't expect girls to obediently stay in their room, waiting for the boyfriend to call and jumping at his every beck and call. This is the 21st century, girls like that no longer exist! Our world do not just exist around our so-called 'better' half. I know that guys out there will probably label me as a feminist after reading this blog. You know what, SO WHAT! I don't care if I am a feminist. If that's what it takes to get women be respected more then a feminist I shall be.

I don't understand why guys can't treat women with a little more respect and patience despite our so-called weaknesses (emotional and unpredictable). I'm not one to say that women are the epitome of perfection... heck, we women are a complicated bunch that we dont even understand ourselves let alone each other. But then again realise that men too have weaknesses and we bear with it. So why take us for granted and treat us like we're not important. In relationships, the hardest is not when you're trying to get the girl but trying to KEEP the girl. *sigh*

I know all blame shouldn't go to men. Despite my earlier claim that women who jumps at men's every whim is extinct...that's not true. There'll always be woman like that. But that doesn't mean that all women are like that AND that kind of women is NOT the model in which all other women should look up to.

So please... don't insult our intelligence. We have brains and we know how to use it. Keep neglecting us womenfolk, don't be suprised to find yourself alone and miserable looking at a photo of your ex-wife who's having the time of her life with her friends, other liberated women who managed to escape the clutches of men who just didn't learn how to appreciate.

Me Kittens!!

I've always been a cat lover. I think I was one even before I was born. That I have my dad to thank coz he was a cat lover too. There's a picture of me as a wee baby holding on to a cat. I can't help it... I think they're fantastic creatures. The Egyptians wouldn't have worshipped them if they weren't. They're so regal. I seriously wonder how can some people be afraid of cats. It's not like they're tigers or anything. OOooohhh... I want a tiger. A beautiful white bengal tiger for a pet. Yeah... dream on! Gotta make do with cats then.

Right now I am taking care of one sexy momma cat and 3 boisterous and extremely hyper active kittens who are way too large for their age. The mess is unbelieveable! (yes that includes doo doos and wee wees and cathair all over the room). But I'm used to it. Sure its icky but hey it comes with the job. It can't beat having them look at you with those beautifl eyes. I LOVE CATS!!

Momma's name is Maru (courtesy of Adry) and she's one protective momma. How can cats know to protect their kids at all costs and we human beings throw away babies just like that? Does that mean that we're lower than cats? Hmm... you know sometimes I think that most of us are.

And these are her three kittens whom Sarah managed to stop for a potrait. Usually these tykes would be running across the rooms that they're usually a blur. Sardines a boy while the other two are girls. Sardines has bad breath hence the name. Curly was supposed to be called Oinker but nah... she deserves something with a little more dignity. While the last is Tripod (no, she does not have 3 legs). Tripod is feline version of a dalmation and has 3 aligned spots on one side of her body hence the name.


Sardines the fatty cat with bad breath. Still thinking on how to brush his teeth.

Feline Dalmation

Curly in her Cute mode

Actually one of the reasons that I'm posting this is because they need good homes. There's only so much I can do for them. They have a home while I'm on campus but when I'm not they're gonna have a terrible time surviving since they're used to catfood handed to them whenever they're hungry. I can't take them home since I live all the way in Ipoh and have no transport to bring them back. They may be strays but they're well cared for and they're sweet creatures and I have managed to house train them to an extent so if there's anybody out there willing to take them just leave a message and I'll try to contact you. Maru can probably survive if left during the hols but the kittens will probably not. If there's anyone out there who can help please don't hesitate to contact me.

I don't know why I never learn. This has happened before and I still feel guilty for taking cats in and then abandoning them. I'm sooo sorry Momot, Boy, and Lucky. *sigh* I jut love cats too much...


Boy at the prime of his life

Whose fault is it?

Everybody's definition of a relationship is as unique as every other person in this planet. So I dont think one has the right to critisize another person's actions and what they do with their life. But you just cant help it sometimes? You just feel like shaking that person and saying what were you thinking!? Especially when that idiot just doesn't realise that it was their fault that the relationship ended.

Most people demand tolerance and understanding in from their loved ones but do they ever think whether they've been handing out the same things that they've been demanding? So when the relationship fails whose fault is it then? Sometimes it pisses me off that people are in denial of their own faults. It's like that Malay saying "You can spots germs from way across the sea and yet you dont see the elephant right in front of your nose."(translated)

I'm a believer that honesty is best when given at sparingly. There are things that are best not mentioned to anyone even those whom you claim is your soulmate. My philosophy: Sin of ommission is never as bad as sin of commission. But that's not the same as lying. Just for your own pleasure why would you lie to the people you love? The only thing it's gonna bring about is just hurt and mistrust. So why lie?

But hey... it's ur life so who am I to say anything. All he best to you mate!

Through A Rapist's Eyes

This is important information for females of ALL ages. Guys - please forward to the female members of your family and all your female friends and associates.

When this was sent to me, I was told to forward it to my lady friends. I forwarded it to most everyone in my address book. My men friends have female friends and this information is too important to miss someone. Please pass it along.

A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts :

1) The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go aftera woman with long hair . Women with short hair are not common targets.

2) The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who's clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around specifically to cut clothing.

3) They also look for women on their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4) Men are most likely to attack & rape in the early morning, between 5:00 a.m. and 8:30 a.m.

5) The number one place women are abducted from/attacked is grocery store parking lots. Number two is office parking lots/garages. Number three is public restrooms.

6) The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to another location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.

7) Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.

8) If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming

9) These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.

10) Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: "I can't believe it is so cold out here", "we're in for a bad winter." Now
you've seen their face and could identify them in a line-up; you lose appeal as a target.

11) If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell STOP or STAY BACK ! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back . Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

12) If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yell I HAVE PEPPER Spray and holding it out will be a deterrent.

13) If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm (between the elbow and armpit) OR in the upper inner thigh VERY VERY HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands - the guy needed stitches.

Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it hurts.

14) After the initial hit, always GO for the GROIN. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he's out of there.

15) When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible . The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

16) Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior,don't dismiss it, go with your instincts!!!

You may feel a little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

PLEASE READ THEN FORWARD THIS TO EVERY WOMAN YOU KNOW,
IT'S SIMPLE STUFF BUT IT COULD SAVE HER LIFE!

UIA Hols...

Looks like I'm stuck in UIA for the holidays again. Well... maybe not as long as last time but I have to endure days in UIA with nobody around and crappy food. *sigh*

Technically it was my fault. I should've settled my work like ages ago. But NOOOO I just had to goof off. *WHAT WERE YOU THINKING SHAN?* So now I endure the deafening silence and the solitude of UIA during midterm break. Luckily though (why am I saying it's lucky?) Dr. F is having another makeup class on Friday. So at least something to do to kill the time. But NOW I have to worry on how the heck I'm gonna go back to Ipoh this Friday. PERAK has the most concentrated chinese settlement in the whole country. Everybody is going back for Chinese New Year. Aiseyman!!

IT SUCKS that my friends are scattered all over Malaysia so hanging out aint much of an option. I hate going through looking for new pals kinda thing so here I am the voluntary hermit and yet hating every minute of it. *Geez, I'm such a loser* I wish I could make friends without going through all that preliminary bullshit of getting to know each other and all that. It's a lotta hassle. Demanding I know...

*sigh* NAK BALIK! NAK BALIK!

I am beyond pissed at the moment. Wordes can't describe how I feel. I have the urge to kick, scream, shout, throw stuff. But most of all I have this urge to... HURT!

WHy do I let myself be treated this way? Like someone who does not matter. With no dignity. No pride. My ego rebels. I cant's stand it. *screaming in frustration and anger*

I feel unimportant. That I serve no purpose but to be at beck and call. Like I don't have a life. But I DO!! It's a matter of choice on how I lead my life!

Just realise that things can just change. I wont be around all the time you know. Just remember that will you...

It's been awhile since I last blogged. I guess I must have gotten one of those writer's (or in this case blogger's) block. The thing is I had LOADS of stuff to say. Like that time when I got hoodwinked into going clubbing at Planet (then again, I was stupid enough to think that Planet was NOT a club. It didn't help that my gal pals insisted that it was live band-Shame on you girls ;P). Then there was that time when I felt like killing Matt and a girl who just didn't seem to understand that I need some time alone with him. I mean DUH... we just endured like 5 months of long-distance romance here so could you like give me some room! Some people can be THICK sometimes. Other than that was my usual on and off uncertainties, low self-esteem, problems yada... yada... yada and oh yeah I'm feeling under the weather at the moment. Terrible fever and *cough*. And there's also that doubt on whether I should carry on with my Masters (please don't panic people, I AM going through with it ;D). There were times when I felt "I gotta write this!" but I didn't. As soon as the keyboard was right in front of me everything went blank. *sigh* All that pent up stuff aint good people!

It's not just for blogs anymore too. It's happening to letter writing and anything to do with creative writing. I cant even speed up doing quality quest. Dr. Nora is already asking when it's gonna be done. Aaarrgghhh!! Seriously... I just can't go through doing it!!

The case of the 'Malas'? Could be? I just think that my head is still behind time. It's already2006 but my mind is back in 2005. I'm still on holiday mode. Thank god I started studying now rather than working first and then start studying again. Imagine if I'm used to having money every month then hafta go back to just being a student. Whoa! No thanks. So this is my path.

Gotta find a way to kickstart my head back to gear now.

p.s. Happy Eidul Adha Everybody!!

Happy New Year!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

me...

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things. Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life. You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon. Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall. You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults. Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion. A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What Temperment Are You?

My life

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences. You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

MY blogging personality

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate

You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger. You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause. You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you! A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

Depression

What's important in a relationship? Honesty? Trust? Respect? Communication? Love? All of the above?

What if you had none? Would it still be a relationship?

what makes a relationship work? Would it work if only one side is doing all the work while the other just turns a blind eye?

All I ask for is openness. Push aside the anger and listen. And maybe... perhaps maybe you'll hear my pain.

Thanks friends...

I never realised that there were unseen people out there who cares. I gotta thank all of you. I was going through a really bad week and after seeing comments people left it was... uplifting.

BUt in truth... I have yet to find my zest for blogging. Or doing anything else for that matter. I dunno what's wrong so I don't know how to fix it. I worry, I ponder and I hope that I'll get out of this feeling.

But thanks people. Thanks for caring...

I REALLY HATE LIFE

It's been awhile...

Wow it's been awhile since I last updated. Why? A simple explanation. I was just LAZY. Besides there wasn't any interesting thing going on in my life that warranted a blog anyways. It was just an exhausting routine of going to work, working my ass of and then coming back and collapsing on the bed still in uniform just to wake up the next day and repeat the whole mundane activity.

Still... there were perks. I gathered close friends and we had a blast. Now that I'm here I hope the friendship will last too. Thankfully they're all in the KL area so it wouldn't be too hard to see them once in a while. *sigh*

I dunno why my heart is not into blogging anymore...

In fact my heart is not into most things any more...

Something is not right but I dont know what it is. God! Give me strength...

I'm a student again. But it's a whole different ball game now. No more playing. No more fooling around. It's time to gear up for MASTERS now. God! Give me strength...

Deeparaya

HAPPY DEEPAVALI & SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!!

Will I ever get connected again?

I'm kinda getting worried. I've been out of the studying and student environment for so long that I dont think I connect with that aspect of my life any longer. To tell you the truth I find the stuff being talked about as a student as somewhat trivial and immature.

WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?

Yeah sure I love my days as a student but now thinking back I only see it as something that I've already went through and now I dunno if I want to go back. Life was simple and protected but also pathetically naive and sheltered. We don't live in the real world there.

Everytime I go to work I see the real problems people face. No money, job search, making ends meet, the problems of doing overtime and whatnots. Now I think back on the things I went through as a student it seems that they were all things that is so minute compared to the things I hear and see now. Will I ever connect with normal students again?

I'm not demeaning the problems that students face it's just that will I be able to shift my mind back to accept that the problems students face are just as traumatic to students as problems face by the working community. Knowing me I might be sarcastic enough to actually push away all my friends.

*sigh* I HATE MY SARCASTIC WIT AND BIG MOUTH!!

Come on... MOVE IT!!!

It's an off day today. Something that all TGV workers look forward to the whole week. It's the day where we don't have to dress up like penguins and shove popcorn all day or face hundreds of strangers demanding good seats or questioning why do ladies get rm2 off on a Tuesday.

So what do I do on an off day. I vegetate. Yep... the bed is my best friend on this particular day. After 6 straight days of being on my feet at ungodly hours this is the only day that I can catch up on my sleep. Sweet heavenly sleep bliss. Aaahhhh...

But you hafta wake up sometime. Today I had to wake up to cook for the family's buka puasa dinner (a practice run to prepare for Ramadhan), to send a long overdue letter to my penpal of 8 years and to secure a ticket to KL for the 10th (yey! I'm meeting up with Matt again!). But foolish of me I didn't even consider the fact that it's the end of the month (people are flush with money) therefore the post office was jam packed with people paying their bills. So there I was lining up with a SINGLE letter for 45 minutes.

What I dont get is how come people behind the counter just don't get that feeloing of urgency in trying to move things along when that tiny little post office was brimming with people (some even lined up outside the post office) and there they were dawdling along and even had time to joke around with buddies in between customers. It took all of my effort to not shout out "Will you please hurry it along!!" Luckily the lady in front of me did it for me. She wasn't too subtle in her complaints. I had a feeling that the workers heard her and slowed down further just to spite her.

This is a problem that I see all the time. And sadly it's usually in Malays. These kind of people would prefer coming to work and get paid to do nothing. Or as the Malays call it 'GAJI BUTA'. Post offices close at 5pm and I know those clerks were trying to slow things down so that they can close in time. That's the only aspect of their work where they actually follow to the T. They're punctual when it's time to go home. Sometimes they're so punctual that by 5 they're already home. Nak makan gaji buta but when people get promoted for excellent service these people will be the first to spread malicious rumours and badmouth people who actually wants to make their lives a whole lot better.

No wonder government agencies always get badmouthed. It's actually getting that bad. I see it all the time in UIA too. Students know better to never ever go to STADD or any administration building at 2pm coz there wont be a soul to help you out. To be on the safe side go at 3pm though technically lunch hour ends at 2. Ape ke hal?

How do we expect to develop the country and turn it into a 1st world nation if the people's mind aren't developing along with the nation's progress? Seriously... something has got to be done. Wake up people! Kita melayu bukan me-layu!!

TGV life...

It's been over a week now since I started working at TGV and I must say that I'm beginning to enjoy my stint there. It's great being able to start over and create a whole circle of friends who knows nothing bout my past and just spends several hours trying to make the waiting and labourous job more fun. No stress about who's getting the better marks or who's failing or who's gonna get barred from exams. Sure there's worries but they're more to 'Will I be late for work?' or 'I hope I'm not short when on cashier duty...'. I dunno, somehow at TGV it's like I'm worrying bout more real stuff and no longer trivialities. Stuff that matter.

Don't get me wrong... education is important but I guess when worrying about assignments and all those shit I still feel like I'm still a kid. But then that's just my opinion.

Being round these people has also made me realise something else... I realised that most uni students don't know just how much better they are than others. You're in uni so more or less you have a bright future and if you need money there's always PTPTN and the parents :P Your sole responsibility is to go to class, study and do well. Uni students have it made.

But what about those who didn't get into public uni? Well... they'll be the ones working at TGV working hard and sometimes holding two jobs a day to pay their way through private colleges which costs a bomb. Taking a PTPTN loan is an option but most don't take it due to the fact that they prefer to be debtless later in their life. To tell you the truth I regret the decision of changing the status of partial loan to full loan. Now I'm in debt for the next 15 years after I graduate. AAArRRGGGHHH!!!

So what's with the different mindset? Why do uni students who are bright individuals waste away their loan money on stuff that'll only last for a short time while these so-called turndowns think ahead, spend wisely and have already laid out a path for the future? Most uni students are still unsure on their plans once they graduate (me included) while these guys already know what they want to do. So the question is how come most uni students don't think that way too? I mean both groups of people are of the same age group and same needs.

I think the answer lies through them facing life's harsh realities way earlier in their life than the others. They've already learned the value of money and knows what really matters in life. Experience will mould a mind in a different way. I think back on my uni days and I feel guilty. I feel guilty for wasting so much money on stuff that didn't even matter while my mom is back home working away to provide me money. The guys at TGV are all working to be financially independant from their parents. They know that one day they have to step out on their own so it's better now than later.

Seriously I think I have gotten my priorities all screwed up. Yeah sure I worked during uni and I'm working now but not for the same goals as most of the others have. I'm working so that I'll have money to buy stuff that my mom won't get me. Not exactly a noble thought. In uni you're protected and in a way you're still treated like a school kids due to rules and regulations. So in a way the minds of most uni students would be stuck at the mindset of a kid just wanting to only have fun in life. It's true that there's no bettertime to have fun other then during uni but should it be at the cost of your family's discomfort? I don't think so.

I think it's time now for me to ponder about my life and straighten up my priorities *sigh*

Long distance relationship...

I wonder how some couples survive long distance relationships. I think its the kind of relationship that sucks the most! So much work and money goes into maintaining a line between two people.

I'm going through the whole long-distance 'shebang' right now and just as I had predicted it aint all roses and hearts plus there's plenty of fists and cussings to go round.

I dont know... maybe I'm just being my usual paranoid self (and it doesn't help that there are songs out there about other girls hitting on your BF- Dont Cha? by Busta Rhymes & Pussycat Dolls). Or maybe I'm not giving him the trust and understanding that he deserves. But then again I'm not exactly calling him up every hour on the hour just to know what he's up to.

God I hate fighting. It makes me feel down, guilty and lonely. Loneliness... the feeling that I hate the most. I just dont know what to do now... dont know what I could say to make it all better... is sorry the right word for it? Will love be enough in this case?

I just don't know!

Night shift

Last night's work was WAY better than Thursday's shift. Probably due to the fact that night shift people are way cooler than those during the day shift. I'll probably sound racist or close minded here but bear with me. I dont mean to be racist or narrow minded in any way whatsoever. But I think why I enjoyed last night's shift better was because there were more Indians than Chinese.

I kinda noticed that the chinese tend to shy away from people wearing tudung. I think wearing tudung signals to them that I'm a close minded person who'd rather stick to my own people. I dont really blame them. All this segregation and seperatism goes way back in history and it's even being practiced now in schools and universities as well as the workplace. How many times during my search for part time work I see a sign saying 'Chinese Only'. We still see schools dominated by a certain race and some would travel out of the way just to send their kids to schools where their own race is dominant. It's kinda sad really. Because of all this seperation a lot of people are now somewhat handicapped when it comes to racially mixed environments.

This attitude has also something with religion. I'am ashamed to say that most Muslims stay away from chinese is due to the fact of ignorance towards their ways and customs and the lack of understanding of Islam itself. Just because Islam forbids the consumption of pork as well as keeping dogs as pets it doesn't mean that you stay away from those who do not abide by the same rules. Indians are more accepted by Malays because of the fact that some of them don't eat meat therefore they don't eat pork. Thus the notion of them being 'jijik' doesn't come up.

We live in a sad world don't we?

You'd think that the society now are more tolerant to racial unity and mixed marriages but it's not. Most of my fellow TGV workmates when they saw the picture of Matt. They all thought he was Indian and how could a Malay girl (who wears tudung somemore, though the tudung disappear at times :P) dates and Indian guy. It may not be a big deal like it was before but it's still something that is not wholly accepted.

This issue concerning race will go on for a long time yet and who knows whether it's gonna get better or worse. I just hope it turns out for the better.

As for me I'm just gonna enjoy getting to know my new found friends.

Da TGV experience...

I still havent recovered from Langkawi yet there I was manning the Candy Bar post at TGV Kinta City. What was I thinking?

Now my whole leg aches from the stairs of Langkawi (both telaga tujuh and cable car ride- what is it with Langkawi and stairs?) and now from standing the whole day handing o0ut popcorn and snacks to people watching movies. *whiny* I dont want to be the one selling snacks, I want to be the one buying them so I could enjoy them while watching my movie! *UWAAAA*

Back to reality- I really need the job. I cant expect to sit idle for the next 3 months. And what if I dont get a place for masters after all? Then what am I gonna do?

It's not like the job is hard or anything. Manning the candy bar is pretty easy once you get the hang of it. I also tried my hand in telesales. Also a no clincher. I guess the only drawback is working people I dont know at all. And from various races too. I guess after MRSM and UIA I've been so cut off within my own race that I've forgotten how to interact with people of other races. They all seem pretty nice but then again how would I know if they suddenly talk in chinese about me right in front of my face. There's only a handful of other Malays and even then you cant really stick together much due to conflicting work schedule. I just feel alienated coz I still dont have anyone I could stick to just yet. I need someone to show me the ropes. But I wore my new Nike bag to work and that was the only thing that kept me happy all day coz people kept commenting how cute it was. I am so GLAD that I bought it.

I dont look forward to going back to work tomorrow (today is an off day). Partly because I havent found myself a friend yet, and I have to work the night shift tomorrow, but also because I feel that I dont fit in at all. All my life I am surrounded by people pursuing higher things in life but here all of them seem to be content with where they are and what they do. Most were shock when I told them that I already finished my undergrad and now waiting to do Masters. Because of their shock I decided to say that I'm on holiday instead. Why alienate myself even further? I miss being in uni...

I just hope to God that it'll get better. I'm no quitter and I hope I'll never become one. Please god send me a new girl or guy that I can really relate to. Just to make my short working stint there a little bearable. Please God please....

Langkawi heaven...

Langkawi was da BOMB!! I spent the best and most tiring 3 days and 2 nights there and although I came back with screaming muscles and total lack of sleep, I would not hesitate to do it all over again!!

I had the best travelling buddies I could ever ask for. My stranger to protect me and cuddle me whenever I feel like it and Ash, a guide and a 'mad' companion for my stranger and Anis, something for Ash to hold on to so that he'll be sane. Pretty much like my role with Matt *wink* I've never been on a trip with anyone other than my family so it was great to share my experience with these people.

Yeah... there was s ome minor bumps we encountered like getting stiffed on our ride but no damage done since we managed to get the money back. For me all the bumps we encountered was cool since it left some pretty funny memories like the time when Matt wanted to make a U turn and got stuck in soft earth at the shoulder of the road. So both guys had to get out and start heaving. THAT was kinda funny. Matt got sprayed with mud all over his face. Haha!!

So since this was a trip to the beach and all, why would my muscles be screaming? Well to get to this one particular place we had to hike a Batu Caves like stairs and for me who had no exercise whatsoever for the past few months it was total agony. I was already cursing Ash halfway up those stairs. Luckily the place was worth the climb. Telaga tujuh is definitely a place that even Puteri Bunians would undergo rigorous stair climbing to get to. It was totally beautiful. The water was so clean that you could even drink it without fear of contamination. The view was... WOW! What made it even more worth while was when all of us got on board the cable car, we finally realised just how far up we actually climbed to get to the infamous waterfalls. Imagine going halfway up to Genting on foot. That's how high up it was.

I just wished that we had time to enjoy Langkawi more. We still havent covered half of the island. And we didnt manage to sample any of their local ikan bakar joints either. But I'm glad that after a long while I could enjoy the beach again. Oh well... there's always a next time! We already have plans in the works.
The waves may not be as big as those in Australia and Hawaii but they're pretty huge for Malaysian standards.

This is the view of Porto Malai Harbour Langkawi all the way up from Langkawi's cable car.

As for the other pictures... I'm waiting to for some broadband connection so I can finally upload my pics without difficulty. Using dial up sucks!!

My 1st EBAY experience...

I've never been one to surf round for stuff in ebay since I'd rather go through the actual shopping experience. The smell of new clothes and things on sale, the feel of crisp new material and the rush that you get when you get an item which is a bargain is definitely an experience that you can never have enough of. But with all this highs there's always a downside. Like just now, I thought that I just bought myself a nice pair of sneakers which was a bargain when suddenly I saw another pair in another shop which was way better (branded too) and yet the price was pretty much the same. Oh what a blow! Til now I'm still reeling from the shock.

I guess that's the positive side of ebay. The chances of that happening is slim coz it all depends on the bidding. You bid low and you probably wont get the stuff. You bid high... well, you'll get the stuff but not at the price you might have hoped.

As for me, I saw a Nike bagpack which was cute and cheap (considering its a Nike, though there's doubts that it is a real Nike bag). I waited till the very last minute and VOILA! I got the bag! And at the lowest price possible too. For that I'm proud of myself.

Yeah... ebay is cool but I kinda miss the shopping experience and the fact that you can always wander round the mall... think about the sale and decide if you really want the item or not. With ebay you kinda lose that experience. Once you press bid it's a contract and like it or not you have to make that sale.

But anyways, my first ebay experience was cool but it'll probably be my last. I just hope that this bag is way worth my money. I hate not being able to see how it looks in real life.

Merdeka!!

Every year it's the same routine for me... either lounging around in my room with a couple of friends shouting 'MERDEKA' or lounging around in front of the TV with the family and shouting 'MERDEKA' as soon as it is the 31 of August. Although it sound so unspirited and unpatriotic, trust me the spirit of Merdeka is deep within me.

Thus I'd like to wish all Malaysians out there 'SELAMAT HARI KEBANGSAAN ke-48'!

MERDEKA!!

I'm back...

Convo is over and done with. It was exactly as I expected it... exciting, loads of people and a bit of a letdown (Yeah, I expected this). But it was fun meeting up old friends all dressed up, and seeing how they got along in the world. Some are already career folks and family men while there are some like me who's still not ready to embrace the working world just yet. For people like me, the working world is something that you do part time and to fill up time in between semesters where your mind doesn't go idle and you'll get paid so that you'll have pocket money. Far from the actual working for a living concept. Yeap, I'm a coward when it comes to facing reality.

So many things happened before convo itself that if I were superstitious I'd probably stayed at home and not go out at all that day. Firstly I found out that the shoes (sandals) mom bought were not allowed so I had to get another pair. Then I found out that my baju kurung was an unexceptable colour so I had to wear Ika's baju (which was a pity coz I loved the fabric and colour of my baju kurung) and lastly on the actual convo day itself the video camera didn't work. So there goes the recording of my convocation. So to make up for it we took plenty of pictures. Even that didn't come out half as much as I wanted it too. So now all I have ia few large pictures the photographer took (they're really bad since there were too many of us on stage and the picture of me had someone else's face in the background) and two small albums of personal pictures. Oh well... it was still a memorable day. Hopefully my Master's convo will be much better.

Besides that, my wounds are doing nicely too. They've closed up perfectly though they still hurt. I still can't make extreme movements like jumping vigorously or go on a roller coaster just yet but healing progress is great. The only setback of actually getting the lumps out of me is that nearly everybody said that my 'rack' is smaller now. Darn! And to think that people actually pay good money to get my natural sizes. Pity Matt. He wont be too happy. Haha! So now all I have to look forward too is my holiday. It's just a week away!!

Langkawi here I come!

Off you go bandages!!

My bandages are off and I finally saw how my operations wounds looks like. Quite gruesome to tell you the truth. I just hope that all the ikan haruan that I've been eating will work it's magic soon. The last time I had the operation the scar is barely visible and even the doctor was impressed. So this time I'm hoping for the same results.

I'm relieved though that the bandages are off. It means that I can finally move round now. I can drive and go out again. Though unfortunately due to the haze I'm not advised to go out at all. The nice doctor gave me 1/2 dozen masks coz I'll be going round to KL next week. That was sweet and it was FOC too. And I used to think that private doctors would suck your money dry for every little bit of healthcare that they give. I guess I was wrong. Though this whole operation and lumps thingy are wrapping up (the biopsy came out negative for cancer by the way, I AM SO RELIEVED!) I still hafta go to him for follow up checkups. Mum was really worried so doctor is gonna check again to ease her mind. Did I mention that this doctor is really sweet. Definitely someone you'd go to again.

Right now, I just need to concentrate on getting over the haze. I wish the haze would just disappear soon. I cant believe that there's still people out there burning things out in the open when the country has announced a state of emergency. How selfish can some people be. And since the situation is getting worse by the day, you just can't help but be angry at the Indonesian government for not anticipating the burnings and putting a stop to it before it actually affected people.

I pity those people who depends on good weather to make a living like food hawkers and peddlers. When people stay indoors nobody would want to buy their food. Maybe next time leaders would think about the consequences before pushing aside matters concerning the environment. It's not trivial for if we lose the earth we're living in now where else are we gonna live?

Hazy days...

The haze is getting worse by the day. I cant believe that the 1997 haze pehenomenon has hit back with a vengeance. Kinda brings back a whole lot of memories for me.

It was days like these that Abah died a few years back. And eeriely he just got out of a major surgery too. Just like me, except that his was far more major and life threatening than mine. He was fine after the surgery, in fact the doctors were optimistic about his recovery. What they didnt expect was the haze. It got really bad and finally Abah's weakened lungs (after effects of chemotherapy) couldn't take it any longer. He passed away and we've been devoid of his presence ever since.

I really miss him. I always look at other families with envy whenever their dads spend some quality time with them. Sometimes I feel that I was robbed of that. But in a way it has led me to get a relationship with my mother that most people don't have. A mutual respect and understanding. Not the kind of relationship potrayed by the Gilmore Girls but an embracing independance where we need each other but in detached sort of way. We have room to move and make our own choices in life but at the same time we know there's always a limit and there's always someone we can lean on if we feel the need for support. It took me ages to achieve this with my mom but If Abah was still alive I probably wouldn't ever get this kind of bond with my mom.

So it's true when they say that clouds do have silver lining. And in this case the lining was in fact GOLD!

Recovery time... slow.

People would think and assume so many things but then realise later on that what they thought turns out to be horribly wrong. I'm going through the exact same dilemma right now.

First of all I thought that with the operation over and me getting out of hospital that would mean the end of my so-called suffering. But no... turns out that I got some bug and I've been going through my days with a fever that comes and goes. Fever I can handle it's the sore throat I hate. Now all I can eat is liquids or mushy foods. YUCK! But at least I'm at home now and not at the hospital still (Gee Yan, I wonder how you handled staying at the hospital for a whole month. I'd probably die of boredom. Salute you lah!) Thus my recovery time right now is slower than I'd like it to be coz there's so many things for me to do right now for convo. I need to go shopping! I need SHOES!!

The second thing that I was wrong about is this MAWI AF3 fever. I thought with the end of AF3 all this hyped-up nonsense will go away. Sadly I was wrong. Now people are even more desperate to see their idols that they scour every astro channels, radio shows, internet and newspapers just to get a glimpse of their "idol". Sadly my own family member is one of them. Though not up to the extent of voting every week but an avid follower of Mawi. I pity the poor guy. He has lost all hopes of privacy now. And Astro is not making things any better by showing to the world his home and all. There's even reports of break ins at his home by fanatic fans and reporters who wanted to get their hands on his stuff. I hope Mawi really knew what he was signing up for when he joined AF3. As for me I'm just sick and tired of watching all those reruns on TV.

Please people... get a life!!

Wife Swap

Have you guys watched this reality TV show 'Wife Swap'? Yeah I know from my previous blog I sound like one big anti-reality TV girl but actually I'm not. I'm actually a big fan only there's certain shows that I'd rather not watch and I'm sure you can guess what they are :P Anyways about Wife Swap, it's a show where 2 wives are to switch places and live the lives of their exact opposite for 2 whole weeks and see what they can learn from that experience. The first week the wives have to follow the rules of the original wife but the 2nd week the wives are to implement their own rule.

Last night I was watching an episode where a devout, traditional christian has to change place with a lesbian. Woohoo! Imagine that! So of course there were plenty of shouting and crying. What I love about this show is that it shows the true nature of human beings especially when they're put in a situation that they must handle all on their own. For this episode the Christian showed her true nature which was of prejudice and snobbishness which is kind of ironic really when at the start of the show she mentioned that she live life according to this principle 'Do unto others as you want others to do unto you'. If the way she treated the lesbians was the was she wanted people to treat her then she must love people judging her by the colour of her skin and her status in life.

Christianity is the closest religion to Islam and they share a lot of the same values and principles and its offensive when she treats people that way and say that she did it in the name of christianity and morality. I think all that time the money and status was speaking coz never once did she actually sit down and listened to pother people talking and hear what the other has to say. She even insinuate that the other gay wife would actually do something to her teenage daughter. Why is it people fear so much of those who are different from they are? In this case I find it funny to see that a black women actually fearing someone who was different from the norm when actually the African-American have been fighting to be seen as an equal to the caucasians. But now the race that have been prejudiced all this while is giving out the same prejudice to other people. Where is the justice in that?

Lesbianism is against most religion but it doesn't mean that we should treat these people badly. They're people too. I just hope that some days these ignorant people get enlightened and someday the fog that's been blinding them lifts up and show them the light.

The end of AF3

AF3 is officially over as of last night. Cant say that I'm sad. I've never been a big fan. I only started watching when I first started my break. I think then there were only 7 students left. I am more relieved that it's ended. Finally my family can go out on Saturday nites without worrying who the next reject of AF3 is gonna be. To tell you the truth I'm getting kinda sick with all this hyped-up AF fever.

No offence to all AF fans out there though. The show is entertaining and all but all this uproar over a few guys is waaaaay too much. People are actually waging war over who should win when in reality the actual people who are in the show are like buddies. And to think that the TV station is actually encouraging this kind of behaviour by letting over-enthusiastic fans fight onscreen through chat channels. These fans waste so much money by chatting and voting but what do they get in return? An empty wallet and nothing else. Well... perhaps the satisfaction of getting their "idol" the much coveted 1st place. But after that what else? The idol just get richer and richer and the fans wont even get the acknowledgement they rightly deserve. To the idol they are only fans. Nothing more.

Though I must applaude the Mawi Fan Club for their fantastic coordination with their sms. Not only did they managed to outvote every other idol but they also landed him the Best vocal award and the Best performance award. Imagine how much money they spent to actually let Mawi walk away with RM26000 in cash and a whole lot more in assets. Luckily the guy is talented and can actually sing so in a way the title "Juara Akademi Fantasia" is deserving. But in reality who's the actual winner in this scenario? Not the fans... and definitely not the idol. In fact it's the TV station and Maxis. Just wonder how much they reap from this show every week. But then again those were the choices of the voters. Who am I to say whether what they did was foolish or not. Coz when questioned these fans can easily say "It's my money, so what do you care what I do with it".

Well... you're right. It's your money. Therefore it's your problem. If there's anybody out there who doesn't like what they're reading... tough. This is my opinion and I'm sticking with it. I didn't mean to raise anyones ire but then again you can't please everybody. For once I applaud Najib, our DPM, to actually acknowledge this problem out loud. Malaysians are slowly turning into copycats and everything deemed exciting and popular should be done in Malaysia too. I just wish that they pick the really worthy ones to copy like 'The Apprentice' or something. Why generate more and more one hit wonders that'll just come up with one hit song in their entire lifetime?

The glitzy world of fame and popularity shall forever haze the true vision that lay before our very own eyes...

I'm back...

well... I'm back and WHEW! What an experience! Hospital life is exactly how everybody says it would be. Thank GOD that I didn't hafta stay there that long. Two nights is more than enough!

So I got admitted into hospital to remove one lump but turns out that there were 3 lumps altogether. Even the doctor was shocked. All those tests and ultrasounds and they were unaware that there were 3 huge lumps growing in my chest. I was really lucky. Not only was I walking around with 3 lumps but all of them were the size of my big toe. How did I miss that?

I would've posted a picture of the lumps but I dont want to gross people put so let's just say that in clear liquid (I think is steriled water) it looks like 3 wads of cotton balls except they're more dense and heavy. Kinda icky!

Right now I dont really know how the scar looks like cause the bandage can only come off on the 12th so I just hope to God that there isn't any noticeable scars. I pray too that this will be the last time I go under the knife. I hate the feeling of needles being stuck into me. I felt like a walking pin cushion. Though I could do with all the attention ane everyone tripping over themselves to do my bidding :P

But the experience was made more tolerable that there were friends out there who truly cared and even more suprising was the support from those I barely knew and those that I never knew at all. To all those people I would like to say thank you. What you guys said or wrote really meant a lot and I hope someday I can do the same in return

p.s. To author of Catharsis.blogsirit.com, your blog is kinda cool too. Same colour scheme! I already linked you. Would love to hear from ya again. Ciao!