Bored... no money... lazy... what else can I say?

Its the weekend and I'm stuck here in UIA. Matt is now happily stuffing himself in Kedah with his family while I'm here with nothing to do. No money and tonnes of work to think about. Why?! Why?! Seriously I have never gotten the case of malasness this bad before. But I gotta. I hafta! So here I am in ITD lab writing my woes away...

Just had the worst presentation ever today in Feature Writing. I seriously don't know what the lecturer was thinking when he told us to present the feature that we wrote. How exactly do you present a profile of someone? Because all you have is the profile that you wrote. I guess you can make it interesting by putting pictures and a summary of that person's life on powerpoint but UIA (the filthy rich university) just cant afford to provide projectors in the classroom so we had to make do with what ever we had. So there we were the 5 of us standing stupidly in front of the class while we wait for our turn to read out a section of the profile to the class. I bet that most of the students were already half asleep while we were reading the profile. I would too if I had to listen to people read to me some big shot's achievements. Not too mention that big shot was a 60 year old pervert so reading to other people about how cool and succesful just made me fell like barfing. (Refer back to article 'Interviw with a pervert' for more details.) A member of the class actually had the nerve to question his decision for us to present the paper but again he had a valid reason to that. He said that he wanted everyone to talk in class at least once so that he could see how good our English are. I guess that is sorta good idea coz some may write but it doesn't mean that their English is good.

Quality Quest newsletter is 95% done and just need the go-ahead from Dr. Nora before its sent off to the printers. I just hope that she's happy with the results. I can't wait to see all my hardwork finally go to print and actually get acknowledged for it. Working with IIUM Holdings was a bummer since all your hardwork was acredited to someone else and you only get paid a crummy RM50 per month. All I can say to that is that the experience was kinda cool.

I have finally watched PGL and I must say that I'm very proud of my fellow Malaysians. It was definitely a good movie and All they need to do to turn that movie from good to great was just tie up some loose ends. Editing should be slightly smoother and Makeup could be a little better but other than that it was really cool. Costumes were the bomb ad the cast was fantastic. hey really did a good job. I was kinda suprised to see that the cinema was half full even though it was a morning show on a Wednesday. I thought that people wouldn't bother to come in the mornings but that just goes to show the movie is still raking up income. The Malaysian movie industry has finally raised up several notches in quality.

A sigh of relief...

It's been over a week after the dreaded doctor's appointment and finally the truth has finally sunk in. I am out of danger. I had this really surreal feeling after the doctor's appointment and somehow I felt like the whole thing wasn't actually happening. I guess my fears kinda erected a barrier or a wall to protect myself. First it was a wall of denial now it's a wall of disbelief. I was too scared to think that this thing in me wasn't gonna cause me anymore pain.

All is well now and I could breathe easily again. Although it's not confirmed but the doctors are 80% sure that I only have a benign tumor. A cyst. I'm given a choice of wether to just leave it in coz it wont lead to any health problems or have and operation to take it out. So what do you think I'd pick? No hesitations there... I'm definitely taking it out. I definitely do not want to live my life knowing there's this abnormal thing in my chest. But with that decision I know I have to go through this one final test to determine wether this thing is really benign or not. THE test that would cause me the most pain. Aargh! I definitely do not want to go through that again!

Proposed operation date is after my finals but its during puasa so I'm not sure wether I want to do it then. But then... I do want to get this thing out as soon as possible. Anyways... I'm just glad that this nightmare is nearly over.

History repeats itself.

I never knew that this phrase would actually apply personally to me but now it has. Some could literally take the phrase as to mean something bad but it could be something good either. It's ironic that I'd be writing this on the day that America was bombed although it doesn't mean that I am hoping that history would repeat itself with America being bombed again but a new bomb has literally been dropped into my life recently. Most would probably be confused about what I'm talking about so this is a brief history of my what happened before in my life...

At 14 teenagers dont usually concern themselves with life threatening stuff like cancer or AIDS coz at that age you feel as though you were gonna live forever. You're invincible. I dont know what promped me but one day I decided to check myself for anything that was out of the ordinary. Luckily I did because I found a lump in my left breast which was already the size of a ping pong ball. Then I did the only thing a 14 year old who found a lump in her chest could do. I freaked. To cut things short I had it checked, found it was benign (non-cancerous) and had it removed. That was 8 years ago. Cancer was never even considered for someone my age. Now I'm 22 and the lump has reappeared. This time in my right breast.

I dont know what to feel and how to react this time. It wasn't something that I wanted again for the tests that I had to go through was not the most pleasurable experience anyone male or female would ever want to got through. The embarassment and the pain is something that I could do without. I did some research and found some things that did not ease my mind at all. Cancer risk is higher now that I'm in my 20s and breast cancer is more agressive in patients in their 20s. Only early detection will save their lives. Did i detect the lump early enough? By the feel of it it's already the size of my thumb. Is it cancer or will it be benign again? God I'm scared.

My doctors appointment is for this afternoon and I hope to God that everything goes well. My fears and worries is something that I could handle but I dont think I could handle looking at my mom all worried and fearful. One thing I wish I could really do without is to see that fear and worry in my mom's eyes. She has already seen and been through enough with my father. I hope she doesn't go through the same thing with me.

Anyways... wish me luck and I just pray that everything is for the best.

Easier said than done... (part II)

As I said before its always easier dishing orders and advice but its never easy to actually follow them through and once again I have proved how right that is when I embarassed myself in front of Matt. It was definitely embarassing because I was the one who told him I dont wanna do certain things because it was against my principles and bla... bla... bla when in the end he was the one stopping me from doing something that I might regret later. He's so sweet. (uh-oh getting to my mushy mode again) Anyways I am seriously indebted to him for doing that but somehow disappointment is there. It would've been nice to play the bad girl once in a while.

Just goes to show how much I think I know myself but in the end I proved myself wrong. Well life is a neverending process of learning and I've learned a little more about myself that night that I probably wouldn't have learned otherwise. It's also interesting to see what others would teach you in different situations and circumstances and in the end what comes out of it.

My experience with Matt has somehow strengthened what I already feel towards him. (N0... I'm not in my mushy mode again!) Made me feel safer when I'm with him and made me respect him a whole lot more. Even without the help of my guardians who did a splendid job of confusing me even further he has proved himself to be the perfect gentleman. For me that experience have made us closer in a way that only experience and time could have done and for that I'm glad.

Hi... I'm yadayada! Vote for ME!

Campus elections are back again and I'm sure that it's back with a vengeance. As usual we'd see the usual parties competing for control of the campus and as usual the same party would win. This time two of my close pals are candidates. I don't know who they really represent but as far as I can see both of them are running out for reasons other than political power in mind so I'm cool with it. One is going for the heck of it, you know... for experience and winning is considered a bonus but the other I think is quite serious. Then again this guy is always pretty serious. Still I dont doubt his credentials. Well I only hope the best for the both of them. I'm not actually into politics especially campus politics so basically I couldn't care less but since my best friend is running so I guess I have to at least help out in her campaign. All I ask from both of them is that not to get caught up with the politics of it all coz in the end its the students, the people that must be taken into consideration. All I can see right now is that these people are running so that the other party wont win. They don't want the opposing party to be in control. If that's the top and foremost agenda then where does the students' welfare come in? Does that come second?

Campus politics are used by politically inclined people to test out their skills and hopefully groom themselves in the future for outside politics. It's a good platform and I think its the best way for them to try out politics but what I hate about it is that why must the obsession of real politics, the angst, the petty bickering must also be brought in? It's a big turnoff for majority of the students who in the ends up choosing their leaders based on looks. (I should know coz I've done it before:P)

All I can say to these people who actually ran is that have you made a difference ever since you got into office? And if you think that you have do you think that it's enough? I must say that the chosen candidate for HS constituency last year certainly didn't do much. Nobody actually knew who she was. So HS stays the same year in year out. A pity for the most happening spot on campus.

Monday would be the day that would start it all... the campaigning, the 'pancing undi', the poster war. It'll also be the day for me to nominate my best friend for the HS constituency post. It'll be the day where we'll see who are our real friends who would stick by you despite diferrent opinions and it'll be the day where you finally see your real enemies. Those who might just stab you in the back. I've seen them before when Sheena was running but I hope to god that I dont have to see those kind of people again this year. I hope that Adeq will go through all this without a hitch. She's already stressed enough as it is.

So to finish off all I have to say is... Vote for Adeq (HS conctituency) and SaO (General Malaysian Male). Hehe!