Friday, August 03, 2007

Second best...

Being second best sucks. I mean who would wanna be in that position. Being second best is virtually like being non-existant. In a race, who would remember the person who got to the finish line second. It's either the winner who'll get all the attention or the poor guy who finished last cause even though he didn't win he tried his best and finished the race anyways. But what about all the guys in-between? They deserve some praise too!

Right now, in real life, I'm constantly second best. I don't know how or why but I'm constantly the number two person. No matter what I do it pales in comparison with the efforts of another. And what sucks even more is that the other person is an extremely close friend. So what can I do? What I'm going through is one of those dillemas that testifies real life is shitty.
It's natural that being second best most of my efforts go unnoticed. Or sometimes the things that I do is attributed to the other. It happens all the time. But seriously what can I do? What can I say?

My only defence mechanism is to laugh it off. Make a joke about it. Make it seem that it doesn't bother me but somehow deep down it still does. Is it jealousy? Envy? I guess so. But I think it's deeper than that. Though I'm not really sure what it is exactly.

Why is it that I'm invisible? Why is it that people just doesn't seem to see me? Are people really that shallow to not see the obvious when we are together? We all have our strengths but are mine so miniscule that it's instantly overshadowed by mere physical appearance? I'm just surprised that my self-esteem was actually strong enough to actually withstand these assaults every day. And somehow I haven't crumbled with all the pressure. I think other girls would probably go anorexic with the things that I have to go through.

I'm not ranting away out of frustration while in reality I'm sitting back and letting things happen. My will to be noticed, to make my efforts known are doubled. It is not surprising that I've been labelled as the aggressive one coz that's what I have to resort to make people sit up and listen. I work doubly hard for something that comes easily to another. It's not fair but that's the way life is.

These efforts are still not enough though. I'm still second best. I'm still the shadow. I'm still the posse.

Is physical change the answer? Is that what it takes nowadays? Shallowness is the deciding factor for a person's success? Must I stoop to the point of shallowness just to make it in life? Is that what I have to do to be the best?

Maybe it is...

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