Thursday, July 22, 2004

Relationship? I'm in a relationship?

Can you believe it? I'm in a relationship. Yep... finally. After nearly two years of swinging single I actually found a guy who convinced me that maybe going double is not so bad after all. At one point I became rather cynical of this whole dating and relationship thing. There wasn't anyone out there who actually managed to get my attention (minus one or two crushes) so basically my dating life was a desert. Pathetic huh! Well... it doesn't help that my social life itself kinda revolves in UIA alone as my cynical side told me to concentrate on my upcoming career. And when it comes to guys, UIA is a barren wasteland. Until now...

Sometimes when you're searching for something you'd always find it in the least expected place, a place where you'd never thought of looking at all. And when you find it it's even better than what you wanted and was searching for originally. I think this is how it is with this guy and I. In normal circumstances I probably wouldn't look twice at him let alone date him. He is SO not my type. I usually go for guys that have the strong and silent look. Someone with a deep, thoughtful expression and don't usually say much. But this guy is total opposite of what I want. He's loud, very expressive and has a lot to say. So how did I end up with him? God knows?! But let's just say that he 'caught' me. Quite a feat for a guy as I'm famous for my independance and stubbornness. Quite a feat a feat indeed for he is also younger than I am. He had all this obstacles stacked up against him and yet he still 'caught' me.

But then doubt will always unnerve you. It'll make you uncertain and you just can't trust. It's wrong I know but I can't shake it off. Experience has taught me to be wary and now I fear that this wariness and doubt  might somehow spoil everything. Although I'm happy being with him and hanging out with him I just can't bring myself to trust him. I question his every word and his every action. I feel sorry for him sometimes. He knows of my uncertainties and my doubts but somehow he's still around. He still cares. So I thank god for making him a persistent person. This doubt of mine will probably take a while to disappear but I seriously hope that it does disappear and soon. Being in a relationship means trusting one another thus it really unfair for him to be in a relationship where there's so much doubt.

Still... life for me has taken a turn for the better. Now at the end of the day I always have something to look forward to and someone that I can lean on to help me ease my worries. Geez... I've gone all mushy now :P Oh well... love works wonders on everyone.

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