Bila Shan jumpa artis.

Artiste No. 1: Awal Ashaari

Reasons to NOT like Awal Ashaari:

1. He has yet to pay his PTPTN
2. He got caught during a raid at an illegal nightclub
3. He might be gay
4. If he's not gay, he may be dating Scha Alyahya.

*contemplating*

Aaah! Screw it. He so FINE.

Ye saya tahu gambar agak blur. Mungkin rakan saya terkedu tengok Awal kot.

I used to be a huge fan of Awal. Up to the point where I would go up to my mum and say "Ma, ni lah bakal menantu mama." To which my mum would reply, "Hmm... ye lah tu. Macam lah dia nak sangat kat kamu tu." Yes, mums can be brutal.

However after hearing a rumour that he was gay. I was crushed. Devastated. Heartbroken. What can I do? I didn't have what he wanted. A pen*s. Sedih. So I moved on... to Jimmy Shanley :D

But today, I saw him. In person. Cuter off camera. Smelling oh-so-yummy. He took pictures with me. And he smiled at me. Why? Why? Why did he smile at me?

"Oh Awal!! Marry me!! If need be I'll stick stuff up your butt. Marry Me!!"

But of course, me the egostistical, control-freak would never ever say that. So apa lagi, melepas lah.

Artiste No. 2: Scha Alyahya

Now I've never been a huge fan of Scha Alyahya but I am very much guilty of having the "fan poyo" syndrome, meaning that whenever I see an artiste or somebody famous I'd instantly want to have a picture with them or at the very least have them smile at me even though I don't like them. Yes, I know it's very the Over. So anyways, on the very same day I met Awal, Scha was there too. So of course I went into "fan poyo" overdrive. Picture with Awal was already taken care off now its her turn.

So there I was, trying to pluck up the nerve to approach her when suddenly a lady with a 5 year old girl approached and asked if she would mind taking a picture with her daughter.

Scha's response:

Takes a glance at the little girl, looks at her watch and says "Hmm... boleh je". She stood there, unsmiling, waiting for the little girl to come to her and immediately after the picture was taken sat down without another word to the girl nor the lady. This incident happened again several times afterwards with various fans. Haih Scha, couldn't you have been a little bit more friendlier? At least to that 5 year old.

Upon seeing her reaction my "fan poyo" syndrome was cured. At least with her. So no pictures with Scha. But to think positively regarding this matter, Scha was probably tired or something as she was there for shooting. I'm guessing it was for 'Awan Dania 2' as I saw Aida Aris walking around the area as well.

That's not all that happened though. Scha was there together with her posse which included a makeup artist and also a stylist. So the scenario was:

1. the makeup artist touching up her makeup every 5 minutes. That's normal.
2. the stylist carrying several costume changes for the drama. That's normal.
3. Scha casually changing her shirt in an open restaurant, in public, in front of Awal Ashaari. NOT NORMAL!

Ever heard of a changing room, Scha?

Seriously, after the whole being-caught-during-a-police-raid episode you'd think that a person would lay low and try to create more positive press to even out all the bad press. But noo, she had to go undress in public. If she was to come up with an excuse trying to explain this matter it still doesn't justify the fact that she, a MUSLIM GIRL, brought up in a society that stresses on modesty decided to casually change in public. All I can say about this is...

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?"

Awal, are you seriously into these types of girls? Tolonglah, sila kahwin dengan saya!

Twisty McAnkle Draws Blood

Kuala Lumpur - After barely recovering from her previous encounter with Twisty McAnkle, the university lecturer known as Miss S is now at home tending to her injuries from her latest encounter with Twisty McAnkle.

"He came out of nowhere. I didnt even have time to react."

Twisty McAnkle's violent attack has left Miss S with a swollen left ankle, a bloody right knee and a wounded pride. She now walks with an unsightly hobble.

Several neighbours from block 6 of Apartment Kenari were the main witnesses to this attack and despite the severity of her injuries Miss S was left to fend for herself. When asked if she was disappointed by their lack of concern, she answered;

"I'm just glad I wasn't wearing baju kurung. Imagine what would happen if I fell in front of them and exposed myself. I'll have to move. Do you know how hard it is to find good, affordable apartments nowadays?"

Twisty has again managed to evade capture. The authorities are issuing the same warning to be wary of uneven grounds, soft grassy areas, downhill slopes and in addition wobbly high heel shoes. For further protection against Twisty please have bandages, antiseptic and gauze at hand at all times.

When asked if she'd like to give a message to Twisty McAnkle, Miss S responded with non-committal shrug and said;

"No bother. He'll be back. He thinks we're BFFs."

Reported by: Miss Shan

Nine

Sod the critics. I am so watching this.

Care to come with?

Malay Girls = Cheap, Easy Sex??

Have you ever Google-imaged 'Malay girls + tudung' before? I did. All because I wanted a picture of a Malay girl wearing horrible looking tudung. Reasons for that shall be disclosed later. But other than the one that I needed, guess what pictures showed up instead?

Malay girls, wearing tudung and/or in baju kurung, snogging boys, giving BJ, flashing boobs/ panties/ whatever "goods" they may have.

Yikes! (o_O)

And these, my friends, are found with the SafeSearch Mode ON. So for the heck of it I decided to turn the SafeSearch Mode OFF and aiyaiyaiyaiyai... *jaw drops open* Pictures like these *points up* are nothing compared to those.

So is that how Malay girls are seen nowdays? Are Malay girls nothing more than a cheap f**k willing to do it with any guy anywhere? Based on the pictures it seems like it. And in the 21st century, sex-obsessed society, these pictures are God-send. They're proof that Malay girls are really are that desperate. And that "easy".

Dalam lift pun jadi ye, bang?

After discussing it with guy friends of various nationalities, it seems like most of them look at Malay girls as "easy" girls who'd do anything to be seen with a good looking guy especially if that guy is an International. Nationality of choice: Any country that produces Caucasian males. No Caucasians to be found? No problems, look for Arabs. Malay guys would be at the bottom of the list. I didn't say this, people. They did.

I have a European friend who dates solely Malay girls because of this. He gets them to do pretty much anything he wants. Money, transportation, entertainment etc. All are taken care off by these "girlfriends" of his. The only thing that sets him apart from a male escort is that he doesn't sleep with these girls. Or so he claims lah. But I'm sure that if he did take that step and ask those girls he dated to sleep with him, most would probably won't refuse. It's a sad fact but then it is what it is. A fact.

So what do we do? What action should we take?

Seriously, I don't even know myself. Preaching is no use. People have been doing it for years and things still went from bad to worse. Plus, preaching is so 1989. It doesn't work anymore in this day and age. But one step that I think could actually help is to QUIT TAKING PORNO PICS OF YOURSELVES!

It's your choice whether you plan on being the "easy" girl but if you plan on being a cheap lay then at least be a smart, cheap lay. Avoid anything that can be uploaded, downloaded or distributed. Spare us the gritty details of your hobbies. Avoid anything that can be used as hard-proof against you.

And please, please, for all that is good and pure, please don't wear the tudung if you're not ready . Nobody should force you. Do it only when you're absolutely ready and when you're certain that you'll respect all that the tudung represents. This is actually the main element that'll decide if you turn out like this:

Wearing a tudung doesn't mean looking drab. You can still be stylish. Just look at Yuna.

or like this:

This girl is confused in a thousand different ways.

Remember, it's your choice!

FYI, it's called 'Bad Parenting'.

I seriously don't get it why certain parents just don't see that it is wrong to bring kids under the age 12 to a midnight movie. Haven't you heard of a fixed bedtime before? Even if it is the weekend during a school holiday do you seriously feel that kids that age should be up until 3am? And to think parents are complaining constantly about teenagers always staying up late or sneaking out at night. Who's fault do you think that is?

And does age restriction mean anything to you? Do you feel that a movie where soldiers blowing things up and women running around half naked is appropriate for children age 12 and under? Sure the ratings say PG13 but don't you as parents feel the need to at least check out how the movie is before you actually let your kids watch them. Movie trailers nowadays pretty much give away the whole plot but if you're still clueless on how the movie is gonna be like then take the safe alternative and DON'T BRING YOUR KIDS! Do you want them to turn out like this?

And what is up with parents who just doesn't get it that toddlers don't belong in a place that requires you to stay still for more than 15 minutes? And how could you even think that people would find it cute when your toddler would suddenly start kicking the back of other people's seat or start playing with other people's heads just because they're bored. It is not cute. It is annoying.

I repeat, A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G.

Parents, please do me a favour and refrain from taking your kids to a grownup movie. There's plenty of age appropriate movies out there and I'm sure with those kind of movies grownups can't say a word when kids start screaming and run up and down the aisle. It is after all a kid's movie. And if you really want to watch a grownup movie, get a babysitter. If you can't find one then buy the DVD. At least at home when your kids start getting bored of the movie the only people that they'll annoy are their parents.

REJECT!!

Ye... saya tahu saya tidak layak untuk berada di dalam senaraimu. Tidak sesuai untuk berada dikalangan golonganmu.

Saya sedar. Saya tak 'talented'. Tak 'gifted'. Malah 'unwanted' pulak tu.

Saya paham. Saya redha.

Pasrah.

Tis the season to be _____ (fill in the blank)

I'm filling in... BROKE.

Partly because this fella here *points down has entered my life. Say Hi to Brue, people. He's a metro sexual male that aspires to become a Jaguar when he grows up. But he's not picky, being a BMW would be fine too.

And since I am broke, Brue and I had no choice but to stay home during Christmas and brood. I'm brooding because of all the Sale that's happening nationwide which I can't go to while Brue is brooding because his owner is so broke that she can't afford to give him a wash by professionals yet she's too lazy to lug buckets of water to the parking lot. So now he has to endure the snickerings of all the clean, shiny cars who are parked next to him.

But Christmas for a Muslim in Malaysia is not just about Sales but its also about all the Christmas decors. So another word I'd use to fill in the blank would be... 'BLING-BLING'. That counts as a word right?

Not to mention that this is also the time when people would go camwhoring like crazy at shopping malls and nobody would say a word. Hence with this in mind I took the opportunity to go camwhoring for my dear pen pal 0f 13 years, Thorwald, who's curious on how does a Malaysian Christmas looks like. So here it is Thorwald, enjoy!

Midvalley Megamall decided to go medieval this year by having having banners and bunting bearing shields and crests hung all over the mall. They even had a wall cum stage area resembling old stone castles erected at the center court (for somebody who has a really porno mind this sentence would really be amusing :p). Anywho, everything was beautifully done in soft gold and cream but the whole ambiance of it all was instantly ruined for me when I went there one night and came upon a sing-a-long dance show which was tacky from the tips of their lime green feathered face mask down to their fuchsia glitter go-go boots. I think they were trying to channel Vegas showgirls. Plus, if you plan on going medieval do your research coz a tunic and leather armour ala Brad Pitt in 'Troy' do not belong in the medieval times.

But still the decor was superb. So here's my dear mummy camwhoring in front of the castle wall. She survived the Vegas Showgirls wannabe routine by shopping the money right out of her purse. Mum... I so envy you!!

Moving on, we have the winter white Christmas fantasy theme at the One Utama (New wing) Mall. It's very snow kingdom-like with all the bare white trees and snowflakes everywhere. And since the white Christmas theme is a very famous and traditional theme, OU decided to do everything traditionally by having choirs singing Christmas carols. It may not be as glitzy and glittery as the Midvalley dance fiesta but its definitely much kinder to the eyes and ears.

Next we have The Gardens Mall which in my opinion has the most gorgeous and extravagant Christmas decor of all the malls I visited! There were Christmas trees everywhere and fairy lights hung on every corner plus an Asian Santa Claus walking around giving out sweets to little kids. Yes folks, Santa can be multicultural too :P

I was lucky enough to be there when the orchestra was scheduled to perform. They played a jazzier version of all the Christmas carols and they were simply amazing. I could just sit there for hours and listen to them play.

Here's my dear mum camwhoring again. This was taken right before her shopping frenzy began. If the cam session was after shopping you'll only be seeing shopping bags with perhaps my mum peeking out from behind them. Or perhaps a picture of only her feet because I can't lift the camera up high enough because my arms are too heavy carrying all of her shopping bags. So again... mum, I envy you!!

But the cutest Christmas decor award should go to KLCC for their gingerbread Christmas theme. It's bloody cute with the trees being decorated with candy canes and all sorts of candy goodness. Luckily it was made of cardboard if not the headlines for the morning newspaper would probably read "Local University Lecturer Apprehended for Consuming Christmas Decorations".

Anyways, that's all for the mall Christmas decors that I managed to capture. I heard that Pavillion's decorations was superb with lights hung in such a way that it looks exactly like snowfall when it's lit up at night. My attempt to go to Pavillion during one of the long weekends ended up with me cursing at the traffic jam and taking a detour to KLCC instead. Anyways Thorwald, hope you have an idea on how Malaysians celebrate Christmas now. We may not have snow but somehow we have managed to create the illusion of having snow. So in conjunction of this festive season I would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas. Joy to the World and Peace on Earth.

Just to add on, I really don't give a damn about this whole BS that Muslims cannot give happy wishes to non-Muslims during their celebrations. We're not bigots I tell you!!

So again...

An Awesome Reply From CEO Of J.P. Morgan To A Pretty Girl Seeking A Rich Husband!

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?

I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you?

Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden ( ? ) , $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:

1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)

2) Which age group should I target?

3) Why most wives of the riches are only average-looking? I've met a few girls who don't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.

4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty

An awesome reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor.

My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.

Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money" : Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.

However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year.

Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worse 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased".

Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a ****; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich ****.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me.

signed,

J.P. Morgan CEO

(Resource: khairul@weezer.org)

Blogger's Note: Well there you go girls. Looks aint everything you know ;)