Thursday, August 11, 2005

Hazy days...

The haze is getting worse by the day. I cant believe that the 1997 haze pehenomenon has hit back with a vengeance. Kinda brings back a whole lot of memories for me.

It was days like these that Abah died a few years back. And eeriely he just got out of a major surgery too. Just like me, except that his was far more major and life threatening than mine. He was fine after the surgery, in fact the doctors were optimistic about his recovery. What they didnt expect was the haze. It got really bad and finally Abah's weakened lungs (after effects of chemotherapy) couldn't take it any longer. He passed away and we've been devoid of his presence ever since.

I really miss him. I always look at other families with envy whenever their dads spend some quality time with them. Sometimes I feel that I was robbed of that. But in a way it has led me to get a relationship with my mother that most people don't have. A mutual respect and understanding. Not the kind of relationship potrayed by the Gilmore Girls but an embracing independance where we need each other but in detached sort of way. We have room to move and make our own choices in life but at the same time we know there's always a limit and there's always someone we can lean on if we feel the need for support. It took me ages to achieve this with my mom but If Abah was still alive I probably wouldn't ever get this kind of bond with my mom.

So it's true when they say that clouds do have silver lining. And in this case the lining was in fact GOLD!

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