Friday, June 25, 2004

Me and physical attraction...

I have to admit that I'm guilty at having a serious physical attraction to this guy in uni. He's even in the same course as I am. He is like THE type of guy that I've always wanted to date. He's definitely the strong and silent type but maybe not so strong since he's rather on the skinny side;P But hey he fits the bill in other areas. He's so hot! I just love the way he looks at people like he's gazing right through you. I could just melt but then melting would totally ruin my image so I control ler. Hehe! This crush has been going on like forever! Yeah... yeah it may sound normal to you guys but the catch is this guy is 2 year younger than I am!

It's like today's trend to go after younger guys huh? I mean just look at Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher or Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake. The guys are way younger than the girl but they date just the same. So i guess it shouldn't bother me all that much if I like a guy who's only a couple of years younger than I am. But it does bother me! Why does he have to be younger?

Nina gave this theory that we both somehow like each other but we both have isssues about approaching one another. I have doubts about me liking him but Nina insists that he does from the way he acts around me. Does being awkward for coming late to a meeting where I'm present count as being shy towards me? I dont think so but then again Nina is a budding psychologists. I must say that I enjoy exchanging eye contact with him. We seem to do that a lot. He looks at me I look away. I look at him he looks away (so cacat!) Anyways, my alasan for not going further with this attraction is that I'm his director for a program so it wouldnt be professional if I suddenly get up close and personal with my own 'anak buah' now would it?

The only thing about him is that he lacks the mental depth that I'd like in a guy. It may be due to our age gap but then again it might be him. Everytime I talk to him about stuff other than work related matters I always get stumped. We definitely do NOT have that much in common. If only he had the same mental depth that this other guy has. He's also another crush of mine. This guy is like the total opposite of Kie (my physical crush :P I can't believe that I'm announcing this to the world.) This other guy is older, currently pursuing his Masters in political sciences and is a debater. He also has a wicked sense of humour. Definitely a guy that I could relate with and talk to at hours on ends. But sadly he lacks the physical attractiveness that Kie has. Now idefinitely know that this guy has no feelings whatsoever for me and its safe to say that we'll probably won't go further than just being friends but that won't stop me from admiring him from far. He's definitely a guy that would make one lucky woman really happy one day. If there was a guy out there who has Kie's looks and Abang Azhan's brains I'd be the happiest girl alive. It'll be like a dream come true! But in truth I feel like I'm in a reality show where I have to choose between looks or brains and personality. If I choose looks people would brand me shallow but if I choose the other I would probably be branded snobbish or just trying to avoid reality or something.

Anyways, the situation is kinda hard at the moment for me because I'll be spending a lot of time with Kie for the next few months. It'll definitely be a test on my patience by being close to him and yet maintaning my distance for professionalism's sake. Don't get me wrong I'm not gonna jump his bones or what. Just maybe get to know him a little better since I won't get that kind of opportunity anymore. Aaaggghhh... this is what you get when you're hormones start taking over your brains! Help me!

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