Prejudices

After years of being here in IIU I am finally thrown into the international students social scene. What an irony.

Yeah... when I was in undergraduate I guess I was so wrapped up in my own world and biasness that I never really gave these people a chance. To me back then... they were all the same. Stuck up and prejudiced. When in reality I was the one with the prejudices.

Though it didn't help matters much when they too had their own prejudices against me. These people tend to see me in my baju kurung and my tudung bawal and instantly dismiss me as another typical malay girl. Of course I was offended. The way I dress don't define me. I never describe myself as typical and we English lit majors always pride ourselves of being non-typical. To us typical is a swear word.

I've grown up though.

Old prejudices slowly disintegrating.

New comprehensions dawning.

It's cool. I guess the best things out of this are new friends. Being with new people. Learning, knowing and understanding new things. It's nice to give each other a chance.

So goodbye prejudice... hope you never come back.

Full Speed Ahead!!

Somehow I managed to get myself involved in theater stuff again. As if I havent had enough on my plate already. I'm holding two jobs, supposed to be doing my thesis and now I have to take care of a group of international students who are gonna act in a musical play (of all things!) at Istana Budaya. Not only that, the same play also wants me to act! (but as an extra only lorr...) I seriously don't know what have I gotten myself into!

My body has been screaming that I've been going at warp speed lately and today it refused to cooperate with me. So what did I do the whole day? Sleeping. God... what an embarassment. Yeap, I slept the whole day. Sorry Dr F. (Yeah... I kinda promised her that I'd do something for her but unfortunately I couldn't wake up at all this morning). Guess she wont be asking me any more favours after this. Hate letting people down.

I think I even got Sarah all worried. She thinks I'm pissed at her for something which I totally am not. God... I think I'm a workaholic. Or an aspiring one. I'll probably have zero social life when I actually have a permanent job. God... I hope not.

My body still refuses to cooperate with me. So I guess I better take this as a sign and lock myself in my room and start doing my proposal (OMG deadline is so close!!). All that other work can wait... I guess *biting nails*.

Rape

Wanna talk about having a crappy day? Don't... coz right now I wanna rant about a crappy week. A week of crappiness that surpasses all other crappy weeks of crappiness. I'm facing crap and I feel like crap and right now all I wanna do is beat the crap out of a person who gave my friend, whom I truly love and cherish, a whole load of crap.

My friend was raped.

MY FRIEND WAS RAPED!!!

If there was ever a time for me to truly hate men, this would definitely be it. Only a man can ever truly inflict this kind of pain to another human being. HOW CAN YOU RAPE PEOPLE!!?? HOW CAN YOU VIOLATE ANOTHER HUMAN BEING!!??

All I feel is anger. And helplessness. I can't do anything. I feel useless.I can't help her.

You know when they say that sometimes when something truly bad happens... it changes a person. Thats what happened. I have changed... But most importantly she has changed... I no longer her old self. She is right now a shell of the person that she used to be. I hate that man for making her like this. I hate him with with the very core of my being. And I swear that someday I shall bring him down.

I SWEAR IT!!

"Hell hath no wrath than a woman scorned..."

Cruelty to Animals

What kind of people would do this to animals?

DON'T BUY FUR!! STOP CRUELTY TO ANIMALS!!

N O means NO, Not YES

Which part of N and O spells out YES. Seriously... how dense can people get?!

Why is it with men and hard-to-get women? It's like a magnet reaction where men just can't resist. The attraction to hard-to-get women is so strong sometimes that even when women are not actually playing hard-to-get men can't seem to pull away. Seriously!*frustrated*

Trust me when I say that when most women say "I'm not in the mood" they really mean it. Therefore don't call, don't ask, beg, plead or sulk and just walk away. Coz when you do it'll be the smartest thing you'll ever do. If not women will get annoyed and when they are... Well let's just say it won't be pretty.

And you'll probably save yourself a whole lotta grace in front of the girl by not appearing weak either and on top of that actually comes off as understanding. Now ain't that a plus point for all you men out there. I mean we women do complain that men don't understand us. So even if you don't understand why we're not in the mood, just walk away and pretend that you do.

So I repeat my previous statement... sometimes a NO actually means NO. Figure out the subtle language of women and you'll be a better man for it.

twosomes... threesomes

Was watching Sex and the City and I was totally intrigued by an episode where Samantha agreed to do a threesome with her boyfriend. Seriously I totally do not get the appeal of threesomes. I mean... in a world where its the survival of the fittest, prettiest, sexiest and most sexually active (...est) why would you invite a rival to get into bed with you?

Yeah I know its like guy's ultimate fantasy to have 2,3 or more girls to service him in bed and honestly there's nothing wrong fantasizing that. What would the world be like if you question a man's fantasy. It's healthy... at least if all else fails it keeps the blood pumping to a man's brains.

But right now I'm just questioning the girls's motive in letting a man do that. As much as a sexual prowess a woman can be there will always be that chance where the guy might just prefer the other women. Now would you woman actually wanna see that? Straight on... in bed... while you're having sex? No way, jose!

If my man ever shows that he prefers another woman while he's in bed with me, I assure you claws will come out. And no... I will not indulge in another of man's fantasy by having a girl-on-girl catfight to see who will have sex with the guy. It's the man that'll have to answer.

Call me old fashioned, conservative, prude or whatever I just don't get the idea of anything more than a twosome. I mean God only made one penis per man and one vagina per woman. Surely that must count for something.

Idiots!!

Some of you people have nothing better to do is it other than clogging up my tagbox? Haiyaa...

Even if you do plan to clog up my tagbox try to have some respect towards others and not use my friends' names to play your idiotic pranks.

To Syima, Sarah And all the others that have been wrongly maligned in my tagbox... I'm truly sorry. These a**holes probably had a brain transplant with monkeys.

I'm really sorry girls...

Langkawi!

Langkawi was a blast! Minus the fact that it was tiring at times and that I had to play nanny to 63 international university students, the whole trip was a definite blast!

And I should also mention the guys... *drool* I never knew that UIA had all these drool-worthy men hidden away in its depth. So tall... good looking. And they actually went swimming at the beach... *drooling profusely* There's even a guy from China who could definitely give Jet Li a run for his showbiz money. He gave a demonstration during the closing ceremony and trust me he is even more flexible than a rubber band. (I think my inner gatal-ness is surfacing ;P) And they were all gentlemen too. How could a girl resist them?!! I am so glad that I started working with IIMU *silent grateful prayer to God*.

Ooh... Ooh... I also went parasailing!! Woohoo!! It may be pricey considering I was up in the air for only 10 minutes but it was totally worth it. I was flying!! Total adrenaline rush! I'm definitely going again! Made me quite popular with the guys too since nobody else tried it. Huhu!

Seriously... someday I shall make that list of things to do before I die. There's like a million things I wanna try but I never truly know what they are exactly until they're right in front of my eyes. One thing I know for sure is that bungee jumping is on the list. Woohoo!! Oh and going totally blond. Haha! I just need to see how I look like with yellow hair.

If you guys plan to go to Langkawi someday, I seriously recommend staying at Kg. Tok Senik Resort. The room was fantastic. Total kampung atmosphere and the internationals absolutely loved it. Heck... I loved it. My only gripe was that it wasn't close enough to the beach. But this was remedied by the 1 hour we spent at the beach later *drooling again*.

I also didn't manage to find my fave choccies. *sigh* Was really hoping that I could get some good chocolate shopping while I was there but its cool. Maybe next time. I totally can't wait to start planning for the next programme.

The Good Fairy...

A married couple in their early 60's was out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an examplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."

"Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband" said the wife." The fairy waved her magic wand and -- pouf! -- two tickets for the Queen Mary II luxury liner appeared in her hands.

Then it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said:

"Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me. " The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish... So the fairy waved her magic wand and -- pouf! -- the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful idiots should remember fairies are female.

My so-called birthday bash...

It seems that ever since most of the gang have started working, we all need an excuse to get together. No... actually, I take that back. We need an organizer. No... not the diary/ planner. A true-blue party cum get together organizer. And guess who was nominated? That's rite... poor ole' me. *sigh* Just a slight side effect of being too organised I guess. Seriously when I die I'm gonna have my tombstone read "Here lies Shan, Forever the Organiser".

But yeah... I kinda organised this get together. It was kinda supposed to be a joint birthday celebration for both Sheena and I but Sheena pulled out. Oh well... more attention on me ;)



We had it at San Francisco's again. The obvious choice since poor ole' me don't have a car. I really can't wait to get a real job!! Trust me when I'm loaded I'm gonna go GRAND for my birthday.


All in all it was a good night. As you can see the theme was red (my fave colour) so everybody looked pretty hot. Even the guys. Though I wished that some of my other close friends were there but I'm happy for all those who came. They were the best. Shall love you all always!




I just wonder who's gonna be brave enough to organise the next get together? I already have people clogging up my comment boxes in friendster to organise the next one. Penat la wei nak organise... Somebody else buat la pulak!

FROM LOVERS to FRIENDS

FROM LOVERS to FRIENDS

I got this article from a really cool blog that I read. Yeah... so I'm ripping off somebody else's blog but at least I'm not saying that it's mine. Thing is what the article is all about is exactly the thing that has been running through my head these last few months. Yes... I'm still in my post break-up mode but I'm getting better *fingers crossed behind back*. No seriously... I am *fingers still crossed*.

Oh-Kay... back to the article. After experiencing something that I do not wish any good-hearted citizens of the world to experience I've come to a conclusion that sometimes it's better to let sleeping dogs lie. Why stir things up and make the water murkier (Can u guys get me?) . In other words, maybe an ex is not a good candidate for a friend.

Heck... just read the article and you'll know what I mean.

In many relationships that don't end in marriage (well actually even then), there usually is a time when you have to say "hasta la vista baby." the two of you have shared memories together that when you look back upon, you will either laugh or cry. but whatever that memory might be, once a relationship ends, it's time to say "thanks" or "no thanks" for everything and move on.
But somewhere along the line, there's always the "let's remain friends" compromise to many breakups. it's the much gentler way of saying, "hey, you're not that bad. it's not you. it's me. but look, i still want to be friends with you." *smile* the question that my friends and i discuss a lot is:

Can you be good friends with your ex?

Ok. let's face it. whenever there's a breakup, it's usually never mutual. usually one person is the one that causes or initiates the breakup and is labeled "heartbreaker", while the other person is left hurting and dwelling on the breakup for weeks on end. ok. i admit. even the heartbreaker could hurt too, but usually the one who initiated the breakup moves on faster than the one who didn't.

After having meditated and burned incense on this question, my friends and i have come to the conclusion that NO, it's very rare for many people to become truly good friends with their ex's.

Take me for example. although my ex and i agreed that we would be good friends, we're really not. sure, i get a greeting on my birthday and during the holidays and i just greeted him on his birthday, but those are about the only times we communicate. and i actually prefer it this way. i'm sure he and his wife now does too.

However, i have a friend whose boyfriend and his ex have become best friends instead. whoa! yes. it's true. it can be done. but, when your ex is your best friend and you tell your best friend things about your current relationship, hmm, you could land yourself in a heap of mess.
so why can't ex's remain friends?

here's some reasons i've read on why the can't:

1. There's always a heartbreaker and the heartbreakee. same as mentioned above.

2. You know what they look like underneath all those clothes. you've seen each other naked. whenever you smell their special perfume or cologne, or whenever you hear music that was special to the both of you, you're always going to remember that person and the things you used to do together ( ie, make love, make-out, etc)

3. You can't divulge intimate details about your current relationship to your ex. it would just be wrong for you to tell your ex you just had the greatest sex of your life with someone else.

4. Bitterness comes into play. an ex can pretend to be a friend, but deep down they'd rather see you and your current partner dead (jk). me - actually this is kinda true ;P (jk)

5. Jealousy. seriously - who really likes seeing their ex being lovey dovey with someone else anyway?

Taken from http://daphne.blogs.friendster.com (Thanks Daphne!)

When I think about it... It's hard thinking that my ex will no longer be in my life. He was a good friend. But as much as I hate losing my ex, I just dont think us being friends is gonna help out with me moving on with my life. Why torture myself seeing him be happy with another girl while I could do the same thing with another guy? Life is short, it's just not worth wasting time dwelling on the past.

Maybe someday we can become friends but perhaps another 10 years or so. Or at least until I'm no longer wishing them to be hit by a bus or something. Hahaha! Joking... seriously just joking.

p.s. Happy Friday the 13th. Muahahaha!!

Me... A blogger?

For somebody who claims herself as a blogger, I must be an embarassment to the whole blogging society. I mean my average blogs nowadays are like oner per month? And that's only if I'm suddenly hit with an inspiration thunderbolt. If not all you'd see on my blog are cobwebs. (can you hear crickets? I can...)

So what happened? Did I fall off a building? (Obviously not since I'm still typing this, or else it'll be spooky. Hehe) Or did I just simply forget how to blog?

Answer... none of the above. I haven't been blogging simply because my life is BORING! All I do is go to class, go to my room, go to work (Oh, this may be an interesting aspect in my life... I am now working with Sheena at IIMU. Still waiting for my first paycheck. BILA NAK MASUK?!) , and of course study, study, study. Aint nothing much to say about that sorry routine.

So now I'm at home for my long deserved break. And of course my routine here is get up late, cook, and waste time. So there you go... my never-ending thrills for the day *Yawn*. I just don't feel like readers out there deserved to be bored to death by my simple ephitet of what I dd for the day. Although internet voyeurism is IN nowadays but I still feel like I need some stuff to give voyeurs something to drool about. Rite?

So why am I blogging now? Hehe, just because...

Actually I miss blogging. There's been some good news going on in my life and I feel like sharing it. Some of my friends got engaged or married. Congrats Adry... Kuhen. You two will make lovely wives to your loved one. I couldn't attend Kuhen's wedding but I heard it was beautiful. Kuhen... you're so lucky. *sob* Ada lagi ke orang cam Abe We kat dunia ni? *praying really hard*

As for Adry... she just got engaged. Who knew she would be among the first among us to get on the marital bandwagon. Oh well... why stop a good thing right? I was actually one of her 'dulang girls'. Wasn't something that I was expecting to do but what the heck... she's a friend. And thanks to our hot Gucci Mama, Tiah, her hantaran was gorgeous and the 'petunang' (is there such a word?) was really pretty.

I did this! I did this!

And all the pretty 'dulang girls' in a row

Tiah was practically a one woman wonder. She did all of Andry's hantaran and even Adry's makeup. I helped with the roses in her hair. That's why I photoshopped the picture *So proud! Heck... My first time photoshopping, ok*. All I can say now is I'm proud of lil' Adry. She came a long way and have been through a lot to get this far. And kudos to her coz she never stopped trying. She never gave up. *SOB* Man... I hate getting sentimental.

I also heard that my old roommate, Has, is getting maried soon and also Anis Suhaidalisa, another one of my roommates is geting engaged. I guess it's time. You can't run away from all this marriage stuff no matter how much you try. *sigh* And because of that I hafta prepare myself for the INEVITABLE question, *bracing self* "Awak bila pulak?" Aarrgghh...

So life starts anew for some of my friends. For Adry, Kuhan, Has, Midge... oh yeah, Midge got herself a new job and a place of her own. She's all grown up now. I'm glad... I feel like a mother bird watching her baby take off on her first flight. *SOB* OMG here I go again. Heck, I should feel this way... she practically lived with me for a whole month before she got the job. How time flies...

I'm still in my student mode. Feels like I'm way behind sometimes but I feel it's worth doing what I'm doing now. I'm sure it will be. *determined*

Thesis time is upon me! I hafta persevere! Gambate!

p.s. I love this picture. Who knows when we might get together like this again. (Although I'm hoping this May *wishing hard*). Sheena and Fynn competed in a Poetry Slam. Something like a one-day Akademi Fantasia for poets. Though they didn't win but they did us proud! We missed their performance (drat!) even though we tried to make it there on time after Adry's engagement but we all had fun afterwards hanging out. We're such a fun eclectic group (Me, Nina, Midge and Anne in our baju kurung while Cass, Sheena and Angel in their sexy get up. Woohoo! Very eclectic I must say) that a 'Mat Salleh' actually came and took our picture. Haha! Takpe... The time for us to hang out shall cometh again, my friends!

p.s. again. I was 25 last April 1st!! OMG I'm officially a quater of century old. Wahlau! Neways thanks so much to all my pals especially Anne, Midge and Julie for the GORGEOUS "Coach" bag, Sheena for my cute and lovely clutch and K-Rul for making that day a special one for me. I love u guys so much. Muahs!

*I got a Sony Ericsson MP3 phone. Yeay!*

Moving on...

Never ever thought that moving-on was a long drawn out process. Just when you think that all was well, then BAM that old feeling of sadness, regret, yada yada yada comes rushing back again. God how it sucks! If only wounds would heal faster. Life would be so less complicated.

I mean what's the point in living life looking back into the past, right? But as much as you try not to let the past haunt you, it does. A person who doesn't have the past haunting them are only humanoids void of feelings. Seriously...

I mean everything that happens in life happens for a reason and your future, your entire self was shaped by what happened earlier in your life. So the past does matter, it's just a matter of how much you let it effect you.

Right now, all I wanna do is to speed up my recovery process. I just wanna forget about my past and get on with life with maximum happiness. Urgghh... healing sucks. Why does it have to take so long!?

Desperado

God... don't you hate it when these people don't know when to back off!! Seriously give people room to breath...

There's no denying it even the most attractive people will turn BLEARGH when they start oozing desperate vibes. It's a definite turn off. Even desperate people don't go for other desperate people. Desperate just ain't rite!!

So you wanna know if you're desperate? Do you ever...

1. Hint off a relationship just after a few sms-es to somebody (and you haven't even met that person yet!!)?

2. Do you start posting up pictures of that person in your phone and computer just after a few phone calls?

3. Do you talk off a "connection" after a few conversations with a person?

If you say YES to even one of the questions then you are DEFINITELY desperate!! So cool it! Desperation will only achieve one thing... all your potential dates running at full speed in the opposite direction. Yes... even the butt ugly ones. Trust me, I speak from experience. All those questions I asked... I had to endure that from a guy I know through the net, whom I have never ever met before and was already talking about our parents meeting after a few days of sms-ing. *screams* I'm suffocating by just thinking about it! Now I have to figure out a way to make a graceful sprint in the opposite reaction.

No offence to all of you desperados out there but this is for your own good. Tone it down!! There's nothing that interests people more than a good ol' hard-to-get chase. Getting to know somebody is like knowing there's a juicy prize at the end of a long race but those who rush to get it might accidentally kick it further from reach.

It's the flirting that keeps people going. The playful banterings and the hints of better things to come will just keep people coming back for more. Ain't that right people?

Marriage...

Marriage - Part I

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night .....whether you're here or not."


(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)

************************************

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads:

"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:


"Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

******************************

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.

After some time, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

******************************************

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six"
in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

**************************************

Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am" He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

**************************************

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Perpisahan - Anuar Zain

ku mengerti perpisahan ini
bukan kerana kau membenci
tapi kasih yang pernah ku beri
tiada lagi bersama

sering aku terlihatkan mu
impian nan indah julang bahagia

ku harungi hari demi hari
bersama wajah tak mungkin akan
kembali
tapi hati masih tak terima
ditinggalkan sengsara

keraguan ini bukanlah padamu
perasaan hati masih rindu
kekalutan ini hanyalah untukku
tercari-cari bayanganmu

tak sanggup aku kehilangan
kehilanganmu

masih tercari-cari
keraguan ini bukanlah padamu
masih tercari-cari bayanganmu
tak sanggup aku kehilanganmu


Gosh... this song speaks to me. It is an undoubtedly a beautiful song and as much as I hate to say this but Anuar Zain really sang this song well (yeah... not an Anuar Zain fan). But what really got to me was the lyrics. Whoever wrote this song... KUDOS!!

The hardest thing in life is not the part where you have to break up with someone but the part where you have to let go. Letting go of something that you once had and cherished more than anything else in the world. In time, yes, you learn to accept the fact that you lost someone but during that time only you and god knows the agony and pain of trying to deal with that lost. And this is what this song all about.

And during that time you also deal with the agony of seeing the other person, the person you loved, being happy with someone else. Because it is at this moment that you realise that you failed to make that person happy. Along with the pain of lost you now deal with the bitter sting of failure.

Why must time heal everything? No matter how optimistic you are in life the pain won't go away just like that. It'll linger until you feel like you just wanna die from it. Time... your saviour yet still your enemy.

I just wanna the pain to go away...

Sanity check

Classes starting again in a few day... whoopee!

Erqk! WRONG! I don't want to go back to uni! *whining*.

I haven't fully enjoyed my time off yet and now I have to go back to the hellhole and start bullying my brains to churn out academically based stuff. Aaarggghhh!! Why? Why? Why? I swear to GOD that after I finish off my thesis I'm gonna take a LOOOONG break and nothing and noone can stop me. How can certain people stand studying ALL the time? Don't they at least get a little depressed?

Depression... the main reason why I was silent for so long. I'm a little okay now but would a couple more semesters be the downfall of me. Me actually getting A FULL BLOWN DEPRESSION? It's a truly scary thought. Depression at the (not so) tender age of 23. *shudder*

Seriously I just can't wait to finish off my Masters. PhD can just wait. I value my sanity even more.

What's up with Asian chicks?

I've just watched episode 9 of America's Next Top Model 7. There's another Asian chick but this time she's Indian. So yeah for sure I was rooting for a fellow Asian though I didn't really see what Tyra meant that she was SOO beautiful that it was scary and that she was too beautiful at times. Maybe I'm used to seeing pretty Indian girls back here in Malaysia that she's just borderline average to me. I seriously thought that the last Asian girl, Gina, was like any other chinese ah moi if she were to come to Ipoh. It's kinda weird seeing the judges raving on and on about her cheekbones and stuff when I see far prettier chinese girls at the wet market. But then again, Westerners have always been into the "Orient". It's a fascination towards the so-called "other", you know all that bullshit that anything that doesn't look and think like them is therefore weird. But I'm not gonna go into all that shit right now. I'll probably end up writing my thesis here.

What I wanna write about is the fact that these Asian girls, considered BEAUTIFUL by their white & black contemporaries just don't think of themselves as beautiful. Gina, the Korean, was chucked out after 3 episodes because she was so insecure about herself. And this Anchal girl was kicked out after the 7th episode for the exact same reason. I kinda knew she was gonna get chucked out sooner or later. Luckily it was a lot later than the Korean girl. I just don't get why she didn't think herself pretty. She considered herself fat and ugly. Yeah she was curvier than the other girls but HELLO! Asian women have always been curvy. And she wasn't fat at all.

I think those two girls are so brainwashed by the stereotype beauty of the West that they just don't realise their own uniqueness. I was so embarassed for the two girls that I was actually cringeing whenever I watched them humiliate themselves. But most of all I was disappointed that they gave up halfway. They claimed that they wanna model more than anything but they gave up when the going got tough. I mean what the hell?!! You don't give up. If you give up when you got that far might as well not enter at all. Sheesh!

I have a friend who's beautiful, confident and has a great personality to boot but she was rejected for a local reality show, Malaysia's Most Beautiful, just because she didn't conform to the stereotype beauty that Malaysian media wants. When somebody even halfway decent comes along they get rejected straight away. What's with that? I hate that girl who won Malaysia's Most beautiful. I think she's a bitch.

I just hope that one day there will be a contestant that would actually does Asian folks proud. I dont think I can go through another cringeworthy episode of an Asian chick making an ass of herself either on local TV or an International one.

Skin Issues

Was watching the 2006 American Music Awards (AMA) last night and there is one thing I've got to comment.... they SUCK singing live. I've always been a fan of the song 'Buttons' but that night's performance was bleargh to say the least. Even their dancing didn't save them, one of them actually fell off a chair while dancing. I guess the only thing they could do was just be as sexually provocative as possible, though in my opinion with the awful singing going on it was probably impossible to achieve.

Still what got my attention the most (other than that awful singing) was the backup dancers. Have you ever noticed that when white singers perform their dancers are sexy but understatedly so but when black singers perform their dancers actually toe the line of being naked. I'm not generalising here, I mean there's plenty of black singers who are ok and there's white singers who actually cover what's 'necessary' too, but then if you watch MTV you'll know what I mean. I was watching Gwen Stefani perform and her dancers were decked out in babydoll dresses but when Jay-Z performed his dancers were in micro-bikinis.

I know plenty of parents that blocks MTV and Channel V so that their kids don't watch them. And I don't blame them really. Even at my age, I avoid watching those channels when my mom is around. Damn embarassing! Some of the performers might as well put out porn videos and call them their music videos. But then again... Sex sells nowadays. I mean just look at Nelly Furtado and Jewel, they sexed up their image just so that she can sell albums.

It's funny though these people would bite your head off if call them names (sluts, hoe, etc) but then they still insist to portray that image. Irony at it's best. It's their individual rights I guess...

Quoting Aristottle...

Anyone can become angry - that is easy.
but to be angry with the right person,
to the right degree,
at the right time
for the right purpose
and in the right way - that is not easy.
-aristotle-

I got this off from a friend. The words really struck me. Especially with the things that's going through my head right now. There's a lot of anger there and also ideas of getting even. Lots of stupid and ridiculous ideas of pushing people off a cliff or electrocuting somebody. Pretty bizarre ideas but mostly stuff that would inflict the most pain. You know, just so that people can feel the pain that I felt. But like I said... mostly delusional stuff that you have in your head. Things that you wish would happen but knows aint never gonna happen.

It sucks when things don't go your way. Especially if it goes the total opposite of how you really want to be. You try to accept it but seriously... as a human, how can you deal with something that hurts you and make you feel like crap at the same time? How can you bleed inside and pretend that it doesn't hurt? How can you not be angry and want to lash out at the person who did it to you?

But as Aristottle has said, to be angry at the right time, the right purpose and the right way is never an easy thing to do. Humans are at the very basic, an animal. Animals never have a logical approach to thing, all they do is lash out. And that's what you wanna do at first. You never think of doing something the right way. All you want to see is the exact same pain in the eyes of those who hurt you. Because at that moment that is what you feel is right. So why does something that feels so right can be so wrong?

It's wrong cause it wont solve anything. It'll just make it worse. All you get is satisfaction but oh, how the satisfaction satisfies...

Somehow it's just not worth it. A fleeting moment of satisfaction but countless hours of pain and agony. It just doesn't compare. As time passes by, you know that the only way to heal is to let time do its work. Again this sucks, humans dont really have the capability to sit still and do nothing. We were born to persevere and to never give up. When God gave us minds and intelligence, it was the greatest test that he had given on mankind. The test of using the mind wisely. As Aristottle would say... "in the right way." And in the case of anger, patience is the key. Hard to swallow but yet you have to do it.

It sucks... I know.