Sunday, September 12, 2004

History repeats itself.

I never knew that this phrase would actually apply personally to me but now it has. Some could literally take the phrase as to mean something bad but it could be something good either. It's ironic that I'd be writing this on the day that America was bombed although it doesn't mean that I am hoping that history would repeat itself with America being bombed again but a new bomb has literally been dropped into my life recently. Most would probably be confused about what I'm talking about so this is a brief history of my what happened before in my life...

At 14 teenagers dont usually concern themselves with life threatening stuff like cancer or AIDS coz at that age you feel as though you were gonna live forever. You're invincible. I dont know what promped me but one day I decided to check myself for anything that was out of the ordinary. Luckily I did because I found a lump in my left breast which was already the size of a ping pong ball. Then I did the only thing a 14 year old who found a lump in her chest could do. I freaked. To cut things short I had it checked, found it was benign (non-cancerous) and had it removed. That was 8 years ago. Cancer was never even considered for someone my age. Now I'm 22 and the lump has reappeared. This time in my right breast.

I dont know what to feel and how to react this time. It wasn't something that I wanted again for the tests that I had to go through was not the most pleasurable experience anyone male or female would ever want to got through. The embarassment and the pain is something that I could do without. I did some research and found some things that did not ease my mind at all. Cancer risk is higher now that I'm in my 20s and breast cancer is more agressive in patients in their 20s. Only early detection will save their lives. Did i detect the lump early enough? By the feel of it it's already the size of my thumb. Is it cancer or will it be benign again? God I'm scared.

My doctors appointment is for this afternoon and I hope to God that everything goes well. My fears and worries is something that I could handle but I dont think I could handle looking at my mom all worried and fearful. One thing I wish I could really do without is to see that fear and worry in my mom's eyes. She has already seen and been through enough with my father. I hope she doesn't go through the same thing with me.

Anyways... wish me luck and I just pray that everything is for the best.

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