The after effect of my busy days was not only the lethargy, the surreal feeling that its over and also the laziness but there's also this hollow feeling. I hate this feeling because it can just suck every other feeling from you leaving you void and empty which usually gives way to depression. How did I end up getting this feeling? Let's just say it was through a realisation that somehow I'm still being punished by people I care about for actions that I myself was not made aware of until it was too late. Admittedly I was wrong through and through but I was kind of hoping that somehow I wouldn't be punished this way-through abandonment. All I ask for was support but somehow I lost that too. It was something that I didn't expect when I scanned the crowd for familiar faces and yet I see none. It saddens me but I am helpless to do anything for it was of my doing that brought it on. What little hope I had that somehow things may be as it used to be now grows smaller and smaller. Maybe things will never be the same again. Somehow I must learn to gather my own strength and learn to be on my own. Depend on myself and achieve through my own wit and cunning. It wouldn't be easy but I have to try.
Still, I thank God for giving me something else in return. Another type of support that until today I never thought that I'd get so soon or ever. I was ready to live my life on my own but God is fair although life itself is not so fair. Without him I'd probably be a bitter person right now. I'd probably be blaming myself and others for not understanding my plight but with him around I feel that those things doesn't matter after all and perhaps in due time my friends will understand. Hope is diminishing but it has not disappeared yet.
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